How to wean cat

(for fire-fighters and lovers of surprises): Obossyte cat first. The cat will be very stunned.

(Jehovah's Witnesses): Reassure the cat that if he did not read the "Watchtower" during urination, it is not to be his favorite among the 40,000 at the gates of heaven cat.

(for maniacs with experience): splyashem around the cat dance "Ten Little Indians" with a bloody shoe in his hand. Keep in mind that the cat may accidentally crap.

(for plumbers and mercenaries Mafia): Dip a cat head in the toilet clogged. While not break - every 30 seconds, let it breathe and shout in his ear, "Where did you hide our suitcase with millions, you bastard?»

(for joiners and carpenters) alternate action of a plane on the ass and hammer on egg cat. Result weaning gives results very quickly.

(for system administrators): Grozny cat look in his eyes and let his urinary traffic exceeded the limit. After this block outbound traffic before the end of the month, tied up pussy cat coaxial cable.

(for cleaners): spank cat dirty doormat in the face, saying, "You're still in school toilets smelled number two, zassanets!»

(for lifters): Close the cat in unnecessary nightstand, throw it to the third floor down, shouting, "Hold the STOP button, if have time».

(for the Chinese), "Kis-Kis! Munching, munching! Yum yum! »

(for Moldovan builders): Spit on the cat's tail, izmazhte his left foreleg cement, right - plaster and nose - lime. Send to plaster the kitchen-in-law and putting the tiles in the bathroom of a neighbor. In general, make him feel at home among you.

(for moderators): Swinging keyboard let the cat: "Last warning. Once again, and I will remove your profile from this apartment! »

(for beekeepers and employees salon hair removal) Pour over the cat wax. Sharp movement remove the solidified wax.

(for pathologists): Holding a knife gently podzovite cat to your favorite metal table.

(for chemists): Mix in a cat-of-the-n with the acid. The resulting solution was neutralized to pH 7 with alkaline to litmus. Precipitated by the neutralization precipitate cat wash with water, dry, and store in a tightly sealed jar with the word "cat home, reizolirovanny, unspoken».

(for nuclear physicists): Cat irradiating a beam of accelerated electrons in a proton synchrotron. After that, the cat will write a glowing solid granulate that can be sold to the Chinese as the beads and beads.

(for practical engineers): Measure the friction of sandpaper on the cat's ass. Conduct experiments to measure the tensile strength.

(for the paranoid and adherents of theories about global conspiracies) Obossyte their own shoes. Write a complaint to the President of the cat, the CIA and the Martians.

(for astronauts and crazy grannies): Put a cat in a shopping bag and twist it until the cat did not get tired to vomit. Wipe the floor and walls cat. Wash the cat in the washing machine. Feed him toothpaste from a tube. Put to bed, tied his feet to the ceiling.

(one of psychological) Conduct a series of conversations with a cat, in which to find out the reasons for such behavior, probably hidden deep in my childhood pet, pick open all the painful memories, and at the end of the course to put his score with a lot of zeros. When he could not pay, put the door inspired him at last, he ungrateful and useless for the world of being. As a result, you do it so zamorochili him that he either commits an act of suicide, or until the day falls into a deep depression. You avenged.

(treacherous) to tell his wife what your cat ate her pet canary.

(koshkolyubivy) Pat, can of food to fork out more and ask "not to do».

(for breeders): Adopt a pit bull.

(pendossky): turn to a psychologist, finally believe that pissed shoes - a sign of a rich inner world and one of the important components of the American dream, to treat all people with neobossanymi shoes with the utmost contempt. Send worldwide trained men armed with cats mochemetami and obossyvat shoes all in the name of democracy and justice. And the cat is still sue. For nehuy.

(denial of universal method): somehow reach to shoe a dog shit.

(with elements of female logic): Logically, the shoes himself provoked the cat to act obossyvaniya, so it was left in the wrong place. Othuyarit owner of a shoe with a broom and / or throw a tantrum fades into the scandal and back.

(Search engine optimizer): Properly cat out of it in the air above his head, throw the animal into a computer monitor screaming "I love you promoted, cattle in Yandex and Google on request" How to wean cat piss in the boots »!»

(communist): Shave the cat under Lenin. To appeal to his proletarian conscience.

(alcoholic): Hug cat and slurred probormat "Do you respect me?". If the cat escapes, damn it with him.

(for fans of good rock music): Make a sandwich of two columns in the middle of a stereo and a cat. Turn loud ACDC «Highway To Hell»

(for fans of bad pop and hardcore sadists): Make the same buterbrodik but including songs of Dima Bilan.

(housewives): Cook roast "rabbit." Husband say that the cat ran away.

(star Zidane): Hit a cat head in the chest!

(for radiomasterov): Connect to the powerful boot capacitor. When you try to obpisat cat shoes, the capacitor is discharged beautiful splashes of electricity.

(for postmen): Pack the cat in the parcel. Enter the address "On the village of my grandfather».

(for crane): Post Cat on a rope from the balcony, pull the rope up and down shouting "Vira Vira Mine !!!»

(for fans of Mike Tyson): Bite the cat's ear!

(for fans of Michael Schumacher): Stick cat firecrackers in the ass! Lights, noise, smells and flies are not worse than a Formula 1 !!!

(for spammers) Sdelaytu cat increase member. Feed Chinese Viagra. Cat is not to your shoes.

(for cheburashek) ssuschego cat hug and tell me that it is still your friend.

(for those who like the heat and the Moscow metro): Take a ride on the subway at rush hour. Allow the cat to sniff the armpits.

(for highly conductive weekends): Wake up Monday morning. Dykhne cat on fumes. Zaspirtovannye cat can sell in a zoological museum.

(for true Jedi): Cut the cat his lightsaber!

(for fans of Shakespeare): Holding a skull vyshego previous cat say to the tragedy "Poor Yorick, why are you in the shoes Ssali?»

(the traditional way) Nassau spalnichek cat shit in his bowl and spit in his snout.

(unconventional way) to put the cat on the street, after tying his neck lush pink bow and smeared lipstick cat snout. This cat Vaseline in any case not to give.

(handyman) make the cat warm insoles in winter.

(rational method) to pour sand in shoes and leave the cat.

(librarians): Give the cat to read this manual, "How to wean cat piss in the boots." Then send it for treatment of stuttering and fear in the nervous hospital.


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