Each of us at some point overtook the suspicion that all around smarter, more interesting and more versatile developed. Especially when routine things take the most time and effort, and once favorite hobby or classes (whether the language school, sports or gastronomy courses) from year to year postponed for later, to better times.
The inner voice haunts my mind: it seems that the lack of resources to learn something new, sooner or later will lead you to complete degradation.
We asked psychotherapist Anastasia Rubtsou to explain why guilt is the worst enemy of those who want to develop and how to stop beating yourself up and easy to learn.
On a direct question "is it Worth it to learn something new?" I always say: Yes, definitely worth it.
And especially when you are over forty, school and Institute were left far behind and you begin to feel that you are stuck in a rut and not developing. Those who are studying, are less prone to senile dementia, Alzheimer's disease and even, according to some studies, for depression.
That is bonus enough. It does not matter what you are learning: English, Chinese, anatomy of the penguin, the costume of the Baroque, especially the cuisine of Northern peoples, play guitar — whatever. Neural networks are still complicated, brain works, followed by brain catch up and metabolic processes in the body.But the first difficulty is that for most of us, the learning process is inextricably linked with the assessment.
If we imagine the brain, in the area of "learning" and "assessment" are very close, and between the areas of "learning" and "fun" is the distance from China to Madrid. Can I associate China with the Madrid transport routes? You can, but, like any new, it will require more time and effort than the well-trodden path.
The estimated path is toxic and ultimately leads to a dead end. Usually, if you go on it, it appears that a good assessment in itself cannot be earned
. There will always be "not enough" and "not enough", "not trying" and "other better", "there is no one to scold me" and "need to force yourself" to be a lot of guilt, shame, and destructive anger at himself, at the terminal stations there "I'm stupid, I'm the worst", often completely irrational. Constantly withstand this strain is impossible, so at some point the psyche gives in and we say to ourselves: Yes, I have nothing, all is lost — will lock the house and watch soap operas and blame themselves. Because the psyche at this point really exhausted by the attacks of internal revizorro. From everything learned through the force with a touch of guilt and endless race, the brain will try as soon as possible to get rid of.
Figuring out what it is, this inner voice
, we may find that it is our own aggression
, just its spearhead is directed not outward, not to self-defense, not exploring new territories, but inside, to himself. And of course, you can try to blame the school, where do think a little about human dignity, but many have criticized and shamed, but in those cases that are known to me, school was a secondary factor. The main melody belonged to the family. How the family could or could not be aggressive, for that praised and for that shame. And very often felt that the parents themselves as full and even in something successful.With the guilt and the shame,
with all this Molotov cocktail,can be gradually overcome, but the main task is to separate it from the learning process
. I know it's easy to say and hard to do. Someone knowledgeable about what the inner critical voice, though trying to look "useful", in fact has nothing to do with development, he does not develop and hinder us. Someone focuses on the process, specifically thinking about the result. No result — no evaluation. Someone is looking for a field free from the attacks of the inner critic. For example, you constantly blamed yourself for something that read a few books, and eventually completely stop taking the book in his hands. But your progress in painting you a little worried — and draw you happy. Eating yourself for the unlearned English — go to learn Spanish. Blame yourself for not doing sports — learn to knit. Sometimes a paradoxical approach works.
You can look for loopholes. Brain is still much to learn, just to learn.
But the main thing — while the "internal revizorro" he says in full voice, to learn is useless
. From everything learned through the force, but still with a hint of guilt and endless race, the brain will try as soon as possible to get rid of. To displace. It's better to just relax — save yourself the time and effort.
Another difficulty is that we often do not consider the level of your daily stress, stress at work, and often in the family
. It seems to us that "everything is fine, I have been living". But the body didn't think so. A lot of stimuli, demands from all sides, sources of information — in the end, many of us constantly high levels of adrenaline, noradrenaline, cortisol and the feeling that we live at the limit of their forces. So. Somehow we survive, we adapt, but to overcome any new heights (to go to school dances or new technologies, programming, or buy theatre tickets) have no strength.
It is important to separate within ourselves the desire to "know more" and "be better". In the second case, new knowledge is unlikely to help
Often it really requires courage to admit that we're already at the limit and no redundant drop in the Cup won't fit. You first need to build some stamina, and then rush to storm the heights.
Forces, free time, personal space is just that, we are sorely lacking. There is a very important principle of free of the brain: to be able to some creative solutions in any field, the brain needs enough rest to spread on the tree, blunt and lazy
. It does not work in a permanent rush of deadlines and other categorical imperatives. And Yes, the rest of the brain also have to find the time. And Yes, sometimes you have to persevere, even aggression, because no one is willing to give us this time voluntarily. No job, no sorry, loved ones.
To learn hard.
Including the fact that in today's world we are fed up of information and the brain is much more engaged in the process, like cutting off the excess, than by digestion of the new
. That is, we try to forget than to remember. Sometimes it's hard to switch to something fundamentally new, far from our professional field. "What are you, — as it tells us psyche. On the needed no strength, and then some pampering!" And resists.
Interesting to share within themselves the desire to"know more"
and "be better"
. Because in the second case, new knowledge is unlikely to help. It helps if you want to learn, children's learning model through the attachment — find a coach or teacher, who will have the delight to heart-stopping, go something to learn together with a colleague, with whom you want to make friends closer. When in the first place stand relationship, once it turns out that learning is easy and pleasant.
It's important to separate the pole "I'm good enough, but can become even better"
and "I'm worthless, and I have very, very, very much to try to get me somebody to love"
. The second pole is bitterly cold and none of us there is no need.
Also interesting: 18 truths to start yourself to speak Depression is cancelled — practice 3 good things
And it is worth remembering that the beginning of any path — even in gym we go, at least learn English, at least learn to play the flute — this time, errors and failures. Inevitable. And this is the time when you need to empathize with ourselves and regret. Not shame, not blame. And to praise and sympathize with. And try again.published
Author: Anastasiya Rubtsova, psychotherapist
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©