Swept on the balcony, where there is a cat tray, the mother-in-law rolled her eyes and demonstratively took to clean up after me, and so with everything.

Among the horror stories about marriage and family relations, the mother-in-law occupies one of the first places. You can often hear an emotional phrase from a young daughter-in-law: “I hate my mother-in-law.” One day during school holidays, when my now-grown daughter was in junior high, I became an unwitting witness to her playing dolls with a girlfriend. Each with their Barbie, the girls had a dialogue between the dolls as if they were grown and married.



I hate my mother-in-law, Jin! Hello! Hey! Shall we go to the pool today?
- Oh, no! I was just about to call you. My mother-in-law said she was coming tomorrow. If I can't go, I'll put things on shelves in the closet, as she used to, and make triangles out of plastic bags. She does that, and she advises me. "To take up less space," mocked the girl's imaginary mother-in-law Barbie. If he sees that I purple before her advice, he will be offended, he will annoy ...



- Wow! You have such an angry mother-in-law?!!
- Maybe not mean. But it makes me mad when she kind of inadvertently peeks into all the corners of our house and sleeps in silence. I hate my mother-in-law.
- I understand you, darling. It's good that my train is only ten hours away, and then the bus is a long wait. She doesn't like transportation.

- Lucky you. We see each other often. A month ago we went to our Tatiana Artemovna. I'm asking if I can help with cleaning. She says, "Spot on the balcony where the cat tray is." I did, not hard. And my mother-in-law looked, just rolled her eyes, squeezed her lips, took a broom and started cleaning after me. But it was clear! Everything. Barbie was theatrically angry, although her little mistress’ mother had never complained of a secret war with her mother-in-law.

Children's play or reality? It was then that my friend and I discovered that children are very observant and notice many nuances of family relations. But is it written for all mothers of boys to become angry when they become mother-in-law? Really, no. I personally know women who respect and love daughters-in-law, care for them, because every day they are convinced of the happiness of their beloved sons and their chosen ones. And daughters-in-law don't stay in debt.



Not everyone calls mothers-in-law mothers – often by name and patronymic, but everyone tries to build sincere relationships in the family on the basis of mutual respect and trust. You probably know these families too. Maybe so in your family, in good time.

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But even where there is a war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is possible to establish a respectful relationship, according to psychologists. After all, the reason for these traditional conflicts often lies not in the nefarious, intolerant nature of the mother-in-law or daughter-in-law, or even both. Both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law love (or think they love) one person. So it's pretty easy for them to understand each other, to join forces so that he and his family can live well? But no, it's not easy.

I hate my mother-in-law: The motivation is different. For his mother-in-law, he is a son, he must be taken care of, protected from evil. The daughter-in-law is motivated by the fact that she and her husband share common interests and views, life goals, he gives her emotional pleasure, she expects care and protection from him. The mother still sees in the adult son a child, a dear boy. And for his wife, this “boy” is an adult man who is able to live independently, decide, be a support. That's the reason for the conflict.

And how both women behave in this clash of motives is an indicator that is like a litmus test: their behavior determines the level of internal culture and civility of each.



Despite the difference in the motivation of the relationship to the son of one and the husband of the other, mutual understanding with the mother-in-law is possible. Psychologists offer daughters-in-law several effective ways to achieve peaceful coexistence with their mother-in-law.

What to do with your husband’s mother, advice from a psychologist

1. Take good advice. Instead of the answer “we are adults, we will figure it out”, it is better to show that you appreciate her experience, and answer: “You are right”, “I agree”, “how correctly noted”, “interesting”, “you have such a great experience”.
2. Relive memories of her son's childhood. If possible, ask your mother-in-law to tell you more about memorable events, funny or touching episodes. Your attention and genuine interest will give her joy for a long time and push your mother-in-law to become more friendly to you.
   
   
   
   

Keep calm and show your mother-in-law the love for your husband. Here you can show a sense of proportion: without flaunting affection and tenderness, say how you admire his mind, success, how kind, brave, worthy, skillful and so on. And when your husband, because of his busy life, does not talk to his mother, call yourself, delicately explain the reason for his silence and ask about her affairs and health. But do not interfere in the conflicts between mother and son, do not take sides. It is better to say: “I know how dear you are to each other, so I am sure that you will come to an understanding.” Don't talk bad about yourself. Avoid criticizing yourself in front of your mother-in-law. No sluts, sluts, losers at their own address. But in passing, in passing, you can mention your achievements, about an interesting occupation. It's important that your mother-in-law sees you as an equal.



Getting out of a habitual environment. Invite your mother-in-law at least occasionally to the cinema, to a concert, to a walk in the park, in a cafe, to an exhibition where she will definitely be interested. As a rule, people, breaking out of the atmosphere of “Groundhog Day”, can better see and understand another person, the world around, take a new look at the relationship. Living apart. This is generally one of the most effective recipes for correcting the relationship between the families of parents and children. And then your meetings can become holidays for all generations of a great kind.

Do you have peace with your mother-in-law? Please share your experience.