Alexander Lowen: Depression comes with disappointment

Depression has become so common in our days because so many people are pursuing unrealistic goals, not directly related to basic human needs. Everyone wants to love, he also wants to feel that his love is accepted and to a certain extent, returns to him.

The love and care connect us with the world and give us a sense of belonging to life. Love is important, while it promotes the active expression of our own love. People do not become depressed when like. Through love we Express ourselves, assert their existence and their identity.

Expression is another basic need of all human beings and all living beings. The need of self-expression emphasizes our creative-ical activities and is the source of our greatest pleasure. This topic was thoroughly addressed in my previous book. Here it is important to understand that the person who is depressed, self-expression much of the og-constrained, if not blocked completely.

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Many people Express themselves is only a small part in their life: usually it's their job or business. But even in these narrowly defined areas of expression are limited, if the person is forced or mechanical. The self is experienced through self-expression, and it (the self) fade, when the path expressions are closed.

The self is basically a bodily phenomenon, and self-expression, thus, means the expression of feelings. The deepest feeling is the feeling of love, but other feelings as part of self, can adequately be expressed in a healthy person.

In fact, the range of emotions a person can Express, determines the breadth of his personality. It is well known that the person who is depressed, is closed and that the release of any feelings, such as sadness or anger that may be expressed in crying, with the help of bumps or any other physical actions, has an immediate and positive effect on depression.

Original channels of expression are the voice, body movement and eyes. When a person has the dull look, weak voice and weak mobility, these channels are blocked, and the person is in depression.

Another basic need of all human beings is freedom. Without freedom of expression impossible. But by freedom, I mean not only political freedom, although it is one of its important aspects. People want to be free in all situations: at home, at school, at work, in social relationships. It is not the absolute freedom which many are trying to gain but the freedom to Express themselves, to have a voice in regulating their relations. Any society places certain restrictions on personal freedom in the interests of social cohesion.

Such limitations can be accepted only if they do not restrict excessively the right to freedom of expression.

But there are also internal obstacles outside that are more powerful obstacles to self-expression than laws or enforced restriction of a person to Express themselves. And because inner obstacles are often unconscious or rationalized, that people bound by them are much stronger than external.

A depressed person unknowingly restricted by barriers with signs "should" or "should not» that isolate it, and eventually destroy his soul. Living in a kind of prison, he nevertheless builds a fantasy of freedom, comes up with plans of his own freedom and dreams of a world where life will be completely different. These dreams, like all illusions, they are designed to support its spirit, but at the same time they do not allow him to recognize the internal forces that bind him.

But sooner or later the illusion is crumbling, fading dreams, schemes don't work — and the man was horrified to see the reality for what it really is, without embellishment. When this happens, he gets depressed and feels helpless.

In pursuit of our delusions, we set ourselves unrealistic goals, i.e. those goals that we believe will make us free and restore our right to freedom of expression, and give us the ability to love. And unrealistic are not the goals themselves, and the rewards to follow after their achievement. Among the goals that many of us constantly pursue, are the following: wealth, success and fame. In our culture created a myth of wealth.

We divide all people into "haves" and "have-nots". We believe that the rich have special privileges and that they have all the tools to carry out their wishes so they can realize themselves. Unfortunately, such a representation is not true. The rich as well as poor, depressed. And no amount of money can not provide inner satisfaction, which in itself makes life joyful and valuable. In most cases, the desire to acquire wealth deflects energy away from activities more creative, more samovarteateret and leads to the impoverishment of the spirit.

The desire for success and glory are only slightly different from desire for wealth. It is based on the illusion that success and fame does not only reinforce our self-esteem, but also respect from other people and will bring us recognition and approval that we think we need. Yes, indeed, they add weight to our self-esteem and increase our profile in the community. But these visible, external acquisition is of little use for the internal world of man.

Too many people who have achieved success, completed suicide at the peak of their achievements. No one gained love through fame, and very few who use it to overcome internal feelings of loneliness. However no loud was the applause or the praise of the crowd, they do not affect the heart. Although these values are glorified by mass society, true life lies at the deepest, personal level.

Therefore, we can call that goal unrealistic, it is unrealistic hope. The real purpose behind the pursuit of wealth, success or fame, is to samopoznanie, self-esteem and self-expression. To be poor, a loser, or no one known means for many people to be "nobodies" and, therefore, unworthy of love and incapable of love. But if someone believes that the money, success or fame can make "nobody" a "somebody", he is deeply mistaken.

People who have achieved success, it may seem that "special someone", because it is surrounded by the trappings of importance: clothes, car, house, fame. It can present the image of "someone", but the images are artificial phenomena that have little to do with the inner life of man.In fact, when a person is forced to impersonate someone else is indicative that in his inner world he feels nothing.

This feeling is the result of dissociation of the ego from the body. Man identifies himself with his ego and denies the importance of his body, in fact, has no body. The loss of the senses of the body, which is equivalent to feeling "nothing", forcing him to replace the real body by the way, which is based on social, political or economic positions.

If we want to know the real person behind the "facade" of social behavior, we must first look at his body, understand his feelings and relationships with other people. His eyes will tell us whether he is loving, his face would show if he could Express himself, but his movements reveal to us the extent of his inner freedom. When we are in contact with the live and vibrating body, we immediately sense the presence of someone, regardless of his social status.

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And no matter what we were taught, real life is on the internal personal level, where one body is interconnected with another body or with the natural environment. Everything else is just decoration of the scene, and if we get confused this scenery with the real drama of life, then we really will be in the power of illusion.

Unrealistic goal inevitably entails a socially approved way of life, because behind this objective lies the need for approval. The original goal was set in childhood, and desired the approval needed to obtain from their parents. Later came the need to get approval from other people. I will illustrate this aspect of the problem on the example of one case from my practice.

I counseled a young woman who was undergoing treatment for severe depression that followed the collapse of her marriage. She found that her husband had sexual relations with another woman, and this discovery was a shock for her.

She was modern, sophisticated in worldly Affairs woman and was well aware that such cases are not uncommon. Besides her relationship with her husband was not unclouded; he was not earning enough money, and my patient had to Dodge in order to ensure the prosperity and a cosiness in the house both for him and for their child.

On top of that here mingled with sexual problems: Selma was the name of my patient, never reached orgasm during intercourse.

Was Selma depressed due to the fact that I lost the love of her husband? It is difficult to assess how strong the love between two people, but while I was working with Selma, I had the impression that she was grieving for a lost love. She was lonely, but loneliness and depression are not one and the same. Besides, she had a baby and the house, which she cared.

Selma was shocked because I didn't expect that she can cheat and expect her to be so vulnerable to deception. In fact, she suffered from loss of self-esteem. She thought herself above her husband on many criteria. So, she thought she was smarter, more sensitive and has more sober views-of things. She felt that he needed. She could help him realize his ambitions and achieve success. She saw herself an inspirational force, di-rector and Manager of his Affairs.

Now it's easy to see why Selma, behaving in a similar way, creating in your mind a picture of yourself, was in shock. She couldn't even bear the thought that her husband will leave her for another woman. After all, she considered herself to be perfection, the ideal of any man, quiet, caring, loving wife. This bloated image of the "I" suddenly snapped as a result of fraud. Her ego collapsed and Selma fell into a depression.

Unreal objective in Selma, was in a relationship where she would feel completely confident and unwavering, because the other person could not wish to do without it. The need for absolute security, showed the presence of deep personal sense of inner insecurity, which emerged in the course of treatment. Her parents divorced when she was young. Her deeply wounded the loss of the relationship with his father.

She also suffered other emotional trauma in childhood and adolescence, the turmoil that left its mark on her personality, creating the need in the feeling of excessive security. But Selma didn't realize all of this and transferred this feeling to my husband. He needs security, and she will give him her, devoting himself entirely to its interests.

Unrealistic goals that Selma sent his own energy, was to become a perfect wife and mother and, thus, to gain by using their steadfast love, which she was deprived in childhood. One goal was internal, the other external. But neither the one nor the other impossible to achieve.

The pursuit of perfection reduces the humanity of the man and becomes self-destructive power. This desire can only act in order to make the other person seem less than perfect. In Selma's relationship to her husband we can detect traces of contempt and may suspect hidden hostility. As overcome his depression, she expressed a lot of bitter and negative feelings towards him.

Search immutable love is also samarasosexy character. What made Selma, was more than the obligation of the husband to share my life with a woman. She wanted the man was tied to it out of necessity, due to her admiration. But no one wants to be associated, as this is a limitation of individual freedom. Husband of Selma could respond to this demand only with a hidden anger and resentment and eventually left her for another woman.

The energy and effort that Selma has spent on trying to achieve their unrealistic goals, was truly enormous. It began to achieve its under-the sprout age, and ended only after she has overcome her depression. When came the depression, she was exhausted both physically and mentally. From this point of view, her depression can be seen as a way of nature to prevent its senseless waste of energy and to give her time to recover.

But the recovery as depressive reaction, can also be pathological. Fatigue, exhaustion — like the who-rotation in infancy, and over time, most people spontaneously recover.

Unfortunately, the recovery is not always permanent. As soon as power is restored, a man in depression, renews attempts to realize their dreams. Sometimes there is the unexpected and uncontrolled reaction: the amplitude of his mood soars so high up, how low she fell into a state of depression.

Depression gave way to the wild emotions of euphoria, and even mania — a sure sign that they were again followed by depression. The euphoria is due to the exaggerated confidence that this time things will be different. It's much like the alcoholic vows that he will not take more than a drop. But soon it all starts again. Until unrealistic goal continues to exist in the unconscious in controlling behavior, depression is inevitable.

Depression has become so common in our days because we live in unreality, much of our energy goes into the pursuit of unrealistic goals. We are very similar to speculators seeking non-existent profits, which very few of us invest in on-faced fun. Such investment in shares, outside us, the living people, too exalt their real value.

Buy a bigger house, buy another new car, more appliances, etc. — all this, of course, has its et value is positive, all these things can make life easier, to make it more enjoyable. But if we consider them as the measure of our personal values, if we expect the possession of these items will fill the blank in our lives, we are laying the Foundation for the inevitable depreciation of them that will plunge our spirit depressed, exactly the same as that of a speculator caught up in depression, when stock market fever was asleep and the market collapsed.

 



I limp rag or force have?Why do we choose the difficult peopleWe until prone to depression before we find the sources for our implementation outside of yourself. If we think that having all the material advantages, our neighbours have become more important, let more people will live in peace with ourselves, then we can bitterly disappointed. And with frustration comes depression. And since it is such an attitude to life shared by the majority of people today, I believe that we will witness even more cases of depression and suicide. published  

Alexander Lowen, "Depression and the body»

 

 



Source: vk.com/lifeofpsy?w=wall-425148_1895