Once again I went to my mother-in-law with groceries and saw a pack of marshmallows in her kitchen, then I realized how I was fooled.

Gaslighting is a simple word. What is it? In short, it is the manipulation of another person. The victim is charged that she misunderstands something, somehow misbehaves and, as a result, must obey her manipulator in everything. This is how violence happens. But violence is not physical, but moral. Forced to do something that a normal person would not agree to do in normal circumstances. As an example, the clergy, forcing the faithful to carry the last money to the temple, otherwise the flock will necessarily go to hell, honestly.



The concept came to us after the publication of the American feature film in 1944, “Gas Light”. In this picture, the main character manipulated, even parasitized his victim, imputing to her what was not really there. He was moving things around the house and his wife thought she was going crazy. At the same time, the manipulator claimed that nothing unusual was happening and that everything was in her head. The purpose of such machinations, of course, was the most ordinary benefit.

My first and only husband always treated me well. In all the 10 years we've been married, I haven't heard a bad word from him. Of course, we have had problems more than once. The main one is housing. Because living in a two-bedroom apartment for four is not the best conditions, I'll tell you that. Moreover, before that, when we had only one child, we were crowded together in a studio apartment. They just wanted to expand.

I'm the eternal housewife. She never worked a day in marriage. But that doesn’t mean I was just lying on the couch. On the contrary, the whole house was on me, after work my husband could come, lie on the couch and rest all evening. I was quite satisfied with such family roles, because he worked there a lot, gave all the money to the family, did not walk with friends. So you can understand the person, you also need to recover.



But when I got pregnant third, it got a little rough. From all sides: moral, financial. Physically, it wasn't easy either. Even in the early months, I felt unimportant, asked my husband to help and he agreed, but we both knew that the new baby would bring with it even more difficulties. We had to prepare for more and more trials. My mother-in-law fell ill. And something had to be done about it, because she lived alone and more help than we did, and she had nowhere to wait.

I recover quickly after giving birth. After 2 months I was wearing mother-in-law suds with soups and cereals, just to make her feel better. My husband was on vacation, so we were all together. It's tough, it's friendly. Junior slept with us in the room. As long as you can live, you'll see.

These thoughts were in my head until one day my husband came to me and told me that he no longer had the strength to lie to me. He has long loved others and hates his own lies. I'm sorry, honey, but I'm gonna live with her. These were his last words before he left. Neither I nor my children had any impact on the situation. My husband gave me all the money he had set aside for a rainy day and left. Since then, he has sent a penny to the card every month, apparently thinking he was acting like a hero.



The only person who supported me was my mother-in-law. She called me a lot, calmed me down. She called me and apologized that she could not help herself. But somehow, by the way, she promised me that if she didn't recover, her place would go to me and my grandchildren. It was nice, but I was really worried about her health.

I had to divide my life into two halves. On the one hand, children who had to be fed, clothed, sent to school. And not to forget about the younger, he was constantly in my arms, it seemed I do not even feel his weight. On the other hand, from time to time, I visited my mother-in-law. She was kind of getting better. I always asked how I felt and how her grandchildren were doing. She scolded her son, even though she tried not to talk about him at all.

This rhythm of life has somehow become my habit. On even days I was completely immersed in my own life and the lives of my children, and on odd days I spent a couple of hours with my ex’s mother. She bought her medicines, entertained her conversations, and sometimes cooked right at her house. She was able to play with her youngest grandson at the time, which was especially fun. Of course, a lonely person, I want to hold the baby in front of me, play and babysit. I'm fine.



Gaslighting is... in simple words And so, once again visiting her, I laid out the cereal in the kitchen drawers and found something in one of them that attracted my attention. Namely, a pack of marshmallows. I don’t really like sweets, but this is the kind of sweetness I can see from half a glance. My ex-husband's favorite treat. Did he come in and his mother-in-law say nothing to me? It's weird, it's an event. Why would you hide it?

And when I got back to the room, I told her what I had found. To which my mother-in-law replied, yes. Her son came with a new daughter-in-law. And her daughter from her first marriage. We invited her to walk and they had a good day. At that moment, my jaw was drooping. Got it? Day? I mean, how is that? Well, yeah. What, how long can you sit at home, so completely stiff legs? We can go for a walk, what's the big deal?



All this time, I thought my mother-in-law was almost disabled. To the toilet and back. At least that's how she made me feel, and she never got out of bed with me. Here's the news. Gaslighting is, in simple words, a fool. Then more. She bragged to me about a photo on her phone where their entire family, including her father-in-law, smiled nicely and posed somewhere in the square. A picture that stuck in my memory for a long time.

In other words, I with three children manage to prepare, bring and almost spoon feed it is unclear who I am an old woman. And she, meanwhile, is having a nice time with the father of my children and his new passion!



Peels Then I just took my baby, turned off the cooking food and got dressed. My mother-in-law looked at me through the eyes of an innocent lamb. “But he is my son, of course we communicate!” At that moment, I was holding myself back so I didn’t yell at them. There will never be more of my foot in that apartment. I will not even remember my ex-husband. That man is gone and I have only children left. These are people I can completely trust. No one else.