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How to stop devaluing people
Do you know the feeling of fatigue and irritation after talking with a seemingly loved one? It seems that so many years together, through so many adventures passed, learned each other by heart. What makes you feel like you've been squeezed to the last drop? Sooner or later, in any healthy relationship, there comes a point where one partner is frustrated with the other, and that’s okay. But contempt and indifference are pure depreciation.
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Depreciation is like a hidden poison drop by drop poisoning relationships. It is extremely difficult to identify it, but it is necessary, because this is the only way to find an antidote and save a marriage. Continuation of the catchy text of psychotherapist Aglai Dateshidze about healthy disappointment and pathological depreciation in the editorial article "Site".
There is a difference between processes of disillusionment and depreciation, although many merge them together, while one can be healing and the other can destroy all life. Disappointment in relationships This is the process of removing pink glasses. Letting go of the charm, which was not the quality of the object of charm, but something of yours, contrived. Meeting reality as it is.
Frustrated by what your charm is not, you can finally see what it really is. And begin to interact with him without fantasies. For example, a person on the contrary is not a guru at all, but just a good specialist in his field. This is often more valuable than a guru. For real and intimate.
DepositPhotos Not everyone can survive frustration by keeping a relationship together. However, those who succeed move to another level of relationship. When clients become disillusioned with the therapist as a savior, they can finally speak like normal people. There is no one in the world except ordinary people.
Depreciation is a very different process.. It is the removal of value from objects or relationships, thereby making them less meaningful and uninfluential. They can’t upset you, hurt you, change you, or even touch you.
DepositPhotos
This is a form of psychological protection. It is used by the legendary fox in Aesop’s fable, saying that “grapes are green” and therefore not worth her attempts. And the thing is that she simply cannot get this grape and tries to alleviate her pain by devaluing it. Depreciation often kills a relationship by preventing it from experiencing the transformation it is intended for.
For example, if someone doesn’t share your love, it’s easy to consider them an idiot and calm down instead of letting in the possibility that someone might not like you, despite all your merits. To experience, to suffer, not to depreciate yourself and to reach another level of relations. Deeper, more real. Or if a friend cries for a lost lover, who hasn’t comforted her by calling him a goat? I mean, depreciating.
DepositPhotos
Sometimes you want to spend a lot of time with someone. Maybe even a lifetime. And then suddenly something happens and you cut him out of life forever. Remove from friends, block in social networks. Have you ever had this? Meanwhile, where's the logic? Either “love to the grave” or “I don’t want to see you”?
If a person is valuable, then you can be disappointed without depreciating and find a new form of interaction. If a person is not valuable, where do so many hopes and plans come from?
DepositPhotos Impairment is analgesic but kills spiritual growth and any change. The most healing process in a relationship is frustration without depreciation. That is, disillusionment while preserving value and searching for something real. Something that might really be interesting. Something that connects and can be stronger than charm, love, or a naive belief in a miracle.
It preserves the connection, which means it can make it deeper. Because time and joint experience reveal, deepen, transform. The one you are already disappointed in becomes much more valuable because it is already visible. Like an old friend who's better than the new two. And it is not far from there, if you are there.
DepositPhotos
If you're lucky enough to have healthy relationshipsThen the cycles of charm and disappointment with a partner will be repeated again and again, making life real, full and completely boring. An important condition for healing disappointment is the presence in the life of a loved one not only physically, but also emotions, thoughts, fantasies and, of course, joint dreams.
If you liked this article about relationships, share it with your friends.
DepositPhotos
Depreciation is like a hidden poison drop by drop poisoning relationships. It is extremely difficult to identify it, but it is necessary, because this is the only way to find an antidote and save a marriage. Continuation of the catchy text of psychotherapist Aglai Dateshidze about healthy disappointment and pathological depreciation in the editorial article "Site".
There is a difference between processes of disillusionment and depreciation, although many merge them together, while one can be healing and the other can destroy all life. Disappointment in relationships This is the process of removing pink glasses. Letting go of the charm, which was not the quality of the object of charm, but something of yours, contrived. Meeting reality as it is.
Frustrated by what your charm is not, you can finally see what it really is. And begin to interact with him without fantasies. For example, a person on the contrary is not a guru at all, but just a good specialist in his field. This is often more valuable than a guru. For real and intimate.
DepositPhotos Not everyone can survive frustration by keeping a relationship together. However, those who succeed move to another level of relationship. When clients become disillusioned with the therapist as a savior, they can finally speak like normal people. There is no one in the world except ordinary people.
Depreciation is a very different process.. It is the removal of value from objects or relationships, thereby making them less meaningful and uninfluential. They can’t upset you, hurt you, change you, or even touch you.
DepositPhotos
This is a form of psychological protection. It is used by the legendary fox in Aesop’s fable, saying that “grapes are green” and therefore not worth her attempts. And the thing is that she simply cannot get this grape and tries to alleviate her pain by devaluing it. Depreciation often kills a relationship by preventing it from experiencing the transformation it is intended for.
For example, if someone doesn’t share your love, it’s easy to consider them an idiot and calm down instead of letting in the possibility that someone might not like you, despite all your merits. To experience, to suffer, not to depreciate yourself and to reach another level of relations. Deeper, more real. Or if a friend cries for a lost lover, who hasn’t comforted her by calling him a goat? I mean, depreciating.
DepositPhotos
Sometimes you want to spend a lot of time with someone. Maybe even a lifetime. And then suddenly something happens and you cut him out of life forever. Remove from friends, block in social networks. Have you ever had this? Meanwhile, where's the logic? Either “love to the grave” or “I don’t want to see you”?
If a person is valuable, then you can be disappointed without depreciating and find a new form of interaction. If a person is not valuable, where do so many hopes and plans come from?
DepositPhotos Impairment is analgesic but kills spiritual growth and any change. The most healing process in a relationship is frustration without depreciation. That is, disillusionment while preserving value and searching for something real. Something that might really be interesting. Something that connects and can be stronger than charm, love, or a naive belief in a miracle.
It preserves the connection, which means it can make it deeper. Because time and joint experience reveal, deepen, transform. The one you are already disappointed in becomes much more valuable because it is already visible. Like an old friend who's better than the new two. And it is not far from there, if you are there.
DepositPhotos
If you're lucky enough to have healthy relationshipsThen the cycles of charm and disappointment with a partner will be repeated again and again, making life real, full and completely boring. An important condition for healing disappointment is the presence in the life of a loved one not only physically, but also emotions, thoughts, fantasies and, of course, joint dreams.
If you liked this article about relationships, share it with your friends.
