598
The contract with Cat
Kotovtorniku and personally dedicated my puzatenky handsome! (7 Picchu)
AGREEMENT
Cat and a host of cohabitation.
The owner in the face of (any of) individuals of the human race living at the address N-sk, ul. N-Sky, d. Takoyto number, apt. takayato, acting on the basis of the right of a strong and chief, hereinafter referred to as the text of the Agreement "boss" on the one hand and a cat, fat and arrogant, residing at Goodman, acting on the basis of sycophancy and dependents, hereinafter referred to as the text of the agreement "Puss" "beast" or "Asshole", on the other hand, collectively referred to as the "Parties", have concluded this Agreement as follows:
© deep_phoenix
1. Subject of the Agreement
The owner provides everything necessary for life and leisure skrashivaniya Cat and Cat agrees to behave approximately comply with the requirements of this Agreement and be responsible, provided immediately.
2. The rights and obligations of the parties.
2.1. The owner shall:
- At the expense of own and borrowed funds to provide food and cat drinking water at least three times a day, especially in the case of good behavior Kota reward him with a glass of valerian (sour cream, cheese, eggs - on holidays);
- To monitor the compliance of the Cat with EU standards and the requirements of SanPiN, if necessary, wash the cat permissions and security for zhyvotnyh means to wipe his soiled places (eyes, ears, ass) means for cleaning the optical axes, cut his nails, combing hair and scratching behind the ear ;
- Pay attention to the physical development of the Cat, playing with him in a cat-and-mouse for at least 15 minutes a day, to fly him to develop logic and imagination toys, namely, balls, plush mouse, personal computer;
- To provide access to all Cat nooks and crannies of the apartment, including the windowsill, kitchen, bedroom, toilet. In the case of abuse of Cat master's trust, access can be restricted, sometimes quite substantially;
- At the request of Kota to grant him a woman to provide him with a visit to the vet, and in the absence of contraindications, to arrange a date. Cognac, flowers, candy and an apartment paid for the Boss. All maintenance obligations Kota, if these appear after the meeting, the same shall be owner;
- To provide a place for the Cat spravleniya natural needs and keep it in order by assigning responsibility for cleaning 'for this asshole ».
2.2. The owner has the right to:
- The owner is always right about everything, all have the right and it is not discussed;
- The owner has the right to modify this Agreement at its discretion unilaterally;
.3. Cat obliged:
- To behave politely, reverently and respectfully against the owner and his stuff;
- To comply with a curfew on weekdays from 23.00 to 7.00 on weekends from 00.00 to 12.00, namely, to go quietly, not to wake up the owner and not to shout in his ear, do not require devour not bite Master heels, do not tickle the mustache on his face, and in general, to behave as if the cat does not exist in nature;
- Realize their natural needs in strictly designated place Boss, otherwise referred to as Côte cattle and asshole and is responsible under this Agreement;
- Cat undertakes not to portray a hungry fainting, injured innocence and to Holocaust victims in the presence of guests, because they see it, and so a full bowl, fat cheeks and belly, as an actor, he nevazhnetsky;
- Eat everything put Boss Cat in a bowl, because the owner knows that Cat is useful and what is not, moreover, fresh veal tenderloin is very expensive;
- Not to leave bits of his fur, whiskers, claws and mats throughout the apartment, especially on his favorite black business suit Boss;
- Not sharpen claws on the back of the sofa, expensive furniture and other household items in a timely manner to remember that in the hallway waiting for the Cat kittens, personally made for the Cat Master;
- Not to run to the toilet and boom noisily dig, dropping the tray all that is bad in the aisles of the reach of cat paws, especially at this time owner gets dinner;
- At least sometimes to remember that cats are clean animals and lick themselves, and not to go their tails, showing the remnants of digested food, by the way, this is also about the carpet to wipe prohibited;
- Not to wake the Master melancholy howl in the night, even if suddenly the Cat was lonely, and dreamed of fluffy neighbor's cat;
- It does not try to tear the owner hands, face and other parts of the body, if the true owner of the Cat punishes. The punishment should endure Cat quietly and silently, pretending full of remorse on his face the face;
- Not to shit in the shower;
- NOT to shit in the shower !!!
2.4. The cat is entitled:
- The cat is not human, only one duty.
3. Responsibilities of the parties
3.1. If you violate Cat obligations imposed upon him by this Agreement, Cat carries civil, administrative and criminal liability.
3.2. The owner is not responsible, because it is always right.
3.3. The basis of liability is the cat an act is a violation of the obligations under this Agreement and the perfect Cat intentionally or through negligence.
3.4. Depending on the nature and degree of public danger of the act committed by the Cat, Cat responsible and liable for punishment, that is, as Master of coercion, the latest to Cat, found guilty, and concluded this Agreement as provided by deprivation or restriction of the rights and freedoms of the Cat. The penalty is applied in order to restore social justice, as well as to correct and prevent Kota further infringements.
3.5. Penalties:
- A reprimand;
- Public reprimand;
- Limiting food rations;
- Restriction of liberty;
- Imprisonment for a fixed term;
- Physical force;
- Lower the social status of a "family member" to "the beast" or "Asshole».
3.6. A reprimand is applied to the cat caught in shallow Skoda or attempting to commit a large Skoda, which for reasons beyond his control, he was unable to complete before the end;
3.7. Stigma is used in the commission of Cat socially dangerous acts such as spreading their hair throughout the apartments, public disorder night screaming, falling under the hot hand Cat Boss and simple, if the master in a bad mood;
3.8. Restricting food rations used in the commission of Cat socially dangerous act moderate and as a preventive measure in the commission of a serious offense in addition to restriction of liberty or imprisonment for a fixed term;
3.9. Restrictions on freedom applies in the case of the assassination Cat on serious crimes, such as theft and attempting to shit in the wrong place, as well as perform other Skoda, which can bring the Master to a white heat.
3.10. Imprisonment for a specified period is an extreme measure of responsibility, it is to isolate the convict Cat from society by placing him in a cage and ignoring all of his attempts to get out. Protesters cries Kota blanked soundproofing blanket covering the cells.
3.11. Physical measures such as clicking on the ears used to the cat caught in the act, for example, trying to shit in the shower. When you try to Kota escape from the crime scene, he is punished by throwing slipper if to get it in any other way is impossible.
3.12. Lowering the social status of the cat from "family member" to "the beast" and "Asshole" is in total disregard of the Cat, not naming it "Musechek" and "Pusechek", as well as the refusal Cat caresses, such a pat on the back and a scratch behind eyelet.
3.13. Making Puss especially dangerous state crimes such as terrorism, espionage, incitement to war or a coup d'etat, selling weapons of mass destruction, as well as genocide, ecocide and mercenary activities punishable under Russian and international laws. The owner is entitled to grant political asylum to the Cat.
4. Final provisions
4.1. The parties are relieved from liability for failure or improper performance of duties under this Agreement if such failure was caused by force majeure. Force majeure refers to circumstances occurring after the conclusion of this Agreement which the Parties could not have foreseen or avoided in a reasonable manner, in particular under the force majeure refers to natural disasters, acts of war, riots or other similar circumstances.
4.2. In case of force majeure has the right cat shit in the shower, or where it overtaken by force majeure, if he can not cope with their fears, or relieve stress in any other way.
4.3. The Agreement shall enter into force upon signature by the master and operates as long as one party is not completely dopechet other Party.
4.4. Agreement is made and signed in a single copy, and kept by the Master as Cat did not know how to read.
4.5. Addresses and details of the parties.
Posted in [mergetime] 1243964643 [/ mergetime]
ALL!))))))))))
Source: http: //
AGREEMENT
Cat and a host of cohabitation.
The owner in the face of (any of) individuals of the human race living at the address N-sk, ul. N-Sky, d. Takoyto number, apt. takayato, acting on the basis of the right of a strong and chief, hereinafter referred to as the text of the Agreement "boss" on the one hand and a cat, fat and arrogant, residing at Goodman, acting on the basis of sycophancy and dependents, hereinafter referred to as the text of the agreement "Puss" "beast" or "Asshole", on the other hand, collectively referred to as the "Parties", have concluded this Agreement as follows:
© deep_phoenix
1. Subject of the Agreement
The owner provides everything necessary for life and leisure skrashivaniya Cat and Cat agrees to behave approximately comply with the requirements of this Agreement and be responsible, provided immediately.
2. The rights and obligations of the parties.
2.1. The owner shall:
- At the expense of own and borrowed funds to provide food and cat drinking water at least three times a day, especially in the case of good behavior Kota reward him with a glass of valerian (sour cream, cheese, eggs - on holidays);
- To monitor the compliance of the Cat with EU standards and the requirements of SanPiN, if necessary, wash the cat permissions and security for zhyvotnyh means to wipe his soiled places (eyes, ears, ass) means for cleaning the optical axes, cut his nails, combing hair and scratching behind the ear ;
- Pay attention to the physical development of the Cat, playing with him in a cat-and-mouse for at least 15 minutes a day, to fly him to develop logic and imagination toys, namely, balls, plush mouse, personal computer;
- To provide access to all Cat nooks and crannies of the apartment, including the windowsill, kitchen, bedroom, toilet. In the case of abuse of Cat master's trust, access can be restricted, sometimes quite substantially;
- At the request of Kota to grant him a woman to provide him with a visit to the vet, and in the absence of contraindications, to arrange a date. Cognac, flowers, candy and an apartment paid for the Boss. All maintenance obligations Kota, if these appear after the meeting, the same shall be owner;
- To provide a place for the Cat spravleniya natural needs and keep it in order by assigning responsibility for cleaning 'for this asshole ».
2.2. The owner has the right to:
- The owner is always right about everything, all have the right and it is not discussed;
- The owner has the right to modify this Agreement at its discretion unilaterally;
.3. Cat obliged:
- To behave politely, reverently and respectfully against the owner and his stuff;
- To comply with a curfew on weekdays from 23.00 to 7.00 on weekends from 00.00 to 12.00, namely, to go quietly, not to wake up the owner and not to shout in his ear, do not require devour not bite Master heels, do not tickle the mustache on his face, and in general, to behave as if the cat does not exist in nature;
- Realize their natural needs in strictly designated place Boss, otherwise referred to as Côte cattle and asshole and is responsible under this Agreement;
- Cat undertakes not to portray a hungry fainting, injured innocence and to Holocaust victims in the presence of guests, because they see it, and so a full bowl, fat cheeks and belly, as an actor, he nevazhnetsky;
- Eat everything put Boss Cat in a bowl, because the owner knows that Cat is useful and what is not, moreover, fresh veal tenderloin is very expensive;
- Not to leave bits of his fur, whiskers, claws and mats throughout the apartment, especially on his favorite black business suit Boss;
- Not sharpen claws on the back of the sofa, expensive furniture and other household items in a timely manner to remember that in the hallway waiting for the Cat kittens, personally made for the Cat Master;
- Not to run to the toilet and boom noisily dig, dropping the tray all that is bad in the aisles of the reach of cat paws, especially at this time owner gets dinner;
- At least sometimes to remember that cats are clean animals and lick themselves, and not to go their tails, showing the remnants of digested food, by the way, this is also about the carpet to wipe prohibited;
- Not to wake the Master melancholy howl in the night, even if suddenly the Cat was lonely, and dreamed of fluffy neighbor's cat;
- It does not try to tear the owner hands, face and other parts of the body, if the true owner of the Cat punishes. The punishment should endure Cat quietly and silently, pretending full of remorse on his face the face;
- Not to shit in the shower;
- NOT to shit in the shower !!!
2.4. The cat is entitled:
- The cat is not human, only one duty.
3. Responsibilities of the parties
3.1. If you violate Cat obligations imposed upon him by this Agreement, Cat carries civil, administrative and criminal liability.
3.2. The owner is not responsible, because it is always right.
3.3. The basis of liability is the cat an act is a violation of the obligations under this Agreement and the perfect Cat intentionally or through negligence.
3.4. Depending on the nature and degree of public danger of the act committed by the Cat, Cat responsible and liable for punishment, that is, as Master of coercion, the latest to Cat, found guilty, and concluded this Agreement as provided by deprivation or restriction of the rights and freedoms of the Cat. The penalty is applied in order to restore social justice, as well as to correct and prevent Kota further infringements.
3.5. Penalties:
- A reprimand;
- Public reprimand;
- Limiting food rations;
- Restriction of liberty;
- Imprisonment for a fixed term;
- Physical force;
- Lower the social status of a "family member" to "the beast" or "Asshole».
3.6. A reprimand is applied to the cat caught in shallow Skoda or attempting to commit a large Skoda, which for reasons beyond his control, he was unable to complete before the end;
3.7. Stigma is used in the commission of Cat socially dangerous acts such as spreading their hair throughout the apartments, public disorder night screaming, falling under the hot hand Cat Boss and simple, if the master in a bad mood;
3.8. Restricting food rations used in the commission of Cat socially dangerous act moderate and as a preventive measure in the commission of a serious offense in addition to restriction of liberty or imprisonment for a fixed term;
3.9. Restrictions on freedom applies in the case of the assassination Cat on serious crimes, such as theft and attempting to shit in the wrong place, as well as perform other Skoda, which can bring the Master to a white heat.
3.10. Imprisonment for a specified period is an extreme measure of responsibility, it is to isolate the convict Cat from society by placing him in a cage and ignoring all of his attempts to get out. Protesters cries Kota blanked soundproofing blanket covering the cells.
3.11. Physical measures such as clicking on the ears used to the cat caught in the act, for example, trying to shit in the shower. When you try to Kota escape from the crime scene, he is punished by throwing slipper if to get it in any other way is impossible.
3.12. Lowering the social status of the cat from "family member" to "the beast" and "Asshole" is in total disregard of the Cat, not naming it "Musechek" and "Pusechek", as well as the refusal Cat caresses, such a pat on the back and a scratch behind eyelet.
3.13. Making Puss especially dangerous state crimes such as terrorism, espionage, incitement to war or a coup d'etat, selling weapons of mass destruction, as well as genocide, ecocide and mercenary activities punishable under Russian and international laws. The owner is entitled to grant political asylum to the Cat.
4. Final provisions
4.1. The parties are relieved from liability for failure or improper performance of duties under this Agreement if such failure was caused by force majeure. Force majeure refers to circumstances occurring after the conclusion of this Agreement which the Parties could not have foreseen or avoided in a reasonable manner, in particular under the force majeure refers to natural disasters, acts of war, riots or other similar circumstances.
4.2. In case of force majeure has the right cat shit in the shower, or where it overtaken by force majeure, if he can not cope with their fears, or relieve stress in any other way.
4.3. The Agreement shall enter into force upon signature by the master and operates as long as one party is not completely dopechet other Party.
4.4. Agreement is made and signed in a single copy, and kept by the Master as Cat did not know how to read.
4.5. Addresses and details of the parties.
Posted in [mergetime] 1243964643 [/ mergetime]
ALL!))))))))))
Source: http: //
