The psychology of jealousy

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The man is jealous, because too fond of himself; woman is jealous because he loves himself enough. Germaine Greer

JEALOUSY is a vivid emotional sense of ownership, increased selfishness, the desire to completely dispose of the other person, which is usually expressed in distrust and suspicion.

Options jealousy endless. Its consequences, too, are varied: it can strengthen an existing love, and replace it with hate, or to kill at all, leaving only indifference. It is believed that jealousy is associated with love, but how? — that is the question. St. Augustine many centuries ago, proclaimed the thesis: "Who is not jealous, does not love", linking love and jealousy together, and the people had faith in this provision and began to guide them in their lives. Another sage said, "then the man is jealous when he loves and when he wants to be loved". Thus, jealousy is not love, but rather the desire to have or fear to lose her, and therefore, stress. You will agree that with this approach, jealousy loses much of its appeal.

Jealousy is different, in one case, it is an understanding and approval from others, another — contempt. However, it is believed that jealousy is useful for love. Some psychologists even believe that jealousy reflects the level of claims personality, so deal with it harmful, because such a fight reduces the competitiveness of the person.

Most likely, it's all in the proportions — even the healing medicine used, can cause harm, while particles of toxic arsenic and mercury are part of homeopathic drugs. So the doctor I. Shevelev brought the following postulate: "Jealousy is poison in small doses stimulates love in the big kills".


The paradox is that often the family is the jealous spouse, who was himself in the highest degree is prone to adultery. M. Weller noted that jealousy is a fear of losing, and wedenoja pride, and the fear that the other is better, and the feeling of impossibility to fully control the situation, the diminution of their significance, infringement of your self-assertion. He writes: "jealous means I am less the master of life, than thought, than can or could, I'm less powerful than you want and believe is possible. That's what people to move!!!"Hence that little very jealous of confident people, and most jealous of those with more complex and low self-esteem. "If Othello was white, young, beautiful and courtly educated — suggests Weller — he would have his nose in this damn gift handkerchief, and went to Desdemona to bed to make love and all things".


For such men any suspicious, from his point of view, the fact to build it on their own allegations, to establish the concept of his wife's infidelity. Suspicious and jealous for him is all: and that the wife was working late, and that she's too cheerful, and that once again someone danced or exchanged a glance, and that too is sad. Men are very sensitive to the behavior of his wife sexually. It happens that a woman shies away from reach just because tired or the baby is sick, or, finally, she spares her husband, recently undergone a serious illness, and he interprets it quite differently. Funny, but to cause jealousy maybe, on the contrary, the changed activity or tenderness of the wife which, trying to deal with the jealousy of her husband, changes the approach. Noted that almost half of men, a zeal which bordered on a nervous breakdown, at the time of seeking treatment was already in a second marriage while the first one broke up because the wife could not stand the constant jealousy of her husband.

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According to some psychologists, the underlying basis of women's jealousy lies fear of loss of "source of resources". There is also the claim that jealousy is not familiar to the females of animals which the male does not participate in the raising of offspring.

It is no secret that women also painfully jealous, sometimes spilling out of this feeling ridiculous and unacceptable forms. And if men be jealous aggression is often directed at suspected cheating wife, the women — the suspected rival. In the end, try to channel your jealousy in a positive direction. Are you jealous…
You are jealous — that's fine: it means that your man is popular with other women. But it stays with you. And let everyone around you is talking about the power of habits, etc. the Truth is that you — the best choice for him! And he doesn't want to change anything, no matter how many cute/young/long-legged was around. Naturally, realizing this, did not stick completely to relax, to get into zastiranny Bathrobe and months to go make-up free with a mouse tail on the back. Let the healthy jealousy leads you into a fashion store, forcing you to take make-up lessons, to eat healthy food and visit the fitness club. To be and stay the best!


If a case of pathological jealousy is still possible as-that to explain a particular case of jealousy, where in most cases, the jealousy was caused by some minor cause, when "delusions of jealousy" excuse is non-existent. Inflamed imagination of the jealous man draws a non-existent pattern, involving a non-existent heroes. In medical language this is called "syndrome of an imaginary third".

Delusions of jealousy sometimes develops on the basis of deep sclerosis in the elderly, who even in youth had never been jealous, but calmly and in harmony lived a long married life. The underlying mechanisms here, apparently, the same: the consciousness of inferiority, fear of being sidelined. The apparent absurdity of this delusion sometimes cause a smile. But, unfortunately, it is a misfortune, disease. And to dissuade the sick man, to try to influence him by persuasion useless. It is necessary to seek help from a doctor.

Wives of jealous husbands and husbands jealous of wives have a hard time. But with this feature life partner to be reckoned with! People who are pathologically jealous, often literally extort confession of some non-existent infidelity, assuring that the truth will deliver them from doubt and then everything will be fine and calm. It happens that women themselves agree, hoping this price to achieve peace. But, of course, peace does not happen. All renewed with redoubled force, and escape routes anymore. Not only such liaisoned, but even thrown a careless word can have very serious consequences. Often the woman, and also wanting to test the strength of your feelings, your admirer or husband, or just to tease him, gives him cause for jealousy. Don't do this! It is very risky, so as a grain of suspicion can then flourish luxuriantly. And then any joke, token, friendly or even just out of politeness rendered to any man, considered a form of infidelity and cause anxiety or even anger. Jealousy explosive, it is not to be trifled! This really is, in the words of Shakespeare, "the monster with green eyes, sneering at his prey." You cannot listen to the whisperings of jealousy, to nurture in itself is a destructive feeling. You cannot speak and think on this subject. This is even more secured fixation of pathological, distorted angle of view, and in the end may develop neurologic disease.


First, it leads to a deterioration of relations between the spouses. Suspicions, accusations, surveillance, tears and scandals make the lives of two people under the same roof intolerable, which ultimately can lead to divorce. However, there are features of the male and female jealousy. If a woman is ready to bear its years, making the existence of a "suspect" into a living hell, that male jealousy spontaneous. It instantly occurs and so suddenly you can go out.

Secondly, the external manifestations of jealousy have a negative impact on the psyche of the child, if there is one in the family. Children are very sensitive and react strongly to their parents ' relationships, and quarrels because of jealousy can cause them acute neurotic reactions, the consequences of which can adversely manifest itself for many years.

Third, the jealousy over the supposed infidelity of a spouse can lead to cheating (already real) second family member. This so-called "treason in retaliation". "Once he allows himself this, and I will not remain in debt!". There are more tragicomic situation when the husband is brought to the extreme, unfounded suspicions of the wife, decides that if and suffer, so and decides to commit adultery, although a scene the couple did not intend to do so.

At the stage of formation of delusion of jealousy in a person fully disappear the doubt of treason, suspicion replaced confidence, and to convince such a man with the help of objective arguments is not possible. Accordingly, measures against cheating are extremely sophisticated in nature. Thus, in his lecture one of the professors of psychiatry cited the example of a patient with alcoholism, suffering from delusions of jealousy (by the way, this combination occurs very often), who, leaving for work, forced wife to wear a kind of "chastity belt" made them out of canvas, laces and metal rivets.

According to most psychiatrists, overvalued and delusions of jealousy in relation to prognosis for recovery is extremely auspicious and are treated with great difficulty. So, dear readers, if you are too hung up on the infidelity of your spouse, remember that any, even the most unpleasant and strong emotion, it is possible to stop the internal force, until it has reached extreme intensity and not the beginning of "to live an independent life", not reckoning with your mind. Jealousy is not a harmless phenomenon, sometimes it gets pretty wild forms (including murder and pouring sulfuric acid) and can become the essence of mental illness.

All of the above suggests that jealousy, despite its proximity to the feeling of love (it grows on it), is not the feeling that should be cherished, nurtured and to grow in his soul. Jealousy is a parasite on love, shamelessly using her energy.

Jealousy is often only the consequence of our weakness (and, often, the weakness of contrived, imaginary). Its origins lie in low self-esteem, in fear of losing the object of love. Reasons for jealousy can be a few, and most of all everyone should understand what is the basis of his personal jealousy. This can be, for example, low self-esteem, fear of losing a loved one, a heightened ambition or selfishness.


Doctors have proved that stress physical scale of men's cheating wife (and hence jealousy) is classified as the most stunning blow. The strength is similar to the stress due to the death of a loved one. At the moment flash of jealousy, the blood is ejected a hormonal "cocktail" that includes the hormone vasopressin, which increases blood flow to the muscles. But also endorphins and adrenaline... At such moments a man, however, as a woman often feels a sense of compression in the chest, "heart tugs" and even feeling "feel somewhat". Besides, with jealousy you can't run. The shock sets in, and the body is forced to intervene — included antishock mechanism, is introduced into the game a different combination of hormones.

The immune system becomes resistance, but the result itself is depleted, which in turn contributes to the development of other diseases.

If jealousy becomes a constant, a sign, the entire body is anxious, causing stress. As a result of constant being in a state of stress, the man begins to rapidly gain weight, as disturbed the normalization of the area of the brain responsible for appetite, in addition to this he has problems with erection, in this case, the man is doomed to impotence.

If a man is trying to keep within the permitted limits, and holding back emotions, he risks to get a legacy headaches and high blood pressure, and even mental disorder ending in a hospital bed.


In order to cope with jealousy "the jealous man" himself must want to change. A jealous man, knowing his disadvantage, needs to control himself, calling upon his mind. And I must force myself to understand that jealousy is not uplifting nor female dignity, no men, suspicions, accusations, and even more scandals and quarrels will not keep a loved one, rather, turn away from yourself. Of course, to completely overcome jealousy is impossible. But you need to overcome jealousy as a trait, we need to bring that degree of self-control which under any circumstances will not allow to descend to coarseness and bitterness.

If the main pillar of jealousy is low self-esteem, the main aim of the work is its increase. You clearly understand that you cannot force a person to love. Love can be light, it is possible to win, in the end, the love you deserve, but to beg its useless. So if you want to change, make yourself worthy of such a strong and faithful love. And to change for the better, "grow" over a should not for him but for yourself! It should not be a sacrifice for a loved one. published 



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