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Hidden violence — the 8 signals that you're in danger
Psychologist, specialist in work with victims of domestic violence Tamara Old lists 8 signs of latent violence in the couple, which can suffer both women and men. Quarrels and reconciliation – normal pairs, but if they occur too frequently, there is reason to think. Violence is not always obvious, physical, when you are pushing, grabbing, hitting. It can be insults, intimidation, humiliation, tracking every step, refusing to listen, neglecting your feelings, lies, sexual harassment. Psychologist, specialist in work with victims of domestic violence Tamara Old lists 8 signs of latent violence in the couple, which can suffer both women and men.
More other risk to those of us who experienced a dysfunctional childhood. The kids were screaming, it was brought down on them a hail of apologies and gifts, which are intimidated, humiliated, suppressed mentally and physically, made a scapegoat, grow up without knowing what a normal loving relationship. If your childhood was filled with emotional UPS and downs, in adulthood, you can adopt this type of relationship for love. Here the signals*, which should pay attention in time to take action. 1. You sverhvliyatel to the needs and desires of the partner to the detriment of their own.
You walk on eggshells in the literal and figurative sense, if only not to disappoint him. You probably behaved the same way with my parents, and now – unconsciously – at home and with their friends and work colleagues. You prefer to keep quiet, keep their opinions to themselves so as not to rock the boat, by all means justify bad treatment of you – "again, I'm overreacting". All these are indications that you are not listening to your inner voice. Whenever you are seized by doubt "And if I get upset over this?" – you ignore the important things that says your inner voice.
2. You almost ceased to communicate with friends.
You have no time for meeting friends, as before, because all the time consuming finding-out of relations with a partner. Instead of working to go out and have fun, you spend a weekend in endless quarrels. You start to feel isolated – the partner requires that you paid attention only to him. Perhaps you justify it and make excuses for his behavior. Gradually, the victims lose confidence and begin to blame themselves for all the problems in the relationship.
3. You try to avoid any conflicts.
Instead of trying to Express all that pent up, you silent to keep the peace. Moreover, you avoid conflicts in any sphere of life, not only at home but also at work. Perhaps you're doing it out of habit or because you are too tired and do not find the strength to freely Express their point of view after so many conflicts at home. You seem to live cowering. To defend their interests for you now – an impossible task, it is much easier to adjust than worrying that your disobedience will result in tension in the relationship.
4. You are aware of your feelings and needs.
Children who live with explosive unstable parents, learn to put them first and take care of them. In the end, a grown man who grew up in a family accustomed to be a parent to their own parents, and then a loved one, to justify them and blame themselves, ignore their needs and desires in favor of family.
5. You are putting yourself at risk from partner.
This can be, for example, his aggressive high-speed driving a car. You are scared and deep down, angry, but silent, so as not to provoke an attack of unbridled rage on his part.
6. You feel more tired.
All day you feel terribly exhausted. You harder given the solution basic daily tasks related to your needs of life, head in a fog, and you're not sure what your needs are so important. You no longer feel yourself a competent person, do not trust their knowledge and experience.
7. Do you have sex against your will.
Do not want, but having sex just to keep the peace. This scenario is repeated often? Every time you do something against your will, but would not go to the conflict, you give others your power to betray yourself.
8. You forgive again and again. Lately you've been off forever – only to once again forgive and promise to love each other till the end of life. You forgive the rough treatment, give one last chance and believe the empty promises which are never kept.
True love implies that both partners are equal, they are both equally give and take in relationships. Of course, sometimes we may do something we don't want for a loved one, but when such actions become a habit, a bad sign. If two healthy individuals love each other, they respect the boundaries of each, share the burden of blame if things go wrong, and together trying to find a way out of the situation without mutual insults and rage.
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.psychologies.ru/couple/krizis-otnoshenij/_article/skrytoe-nasilie-votnosheniyax-8signalov-chto-vy-v/
More other risk to those of us who experienced a dysfunctional childhood. The kids were screaming, it was brought down on them a hail of apologies and gifts, which are intimidated, humiliated, suppressed mentally and physically, made a scapegoat, grow up without knowing what a normal loving relationship. If your childhood was filled with emotional UPS and downs, in adulthood, you can adopt this type of relationship for love. Here the signals*, which should pay attention in time to take action. 1. You sverhvliyatel to the needs and desires of the partner to the detriment of their own.
You walk on eggshells in the literal and figurative sense, if only not to disappoint him. You probably behaved the same way with my parents, and now – unconsciously – at home and with their friends and work colleagues. You prefer to keep quiet, keep their opinions to themselves so as not to rock the boat, by all means justify bad treatment of you – "again, I'm overreacting". All these are indications that you are not listening to your inner voice. Whenever you are seized by doubt "And if I get upset over this?" – you ignore the important things that says your inner voice.
2. You almost ceased to communicate with friends.
You have no time for meeting friends, as before, because all the time consuming finding-out of relations with a partner. Instead of working to go out and have fun, you spend a weekend in endless quarrels. You start to feel isolated – the partner requires that you paid attention only to him. Perhaps you justify it and make excuses for his behavior. Gradually, the victims lose confidence and begin to blame themselves for all the problems in the relationship.
3. You try to avoid any conflicts.
Instead of trying to Express all that pent up, you silent to keep the peace. Moreover, you avoid conflicts in any sphere of life, not only at home but also at work. Perhaps you're doing it out of habit or because you are too tired and do not find the strength to freely Express their point of view after so many conflicts at home. You seem to live cowering. To defend their interests for you now – an impossible task, it is much easier to adjust than worrying that your disobedience will result in tension in the relationship.
4. You are aware of your feelings and needs.
Children who live with explosive unstable parents, learn to put them first and take care of them. In the end, a grown man who grew up in a family accustomed to be a parent to their own parents, and then a loved one, to justify them and blame themselves, ignore their needs and desires in favor of family.
5. You are putting yourself at risk from partner.
This can be, for example, his aggressive high-speed driving a car. You are scared and deep down, angry, but silent, so as not to provoke an attack of unbridled rage on his part.
6. You feel more tired.
All day you feel terribly exhausted. You harder given the solution basic daily tasks related to your needs of life, head in a fog, and you're not sure what your needs are so important. You no longer feel yourself a competent person, do not trust their knowledge and experience.
7. Do you have sex against your will.
Do not want, but having sex just to keep the peace. This scenario is repeated often? Every time you do something against your will, but would not go to the conflict, you give others your power to betray yourself.
8. You forgive again and again. Lately you've been off forever – only to once again forgive and promise to love each other till the end of life. You forgive the rough treatment, give one last chance and believe the empty promises which are never kept.
True love implies that both partners are equal, they are both equally give and take in relationships. Of course, sometimes we may do something we don't want for a loved one, but when such actions become a habit, a bad sign. If two healthy individuals love each other, they respect the boundaries of each, share the burden of blame if things go wrong, and together trying to find a way out of the situation without mutual insults and rage.
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.psychologies.ru/couple/krizis-otnoshenij/_article/skrytoe-nasilie-votnosheniyax-8signalov-chto-vy-v/
