On domestic parasitism husbands will be discussed. The main complaint of wives in default — "the whole life in me was tired".And the main complaint of men, "it makes the brain, nags, nags, is a poison".
The two are intimately connected. All life in her, she brings him a brain, he wants to do even less, it makes the brain even more and so on.
How is it that a couple in love when living together is gradually turning into enemies? Why men do not want to do in life, in the sense of not clean the house, do not cook, do not go for products, do little kids?
For our country the problem is very urgent. Many of our women that is why man-hater become after a divorce. Well, men with minnows or "dinamikami", convinced bachelors, because this is like blowing my mind?The main reason that men do not want to do in everyday life - gender division of labour.
In the romantic period, our women do, the gender division is very willing to support and pass men who want equality. They do not like these men does not excite.
He needs to give flowers, he should pay for dinner in the restaurant, he got the door open gallantly and coat feeding, better bought them. That is, male — earner and breadwinner, as usual. It's very manly and sexy to our women, while the other is not. Let's see how this turns out male household parasitism.
Women that welcome a gender division of deposits, it is often said that the gifts that should give a man — this is a test for family life, whether he is a breadwinner.
But whether it will be the earner does not depend on his desire to give you flowers and spirits in the period of courtship. Not at all. It depends on what will be the salary for his work.
Here a couple lives together, it brings the salary, it is only enough for him, because he eats a lot and loves to drink. It almost gives you all that money, he is not greedy. Not 10 percent as in the romantic period, and 80, but the budget you have in common, and you won't be buying for its money flowers and perfume, you will buy food and pay for a joint apartment. And the more he just doesn't have, he'd be happy to work more, but it does not depend on its relationship to you.
That is, if the joint life material contributions of the spouses most often aligned. Men on average earn more, but invest in some serious purchases: a car, a house. They are very hardworking and business men. Unbusinesslike and can squander money in bars, relieving stress, and also partly understandable. That is, you personally, there is very little. The romantic period is over and the gifts you personally have ended too. When the budget is shared, all the gifts you for you the bill, in fact. And flowers is not going.
And see how this woman's greed and pettiness in the romantic period itself then it strikes. He buys the food she cooks dinner. Strange indeed would it be if he got his food and he would have it prepared, and she'll just sit there. So, too, sometimes, but the man quite quickly deduces that the woman in the relationship with him not interested and doesn't love him.
Loving woman wants to invest, but our women, vbivshimi it into his head that the man should contribute financially, forever invested in the home. They take on a life already during the meetings. He her spirits, she told him tea and cakes, he told her a beautiful bouquet and a bottle of champagne, she told him the potatoes to fry and a shirt pressed. Donor and benefactor awkward to oblige to wash the dishes, and he himself to the sink is not broken, because he gave her money and sitting pretty, and she flutters around and cares in life.
Well, the marriage trinkets and Souvenirs, flowers and dinners at restaurants are becoming less relevant. They are all over the General is the expense, because the expense is common. The woman herself is already interested in the fact that the nonsense not to spend money, it is better to leave to defer.
If a man earns more, life is traditionally on it (and then she whines that he's not that much money, so she was a slave). If she earns the same as he, life to her, too. As it so happened initially. He first invested more financially, it is life itself was taken, then the budget became common, but he still believes that his role — earner. To get a lot of fails, but he aspires to it.
To take and turn 180 degrees, suddenly starting to actively engage in life, most men can't. Moreover, by this time, the woman has a rolling pin was being wielded, and to obey its orders does not want to, want to defend their rights. That is the first main reason here is that the romantic role of breadwinner and provider, through which the life of a bear on the shoulders of the woman, and when the budget becomes General, and remains already on it.
And rebuild the existing order is very difficult. If the woman did not expect material contributions more than it gives itself, it would probably never come, that she needs to take on more of life. You brought him a bag of the food he prepares, so it is fair. You bought together, cook together. But if it is a cart in the supermarket to pay, you will cook. When carts become common, you will continue to cook. I simplify a bit for clarity, but the point is that if one pays more, second more labor. And to work more will have you, even when you pay more it can not. Do not beat out with a rolling pin to pay more, it is outside the locus most often: much, much and earns.
The second main reason is the rolling pin.
From rolling pins is growing frustration in family life and to change their household habits especially do not want to. The man, who are you yelling and he was lying on the couch, ready to divorce you. To be sure. He defers this time, he doesn't want to be the initiator of the divorce, he hopes that you will shut up, but he was basically willing to get a divorce. You only think he can live without you can not, but does not understand that you are tired. He understands, but he is tired too. And the more you yell, the more it is growing willingness to divorce.
Of course, she and you is growing, too, but she will get stronger, he's gonna hate you even more. From rolling hatred is growing faster than from parasitism.
That is, until you are ready to leave her husband, a rolling pin is better not to get it. But if you are really ready to leave, especially to get the rolling pin is not necessary to go without, and the man will miss you a lot stronger than the woman with a rolling pin. And it's a chance that you will reconsider your life and agree on the division of the territory. If you are faced with the problem of household male parasitism, you should pay attention to two things.
1. The man is likely to think, what is the budget you invested early and going in the near future to become a real earner. He too may fail, but he is committed to it in the shower. Therefore, to share with you life in half doesn't want. He wants to be the breadwinner. And if you put it that way: I'm tired to be attendants, too little money, he hears the last part. Are you ready to be attendants, if he is to earn more. And he thinks how to earn more, he dreams about it, and about the life he thinks nothing of. Not it's in focus. And you do not have it. You all the time about the money he remind you too. It is therefore very important(!) decide for yourself what the breadwinner yourself — you yourself you to feed itself will.
Get used already to the idea, dear ideological the dependent, without this life is not divided in any way. With the exception of maternity leave or your illness deprived you of a normal disability.
There are no issues.
The rest of the time, while you are healthy and not linked to an infant, no earner you don't need any sponsor, any benefactor, you do have to earn for themselves. Then the joint life of you can plan to conduct in half, you don't need perfume and flowers to sell their domestic services, and coat is not necessary, do not hire a maid and a cook, neither cheap nor expensive, and will remain in that role.Count on equal financial input and equal household.
It is the first day to count on it, but if missed the time, at least start now to think in this direction. Tell me what money you personally don't need more, you can with him to provide child and your personal life you will need to provide themselves, and in the General case the contributions will be shared. But in everyday life the extra burden you too, do not you want to do in half a life with him, that was the time to development.
Please note, if you need money from him and the life you want to split him in half, then buy yourself gubozakatochnuyu. But if you don't intend the extra money to take, it can expect equal contribution in life. You can be sure he is right only in this case.
2. The existing system can not alter with a rolling pin and requirements.
It has already happened, and quickly it can only break down together with marriage. The system is alive it is necessary to rebuild gradually.
You can talk quietly and respectfully, not occupying the top position and not begging, and to offer first, small changes, taking into account the interests of the other party. We can say, for example, take it here or this is at home, and I'm not going to ask you a fur coat, save on your new car.
Coat you most likely will not buy, to be honest. But while the man theoretically ready to make you a fur coat, he doesn't think should help in the home, he is in the role of breadwinner. In a brilliant role as your supporter. When you convince him that not expecting his money and he can buy himself anything, without fear that you'll blow up, he'll know that it would be fair to do at least once in two weeks deep cleaning.Get out of the house when he was doing a General cleaning, do not stand over the soul.
Let him cut hard rock or rap, and doing the cleaning as he wants, without fear of your critics, introducing unusual ways, seeking their own creativity. The normal man will never be by your instructions small — wash, bring, brush. It is not Chaldean.
To be honest, and the normal woman will not tolerate this, remember the orders of his mother, which of you snarls, but the more complicated they ambition inspired more social. He must decide for himself how he will solve the problem and how. And the task he must assume you can only offer. So never let petty instructions from above with butting sides, suggest to choose a case and freedom of implementation.
In this case, it is likely that he will be involved, much more. Well, don't criticize the result — broke the toilet while I washed them, then buy new, not end of the world. No gods pots burnt, to any new thing to adapt, to find myself in it.
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That is, the two parties need to approach the restructuring of the system:
- to abandon the preponderance of the material contributions of men in favor of household deposits
- to give to start freedom to choose what he will do and how.
Well, to be patient, enjoy the small changes, notice the dynamics. Not to demand everything at once, to move forward step by step.
And the rolling pin — throw. Curling began to change to thinner tongs and stock up on positive reinforcement that managed to pull. published
Author: Marina Komissarova