Once starting counseling, I asked clients, dreaming of a "real relationship":
— What do you mean "real"? Partner to satisfy her needs? Or she wants to be needed? So, gradually we were in true need.
Later she began to wonder: WHAT is the relationship? And when they become "real", "Mature"?
Came to the conclusion that "Mature" is ready to call the relationship for the sake of the relationship.
For example, the two met to resolve a financial issue. But as soon as the finances are getting better (or getting better), relationships are not needed. Also at some point eliminates the necessity of the relationship that was created "for the kids" (kids grow up...).
And even the relationship "to be alone" lose their relevance — people either cease to fear loneliness, or are aware that in a couple it does not disappear.
So I came to the conclusion that the Mature are ready to call a relationship where both partners agree within themselves and agreed with each other to be together.
Resolved financial issues — Great! New opportunities for development.
Grown children is another degree of freedom!
And so on.
Then the difficulties in the couple cease to be a cause of the breakdown.
Now I think that this is not a "Mature phase".
A Mature relationship is possible only between two Mature people. All of which have not just learned to satisfy their own needs, but also ready to accept something from the other. And to be able to say no when not ready. And learned to fight. And also quietly accept failure. And both have learned to live in the dialogue. And alone at the same time.
When possible? My feeling is that when in themselves resolve all the issues of doublenest and nedolyublennosti. Then I stop using the partner to assert itself. Pleasant to me of his love, and at the same time I myself with all my guts know I am loved. Loved by the world, parents, your partner, friends. When I stop seeing the partner (and he, respectively, I) is a source of professional or other growth.
And so on...
Each of us becomes self-sufficient personality.
And the first question that I heard a member of the group, sharing his theory:
— So, WHY THEN is the relationship?!
The answer appeared, as if through me:
— Just like that. For fun ))
How to get a cat. To.
To look at him touching his face. Smile to his rumbling. Meditation to clean his toilet. Just because to live with a cat I like.
And it is radically different from "no sorrow — a woman bought a pig".
Sadness and problems in the history of the cat no! Even when he fleeces a new Wallpaper and hanging the curtains. All these probabilities are allowed initially. And they're just a fact.
This is what I realize tonight, as a "Mature relationship".
Just because "the cat is good and interesting from any angle" )) posted
Author: Lyudmila Evtushevskaya
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©