Drunk Commander, or where we give birth to feelings

No doubt, the world would be senseless Pres. People would become insensitive to the bio-robots that are suitable to all the extremely logical. No one would could neither sympathize with the other, nor rejoice over it. People interacted only on the principle "you me - I'll" have approached the issue of choosing a partner purely rationally. It is obvious that in order to live a full life, and a person needs to feel, and to apply logic.

Thus, in some situations, we will not give your senses, keeping them under control, logically, that the expression of feelings right now inappropriate, impractical. In other situations, on the other hand - have a sense of a much greater impact on our behavior than the mind.

For example, in a state of love. And then, and more - it is normal. The main thing that senses and rational activity were in some kind of balance individually for each person, balanced each other.

But that's the lies the root of many of our problems: very often no balance between our logic and no emotion. Feelings do not just dominate, they rule our lives. Today we look at this phenomenon in more detail, try to understand why the subordination of the senses is a problem, what are its causes and how to solve it.

So, as we have said, a person acts in the sphere of logic, and in the sphere of the senses.

Consider the logical scope: It is more or less objective. Here, people are not so difficult to understand each other. Analyzing a problem and at the same time arguing logically, being in dialogue, they may well come to any objective conclusion. Of course, this objective is not one hundred percent, since all our thoughts, too, are to some extent subjective, an imprint of our personality.

But the important thing is that everyone has the opportunity to understand the thoughts of another, agree with his logic, recognizing those loyal evidence that it causes, or, conversely, to deny this logic, to convince the interlocutor in the right, bringing the necessary information on the issue. As a result, people have the opportunity to agree to come to the solution of problems, mainly suits everyone.

Now consider the scope of the senses. This area is completely subjective. If we try to somehow define what we mean by the sensory perception of a particular person, we can say that this kind of "projection" of the person on the plane of our own attitude. One and the same person can cause different people have opposite feelings. To some it may seem evil and unpleasant, and the other says, "A good man, one can see the good man." However, neither the one nor the other their feelings can not explain.

If two people are talking about feelings, they will never come to any general conclusion, as each of these feelings of their own. We emphasize that the feelings of another can not be understood fully, or even to a large extent. They can not feel the same as he, to survive, just like him. And they can not be measured. Yes, we can more or less understand human behavior in a particular situation, his motivation, but do not feel, because feelings, as opposed to logical thinking, irrational.

When we say that we understand the feelings of another, we are mistaken. We can only (and not always) to imagine what would we felt being in a similar situation. But it may well be - and often is - that the person is experiencing quite different emotions than we are different kind of feeling, until the opposite

. In particular, it is impossible to understand the pain of another, because we all have different pain threshold, and that is tolerable for us, another may be the cause of loss of consciousness. So it is impossible to understand the perception of taste, smell, sound, another person - "the taste and color of comrades there»

. In addition, the feelings are irrational and subjective, they are also misleading. It's easy to be tricked both their own feelings and their feelings about the other's feelings. Why? Because, for example, saying "I love you", each puts in a word something of their own, their understanding of love. And the one who addressed these words, of course, understands them differently, as something on its own. For two identical emotions do not happen in different people.

And if we are talking about such a difficult position, as love ... as love can be understood even almost opposite things. One says: "I need it, I can not live without it. It's like a drug for me. So, I love her. " And the other one says otherwise: "I'm ready for her to move mountains. I told her, and this, and this, and in all ready to give, to sacrifice their own interests and ambitions, just to make her happy. Because I love her. »

What is it puts a particular person to the word "love" - ​​no one but himself (and even then not always), is not fully understood. As a result, willy-nilly, we are often deceived by his vision of the other's feelings, and it is to some extent inevitable.

But why do we deceive ourselves, not only other people, but also their feelings?

Firstly, because they are unstable. They change all the time. Today, it seems to us one, tomorrow another. Today we are talking about love, tomorrow - the indifference and irritation in respect of the same person ... So, it's time to leave ?? And what we feel the next day? Maybe old feelings come back ... or maybe not.

And secondly, we deceive their feelings because we want it. "Oh, do not deceive me hard, I delude myself happy" (Pushkin). We might as well make myself desirable in any particular situation, feelings, and then act on the basis not of logic, of these feelings. And often we do just that, "create" their own emotions, as you wish.

All sectarianism built on this deception feelings. The sectarians induce each other with their emotions, their "special" feelings about the world, about God, one person tells another about their feelings in relation to the meaning of life, of faith, of the Creator, and very convincingly about their unreal world in which he lives, taking it for real ...

Thus it affects his fellow-sectarian, gradually inspires and the same feelings, the same view of the world and themselves; further, seeing in him the same feeling as in himself, he believes it is a confirmation of the "correctness". As a result, all members of the sect influence each other, as a consequence of their false beliefs about reality are strengthened, and they still live in a fantasy world, trying to drag him all around.

The most obvious in the light of these considerations appear to such a conclusion: in dealing with any important issues - such as the creation and preservation of the family, raising children, the choice of priorities in life - you can not trust the senses only. Living only feelings - is a dead end road. We will not see the reality.

To explain, let me brief examples.

1. "I think that I am better than others. (Note the word "think"). I really feel it. Yes, I can not back it with facts, logic, but I will not allow anyone to doubt it! "(This is, in particular, the usual sense of the parties in a divorce).

2. "It seems to me that I am in this conflict know more than the other, I appreciate it properly. I can not explain it, I can not prove it, but I feel it, I get the inner feeling. »

3. "I think I have in this area an incredible talent. I can feel it, and wrong all those who are my talent does not want to acknowledge who do not see that I'm a genius. I suffer very much from what I underestimated!. »

4. A person who is being treated in a psychiatric hospital, sincerely believes himself Napoleon, it seems so. He's not making fun of others, do not swagger, and really feels like a Napoleon. He himself he feels in spite of the fact that apart from him no one Napoleon could not see him.

5. "I think (in fact, I can assure success in this), that I love this man. I'm sure)". - Why did you decide (a) that you love him (her)? - "! I can feel it" - "And you like his behavior towards you ?? You see how it applies to you! "-" What do you mean your arguments? I have something better to know myself, I feel that love. And I feel that he loves me! "-" Yes, he's cheating on you, the man you did not think to leave wants you to do! "-" And I feel that it is I still love that he come back to me, necessarily. And I'll be waiting for him. »

Now look at how often develop family scandals.

People trying to get out of a crisis situation, begin to act only on the basis of their feelings. Everyone is trying to impose on the other their feelings, which he can not understand (and would not have to ask him that). War begins. And people have about what they can not agree, because there is no understanding, no one can not feel the same as another.

That's usually the problem - they are based not on reason but on feelings. This one is sure that his feelings are "correct." If at the initial stage of an argument is sometimes logic is present, the further it is already disconnected.

Emotions are pushing, and they do not reach the other - because it is simply not able to understand them - and this is even greater increase. Leaving behind the first stage of the conflict, people immediately become involved in the second, third ... of course, about any decision of family problems that caused this "war", there is no longer speak. On the contrary, the next stage of the conflict, both partners fit with more luggage insults, accusations and guilt.

So thoughtless adherence to the senses leads to disastrous consequences.

There is another important reason why the same is dangerous to believe his own senses. Our senses are always painted either good or evil, neutral feelings do not happen.

Good feelings we do not so much - love, compassion, patriotism, gratitude, reverence, repentance. Here in the ground and everything.

Evil much more - a sense of self-importance (forerunner of megalomania), resentment, hatred, anger, revenge, envy, greed, self-pity, vanity, sadness, fear ... and many other

. So the person is arranged, it is through the feelings in us include good and evil. And when we are not watching the door of his soul, bad feelings come more often. Here's how to write about this great connoisseur of the human soul (whose authority in this area is recognized by psychologists even non-Orthodox), Bishop Theophan the Recluse:

"There are around us and in us some bad force that elusive different quality factors introduces us to the hype and confusing our works ... the enemy is sitting close by and all the pushing arm. And unfortunately, they are excited, and foolish his consolation, he knows how to close a ghostly, that nothing in them seeing certain to think, but then, they are something great. And I began to disassemble - all smashed, nor sorrow, nor consolation is not there, where they were specified mountains. All hype. Lots of help ... his argument: the fact that not once do all seem like a good deal, and advance to discuss it thoroughly. When it becomes to discuss the illusory good, as the enemy enveloped his suggestion immediately

dissipate. " So we just need to sober vision and self-assessment, a so-called sobriety (abstinence). Sobriety - it is said to the Fathers, the solid state of mind at the door of the heart. A sober look at yourself and the situation is the basis for making the right decisions, including in crisis situations. We must always act on the basis of an adequate idea of ​​itself.

Let's see how the children are able to reincarnate. That child represents, for example, the horse: he neighs like a horse, he walks on all fours, he does not respond to his name ... he really feels horse. In the same way an adult can, breaking away from reality, to go deep into your fantasies, just as really feel clever, generous, brilliant ... or vice versa, "bad" and unnecessary. Naturally, all this is reflected in his actions. Unfortunately, many do not have the experience of a sober assessment of themselves.

Living the senses, a person opens the door to his main enemy - pride

. Pride - a distorted self-image, a sense of himself as not is actually. The man fantasizes about yourself something, he begins to believe it, to feel special, "the most-most." He no longer checks the findings of its own exceptionalism any logical reasoning or comparing yourself to other people, or practice.

He trusts his feelings. Naturally he has the idea that his close underestimate him, no respect, a desire to "drop everything and go away." It may, in particular, the cause of family breakdown.

If man reasoned logically, thought, analyzed his actions - he would have seen that he was not "most-most", he would not have found this evidence. But he lives by his feelings, not the mind, in his fantasy world, it is impossible to explain that he is anything wrong, it just will not listen.

Pride - the direct cause of self-centeredness and selfishness. The man himself has inspired the entire universe revolves around him, the lives of others he is not interested, he - a self-contained world. Confirmation of its significance, he finds nafantaziruet if desired; In addition, it can start in any group in which everyone will confirm its importance (for example, to become a skinhead).

If the view of the world is already perverted to the extreme, a person can prove their value and in this way, as the commission of a crime, particularly rape. In this case it would seem that this proves his "coolness" ... As we can see, the blind trust your feelings is not as harmless as it seems at first glance.

In addition, we are creating an idol out of himself, cultivating pride, we are relying on the senses, we create idols and from other people. Inspire yourself your feelings toward someone, these feelings begin to believe, to revel in them. Often unhealthy dependence we take for love, adore the object of our affection.

If we analyze the actions of this man, for example, that he lives only for himself, abusing alcohol, change, family is not going to build, etc. - We have realized that we do not need this relationship, it is better to break as soon as possible, they are unhealthy. But we do not use logic, we give feelings. Even if it brings us suffering (as it happens often).

There is another problem with the prevalence in our lives feelings. This obsessive thoughts. Our turbulent emotions, imagination, the ability to inspire yourself practically anything, our inability to think logically and to control their feelings - is a perfect breeding ground for obsessive thoughts, as these thoughts influence directly on the senses, cause we are primarily an emotional response, and not sober reflection. As a result, the more value we attach to the emotions caused by obsessive thoughts, the more these ideas possess us.

To summarize.

As we found the necessary balance between emotion and logic, we usually do not. The picture we are seeing in the world today - a universal subordination of the senses and the mind off. Our lives are ruled by feelings, that we believe them, taking serious decisions.

But due to the fact that feelings are subjective, irrational, deceptive and fickle, reckless follow it distorts our view of the world, does not allow us to adequately assess the different situations of life, prevents the formation of a sober look at yourself sober self-esteem, contributes to the development of pride, self-esteem, as well as unhealthy psychological dependence on others. Therefore, our decisions taken on the basis of feelings, often lead us to a dead end.

This situation, that is, the domination of the senses in our lives, can be illustrated by the following metaphor.

The reality none of us understands through. But we can investigate it, to gain a certain idea about it. In order to know themselves and the world, we use, including the senses - sight, hearing, touch, etc.

. If a person has poor eyesight, he wears glasses, picked up an expert that way to align the vision to one hundred percent. In the glasses, he sees clearer, brighter, better focused. But imagine what would happen if that person wears glasses second, then third, fourth ... He does not see himself clearly, and what surrounds it, in reality, he will see only some distorted picture. Gradually get used to this illusion, and if you will be wearing a number of points ever, it will perceive the reality is this.

In this case, the feeling can be compared with the glasses. We all like people wearing several pairs of glasses - we have forgotten how to look like ourselves and the world around us, we see everything through the prism of an overwhelming feeling. But what we see, we see reality. Мы уже не замечаем, не хотим замечать огромного нелепого количества очков на глазах (уже не говоря о том, чтобы снять их).

Руководствуясь своей гордостью, утверждаем, что мир именно таков, каким видим его мы. В итоге можно прожить всю жизнь, так и не увидев реальности за этими очками… А ведь мы знаем, что очки надо подбирать тщательно, индивидуально, носить именно те, которые нам прописал врач.

Но, к сожалению, к врачу, в оптику за очками мы не хотим идти, а хотим выбирать сами, видеть действительность такой, какой пожелаем, а не такой, какая она есть. Что понимается в данной метафоре под врачом? Прежде всего, наш рассудок. Он вполне мог бы нас «подлечить» — сформировать адекватный, трезвый взгляд на мир.

Возникает вопрос: почему же мы живем не разумом, а эмоциями, почему позволяем чувствам настолько захватить нас? Почему адекватный баланс между чувствами и мыслительной деятельностью у нас отсутствует?

Думается, основная причина в том, что это проще. Если человек опирается не на чувства, а на рассудок, то ему необходимо постоянно думать. Логически рассуждать, критически оценивать ситуацию и себя в ней, формировать и поддерживать трезвый взгляд на мир и на себя, анализировать факты, уметь аргументировать свое мнение, делать логические, разумные выводы из поступков других людей.

Наверное, наиболее трудное и наиболее необходимое – постоянная работа над собой: самоконтроль, трезвение, борьба со своими страстями – захлестывающими эмоциями, стремящимися править нами, а также с теми невидимыми силами, бесами, которые «чрез страсти… господствуют над человеком, мечтающим, однако ж, что он сам себе господин» (св. Феофан Затворник). Вести такую жизнь, разумеется, очень непросто, но игра стоит свеч.

А чтобы жить в своем эмоциональном мире, в котором всем управляем не мы, а наши чувства, вышедшие из-под контроля рассудка, никаких усилий не нужно. Надо просто слепо довериться своим ощущениям, и нереальный мир, построенный ими, принять за реальный. Это доступно каждому, поэтому большинство из нас идет именно по этому легкому пути.

Это нежелание включить логику, работать над собой наиболее заметно в ситуации кризиса. Пытаясь укрыться от психотравмы, мы уходим в мир своих фантазий. Да, таким образом срабатывает механизм психологической защиты, и на некоторое время это необходимо. Но очень часто этот период затягивается, и мы уже не хотим выходить из мира вымышленного в мир реальный, потому что это трудно.

И если мы не желаем и не умеем, во-первых, принимать действительность такой, какая она на самом деле, во-вторых, трезво оценивать себя – какие мы на самом деле, в-третьих, проанализировав первое и второе, принять разумное решение, как жить дальше (как выходить из душевного кризиса), в-четвертых, потихоньку, но неуклонно, день за днем, шаг за шагом реализовывать это решение, не поддаваясь натиску эмоций – если мы этого не умеем и даже не хотим учиться, то мы так и останемся в этом нереальном мире, и не узнаем, что есть другая, более трудная, но и более радостная жизнь, в которой не эмоции управляют человеком, а человек с помощью разума господствует над своими эмоциями и своей жизнью.

В заключение приведем слова святителя Феофана, кратко объемлющие суть настоящей статьи.

«Без чувств жить нельзя, но чувствам поддаваться незаконно. Надо освежать и умерять их рассуждением и давать им должное направление. …Закон – держать сердце в руках и подвергать чувства, вкусы и влечения его строгой критике. Когда очистится кто от страстей, пусть дает волю сердцу, но пока страсти в силе, давать волю сердцу – значит явно обречь себя на всякие неверные шаги. …Делайте так: наперед соображайте, где какого чувства возможно возбуждение, и вступайте в те обстоятельства, держа себя на страже от волнений сердца, или держа сердце в крепких руках. В этом надо упражняться, и упражнением можно дойти до полной над собой власти».

Чего мы вам и желаем!!!

Автор: Михаил Хасьминский


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