When you were little and people would ask you, who would you like to be when you grow up, you meet them? Standard "doctor" or "vet"? Or maybe you set high goals and answered, "pop star" or "astronaut"? Whatever it was, 95% of us, looking back, laughing at their answers.
Now think: When people ask you the same thing now, slightly rephrasing the question to "What are your long term goals?" Or "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?", Your answer to these questions will look as silly as 10 years ago? For most of us - yes, it will be so. Because one day, "the train of life" can be for no reason at all to fly downhill. Fortunately, I was able to study in great detail the numerous "derailment" and here are the most common causes of these "wrecks».
1. You concentrate on how to do something, rather than to understand why.
Do something for me. Stand up, move to the middle of the room and take a position as if you are riding a motorcycle Invisible: knees bent at right angles, hands squeeze the invisible wheel. If you want, you can even begin to growl, imitating the engine. Look at the clock, and then hold this position for as long as you can. Wait until the pain becomes unbearable hips. Note how long it takes. For some of you it will last only 30 seconds, because why would you? It's stupid and hurt.
A minute later we'll get to that.
Now let's say you want to help someone quit smoking quickly. Do you think any of the following options best suited for this?
Show smoker frightening PSAs, talk to him about why he should quit, show him pictures of cancerous tumors, patients with lung and the like. Show smoker video, full of good advice about how fast to stop smoking, and this video will and tons of useful tips from those who have already been through it.
However, you are wrong.
A recent study found that advertising, which explains why it is necessary to quit smoking is very different from advertising, which explains how to do this.
Ads that answer the question, how to quit smoking, were practically useless. The reason for this is quite simple, but many modern economists are hoping that you had never have guessed that none of those who want to change their habits, can not fail, because it does not know how to change them.
You see, if you want to do everything badly, just do not need to go further trivial first step. This happens with most endeavors, all the time, and the method is not important here. That is why different fad diets come and go every few months, and we'll never find that unique, magical diet that will work better than others. The method is not a problem, we constantly focus on it, and we do it only to does not recognize the simple fact that in actual fact we do not want to change anything.
"I know a guy who dropped 16 kilograms with the help of the Atkins diet!" No, you know the guy who wanted to lose weight so badly that he was willing to carefully monitor what he eats every day. If the guy chose a simple reduction in daily calorie intake, it would have worked just as well as Atkins.
Let me illustrate this in a particularly absurd example: in the fitness industry.
On the acquisition of simulators spent about 4, 5 billion dollars a year (it's treadmills from the best manufacturers). In the clubs spent about 27 billion dollars. What do you think, how many people get paid for all this, after convincing himself that here it will be the thing that finally force them to look after themselves? Here's a hint: two thirds of people who have bought memberships in fitness clubs, there never appeared.
It's not just the lie that we inspire ourselves, that's ridiculous false
Remember when you were sitting on a motorbike invisible and your thighs are literally screaming to you that you have stopped all of this even for a moment? The same burning pain in the feet and you will feel the simulator worth a thousand dollars. I just gave it to you for free. "But it's been an incredibly tedious and painful! I do not want every day to do things »!
Exactly! I do not want either. So stop already delude ourselves.
Now try this: once again sit on an invisible bike, but this time the hire of a stranger who will aim a gun to your mind, and that will have clear instructions to spread it if you are at this time not perfect doubled his previous time " motorcycle. " Pretend that you are in one of the episodes of the series "Sons of Anarchy" or something like that.
You will improve the time with no problems, you will pass through all of these "impossible", you will suffer pain. Because now you are very concerned about it, why are you doing this: you are doing it, not to get shot in the head.
This is the "secret", which was evident from the start. All these people do great things and work as if in their day 50 hours - how they manage to do this every day? They do this because there is a gun that was set to their head. Imaginary gun pressed to his head all day. Every day.
2. You do not think about what would have to sacrifice. This is what I hate articles like this: the fact that they are always trying to make you better, causing guilt in you. "What are you doing, rassizhivayas on the couch and eating ice cream, lazy? Come on, lift your ass and go Become Superman, capable of accomplishment, because you can have them »!
It pisses me off, because I know exactly why I'm sitting on the couch and eat ice cream. That's because I had a difficult day, and ice cream makes me feel better. So fuck off. Even if what I do is a waste of time, I'm not doing this just so.
But it is this simple thing and ignore everything when trying to fix something in their lives. And it always comes back to bite them.
Let's stick to the topic, since we're talking about how to achieve good physical shape (and if you are an athlete, substitute, "How to learn to speak Japanese," or something else).
Let's say you decide to run and what you lose, doing running?
You lose what you do instead of exercise. Do you know it or not, but every thing you're doing right now is some value to you. "But yesterday I spent two hours looking at the ceiling!" Yes, but you did it for some reason. With this you meet some demand. You may thus relieves stress, I do not know. But I know that you did it because at that time did not want to do anything else.
So, our runner says: "I will run in the mornings, before work!" Okay, now you get up two hours earlier than usual. What do you want, do not need an extra couple of hours of sleep? I beg to differ: if you sleep, you need it. That's how it works. "I'll just go to bed earlier!" Well, what do you usually do during those two hours of the evening? Spend time with your friends? Sitting on the internet? Watching TV? Have you read the book? What would you have done it or you lose it.
This seems obvious, like most of the things that I say. A person usually says, "I decided that I would learn to play the saxophone" - in fact behind it, "I decided that I would learn to play the saxophone, rather than hang around with my friend».
Now go and find the most successful person you know. Talk to him about how he spent his week, and carefully check all what this man has not. Either he has no friends or not have children, maybe not a hobby. His day is only 24 hours, as well as you. And he can not add anything new to what already has. It can only donate something for the sake of something else.
That's why never work method of the form "Stop wasting time, come to improve their lives, maggot!". You just fooling themselves if they believe that you can find a lot of extra time. There is no "extra time" does not exist. And you have to make a cold calculation and decide what would you want to do:
«I'm going to finish their studies, instead of wasting time chatting with friends». «I'm going to spend more time with his beloved (of th) and spend less time at work, knowing that it will make me poorer ». « I'm going to climb a mountain and because I will neglect my family while I train ».
3. Are you sure that magically become someone else. I recently wrote the 60-second test, and I would encourage all to pass it if they have not done so. If you do not like to follow links, I'll give a small spoiler that many people are convinced that in the long run they will be completely different.
The guy has a dead-end job at customer service, once said that he would like to work in IT, but he did not spend a single minute of the fact that at least learn something about computers, either yesterday or the day before yesterday. He does not attend any courses, and even plans to do so. He just has a vague idea that 10 years later he would sit at the table and make a well-paid computer job, with the unspoken assumption that at some point this decade, he suddenly transformed into a man of a new type, which will spend a lot of time and energy to the study of all things computer.
Described man - is, of course, I was that way in 1998.
Each full imagines that in 10 years he will be thin, everyone coward thinks he will be brave - well, you get the idea. In this plan, how to get from point A to point B, it is never defined. And never recognized unbearable truth about that person that you are going to be in 10 years, will be the same as you are today. Today, if you spend most of the time out to play games on the iPhone, then in 10 years you will become a person who is very good to play on iPhone.
This is not a condemnation. There are worse things. But the fact is that today, if you are relaxed and not very energetic person, you will not be in the next year suddenly become a "human dynamo", unless you start taking amphetamines or something like that. If you have a problem with anger management today, you'll have them in 10 years. If you do not know kung fu today, you will not know it in 2035. But if you study kungfu today, well, then something will turn out.
"But I really want to learn kung fu! I just do not have time for this! »
Nope. Stop. No need to go back to, where we started.
If you put a gun to your head, you would quickly take the time, dammit! And if you can not force yourself to start doing something in the next 24 hours, you do not do this, even if you have 24 lives.
4. You focus on the whole and not in the next step. You go to the doctor and he tells you that you have a bacterial infection that will never pass. It will literally eat away at one of the parts of your digestive system if you will not be every day, twice a day, to carry out this part of the chemical treatment and every six months to make very painful visits to your doctor ... the rest of your life. Of course, it is not a death sentence, but when you present all this as a whole, you may wish to surrender. Because see, what a burden forever hang on your neck.
However, I have just described to you the normal process of tooth cleaning.
You do not consider the care of his teeth as a burden, because it is not every day sit idly contemplating huge mountain of toothbrushes, which you will use before you die. You think of it as a thing to do in the morning just because you do not want your teeth to fall out. You control the long-term goal (to keep your teeth), thinking only of easily attainable daily goals (brush your teeth).
It is not difficult to understand that if you can apply this technique to other things, you can win the whole damn world.
Any large long-term project, which for most people seems impossible - from the construction of the house to the conversion into a real ninja - can be made only because the people who operate it, just do not focus on the ultimate goal. They do only what should be done today. Do not get me wrong: these people do not ignore the ultimate goal, but they are used to share what they are doing today and what they want to get through the decades. The future for them - it's not bizarre wish it the logical conclusion of a long chain consisting of a huge number of "today". What they are doing today, and what they want in the long term, for them, in fact, one and the same.
If you have mastered this approach, the long-term goals will not scare you. You just need to do a small part, scheduled for today. Tomorrow will be another part. The days will come, in the end it will be done.
It's not magic.
If, for example, your goal is to become a guitarist in a metal band, just add to your to-do list for today the item "practice guitar" and ... practicing on the guitar. It slowly. Boring. Kind of like brushing your teeth. And by the way, I did not invent this idea.
5. You're lying to yourself about what you want to do. Say the first thing that comes to your mind of what you've always wanted to do. And now explain why you did not. Maybe you said something like: "I've always wanted to start a small business selling cakes! But I do not even know where to start »?
Aaaaaa ... 90% of you just lied.
I know what it is, because if you really want to do something, no obstacles you would not hurt. For example, if a person really wants to start selling cakes, he would not have much worried about how to start this work. He would become a walking encyclopedia with information about how to start this business because he would spend every day reading, and called out to the owners of other shops cupcakes to consult. But people do not do this, because in reality they do not want. To their head does not put in charge of an invisible gun.
It lies at the heart of every case of unfulfilled in your life. We used to use the same word - "want" - to refer to two completely different things, and the constant confusion between the definitions was the reason why a lot of people eventually give up on life. Depending on the context, the word "want" can be:
announcement of planned actions ("I want to mow the lawn before it starts to rain»); general statement of preference ("I want everyone to live a long and happy life»).