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I'll tell you about the men of those things which you have never heard
Many women think that men rule the world. And, sure women feel good, such goats
In fact, the lives of many men -.. An ongoing personal hell The degree of "hells" only increases if a man tries to be a good man.
Sit down, I'll tell you about the men of those things which you have never heard (if you are not a man, of course)
Name male hell -.. Role conflict As you might guess, role conflict - is a conflict between the roles or their elements A role -. it is social norms containing prescriptions and prohibitions regarding the experiences and behavior (thanks for the Lord of Thompson and Plec)
. How many roles of a man? A lot of. This is the most basic: miner, Husband, Father, Son, Friend. Each of these roles has certain requirements and restrictions regarding the experiences and behavior. < And these prescriptions and prohibitions tear a man to pieces.
That man wants to be a good earner. To be a good earner, you have to be a good worker, for example, business trips, or stay at work. Hard work usually promotes the growth of earnings and moving up the career ladder, which is also a positive effect on income.
But if you work hard, start a conflict with the roles of husband and father. Man leaves early, come later, and here you are, hello - he was a bad husband, because "you really do not pay attention to me!", And a bad father, "Have you ever seen a baby for the last time ?!". In Japan, for example, in 1991, my father met with the children at least 3 minutes during the week and as much as 19 minutes at the weekend.
And if a man tries to shift the bias in the direction of the family (husband and father roles), it suffers from income. And the man quickly becomes a bad earner
This is particularly painful when the man again, striving to be a good person -. A good provider, a good husband, good father
. After all, he really wants to be good, but the device itself does not really allow him to play well these roles simultaneously. All the time necessary to make sacrifices and compromise.
It turns out that all efforts to nothing and a man doomed to failure. But he will remind sincerely wants to make things right, to be good in all roles.
For clarity, here's another example. A man wants to be a good son and is going to help parents, but then there is a conflict - his wife asked to go to her mother. As in this situation remains a good son and a good husband? Question.
< These questions man decides every day, every minute , and can not say that this has always come easy choice. Moreover, we can not say that this choice is a man satisfied
Generally, given the choice difficult and not a bit satisfied -. I want to make it right and get all sikos-nakos. I say: a small personal hell
. Of course, it is not at all men. If you do not strive to be a good person, not to be a husband and father, and no problems. In some men, this hell is expressed more in some - less. All, of course, individually, but many, many men live in this hell at the same time trying to be a good provider, find the time to be good fathers, carve out some crumbs in the hope remained good friends. And so on and so forth
Both men cope with role conflict
The most obvious way -.? Give up part of role For example, to get a divorce or not to have children. . Or do not work, and say: "I'm looking for myself, do not disturb»
Another obvious option - to adjust the content of the role
The third obvious way -. To drink alcohol
Less obvious way -. To work with the psychologist, to somehow alleviate the conflict. Here it is necessary to say at once: you can reduce the severity of, but is not able to remove. Reality heartless.
That's the way men and live - in a small personal hell
And what to do about the woman
.? It's time to appease the just indignation of some readers who are readers. I'm not saying that men are all of a poor, and women no role conflicts do not happen, and their life is sparkling rainbow and happiness. No, I do not want to say - a woman's life, too, the bulk of role conflict, transforming her life into her personal hell
. All I want to say, I said. The man often lives in a serious role conflict and leaves it as best he can. And often lives in the conflict and / or exit from the pain and harm not only man, but also his friends.
< A woman does not know about it and said that it was only in her life all terrible, and my husband all fine and delicious. Through this ignorance are different difficulties. So which is better - to know
. The question may arise whether or not the woman has something to do with the role conflict? Well, to decide, of course, not to me.
The more so because of the conflict in the lives of men can generally only know. To know and to thank the man for his efforts, even if they do not always lead to the desired results.
I understand that really do not want to say "the goat" words of gratitude. Firstly, it is difficult to believe (and check) that he really tries for you as best he can. It is much easier and more accustomed to believe that he is lazy selfish bastard.
But even in this case, Try to start to thank him. If he really lazy selfish bastard, your appreciation will not affect him. But if he seeks to be a good person, if the man does have a role conflict, thanks from your man starts to seriously change for the better.
However, this is just a tactical recommendations. The strategic goal of this article - to clarify some of the secrets of men. Secrets known to men, but it is usually hidden from the women.
< Why do we need such an explanation? Then, that knowledge allows you to live a better life. If you know what happens to a person, it's easier to respond to it correctly and easier to understand how and what you do with this man.
To summarize. The more a man tries to be a good person, the higher the risk of falling into the millstone of role conflict. Get out of the conflict without a loss is difficult. Strive need, rather, to decrease the severity of the conflict. A woman can help a man, knowing about this conflict and thanks the man for his efforts.
And I have all, thank you for your attention.
Published with permission of the author
Author: Paul Zygmantovich
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