"We starinushki three sons:
Senior was a clever fellow,
Average been this way and that,
Junior did was fool »
Numerous observations show that the psychological characteristics of children are largely determined by whether or not we are a senior, junior, middle or only child in the family. It turns out that birth order determines specific track on which our development is carried out for us.
Australian psychologist Walter Toumenom was conducted in the early seventies classic study on this subject. He studied thousands of families, and has consistently found that, despite the great differences in values, educational level, or material prosperity of these families, the people occupying the same position in the family structure, have very similar characteristics.
There are two groups of factors that determine the formation of the psychological characteristics of children with different serial number. Firstly, the same parents tend to react differently to the appearance of the first and subsequent child and have towards them quite different expectations. Secondly, the formation of differences between children is strongly influenced by their place among the brothers and sisters. It largely determines the nature of the evolving relationship between the children.
The first children - this is something new, unknown and interesting for parents, so the psychological characteristics of children with the number "one" is strongly highlighted. They are often for their "guinea pigs." Unlike the others, these children from the start get huge attention and care on the part of adults. Their state of health and behavior are constantly worried about others. Parents enthusiastically taken to raise a child, but they still do not have enough practice communicating with children. As a rule, many parents expect their firstborn, and treat them with tenderness, but also punish them more severely. With later the children's parents are calmer and their expectations are more realistic.
Firstborns tend to perform better in intelligence tests, more likely to receive higher education. They are also more likely to obey the requests of parents and other adults. Speaking of the psychological characteristics of children who were born later, it should be noted that they have to try harder to build relationships with older siblings. Maybe that's why they are more popular with peers and are receptive to novelty.
Birth order seriously affects the choice of career and marriage partner.
Touma thinks that a stable marriage is of great importance is the extent to which it is repeated the position that each of the spouses held among his brothers and sisters.
In this connection we can identify complementary, and partially nekomplimentarny komlimentarny marriages.
Complementary marriage - a situation when the eldest child of one family marry or marries a younger child from another family
Nekomlimentarny - a marriage of two senior and two younger children. Partially komlimentarny marriage - a marriage of medium and only child to older or younger children.
Touma believes that komlimentarnom married older and younger child spouses easier to negotiate and adapt to each other, as they reproduce the experience of relationships with brothers and sisters. They play a married komlimentarnye, then there are additional roles - one cares, the other takes care of one plan, one carries out these plans, etc. They regard the stronger and longer the more both partners relationships resemble their position in the parents' families. In nekomplimentarnyh marriages two older children may struggle for power, and two younger - to shift responsibility to each other
For the marriage of the two younger children may occur particularly difficult time after the birth of their own child, when there is a need in the long term caring and allocation of responsibilities. All things being equal in nekomlimentarnom marriage requires more time and effort to reach an agreement and act in concert.
Let's try to briefly describe the psychological characteristics of children with different serial number of birth. These descriptions are certainly not argue that the child should always be that way. This probabilistic description, and they only report that people generally are precisely such as are in one way or another harakteroobrazuyuschey situation.
Thus, the eldest child in the family is usually more than other children characterized by responsibility, honesty, ambition. He tends to take on a part of parenting, caring for younger brothers and sisters, especially in the case of illness and loss of parents. It may feel responsible for the welfare of the family, continued the family tradition and often develop their leadership skills.
following child birth results in deprivation of its exclusive position in the possession of the mother love and jealousy is often accompanied by an opponent. Older children, especially boys, are more likely to inherit the profession of his father and grandfather, and with them a family largely attribute the success of his career. The emphasis on high achievement makes the older child more serious striving for excellence and less prone to the games than others. Therefore, quite a common problem of older children is anxiety not justify anyone's expectations. They can be difficult to relax and enjoy life.
Some variation in the psychological characteristics of children with the number one, arising from the presence of his floor and he has only brothers or sisters only. For example, older brother brother is not so easy to communicate, as the elder brother of sisters, and prefers the company of men, in which he Narva to be a leader. Usually it becomes strict and conservative father. The elder brother brothers rarely with someone in a relationship. He does not recognize this and do not ask about it, but he likes when women take care of him.
The best match for him could be the younger sister of the brothers, who loves men. Worst of all, if he chooses older sister sisters. Between them can be a sexual conflicts and clashes because of seniority. Since each of them had no experience of relationships with siblings of the opposite sex in the parental home, they may be difficult to understand each other's needs. Most realized it feels, taking a responsible and important position, being a politician, legislator, president of the company, a test pilot or a professional soldier.
The older brother of sisters is very attentive to the women and always attentive to him. It is lighter than the older brother of brothers, adapts to nekomlimentarnomu marriage. Usually the wife is more important to him than the children, even though he is a good father - friendly and not too strict. The more his sisters, the harder it is to tie friendship with men or stay with one woman for a lifetime. Usually it is a good worker, especially if he is surrounded by women: in the theater, church, pediatrics, gynecology, advertising or public relations. He likes to be the leader, but not authoritarian, easy to use, aims to get the job done, but not at the expense of the relationship.
Older sister sisters usually bright, independent and strong personality. She tends to be well-organized, dominant and difficult to accept advice or help from others. Usually it tries to please his parents good behavior and care. The more her sisters, the less the chances of a successful marriage or a marriage as such.
It is the best partner is the younger brother of the sisters, who is accustomed to the presence in their lives of strong women.
She can take care of it without meeting with his party serious objections. The only son might be for it is sometimes a good pair, because not used to communicate on an equal footing and takes her as a mother. When his older sister sisters have children, she often loses interest in her husband. Her closest friends are usually lower and middle sister. Since older sisters generally have a lot of similarities, they understand each other and get along well until then, until you will be engaged in some common cause, where they necessarily arise power struggle.
The older sister of brothers much more than the older sister of the sisters is focused on relationships with men. If she had a lot of brothers, then it can be difficult to focus on one man. Even after marrying, she prefers to have a lot of male friends and establish guardianship over them.
She may be happy to give up their own work, to take care of her husband: she puts his goals in life, it leads farming and taking care of his children. The older sister of brothers usually want to have children. They become for her a second after the "favorite toy" of her husband, and if it's a boy, sometimes even the first. At work, the older sister of brothers may well act as a mediator in conflict resolution and to provide a subtle influence on his boss were male.
If it takes a leading position, it usually performs its duties with great care and tact by distributing the work among employees as to free yourself private time.
For the younger child is much more characteristic of carefree optimism and the willingness to take other people's patronage. For the members of his family so he can stay forever and a toddler. For his achievements parents, as a rule, are less demanding. As one of the founders of psychoanalysis, Alfred Adler wrote: "The position of the younger brother is always fraught with the danger of being spoiled child and family to stay ... It can become an artist, or as a result of overcompensation, huge ambitions to develop and fight for being the savior of the whole family."
The younger the child may have problems with self-discipline and difficulty in making decisions, because there is always had someone older and wiser, to take care of his affairs. Since it used to be in the family of the youngest, he knows that the power in a relationship will get you nowhere, and often produces the desired workarounds, defiantly taking offense or trying to charm. If the family took care of him too, it can be a rebel, and choosing a partner for marriage of an older child, then fight against its control. Youngest child, which were well treated during childhood, generally easy to use and popular with friends.
More than any other younger children tend to play the role of a rebel younger brother of brothers. Many famous adventurers and bandits were younger sons. If you recall the tradition of the Middle Ages, the land plot and lock battered eldest son, and the younger went to seek adventure in the Crusades. It is no coincidence and that the biblical prodigal son was the youngest child in the family.
The younger brother of the brothers is very sociable, but usually harsh with women who are a little afraid. The older sister of brothers or middle sister, has a younger brother is a better pair for him. The hardest thing to live with his younger sister sisters. None of them are not accustomed to the opposite sex and do not want to take responsibility for the children and the household. However, it can become a good friend to your children, especially if they are boys, because it is easy to play with them as equals.
Friends more important to him than his wife and children. It is often unpredictable: one moment it can be in a good mood, and the next - to come into a rage. He usually does not build long-term plans, living under the spur of the moment and their instant desires. Since he can not compete in intelligence with his older brothers before reaching adulthood, he often refers to physical activity, such as sports or dancing, or creativity - art, theater. It works best, competing with others or with the head, attentive to his needs.
The younger brother of the sisters is often in a privileged position and all life in the care of women. Research shows that many parents would like to have at least one boy and will keep trying until he appears. Therefore, it is often the only male child, welcome to parents. Due to its special position he does not usually have to work hard to stand out. It works best in areas where the work is strictly regulated and requires independence. The more his sisters, so it is difficult to select a single companion.
The best pair will be the older sister of brothers for him, who knows how to take care of the men and dreams of becoming the wife of a great man, regardless of whether he has done something great or not. Children, he often impose their views. It is much easier the younger brother of the sisters build a relationship with their daughters than sons, because perceives them as rivals. Sometimes he even chooses not to have children, especially if you are married to another younger child.
Younger sister sisters tends to be spontaneous, frivolous, fun loving and adventure, regardless of age. It can be capricious, unorganized and sometimes even whimsical. She loves to compete with men, but usually flirts and plays a female role. Often she tries to outdo her sisters in the appeal and in the one who used to be married. However, it is not much inclined to burden themselves with the care of children, expecting them to help themselves. Her easy style of communication with their children, which they like.
Her best friends are often older sisters sisters. Despite the fact that it strives hard to be attractive to men, younger sister of sisters sets with women more intimate relationship. Sometimes it can be creative, but it is too unstable and unpredictable. Much better it manages to send its capabilities, if there is a more experienced person who can help her. It can be a good performer, if engaged in automatic operation, requiring, however, high quality, such as holding the position of secretary or television announcer.
The younger sister of the brothers, as well as the younger brother of the sisters often occupies a privileged position in their family of origin, which distinguishes psihologiechkuyu characteristic of this type of children. She is optimistic, attractive and nutty woman. Usually it successfully marries and takes her husband as a valuable prize. Sometimes it can be too submissive, although it can also be selfish.
The younger sister of brothers feel the men safely and is a good wife. Sometimes she competes with men and makes them boring, but it can always mitigate the situation with humor and a tender smile. She can have children only in order to please her husband, but usually becomes a good mother. So good that the sons are too attached to it. Girlfriends do not play an important role in her life, and women often refer to her as a rival. It is rarely keen on a career. When it works, it is best to be under the leadership of senior men.
An only child is both the oldest and the youngest in the family. As a result, these children have many properties of an older child, but can save a child quality through adulthood.
More than any other, the only child inherits characteristics of the parent of the same sex. For example, a girl whose mother was the younger sister of the brothers will be more unstable and prone to flirting than the one in which the mother was the eldest sister of the sisters.
Because parents tend to have high hopes for her only child, as well as to older, it is usually different at school and in the following areas of application of force, aims for leading positions. Being the exclusive focus of attention, only children are often closely tied to their parents throughout their lives and have great difficulty in gaining independence.
With fewer opportunities to play with other children, the only child is a child may seem like a little adult. In addition, it will be comfortable enough to feel alone. Since only child less experience of conflict resolution with other children, is taking a leadership position, it tends to be authoritarian. An only child is poorly adapted to an equal relationship. In my family, they often feel a little prince or princess of. The most statistically poor prognosis in a marriage of two only children. Each of them are not accustomed to the opposite sex, and both want to play the role of another parent. They often tend to shift to the marriage partner care for children.
Важно отметить, что чем меньше разница в возрасте между детьми, тем выраженнее типичные характеристики старших и младших детей в силу их острой конкуренции и попыток найти свою «экологическую нишу» в семейной системе. Если разница в возрасте более пяти-шести лет, то каждый из детей по своим характеристикам будет приближаться к единственному ребенку, хотя к ним будут добавляться некоторые качества той позиции, к которой он ближе всего. Например, старшая сестра брата, которая на восемь лет старше его, будет скорее единственной дочерью, каковой она и была на протяжении восьми лет, но в ее поведении будут заметны и черты старшей сестры братьев.
Средний ребенок может демонстрировать психологические характеристики детей как младшего, так и старшего или их комбинации. Если семья многодетная, то черты средних детей во многом зависят от того, в группе каких детей они родились: среди младших или среди старших и какова разница в возрасте между ними. Промежуточная позиция средних детей стимулирует развитие у них социальных навыков. Они часто умеют вести переговоры и ладить с различными людьми, поскольку были вынуждены научиться жить в мире со старшими и младшими братьями и сестрами, наделенными разными характерами.
Однако, часто средний ребенок, если он только не является единственным мальчиком или единственной девочкой в семье, вынужден бороться за то, чтобы быть замеченным и получить свою роль в семейной системе. Если все дети одного пола, то средний ребенок находится в самом проигрышном положении. Он получит меньше всего внимания и будет наиболее тревожным и самокритичным. Такие дети бывают лишены авторитета старших детей и спонтанности младших. Альфред Адлер, автор теории о комплексе неполноценности и сам будучи вторым сыном в большой семье, писал: «Средний ребенок в семье находится под постоянным давлением с обеих сторон — борясь за то, чтобы опередить своего старшего брата, и боясь, что его догонит младший.»
Большое значение также имеют установки родителей относительно пола ребенка. В большинстве культур оказывают предпочтение сыновьям. Старшая сестра в семье может нести ответственность за воспитание младших детей и принимать на себя родительские функции, в то время как следующий за ней брат будет получать славу и высокие родительские ожидания.
Для близнецов параметры старший/младший ребенок также будут иметь значения и проявляться в зависимости о того, в группе каких детей они родились. Например, близнецы, имеющие старшую сестру или брата, будут действовать как младшие дети. Если родители подчеркивают, что один из них появился на свет раньше другого, то роли старшего и младшего могут быть поделены ими между собой. Близнецы показывают самые низкие результаты в тестах на интеллект, по сравнению с детьми, занимающими другую позицию в порядке рождения. Возможно, что это связано с тем, что они функционируют как отдельная команда и меньше других ориентируются на взрослых и сверстников. Братья, сестры или одноклассники очень мало способны влиять на них. Все близнецы необычайно близки друг к другу и часто действуют как один человек, совершая похожие жизненные выборы. Во взрослой жизни они испытывают трудности в разделении и обретении собственной идентичности, особенно если они одного пола.
Приведем несколько примеров известных людей для иллюстрации представленных здесь характерологических стереотипов порядка рождения.
Очевидно, что напористые Борис Ельцин и Раиса Горбачева — в своих семьях старшие дети. А вот мастер политических компромиссов Михаил Горбачев — средний ребенок.
Неустанно трудящийся над выстраиванием вертикали власти Владимир Путин — единственный сын. Ну, а Максим Галкин, пародирующий их всех с замечательным юмором, естественно — младший ребенок.
Бывают ли исключения из правил, когда характер ребенка не соответствует типичному стереотипу? Конечно, и таких отклонений немало. Однако, во-первых, многие черты все равно повторяются, несмотря на видоизменение ряда других характеристик. А, во-вторых, за подобными исключениями всегда стоят определенные обстоятельства, понимание которых помогает глубоко осмыслить индивидуальный путь каждой конкретной семьи.
Например, в одной московской семье было двое сыновей: 8 и 4 лет. В этот момент родители развелись и очень скоро у мамы родился в новом браке еще один ребенок. Старший сын не принял отчима, стал плохо учиться, ухудшилось поведение. Он не закончил школу, пошел в армию, где совершил правонарушение и попал в дисбат. Проблемы продолжились и после армии. Постоянные конфликты с милицией приходилось решать его среднему брату, который взял на себя роль ответственного старшего ребенка в семье. В настоящий момент средний сын — глава семейного бизнеса.Он материально поддерживает родителей и на его деньги получает образование младший сын от второго брака матери.
В этой семье, в силу определенных семейных событий, типичные роли старшего и среднего ребенка претерпели существенные изменения. Очевидно, однако, что правила для того и нужны, чтобы лучше понимать исключения.
Автор: Черников Александр, из книги «Современный ребенок. Энциклопедия взаимопонимания»