Partnerships in the family: not always equality and not everyone can do




фото:www.pinterest.com

The essence of partnerships in family relationships is that the partners put their prejudices about "how to be a must in the family" and all the specific questions, decide, arrange everything in an equal and free manner.

There is a man, he had his vision of possible relationships and their interests. There is a woman, it has its own views on relationships and their plans. These free people sit and agree how they want to live together. And then live by these agreements...

That is opposed to partnerships? If you do not consider quite problematic, the partnership is opposed to the traditional family, where the spouses consult with each other, but the final decision on the main issues of life taken by the husband. The traditional family has the vertical of power, it is a family with unity of command. And family partnerships vertical power there, it's a fundamentally "equal". A synonym for partnership in the family — democracy, sometimes a design is called a horizontal family or family I + I, in contrast to the family WE are.

The relationship "equal" — sounds nice, but the reality is more complicated. If the partners are honest, the negotiations here last long: as long as the spouses do not agree, do not quarrel or do not get tired. Negotiate from the position of "equal" is hard.

— If I don't interrupt, you do not interrupt me. If I removed the discussion of emotions, and you get...

All ready to build their relations? Of course not. Partnerships can only build civilized people, willing to talk on the rules and live by the agreements. This implies the ability to control their emotions, to live by reason and not just feelings, high self-discipline.

Now imagine the next jealous man and woman with PMS: how real partnerships?

What determines whether a particular family partnerships — or not? In the first place — the ability and desire of the spouses to build such relationships. If the girl used to be offended instead of to agree, next to her partnership will not. If the husband is used in case of disagreements, yell, and didn't have to hear about any partnership to speak of. If the spouses respect each other, in a partnership they will always listen carefully to each other and engage in discussion on equal terms. Family partnerships the same style of conversation parents try to maintain, even with small children, emphasizing that the child's opinion is very important for them.

However, often this is rather a partnership than a true partnership. The partnership begins with negotiations, with the ability to articulate his position, to defend their conditions and define their obligations. Whether it is our children aged 5-7 years? Unique, Yes, normal no. Average children know how to talk about what they want, but few children know how to perform their own arrangement. Anyway, most reasonable families desire a baby until it is backed by contributions from his side and his responsibility, weighs less than an adult.

Partnerships are unequalPartnerships really "stand" on equal negotiations, but to assert that the partner family relations are always the relations "equal" is incorrect. Enough family composed of husband, wife and children to be high in the mountains with heavy backpacks and in a dangerous situation, as any equality in any partnership disappears, and adults are their children's hands or holding hands, the wife obeys the husband, and the husband carries the heaviest backpacks and is responsible for all. However, in the kitchen, the situation may roll over in reverse, and in any partnership to command the kitchen will be his wife. Also, if the husband and wife go to the market and the husband in the purchases understands little, the casting vote will be the wife. They are in partnership, they respect each other and the desire of the husband and wife will take into account, but his main job is to carry heavy bags, and the case of the wife is to choose the right products. Indeed, in families with partnerships often the situation where husband and wife divide areas of responsibility, and in some area the final word from her husband, and in another area — his wife. It features a situation often determine whose word in this situation would be decisive.

However, in many families, where relationships in General partnerships, the advantage of rights between spouses is not determined by the situation and their personal characteristics and the personal situation between them. In the negotiation of partnership relations free people are equal, but rarely equal out. Better than the other if you know how to negotiate, you have the advantage, but if the partner makes the family more serious contributions, and you are a Freeloader (a Freeloader.), your position is weak. The most problematic situation from someone who has a strong interest in the relationship and is forced to negotiate with a party that the relationship is not interested enough or, worse, relationships are weary...

God forbid you to be the woman who wants to keep the family and talks with her husband, who wants family to leave... If he "so be it" would agree to stay, what onerous conditions he can put in such a "partnership" relationship?

Inequality in relationships — the usual thing, some inequality in the relationship doesn't make it "not an affiliate". Just, the less in a relationship of equality, the less the relationship partner. When equality disappears completely, disappear completely and partnerships.

Who is and who is not a partnership? What are the pros and cons?A partnership is not suitable for those who are used to traditional relationships. Imagine the dialogue:

Okay, now about the money: I invite each of us to put on monthly total household expenses equally, for example 30,000 rubles. Why? My salary was 60,000, and you have 300.000! If I give half, you give half! — Honey, we have a relationship on equal terms, so we will invest equal amount. But it's not a family! — But you said that we reject notions of the traditional family and will live as partners on the principles of equality!

Partnerships are not very beneficial to people who are dependent on of the partner: final agreements will be for them, most likely unattractive. The partnership is completely contraindicated parasites for life. It doesn't work and hoped that it will be to contain it, and he said, "why?"

Partnerships are not very comfortable with the men who used to be on the life of leaders and the excessive democracy burdened. "If I love my wife, why these endless tedious negotiations? We talked about it and I decided — it's a way of life". Partnerships are absolutely not suitable vzbalmoshnaya women who used to live emotions, and not feel obliged to follow the agreements.

Partnerships are very convenient to men who have not done that already. Under the agreement here is very real the following dialog:

— Darling, we're free people. I committed to invest in our Alliance agreed amount and to meet you with flowers six days a week. But Sunday I'll be with mistress. Don't mind if you get a boyfriend and yourself. — What are you saying?! — Expensive, but we decided not to constrain themselves with the traditional prejudice. We are free people!

A partnership approach men, who have had a bad experience and now want to be sure that their interests and rights in the family will secure a clear initial agreements. Partnerships of the road women who lead active, creative or business-oriented way of life. They don't want to be enslaved in a narrow family framework, it is important to freedom and they used to respect their rights.

For this freedom, however, have to pay: partnerships create a certain distance in the relationship. Among partners are always the rules, and live feelings if they conflict with the rules, be banned. In addition, the families of such relations on any issue you have time to negotiate, and it's not easy, and if the partners have no time and nerves, lengthy negotiations often lead to conflicts...

For regular women these partnerships is a big challenge. So far so good — Yes, all right, but just the relations strained, from the men it is not clear how to achieve something. He can't hear — "What are the reasons of your requirements?", to prove to him that any difficult logic — not women's strong point, and to be offended and cry impossible, because intelligent men in the original relationship agreement have already identified that the pressure of feelings is considered to be the manipulation and is prohibited. A normal woman in this situation feels just fooled, sooner or later can not withstand and hysterics against these stupid rules, than a partnership for it to end.

Source: www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/partnerskie_otnosheniya_v_seme_dvoe_zn__ne_vsegda_ravenstvo_i_ne_vsem_po_silam

Tags

See also

New and interesting