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The SECRET to long-term relationships from famous psychologists
Famous psychologists insist that there are things that are more important for long-term and stable relationship than love. Let's hear what they say about Mikhail Labkovsky, Michael Litvak and their foreign colleagues.
Foreign psychologists believe that marriage is in danger, if the ratio of positive and negative actions on your partner, becomes less than 5:1. That is, when one observation accounts for less than five praise. How many couples living together long, can boast of such a proportion?
To save the marriage, oddly enough, helps a self-deception. If we exaggerate the dignity of the partner and not notice his flaws, thus we are strengthening the relationship. Studies show that the more we exalt each other, the longer you stay together.
In one experiment, couples were asked to talk about a shared past. Some of the pairs focused on what happened over time improvements in relationship. Sometimes this was achieved at the cost of exaggeration, a bad one that was experienced in the past ("it was very difficult to negotiate, and is now much easier"). Such self-deception contributes to higher marital satisfaction and increases the likelihood of a continuing relationship.
To finally see the benefits of rose-colored glasses, the researchers made predictions based on the audio-recorded interviews will remain a couple together or diverge in the future three years. If they recalled more bad of the past and justify ourselves, the pair received a negative Outlook. If the couple is "copied" their story in a positive way, even going against the facts, they received a positive prognosis.
Three years later, the researchers checked their guesses. Prediction accuracy reached 94%. In 40 cases out of 40 where the forecast was positive, the couple stayed together. In 7 cases out of 10, where the forecast was negative, the couple divorced. The researchers made a mistake in only three cases – despite the negative Outlook, three years later, the couple was still together. However, as they developed their relationship further is unknown.
Michael Labkovsky says that "the most important thing in a long term relationship is a stable psyche. If man has them, he loves you today, and gone tomorrow. Because he's emotionally uneven, he's constantly changing tastes, attitudes, preferences. Hence, all these formulaic stories when people first go on each other mad, then the feelings are not so bright, then comes the irritation, and finally divorce. In order to avoid this, you need to have a stable, predictable, understandable, transparent psyche — the only way you can in a lifetime love one and the same."
Another respected psychologist Michael Litvak writes that the relationship is important above all an active interest in the life and development of the object of love. If not, then this "love" Litvak calls neurotic disorder.
Source: /users/360512
Foreign psychologists believe that marriage is in danger, if the ratio of positive and negative actions on your partner, becomes less than 5:1. That is, when one observation accounts for less than five praise. How many couples living together long, can boast of such a proportion?
To save the marriage, oddly enough, helps a self-deception. If we exaggerate the dignity of the partner and not notice his flaws, thus we are strengthening the relationship. Studies show that the more we exalt each other, the longer you stay together.
In one experiment, couples were asked to talk about a shared past. Some of the pairs focused on what happened over time improvements in relationship. Sometimes this was achieved at the cost of exaggeration, a bad one that was experienced in the past ("it was very difficult to negotiate, and is now much easier"). Such self-deception contributes to higher marital satisfaction and increases the likelihood of a continuing relationship.
To finally see the benefits of rose-colored glasses, the researchers made predictions based on the audio-recorded interviews will remain a couple together or diverge in the future three years. If they recalled more bad of the past and justify ourselves, the pair received a negative Outlook. If the couple is "copied" their story in a positive way, even going against the facts, they received a positive prognosis.
Three years later, the researchers checked their guesses. Prediction accuracy reached 94%. In 40 cases out of 40 where the forecast was positive, the couple stayed together. In 7 cases out of 10, where the forecast was negative, the couple divorced. The researchers made a mistake in only three cases – despite the negative Outlook, three years later, the couple was still together. However, as they developed their relationship further is unknown.
Michael Labkovsky says that "the most important thing in a long term relationship is a stable psyche. If man has them, he loves you today, and gone tomorrow. Because he's emotionally uneven, he's constantly changing tastes, attitudes, preferences. Hence, all these formulaic stories when people first go on each other mad, then the feelings are not so bright, then comes the irritation, and finally divorce. In order to avoid this, you need to have a stable, predictable, understandable, transparent psyche — the only way you can in a lifetime love one and the same."
Another respected psychologist Michael Litvak writes that the relationship is important above all an active interest in the life and development of the object of love. If not, then this "love" Litvak calls neurotic disorder.
Source: /users/360512
