Lydia old woman in ramshackle farm with a great name "Shining Path" brought a couple of months ago, some "good" people who, it seems, and left her, Lydia Nikolaevna, without shelter. Skewed hut on the edge of the village they did not sell, give away, so for purely symbolic thanked - beushnye copier to address the collective farm. He's, like, and nafig needed, but, nevertheless, the technique is the technique, and the house has long tied, unattended, the summer is still going to carry.
How could she not looking to sign some "left" contract of sale of an apartment? She'd known once the entire area of ​​the judge. Nobody with the case did not even understand, the time of its legendary fame and glory long since ended.
How come the first time Tatiana visit his new neighbor, because of her hut now he did not go: the chop wood for the stove you need to feed it, the heart drops drip.
Lidia was in the absolute mind, but in the same constantly gloomy, sad state, did not talk much, never about what did not ask, and the questions about himself and his family, which, as it turned out, after all, she once It was all the more, saying flatly refused.
At first, until you see the new passport of his neighbor, Tatiana decided that N. almost as old as the century, which then was extremely surprised - Lida grandmother barely over seventy. Tanya presented next to their neighbor Bravo, always hurrying somewhere on business, seventy mother, and even startled by this comparison.
- Tanya, well, that came, thank you, I have a deal for you - Lidiya even now, when does not feel well, talking to a girl - assistant, boss tone. She, by the way, and thanks so that more come not like - cold and somehow forced.
- Yes, Lidia, you say. How are you feeling today?
-Tanya, I have a delicate matter to you. Do not refuse, please. If I survive this winter, it's good, but more confident that no, hold on until the summer. I want to repent, well, sort of, to atone for the sins ... not believe in God, the priests and the fear and distrust. They are all corrupt.
-Oh, No, no, Lidia, you're so vain, not sin. Our Father Valery, though young, well in excess of a decent man. Come on, bring it, you'll like it.
- No, Tanya, said not! I do not believe. I do not believe anybody. And you, too - the old woman looked out from under the sagging wrinkled skin of the forehead so sneering, piercing eyes that Tatiana ran back down the cold ants. - I was once in the confessional. Just before retirement, a week before the birthday, I was visiting the court. City stranger, arrived early in the morning, and went something foolish in the church. So just watch. Out of curiosity. The priest wrote something in the hall, bent over a book or a magazine or something. The church is empty, I let it. Well, I walked along the wall, icon consider, it koshus. Too simple curiosity. And suddenly he is waiting, come and say: "Good day to you. Maybe ask for something you want, it may need some advice »?
No - answer - a young man, merci. I do not believe in God, you, I can say while away the time, came here to see how you have here.
Most - he says - a good place to while away the time. Just need to contact the priest, "Father" and not "young man", but God, it's ours, of course, but yours too, it is common for all. Come on, I'll confess, until the congregation there. I, too, used to come as if for you.
No, thank you - answer - I have nothing to repent - and I too was about to leave, and he told me in the back continues that, they say, have all the reason to repent, even to him. And he, they say, more than all his parishioners.
I do not know that I spun, but I suddenly agreed, unexpectedly for itself. We went with him towards the altar, on pozvyshenie a small polukomnate up and covered my head somehow bract and asks what is sinful: kill you, lied to you, committed adultery if stipulating whether people envied you, and further down the list. He asked me to answer a need. He built it all, seeing that I'm here as an elephant in a china shop, and I'm afraid to move, not something to remember and say something.
I'm on the first question and stumbled. No, I know, of course, abortion - is also a murder, but I did not do abortions, gave birth to two, Lena and Gena, and more and not pregnant, not until I was - was building a career. Rather, career "system" to me. Yes ...
But, though I do not believe in God, and knew that you can not lie, what if all this is my standing there with his head bowed. Did not kill herself, but others with the permission of my way was open to many, including the most terrible sin, murder, one might say.
I stood under that veil, and hands the priest seemed burned my head. I am silent, and he mumbles something. And that's when he began to patter softly words poluponyatnye sort out, I jumped out from under the cloak of the church, like a scalded. I remembered, I remembered! He was sitting in the hall, crying quietly and softly muttered this very prayer-patter - he has then to me my sin, it appears, let go.
We met again the eyes. Only now I realized that he recognized me even in the lobby. It is necessary that the fate of the so brought me to, but in the church once, went in, and even in his church, in his city!
 - Lidia, can you find it difficult to remember? So it is not necessary - Tanya decided to come to the rescue, noting how much agitated old woman.
 - How not to ?! - Again commanding indignant tone, open up the neighbor replied - Well I said - I will not go to the priest to the house of the priest will not let you, and no one to talk to me. Sit, listen, do not go. I'll tell you, you're let go of my guilt, these same sins. And then I'll have to die quietly. I'm tired, I can not.
Tanya, realizing that got stuck here for a long time, sat comfortable on the sofa next to the rotten storyteller.
- I was still a girl, when taught myself always set goals and achieve them. So the institute with honors graduated and got married because of this, you can only dream of - and love, and prosperity came. So it was not just a judge, not a good judge, and the most competent, the best.
The first failure occurred in the second year of my life. Judged maniac. Caught in the act alleged. A man insane, even visually clear that the mentally ill. Then the city a series of rapes and murders occurred. There was a call, I said that it is necessary here to hide away and caught on a little longer. I am a caller - ran, at the reception, stomp their feet, screaming, fist - on the table: "How dare you, me, the judge, these tips do ?! No clues, evidence, examination of medical need, at no investigator on him nothing, is not it, you need to look for, "and all that. And I answered: "Work like? Or will not work? Your patient is suitable for all indications - in the park is on the path, its economy shows a girl on the bench pinched, molested. And we find that someone looking for a third year, was released. And then let sit, if not today then tomorrow, and it will become a serial. And you - the woman clever, talented, they say. You need to think about the future, about her children, about her husband. He also did not have the last person in the city. So, you really help out. Let's clean the city of garbage together ».
House was hysterical. Husband correctly then said: "Lida, once lost - will continue to hang on strings unquestioningly perform. And all that was told. Think nothing even - give up on the case ».
Came the next day, an application for rejection on the table laid, gone. A day later I learn that the court postponed, ostensibly because of my illness. Did not appoint another judge, decided to rein in immediately and permanently me. Her husband came in one day checking out all the organs that are just there in the city. We decided on all fronts at the same time press.
House scandal. My husband wants me to do this gadyushnik left. All the same, they say, and it is useless to complain, and will not give life. I - in any. Like this? What I learned, I tried, what the soul is invested in their work? To here, so take everything and give up because of a maniac nemanyaka. Yes, what a difference that will put an idiot or so. And what's the difference where he survive his shitty life in a mental hospital or in jail.
In the day when I finally went to the supposedly fair trial, her husband suffered an application for divorce. And in the day when my client took away in handcuffs to jail, her husband and her son left for another city. We were three of us: my daughter, me and my work.
And then everything is going as predicted husband - from time to time I get on the next MC unconventional case. Even before the court I knew that I would be thinking, what witnesses to hear what decisions to take. I suffered, not without it. So far, the remains of conscience must have been. And then ... I just realized that a career in our country can only be blindfolded.
- You, Lidia, bribes, whether that take? - Tatiana said she was frightened and his question.
- Well, it says loudly. Why take bribes? Although before that, of course, it came more than once. You can just have everything already plump envelopes. Rested with her daughter, traveled a lot, and helped his son while he studied, although it is all in principle dad - always on aid, and even refused to take offense. Apartment in the center, giving a decent nose ... Yes, it was. And as it was, and it took.
Lenka my schoolgirl pregnant. Just had an abortion, I went back into the town red. Then he began to drink, the institution with grief in half we had lasted, and as soon as the diploma obtained in general lost somewhere. I move out with another jerk - a drug addict, and yes, you can say, my girl was gone. For money only came for breast shaking hands to dissolve. And I'm with her and whisper home cursing the neighbors, God forbid, not heard. And that listen - and everything and saw everything. Only that person did not dare speak, afraid.
One day, just pushed her out the door, I yelled after the hearts of "prostitute"! And she turned around, sandwiched elevator, and so disgusting to me calmly and said, "You selling itself. The whole town says that Mucha (fly - my name, you know) - sales judge. How to say and sue. God forbid, it caught ».
Since Lena has not come to me, I about it I did not hear anything. And now, ten years after one of our meetings, I learned that she was married, settled down, and all she had was good, but she died in childbirth, my girl. Both she and the baby.
And I lived. For whom and why, it was not clear already. Just I lived simply climb the top step of his career judges, simply enter the entrance, looking around in fear of being killed at the door of the apartment some wrongly convicted and released into the wild.
Retirement accompanied me solemnly. And solemnly swore that retire will not give - without me, they say, everything will collapse.
On the eve of the celebration took place on the court. Private, nothing special, as I then thought. It was concocted so ugly, the situation is delicate and obvious at the same time that even I suddenly felt disgusted. Gaishnaya the chief of the area hit two girls, sisters, standing at a bus stop. He was so intoxicated that when he tried to get out of the car, just could not. I looked out, handed reverse back onto the road and pulled forward, pokotsali several parked cars. He did not stop, he slid into a ditch. They found him asleep and drunk three sheets. Witnesses were many. But at the second meeting they unanimously carried some nonsense. Killed on his way to the hospital of the girls suddenly standing on the platform turned to stop at a red light running across the road ... In short, a shame.
Father babies, the young priest sat and wept quietly, her mother taken away from the court under the arms - had a heart attack.
And here in the church then standing at almost happened to me a confession, I remembered that my father spoke in a low voice a prayer as I read out the sentence - a fine to the actual murderer of his daughters in the amount of fifty times the minimum wage. Then I was so annoyed by his prayer that I wanted to throw the verdict and jump out of the courtroom, I never looked at him, I feel him staring through tears in my looks.
Now, in the church, I was scared. And when it turned in the street, he breathed in the fresh air as if I - the fish, up to this moment all my years of his life lain on dry shore. And then I thought, against her will, that this meeting is given a reason, and she came over from there, away from him, God. And at that moment I thought that he was God, after all, is. No guy with a beard on a cloud, of course, but he certainly is somewhere: in the air, in the grass, in the words, in the hands of the priest, even in myself, I want to admit it or not.
Then, for a while I thought about these forgotten her, but the moment when once again think about the difficult and random allegedly encounters in life. But then, for the second time, I was so desperate that I realized - it is not God. And if there is, it is too cruel to me.
And now here I think - no, not cruel rather fair and just time to gather stones. And I do not know now whether there is he and what is.
But, you know, Tanya, something tells me that soon I know. And we will have a meeting with him, and the conversation is not easy. And if he will forgive me, I do not know. And I need to speak and you listen to me, honey. After his confession to you, the more I have no one to rely on, you're the one for me then good. And just because I really, I see you do not know. Granny old I am to you, no more. But postwomen retirement brings not resist, asked, not that I judge famous fly. A neighbor came out and said loud enough and I heard: "Well, Mihalna, I'll tell you - it is, sales. Look, he sees everything, and that's dosazhalas - to die and then come a hundred miles in the wilderness, that term is not found before, but not thundered. "
You Tania as die, bury me at once, tell the chairman, to help, he was given money for the funeral. Three days do not hold, you can not. The neighbor then with postwomen long standing, but all remembered how much sinners died. The smell of them, saying, offensive goes stench. It is necessary to bury quickly. You better do to quickly, okay? And I remember something no one - too many years not to communicate with any of their relatives.
- Lidia, oh well you will live yet, you is not that old. My mother ...
- Do you mean that it is not old and look old Baba Yaga? Yes, I have become an old one, it can be said the day - the judge fingered bony fingers some photos, not looking at them. Just not looking filed a Tatiana - that is, see what I had.
In the photo a young beauty with a smile, slightly mischievous, but sincere and cheerful, looking off into the distance, holding a thin birch trunk.
- And now look at this. Has anything changed?
Beautiful, in the same dress, the waist grabs the hand of her husband smiling thoughtfully and somehow artificially wife.
- That I did, but the other is already broken. A photo made in the same summer, only this time after I ... Other I'm here, you see?
Yes, Tatiana thought that human eyes still - the most important thing. With the photograph looked a completely different person.
- And why do you say, Lidia that have aged for one day? Figuratively? - She did not understand why asked Tatiana.
- Why did figuratively? You "Portrait of Dorian Gray" Oscar Wilde was reading, I hope? Remember how it was getting old portrait?
Well, at-at ... - Tatiana smiled - the same hell, fantasy, what do you say ...
Yes, you wait interrupt, Tanya. Listen. I told you that there was a second chance, as it might seem, the meeting ... I tell you, you'll believe.
On the day when it was a triumph over the wires on my pension, it was. No, I work remained, but it was necessary to mark the anniversary, I can not get away. Restaurant City Hall ordered for me, all, of course, paid, gifts prepared, whispered a month. I had just ordered outfit, but her hair done and to come to the restaurant in the city center.
My mistress in the cabin so much tried, that the head has been completed much earlier than expected. I let the car sit in the cabin did not want, and walk around the city in a long ceremonial dress and hairstyle of the bride on her head, and even in splendid isolation, is not wanted. I then thought that people can just look out there at a table on a podium in the courtroom. But one did not have to walk too many years. And dangerous.
I went across the street to the restaurant, but it was too early to go to the celebration for nearly an hour. Therefore I went into the adjacent building, the Palace of Arts. Exhibition of paintings of what the poster is notified for the whole façade - "Painting of the 15th century." Walking through the halls, I was not going to just become a pace the half-empty hall. But the old guard recognized me, came up and congratulated, realizing that I did not just dress flashily, and gently took the elbow, insistently invited to go to the gym.

So what? What for? ***

© vesnyanka2007 Natalia Kornilova



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