Why Spouses Need to Live Separately Bashny.Net

On the long journey of family life, each couple waits relationship crises: six months after marriage, a year after the birth of the first child, at the 3-5th year of family life, 7-8th year, after 12 years. Often, spouses are so tired of spending time together that they sometimes think about how to live apart for some time.

Relationship between husband and wife



Psychologists often support this decision of couples, citing the fact that the period of separation allows spouses to rethink their mistakes and make the right decision. This view is shared by Liz Stessel, a schoolteacher and author of And They Lived Long, Happy... and Separate.

137673



“My husband Emil and I have been married for 31 years. We have three grown children, shared values, ideals and beliefs. But we don't share a house. For the past 8 years we have been living separately.”





She recounts her difficult experience with her husband and the fact that a separate life does not necessarily have to lead to divorce: “Emil is engaged in house repairs, and our own house and yard were constantly littered with his tools, materials and drawings.

I like to make sure the house is clean and beautiful. There was no way I could make him realize that the constant mess was getting on my nerves.”





They also often have conflicts with the arrival of guests. Liz's husband is an introvert by temperament, and he's not one who likes to let strangers into his territory. Liz, on the contrary, is happy to be visited regularly by friends and relatives.





So when the situation reached a boiling point, Liz couldn’t stand it and said directly to her husband: “I want us to live separately.” For the first time in months, they were able to sit down and discuss things calmly. The next day, the couple went to look at the house and they found a suitable one. All I have to do is explain it to the kids...





“We were all sitting on the terrace, it was a wonderful June day, and then we laid it out to them. Our middle daughter Julie burst into tears, ran away and locked herself in the bathroom.

I went to comfort her and she said, “You promised you would never leave me.” I'm her stepmother. I managed to calm her down and explain that we are not divorcing, on the contrary – we hope that our family will only grow stronger.”





Today, Liz and her husband live in different parts of the small town of Charlottesville, but despite this, their relationship has improved. They see each other 6 times a week and stay at each other’s house 4 times.





Often the husband comes to Liz for dinner and they talk about how the day went, what their children were doing and what interesting happened in the world. The woman claims that since their separate lives, they have become more appreciative of time spent together.





“When you constantly live under the same roof with someone, you take the other person for granted and you stop paying attention to them. Sometimes you sit for hours on a tablet or TV.”





When Liz stays at her husband’s house for the night, she is no longer annoyed by the fact that Emil throws his tools and building materials around the house. After all, this is not her home, so she should not worry about order.





But even in this seemingly idyllic, there are drawbacks: “The only disadvantage of living apart is financial.” We agreed that Emil would pay my mortgage, tax and car insurance.

Everything else - utilities, food, personal purchases - I pay myself out of my schoolteacher's salary. But I live very economically. When we go on vacation, Emil still bears the costs.”





Despite their separation, Liz and Emil remain faithful to each other. She says she doesn’t have to be jealous of her husband. She knows for sure that when he is not around, he is mostly busy with work.

I wish this couple a long family life! Do you think such a model of relationship exists? Be sure to share your opinion in the comments.