11 things that have to hear the man in depression
Depression and anxiety appear regardless of gender, but this does not mean that men and women experience it equally. And today we will talk about what is depression from a male point of view. A genuine story of journalist Daniel Dalton (Daniel Dalton) gives hope and helps to understand in which direction to go, if you are depressed.
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1. You're not weakWe are surrounded by liars. Our culture celebrates masculinity. Supposedly the world interested to know how you feel. She downplays the significance of women and minorities, but at the same time causing damage and men. Certainly.
Men suffer because from childhood they are taught not to give out the feelings, say that feelings have no value and they need to forget. Depression is also lying. She whispers that anyone does not care about you. It is extremely difficult to overcome these stereotypical beliefs and to speak about openly. But to ask for help is not weakness.
I'm tall, large, strong. I was always proud of his good physical shape and health. But with depression, my self-esteem as the wind blew — I felt devastated and physically and spiritually. But at the same time it helped to get rid of stereotypes. With all my external setup, I often felt fragile, broken and couldn't understand why. To talk about it at first it was hard, but it's nice to open up to another person, to feel calmer, to feel that you understand. Talking about my feelings, I began to better understand what was happening to me and why. Daniel Dalton2. You may not even know that you're depressedMen don't talk about depression, they usually suppress their feelings. Women are easier in this regard: according to statistics, they are twice as likely to turn to the professionals and receive treatment. Probably the reason why men are three times more likely than women to appear a drinking problem. They seek to numb the pain and not deal with its cause. In addition, men in Russia six times more often than women, commit suicide. We can say that silence is literally killing men. But there is another way.
I have not been diagnosed with depression to 30 years, but I periodically suffered from depression since his youth. So long without treatment, I got an Arsenal of bad habits and strategies of avoidance. They helped me not to think about the feelings of which I did not want to know. After a while I learned to overcome it, to replace bad habits with useful and began to feel much better than, say, two and a half years ago. Just the realization that I'm sick, and a number of procedures have all helped me to recover.Daniel Dalton3. Being a night owl is normalNo, you are a lazy person. Depression is exhausting. Feel bad, tired, sleepy, exhausted. And most people with depression these symptoms are worse in the morning. Most people inherently larks. But that doesn't mean you have to be alert in the morning.
I feel really bad in the morning. Usually just waking up is a challenge. Put your clothes back on — a second test. After all the exhausting morning of travel I feel anxious, frustrated and exhausted. I don't want to be rude, but smile, wave a hand vigorously and say "good morning" I don't want to. I need to calm down, to live in accordance with their own rhythm and recharge. Nothing personal, I really just have no strength to pretend. And that's fine. I can't do it in the morning. I'll smile and wave at night.Daniel Dalton4. You are not Moody by natureIrritability is a common symptom of depression. But most often in men depression manifests itself in irritability and aggressive attitude, not just sadness. Depression is a complicated, insidious parasite that pulls to the surface all the ugly in you. This imposter looks like you, speaks your voice. But it's not the real you. Don't forget that.
When you are not able to control his mood, lose faith in themselves. When you don't know how you'll feel in the next minute. When you can't control. I didn't mean to snap at you, or complain, or say "that tone", but it happened. When I was younger, I thought that my gloom, irritability is a natural part of what I am. The realization that this is part of depression, not a part of me was enormous. This has opened a whole new world of possibilities. Turns out I'm unable to enjoy life! Who would have thought! Daniel Dalton5. Depression scoffsOther lies that depression whispers to you: "You're useless, you're worthless". It destroys self-esteem and distorts your view of yourself. It fills your mind with pessimistic thoughts that only worsen your mood: "I'm a horrible person. I look terrible. I'm not worthy of love." Hard to get that voice to shut up, but you can calm him down. You can treat yourself kinder. You could not stand would be if a stranger said something about your friend, so don't let depression to treat you this way.
Before I found out that I have depression, I have felt the rapid growth of negative thoughts and feelings and sought the release of dopamine to fill the void. In 20 years of my substitutes was tablets workout and casual sex. Later, when the depression worsened, I replaced them with food. I eat a lot of carbs, sugars, caffeine, — all that could give me a sense of satisfaction. Couldn't exercise, I gained weight. Not much, but enough that I noticed. Enough to the voice in your head started saying that I look disgusting. I started to avoid pictures and mirrors — I still don't have a mirror in the bathroom. I started working on him, trying to accept myself and come a long way. To travel is a great start for this. Daniel Dalton6. Cancel plans — fineDepression rarely comes alone. She appears with other disorders: anxiety, insomnia, social anxiety. If you suffer from her loneliness, pressure intensifies friendship, relationship, social obligations: do you think that if you do not pay enough attention, they turn away from you and it takes away the last strength. But depression is a disease. To cancel because you got the flu — this is normal, as well as cancel plans if you feel not good enough morally. The priority must be your health. Friends will understand, and if not, it most likely are not the good friends, for that matter.
To know in advance about an event that I must attend and have fun, is a heavy burden, I often try to get rid of. It is especially difficult with new friends or friends I haven't seen for a long time. Sometimes at the end of the day I just need to go to a quiet place and recharge. And we are not talking about complete isolation. I reloaded to tomorrow to jump back into the fight. Daniel Dalton7. ...but don't cancel all the plansThere are many activities that are not suitable for depressed and anxious people. For example, a surprise party is crazy. Most group events is also exceptional harm. Birthdays, New year, Christmas — time, when waiting for the fun reaches its peak, can become a nightmare.
Ask friends to tell us about the plans in advance — you need to be able to refuse. Don't settle to go where you are not satisfied with something. Fun is relative. To have fun not to go on the best night party in my life. It can be fun to lie on the couch under a blanket and watch a movie.
Last New year I stayed home, watched "the Goonies" and drinking whiskey. I can't imagine a better beginning of the year. One of the most harmful mantras — "I hate fun". Of course I'm not serious. Actually I want to say that what is fun for one may not necessarily be the same for another. I know what I enjoy and when I doubt, I repeat to myself: "I love to dance. I love to sing karaoke. I love to watch movies. I love live music. I love to dine and drink with someone tête-a-tête". I often had a biased view of things and think I wouldn't like it, but I keep telling myself to go. Sometimes I just need a little push. Daniel Dalton8. All in small stepsDepression destroys all hope. It not only prevents you from making steps to recovery and fail to see opportunities and robs you of the ability to put one foot in front of another. Hard to realize that things can get better, and even more to understand how to do it.
My ex-girlfriend always asked me how I see our future. "Happy, I would like to hope," I replied. Vague wording, just to calm her down. Actually I had no ideas. I didn't know what I want and how to achieve it. When you have to deal with every day, it is impossible to plan anything for the next five years. I was constantly in a bad mood, and the idea that I can be truly happy, at some point I was not realistic.I still can't plan that far ahead, but now I can concentrate on the present. Life is not a series of 5-year plans are a series of small moments. I found that if I can get pleasure from the small things, if I can enjoy every day, it becomes easier to look to the future. The steps to recovery are not always easy, but now I see that there is nothing more difficult to go through them one by one.Daniel Dalton9. Not wanting sex is normalDepression affects libido. Low self esteem and lack of energy can affect your sexual appetite and even cause problems with erection. Some antidepressants can affect not only the erection but also on the ability to orgasm. Together they can turn your sexual life in the real test.
Often guys can be slutty, but don't feel pressured. Your friends don't sleep with women as often as they say it is. If you have girlfriend and you are afraid that you will not be able to cope with their "duties", let her know about it. Communication helps, and together you will soon find a solution to the problem. For example, you can always pay more attention to her. Or two, you can build a blanket Fort and hide from the world. Daniel Dalton10. Don't run away from problemsDepression is difficult to live actively. Lack of energy, irritability, the negativity, the constant cancellation of plans can be very loaded relations. But it is important to distinguish between illness and identity: you are not your depression, you are not a heavy burden. Sometimes everyone needs to be alone, but understand that sometimes you need to interact with other people is a small step on the road to recovery. If you don't feel the strength for this, just meet with family and friends: social groups to reduce the manifestation of depressive symptoms and prevent their re-emergence.
My instincts led me often to run from her problems. I wanted to go home, I avoided people. After I destroyed my last relationship, I went to the mountains, but began to feel absolutely miserable. Without a company that could take care of me or to influence me, my negative thoughts and feelings increased. I wanted to be alone, but quickly realized that I didn't want to be alone always. People can be very good support if you give them a chance.Daniel Dalton11. Being sad is normalMisconceptions and wrong information about depression is not only widespread and diverse, but also very dangerous. People who have never experienced these symptoms, we can offer platitudes like "cheer up" or "try better", not realizing what negative consequences their words. Sad is not just normal, it's healthy, that's human. But no need to be sad all the time. There are many ways to handle it.
When I first was diagnosed with depression, I started taking antidepressants. They helped me through a very difficult nine months. I went through a bad breakup, I learned to manage depression. Before I took medication, it was difficult to feel anything. Overall I did not like this state doesn't like the way the pills affect sexual life. And I stopped taking them nine months later. I wanted to feel something, even if these feelings are not pleasant. For many people, the antidepressants were a lifesaver. For me they were an option. I'm very lucky. With therapy, exercise, a healthy diet, I was able to do without them. Daniel Daltonisme support from people who understand what you are going through. Therapy helps. It's a slow process, there are setbacks, frustrations and hard times. But then it gets better. You don't have to suffer alone. Do not be discouraged, keep close to those who have been there.