March 9, 2017, the famous Austrian psychotherapist Alfred Laengle gave a lecture within the walls of the Moscow social-pedagogical Institute on the theme: "What makes our lives valuable? The value of values, feelings and relationships in order to nurture the love of life".
"The theme that we are going to discuss today, not only for their own lives — it is also important for those who teach, for those who work with children, because it is very important to teach children the love of life or to strengthen them in it. But, unfortunately, children sometimes perceive stay at school or kindergarten as something that robs them of the joy of life.
Sometimes children leave school broken. But children need at school to learn how to acquire the interest in this life. They should be able to give yourself to touch on the fact that in this life there are wonderful and interesting to live my life with interest. So, today's topic is: what makes life valuable?
We are talking here about our relationship with life. But this question is subjective, and the answer can not assume a teacher. The answer to this question each must give of himself, because every man is in this life with this issue. I am here, I live — but as it is for me personally? It can only I feel. And everyone feels it. As for me personally — I live here, in this place, in this family, with this body, with these personal traits that I have? I feel that I live? Every day, every hour I experience my life
. It is happening now. And now it's life. And what's more, this moment here, this is the "now" — this is my life. I have no other life than the life that is happening now.
In General, each of us wants a good life. We want to be happy in this life. What is happiness? There are very different ideas about it. If a person is suffering from dissatisfaction of some of the needs, happiness is when these needs are met. If he suffers from insomnia, he is happy when he can sleep, and if he suffers from asthma when he can breathe freely. But if there is no suffering in connection with the satisfaction of some needs, it is difficult to understand what happiness is. What sets the benchmarks? It is important to feel. Without feelings we cannot become happy.It is therefore very important to talk about what to feel.
The theme happiness is the theme of today's meeting, so a small response to the question of what we might understand by happiness. Happiness is if I agree with you if I have inner peace with what I do, if I live with inner consent.
If the many things that I do, I have a feeling "Yes, I live", "Yes, it's me," "Yes, that's right." To be in this relationship, to learn this profession, in my spare time to meet friends — not because I have to, but because for me it is valuable. Therefore, it is very important that tonight we talked about values and about relationships.
Happiness is when I live so that is what I do, I feel. When I am at peace with myself. We want to be happy, but the basis for this is the good life. However, to have a good life is a humble wording. The good life is, maybe, not quite happiness, it is the prerequisite for happiness. The good life as a bed to sleep in if I sleep in a nice comfortable bed, I can sleep better, then sleep is happiness. To see that life was good — a necessary prerequisite for a fulfilled, full life.The question of the good life is a philosophical question.
Long before the advent of psychology philosophers have addressed this issue. You can call it the basic question of philosophy: that it is necessary that life was good? 2500 years ago Plato believed that the highest good is not just life itself, namely a good life.
You can live and wait with the hope that you die, for example, if a man is sick, if he is in severe pain. Just stay in life — in this case not good. The goal is just a good life.For Plato the good life — the man that is noble and right.
Plato, as we know, was an idealist.
Another ancient Greek philosopher Democritus was a realist, and a good life is mtume (from the Greek — a good mood, contentment, joy). That is, if I have a good feeling that my life is good.
Aristotle, who was also a realist, but it was closer to Plato, assumed that the good life is eudaimonia (Greek EV — the good, daimoni — living spirit).That is, if you live with good spirit, aspire to something good, I want to do something good, if you see sense — then life is good.
Would like to mention in the introduction of two more philosophers. Roman philosopher Seneca says that the highest good in life — and he says this in a very psychological form is the harmony of the soul with itself.
Marcus Aurelius, the philosopher on his throne in Rome, is also very psychological considered a good life, namely as autarky. That is, if me enough if I myself are in such a good relationship, if I feel good with yourself, then it's a good life. This is similar to the saying of Seneca — harmony of the soul with itself.
If the Greeks were still abstract enough, that the Romans were psychological and practical. Later good life in the history of philosophy were associated with ethical behavior, especially if we remember Immanuel Kant. He saw her in morality, whereas in Christianity it is associated with faith.
I made this entry, so we can realize that the theme of this evening is the topic of the history of mankind. We all are born and all are facing this challenge is to shape our lives.This life is entrusted to us entrusted. We have a responsibility.
Constantly before us the question is: what will I do with my life? I'm going to a lecture if I would host the evening in front of TV, meet my friends? We shape our lives. And so to a large extent depends on us whether our life is good or not. Life is possible only if we love it. We need a positive relationship with your life — otherwise we will lose our life.But how can I love life? What can I do? How can I grow, how I can strengthen this love? How can we teach children that they can do it better?
Let's approach it this way. Let's ask ourselves: what makes my life good? Now. Today. I have a good life? Maybe we too rarely ask yourself this direct question: the life that I have is good? Could I say: Yes, I have a good life? Probably, many could say: "Yes, my life is good. But could be better. If I had a million dollars, then surely it would be better. If my boyfriend or girlfriend loved me(a)".Yes, there is a lot of truth. The life we live will never be perfect. We will always imagine something better.
But whether it will be better if I had a million dollars? In our submission we may feel that way. But in reality, what would that change? Yes, I could travel more, but with me, nothing would have changed. I could buy more beautiful clothes, but better would my relationship with my family? And we need these relationships, they shape us, affect us. Without good relationships we will not have a good life.
There are so many things we can buy, but there are also many things we can not buy. For example, we can buy a bed but not sleep. We can buy sex but not love. And what is really important in life cannot be purchased.
I have a good life? I can imagine a better life. But if you look at what I already have — does it have value? Or I feel that something important is missing? The Austrian poet Stefan Zweig once said: "A lot of people happy, but few know about it." Maybe I am happier than I know about it.
I have had this experience. We have small children, we need a lot of work, and the children's temperature, they do not leave us alone, this is all very hard. Sometimes we want to send children to the moon. Or something with a partner is not. Maybe we understand each other, but something in our relationship again and again is driving me crazy. But if twenty years later to look at it and look at the pictures, there is such a warm feeling and say, "What a happy time it was...". Here is the happiness of man. That is when we are in happiness, if we have a good life, it is also suffering, limitations, problems.
If I wait, I have no problems, then I'll never have a good life. In the good life there are always problems — we have to be realistic. But coping with these problems can I live so that I will have inner peace.
What do I lack for a good life? Ask yourself more specifically: today was a good day? What gives value to us today? If today I met my beloved girl if I had a nice conversation with someone, if I have birthday today and I celebrated it well, then we will say: Yes, it was a good day. If there is something special. But special provided for a small number of days, but most days — the usual.
And could it be life is good on a normal day? It is a question of sensitivity, care. This morning I took a warm shower. Isn't it nice to be able to take a shower, feel a jet of warm water? I drank coffee for Breakfast. Throughout the day I didn't have to suffer from hunger. I can walk, I can breathe, I'm healthy enough. There are so many elements that give my life value. And, in fact, we realize that when we don't.
A friend of mine, who half lives in Kenya, told me that it was there that he learned the value of warm shower. He spent a lot of time in the countryside, for many days there was no possibility to take a shower, and before that he was doing it every day. If we don't do, then there is the contrast.Then we feel better value everyday. But we can, and to some extent, to turn to these things carefully to them. At some point, to linger and say to yourself: I'm going to shower, I do it. And when you take a shower, pay attention to how I feel at the same time. How I feel when drinking coffee?
This gives us a General idea of how we can come to a good life. All these these things we call values. All that is valuable, what is good for me. Or what is good for the other. And more General: values are the content or the things that enhance life that contribute to life. If I can live with that value, then it's easier for me to say Yes to life.
During the meeting I can talk with my friend about what I saw yesterday. He listens and says what he thinks in this regard. It is a value. It makes my life a little better. I can drink a glass of clean water — it makes my life better. Also worth little value. And if the person is thirsty or dying of thirst, this value becomes huge.
I worry about the relationship with your partner. That a partner is that I love him and he loves me. The same value. Values can be like some small things and the great. For religious people, the greatest value is God. Value is something that enhances my desire to say Yes to life. Thus they reinforce my fundamental relationship with life. Because the fundamental value of all values is the value of life itself.
At the end of my speech I will come back to this thought.
To sum up. Everything to me good or useful is a value. Instead of values we can use the word "good". As a benefit we perceive what is good, what contributes to life. Therefore, values are a certain kind of spiritual food. Values strengthen us. Therefore, we should pay attention to the fact that everyday in our life we have experienced as much values as possible. And in all that we do, to see whether it contains value. That there is this that nourishes our lives? Maybe this report has value if it helps to clarify our attitude to life, to deepen it.
***Value, just as food for our life, and also in order to be ready for some action. Every action is followed by any value.Every action is a decision.
If I act, I say: I want to do it. For example, to come here is action. To call my mom. I'm doing this because I want to do it. It's called acting. To do what I want to do. But I can't want if I don't see the value.What value is to call mom? To please her. Or I want to know how she's doing. I can also call my mom because she expects it from me, and I feel some pressure.
And maybe even I have some fear, if I will not be able to call her. I'm afraid that our relationship will deteriorate. Then I also call. But then what is the value? Then I have no joy from the fact that I hear her voice and know how she feels. Or no joy from the fact that she'd be happy to call. If I'm going to call under the influence of this pressure, then I'll just do some kind of formal obligation. And the value that this contains, is that I have less fear, less tension, but it is not enough.
Thus, we see that may be valuable to us, and we can take it as a value if thus there is some pressure. If I act, I want something, it means that in my eyes has value. But the value can be very small and really not be in a relationship with what I do. Call mom for the sake of reducing my fear or stress is not the real value. I do this partly involuntarily. Of course I do, but the consequences in this case are such that it will have even less value than if I do.
***We are experiencing a values based on these two foundations. To survive, my life is fueled by something stronger something.
So well, if we give ourselves a pleasant experience and events. Or when we do what we do with pleasure, what we're interested in when we are well.
Because of this, our life acquires fullness, filled with values. And we need values to be able to action. To act means to do something, wanting this and taking a decision in favor of this.
In values there is always a large proportion for me. Even if I give 10 euros, then it only has value if I want to experience joy, if I feel that these 10 euros you can help a colleague, to a beggar. In their hands they will have more value than if I keep it. And then I can be happy, and that made the gift. That is, if something has to have value, it must also be good for me too. And if something's good for other but not for me, then it's not an existential value.Many people are doing something for somebody else, concession, sacrifice: for children, for friend, for parents, for partner
. It is not good for your partner to cook, have sex (well, once may be okay, but if it is repeated, it is a loss, loss). This should be good for me, otherwise there is a loss of value. There will not be a good way if every time you have something to give. I also need a good life in the presence of children, and parents. And it's not selfishness — it is the symmetry values. Something can't be good for you if it is at the same time is not good for me.
Parents sacrifice their life for children: refuse to leave, to build a house, so the kids could travel. But if the parents themselves for their actions was not something good, what will? Then they will blame the children: "We have done anything for you, and now you're so ungrateful". That is, they are now saying: "Pay the bill. Be thankful and do something for me." But if there is pressure, the value is lost. It turns out that parents are blackmailing children. And the children of such parents often are not grateful. Why?
Because they are also more likely have had parents who would pay attention to in order to have a good life.
I don't want to have such parents, which for me is not a good life. And the kids are right, if they are ungrateful — because the parents made a mistake. They surpassed themselves. They lived this necessary symmetry values, which suggests that something, my dear child, for you only in case if it is as good for me. If I feel a joy I can from something to refuse, what can I do for you. Then it give me something as a parent. Then I worried the value of their own actions. But if this feeling I have, then I'm devastated, and then there is the need to say thanks. Parents begin to feel that they have something missing, and want to get it from the kids.However, if I feel the value of what I do, if it's good for me, then thanks I do not need.
Of course, I will be happy if I will thank, but I already received the award at a time when it was done. And this should not be confused with selfishness. Selfishness is to act, not paying attention to someone else. I want to do it now, for example, I want tonight to cook sausages, although no one in my family wants them there today, but we all eventually have to eat the sausage. That is, I'm being selfish if you do not take into account the wishes of others and are before the eyes of only their own needs, if I act as if at the expense of others.
Experience values nourishes me, gives me a sense of completeness, enriches my senses, strengthens my relationship with life, and this is the basis for my relationship with life.And one more thought on this subject: on the level of experience we feel that the values are similar to magnets.
I'm drawn there. A fascinating book, friends I want there, I want to read this book, I want to eat this cake, I want to see your friends. Values attract us. Ask yourself the question: what is in this moment that attracts me? Which pulls me now? Where I worry now is this magnetic force? It's something that I like, that I love, that interests me. If I with something or someone long separated, that there is some kind of longing. For example, I have not been at a concert or at the gym. What attracts me, which pulls me?Second, when we experience value, we also want to stay near her. We want over time, repetition.
If it's valuable to us, we are willing to again and again go to the fitness club, meeting with a dear friend, remain in the relationship. If the relationship with someone is for value, I want to have these relationships had a future. If we are experiencing something as valuable, we naturally have a desire to continue to have a future perspective.And the third paragraph describes the experience of values. In addition to feelings of attraction and desire to continue in time we also have a desire to be internally close to this value, to give this value yourself to make.
If this music is beautiful — we want to kind of absorb it. If good food — want to try it. Friends want to hug and kiss, in order to survive. We want to be filled internally what we are experiencing as a value.
We can also take care of values. The holiday is courting value.
For example, when we celebrate the birthday: what is this value — that you were born! When we celebrate a successful exam, we celebrate the success and the fact that life goes on. We celebrate only the values.
And we care for values, when we enjoy them. Pleasure is an exercise in deepening values. Because there are so many than we can delight in the soft air of the coming spring, delicious food, the conversation, of course, the art. Or just the presence of another person. What is the pleasure? For this, we need feelings.
Now I would like to talk about feelings and what to feel. What are the feelings? This is a personal way of experiencing. I can't give my feeling to another. My feelings belong only to me, you cannot share. I can else tell you about how I'm happy. And I hope that my story will inspire other the same feelings as me. And that he, too, will enjoy. But still feeling riddled with subjectivity. They are influenced by previous experience. Another will say: Yes, I'm happy but at the same time, when I listen to your story, I have a sense of fear. "This time you got lucky! But I'm listening to you, really feel insecure". Because it is based on my previous experience feels completely different.As feelings arise? Feelings arise when I approach some object, to some content, and through the proximity to give itself to touch.
To affect in a literal sense: the internal contact. And through this zatronuli and contact me mobilized a force, and what is the result, is a feeling.
But whence comes this force? What affects the object or the idea? Where is the screen, which falls this information? It is my very life. In the senses there is a resonance with my life force. In a sense my life is set in motion.
Some people believe that feelings are something secondary. Important facts, information, something rational. "Forget about feelings, they only hinder," they say. "Only women care about feelings" (really just women with feelings better). Thus the feelings of worthless, and the one who devalues feelings, often devalues women. And often he then the life of the poor.
If we conduct a phenomenological analysis of the feelings, for us it becomes obvious what the feelings are talking about. Them moving in my life. Feelings are not something secondary, it's the most important thing in life. If I have feelings, it means I raised. My life force through something in motion. If I listen to the music of Tchaikovsky or Mozart, this music touches me. If I look at my baby's face, see those big eyes, it touches me. I can't even really explain it. Between music and my life something happens to them directly.
Or I'm looking in the man's eyes and suddenly be in love. But, of course, love is a very intense form. In my life as something to mix, is born. What would it be life if it never happened? If I never met the person who directly went into my heart? It would be a poor life, a life without love, without having to be affected in the heart, cold and businesslike life. And having feelings means that my life is by contact with someone or something in motion. So if we're in love, we feel alive. Then in me boils, boils my life. It is not a weakness. It also is not something that we can specifically "to do" is something that happens to us. It is a gift. This meeting, that touch, give me something more for my life.
We may have something to do, we don't just "given" it. What can we do to strengthen this internal motion? To handle and approach this. If we turn, the response will be weaker, but if we turn, turn to that, there will be something very important: thus we prepare ourselves to the resonance. Therefore address is what strengthens the feelings. When we listen to music, we often close our eyes to fully immerse yourself in it. We want this music to us sounded to us she was moving, she touched our hearts, renewed our lives. This we can do.
But if I fall in love, but don't want to fall in love, it is better if we don't see each other anymore, because every time the feeling grows. When I meet with something that gives me negative feelings, they tend to worsen and affect me more.
Now we can connect the values and the topic of feelings. Values and feelings are somehow related to each other. What touches me and moves, we call value. Now on the basis of understanding the feelings we have expanded the definition of value. Values and feelings are connected. What's causing my feelings, it's values. If something causes positive feelings, it is a positive value, and if I feel suffering, anger, that necinnosti.
And Vice versa. Find to identify values important in the existential aspect, I can only through the senses. If they will only be in my head, then perhaps it's some kind of abstract value. It will not come into my life.
For example, accumulated a lot of experience on the topic of Smoking cessation. How can you force a person to quit Smoking? Because we all know that it is harmful to health. People are informed about it, give them the statistics and draw the consequences in the form of diseases of various organs. And every smoker knows that Smoking is harmful to health as it affects the heart, the lungs, the blood vessels, but still smokes next. I mean, I know that Smoking is harmful to health, but still smoke on. Education in this matter has resulted in a reduction of smokers by only 1-2 percent. What are you doing today? On packages of cigarettes written in large letters: "Smoking kills". That is, it uses a very strong message to get to feelings. It is assumed that if this will affect the value of life, then the person will stand up for her.
This is a big research topic of motivation. Only if I feel the value, it has value for my life in the sense that I make it the basis for their actions. In other words, feelings are important because they reveal the importance of some things for my own life. Feelings are not some by-products, thoughts and experiences. They shape our complex perception. Eye we perceive the light, and the senses we perceive the value of what this thing has for my life. Through the senses we perceive the significance of life.And as we come to the senses? Again, through stay in the relationship through contact.
Feelings I can amplify, turning, turning to something, if I look at how this contact affects me. If I do a SIP of coffee, it's communication. And now I'm giving this a SIP of coffee to do to me. I look at how I feel, if my mouth has a SIP of coffee. What it does to me? "Oh, good taste, pleasant aroma!". I swallow, feel like coffee then moves through the esophagus and then I have the impression. I'm enjoying coffee. What do I do? I'm in contact and I am open to this influence. And I ask myself: how is my life when I drink coffee? If this coffee is felt by me as value, then I'm worried me a little bit more like life. If life is, then I like to live. It's only a couple of seconds, but thanks to this appeal to values we can do something more — to make your life better. Experience values, in principle, always happens that way. To enjoy means to refer to something internally, and to give it on themselves to act.
We also need to distinguish between the two feelings — feelings that come from within, and the feelings that come from the outside. We distinguish them. The feeling of joy is a feeling that comes from within: I did, and I responded to. We call it emotion. This concept comes from the Latin and means: that I, for example, passed the exam, gives me an inner movement, which corresponds to me, which stems from my being. Which moves me.
And there are those feelings that are stimulated by some stimulus from the outside. They are similar to the reflex in relation to the stimulus. We call them passions. Anger, anger, rage, the erotic feeling is the affects, they depend on incentives. They do not correspond to my essence. If I prick a needle, the resulting sense of pain is affect. And the deeper the shot, the deeper the passion. You can talk a lot about feelings, but yet we dwell on the fact that there are feelings that come from the heart and feelings, which are called stimuli.
And a few words about the relationship. Relationships are very important for a good life. When people who live the last weeks of his life that preparing for the death, asking: "What was the most important thing in your life?" in the first place is the answer: "the Love I lived"
. Indeed, this seems to be something very fundamental for a good life.
Relationship is a difficult subject. We can't prevent the relationship, avoid relationship. As soon as I see someone, it is the relations. But regardless of this automatic basis relationships, crucial in the relations is that if I want this relationship to install or not. To establish a relationship means to relate, to refer to them. I want to be with this man, with my partner. Because there is good. Because I feel connected with it.
To set means "to want to have intimacy", to be able to feel the other. I want to not only hear or see. If I enter into a relationship, I want to be affected by others. If I enter into a relationship, I make myself available to the other. If I enter into a relationship, I throw the bridge to the other person. Through this bridge you could've come to me, and I was able to come to you. If I set the relationship, then I have a feeling the assumption of the value that you represent. Life happens in the relationship, otherwise it is not. Relationships with other people are in the first place. Never jeopardize relations with people, because this is a fundamental value, which I may lose if I'm inconsiderate in relations with people.
And not only with humans but also with animals, with plants, with things theories. With what we learn, what we study. It is important in these relationships to make emotional contact.
A very important relationship with yourself, to establish intimacy with himself. I again and again throughout the day feel, again and again asked myself: what am I feeling right now? how do I feel? how I am when I listen to this report? how I feel when I'm with you? what feelings arise? how I feel when I am learning? If I don't set a relationship with him, I'll go myself, then I kind of lose yourself. I can be a stranger, if I do not establish this relationship. And my relationship with you can be good only then if I have a good relationship with them. If I feel in your presence feel good if I feel good with yourself, then I have a good relationship with you. But it is important that I could feel.
And in the end — relationship with life. As for me — that I live my life? This question we asked at the beginning of our meeting. And we can try again to answer it. I live — this means that I am growing, maturing, experiencing some experience, I have feelings — wonderful, painful, I have thoughts, I'm doing something during the day, I have a need to make a living. I have been for some number of years lived. As for me — at the depth — what I have lived? Do I have a feeling that this is something good? Do I feel myself that it's good that I can live? Do I live? What kind of movement it causes in me?
If I give myself to touch the life that I lived, I live, whether in my life something good? Or maybe it's heavy, if there is a lot of anguish and painful?.. Maybe sometimes it is. But basically, in the end, I am glad that I can live. What I can agree, to say my ' Yes ' to this fact — that I live. Because I feel that this life touches me, there is some kind of resonance, some kind of movement, I'm glad, I love it. It's not perfect, but it is still good. Because coffee is delicious, nice shower, and I have meetings, I know the people I love and who love me.
If I do too little, maybe I have this feeling that she's not very good. Maybe life really hurt me and I don't like to live. So a person feels depressed. In depression we are experiencing that in life, few values. Therefore, depressed people do not want to live.But many people are in a neutral field: don't even know if I like to live. While I'm young, handsome, rich, and healthy — okay, I agree. And if you have a different-well, I don't know.
And here it is important to come to this zatronuli at depth. Nobody can do this for me, because it relates to my intimacy. What I give my life to influence me, open and look at what emotions arise — we call it fundamental value, with which to relate all other values. Everything that we experience as valuable, nourishing this fundamental value. And Vice versa: each value contains this fundamental value. If the coffee is delicious, in the end, it is about feeling "good life". Life is precious, if I go beyond this fundamental value, if I live fundamental relations (to live well), then every relationship (with coffee too) contains this deep relationship to life itself. Always when we establish a relationship with someone, we establish a relationship with life itself.
I wish all of us a lot of experiences to an even greater extent will allow us to feel, to feel that the basis of a good life, and that life is a gift. Thank you for your attention". published
@The Alfred Laengle, prepared Anastasia Khramutichev
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©