Michael Litvak: In our timeline, the marriage often turns into hell

Types of troubled families.

There are plenty of theories and books on the theme of family, but I prefer to rely on studies of E. Bern, and to give examples from personal experience.

A family is created to implement and meet the needs, and ideally, people, especially without straining, satisfies both our needs and the person next. In this case, there is harmony and happiness, but if someone of the partners need to exert extra effort, then there is instability and discomfort. Not to bring the matter before the divorce, the spouses need to come to a joint agreement in order to be happy again.

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People can't do without family, because this is the main group for a person, no other can survive, but without a family to do. Each person has the image of the future husband or wife. We present to myself — what are the qualities of our satellite, we expect that we will grow and we will always be interesting together.

Meeting a person, we compare these parameters with reality and, if everything matches, we create a family. But if in the future there will be no disappointments and all the settings are true — it will be a happy family that will last a long time without conflict. These couples are turning to psychotherapists, they do not need. Such a happy family of Bern identified as family I.

Just Byrne highlighted 7 types of families: I, A, H, O, S, X, Y. the Family I, as I said is a happy family.

In the beginning of the formation of the Family And – the couple have one common interest, it is the basis, but then if successful development is becoming more common ties and this kind of becomes like family I. There are several possible ways of forming a family.

The path of principles — education families are engaged parents who can even help in choosing a life partner. While carefully studying the income of the applicant or applicants, origin, useful contacts, prospects, position in the society. It is also important that married life position, with their mismatched feelings can not be considered.

Business way – start out with the calculation, the later have emotions and feelings. Not always, such marriages end well, money solves not all problems, so when people have no common life principles, the family will collapse.

The path of the senses often people take for love physical and emotional affection. Those families that are built solely on sex, without the appearance of further common interests and Affairs, comes to decay. But if together pair of will try, you can come to a happy marriage.

Next, consider the Family N. In such a family, the couple have few common interests, and they do not appear with time, but for some personal reasons both partners are comfortable to stay in the marriage. They rarely fight, everyone has their own personal sexual life. When these relations are only children, who may develop a neurosis.

In the Family Of the couple repeating the same mistakes and scandals go around the circle until then, until the situation is resolved badly – disease, death. In such families is often the alcoholism of one of spouses, the sex in these relationships is missing.

The Family's conflict that can change the course of development , the initiator can be first a wife, then the roles change, and conflict a husband, but still some time the family persisted, the couple are trying to restore the relationship and turn to the experts.

Family Y in the first years of existence can remind a Family I, the couple are happy and friendly. But gradually disappear common interests and connections, the couple raise their children together and all attention is focused on them, in addition, joint actions were not. Y family often break up, when children grow up and the only link out.

Family is X in the beginning similar to the Family And but then over time transformirovalsya with Family Y.

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Now let's talk about the claims of spouses to each other.

When people are happy, they have little quarrel and claims against each other does not occur. So the couple, all is well in the sexual life, and in the General interests and Affairs. But the statistics and given my years of practice, I can tell you that it often happens that sex in marriage becomes a terrible and defective, hence the many problems.

Sex is one of the most important foundations of a marriage, and if the family enough, you begin to look at the production side. Families generally we are often unhappy, but why? Let's look at how they are formed.

The future spouses meet at a party, on vacation, when everyone looks better than in real life, or are introduced through friends. Some important initial stages of a relationship – ideational, production and Komsomolskaya very short or absent. Sexy stage is average, but the heavy – postsexual – then there is frustration and complaints. The only thing that can bind a couple is a good sex. But after the wedding the couple there is a huge dissatisfaction with each other, all expectations are collapsing, constant scandals substitute for sex. The couple could soon divorce, or may seek for moral principles to keep the family together. But the situation is always tense, if there are children, the wife will be distracted from fighting for their education. But still the best way out is a divorce.

When a couple meets for a long time, she had a long romantic and "Komsomolskaya" stage, before sex comes not soon, and when it comes, the man reveals problems and breakdowns. When is the marriage, the wife – a cold woman is perfectly satisfied with the impotence of the husband, she do not need another. So it may take a long time, suffering men, scandal, while her husband begins to pay attention to another woman, possibly at work. Be sure to find an intelligent woman who will understand, will take a man with a problem, and then will be able to make him happy and to establish a sexual relationship. But there are times when a man stays with a cold woman, suffering to old age and it ends with a serious illness.

Claims women

The main complaint of women boil down to the fact that marriage is disappearing nearly all sexy stages, except for the sex that is neither romantic nor ideational diagnostic and others. And it turns out that her husband just goes to bed and immediately has sex with his wife without worrying about her mood, desires and moral condition. Then quietly falls asleep, and a woman feels empty.

Sex, as our food must be complete. If we are missing something, start some problems with skin, hair, etc. And the organism begins to tell us that something is wrong, or we want a certain product because this element is not enough.

And sex if you do not have a certain stage – the shortage of people will try to fill in something else. Wife looking for sex unconscious, it is easiest to find him at work – with an interesting employee. She will make up for the missing stage for her to care, to communicate, to talk.

But not all are bold and can change, so sometimes some stages women make up with the help of friends – we often see women in a cafe, loudly discussing their lives. They can take walks, go to movies, support each other, to listen.

The worst option, when the woman unconsciously makes up for the missing stage with a child, especially if she has a son – she will try a lot to communicate with him, however, to solve the chores, talk about everything, to walk and often a hug. This odd behavior is called psychological marriage because all the stages of a woman walks with her son and only the sex with her husband. No good it will not eventually lead a problem at all.

My husband will be angry and nervous, watching as his woman enthusiastically communicates with young rival (though it is his son). The boy in the future start problems in his personal life. He, accustomed to constant care, a wife will choose the same "mommy". And the mother will suffer and resist the marriage of his son, to hate the daughter-in-law, and all because to respond to a son's happiness she will not be as a mother, like an abandoned woman.

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Claim men

All claims of men also come down to quality and sex. Someone sex is not enough, someone he never meets. This also occurs a number of issues and implications that we will consider.

The man may also begin to look for sex on the side, and the first place of the search is work. He will find a skilled partner and it would be filled with her missing sex. Or would it be to replace the sex scandals and tear on subordinates in a variety of ways.

Instead of searching for sexual partner, a man may choose a group of friends and alcohol. These men's drinking is reinforced General topics – cars, sports, soccer, etc. a Flaw in the body's natural alcohol from love is replaced by an alcohol from the bottle.

Someone does not digest alcohol, then there is another option – the education of the daughter. In this process, carried out all the missing stages of sex. Everything seems to be going well but problems arise when the daughter grows up and acquires grooms. Dad hates its elected representatives, and the daughter is difficult to make a choice, since she have no interest with their peers.

To sum up, it turns out that the most unsuccessful sexual relations occur in the family. Therefore, the percentage of infidelity is high because each person needs a full-fledged sex. The best way to fill in missing family sex is sex work, though in this embodiment, and the probability of collapse of the family. But in this case not so severely affected the psyche of the spouses themselves and their children than in a "psychological marriage."

 



Mens Soul that never knew…

As the choice of words alters our consciousness

 

Happy and monogamous marriages will be only when the couple will grow together, to grow morally and spiritually, to engage in common Affairs and to help each other in work, to change along with the modern world, to go through all the stages of sex and not to forget its importance.

In our timeline, the marriage often turns into a hell due to the lack of sex that leaves the family in trade or in another place. But everyone can fight for their happiness and try to create a harmonious family in which all will be in moderation. published 

 

Author: Michael E. Litvak

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: litvak.me/statyi/article_post/problemy-v-semyakh