How often do we want to say something, but afraid? We are afraid that we don't think so, tastycat, laugh, wagged his finger at his temple. It's very scary, and we choose to remain silent. Quarrels, broken relationships, resentment, withdrawal "in English." And so many unspoken words can hurt and prevent you from moving on. But I found a way to escape.
How it all began
2015 was very difficult for me. The final move from Rostov to my hometown, starting a new business, severe duty, uncharted region, the stress, the constant "swing" mood. It was hard. So many experiments, like last year, I conducted over a never — was trying to heal itself and return to its normal positive state.
I knew that I should feel incredibly happy because God gave me wonderful parents, wonderful loved one, health, your business, free schedule, the opportunity to engage in favorite and interesting things. I live in a house near the river, breathe fresh air, eat natural foods, do sports. This is what I have so long sought and finally had the full right to breathe — all turned out as I wanted! But no, I suffered, stuck in their own whining and could not find the missing puzzle, which made me miserable.
In one of December evenings, clearing bins of laptop, I stumbled upon a folder with files of my students. And there's songs that we recorded on the recording Studio, playing at the time in a rock band. Memories came flooding back. It was the happiest time of my life — a loved one, favorite friends, favorite thing is writing music, a lot of free time and a minimum of "adult" responsibilities. Listening to our records, I cried and laughed, laughed and cried. That night I couldn't sleep — excited me. I finally realized one of the reasons their universal sadness: I don't have enough friends. Those who have been with me eight years of my life. When he left, I literally forced myself to believe that I don't need — so I tried to numb the pain of losing a close relationship.
That night I thought to hell with it all your fears! I'll write Frank a letter to each person that is important to me, and I will say what I think. Only the sincere, only the truth. Virtually confess. Thank everyone for the fact that he was in my life and gave me moments of happiness. Time for these letters turned up the right — New year's eve.
Of course, it was a huge challenge, because I have to focus crammed with fears of being rejected and misunderstood. Knowing their attraction to "kickbacks", I decided not to hesitate and act on emotions. Immediately made the list was twenty items. Parents, my boyfriend, best friend and former best friends, classmates, neighbors and many others. All those who changed me, helped in word or deed, sometimes without even knowing it.
I knew the day I call this idea idiotic and decide to do nothing. Will be embarrassed, scared, will hide in his shell. So that night I promised myself:I will write these letters no matter what. Enough to be afraid: "and suddenly he will answer, and suddenly say, and suddenly all ignore". The point is not in man and not in his reaction. It's me the most. I had to get rid of the past.
As I wrote
I set myself a deadline: all letters must be sent by December 31. Had less than a week.
The next night an iron effort, I forced myself to start writing. It was difficult, because all day brain managed to come up with a bunch of excuses and are already con the path of retreat. But I remembered the promise to myself and was determined to fulfill it.
The first three items on my list — mom, dad and young man. Maybe the letter for the family — this is unnecessary, because I'm with them all the time. But, on the other hand, they are the main and most beloved people in my life, and I worked so hard them talking about it. Especially the parents — for some reason, I find it a hard. In the letter I can Express what I want.Start with mom.
Wrote, for which I am grateful, what she taught me about the impact on my life. There was a feeling that I'm inside out. I with horror represent, as you give her that letter as she read it, what do you say... I have a hard time expressing tender and lyrical emotion in front of my parents, I felt a block in. Never cry when mom doesn't want her reassured me as a little girl — I'm a big and strong. Well, at least I think so.A letter to dad
was huge — there were many things unspoken. I dad very much, but often do not understand his actions. And all the things that I did not dare to speak to him personally, expressed in the letter. Several times I wept bitterly — emotions tore me up. All the good and not so good were published, and I felt a total purity in the soul.It was easier to just write my young man
— I always thank him for the huge positive influence on my life. The letter just helped to sort out.But when I started writing for former best friends, has been a real daze.
Imagine — you need to take the first step towards the people you love and miss me, but which no longer communicate. You broke up on a sour note and don't even know how they now feel about you. Suddenly despise, suddenly hate. They have their own life, and you have no place in it. And here is Frank's letter, and turning souls inside out. It was hard, but I made every possible effort. For inspiration have included our old songs and started. I didn't know to what extent it is necessary to undress, but tried to write all of that in mind and at heart. I must admit it was spectacular beyond comfort. The brain and all the insides were screaming — you don't need it, don't write, don't let that shit go! But, with clenched teeth, I continued, despite all the strikes.
Over the next few days I finished all the other messages. To each I have attached a couple of songs that were associated with the recipient, and in the Preface first asked to turn the music on and then read the message. As I got feedback
On the morning of 31 December I started to send emails. I felt satisfaction and anxiety at the same time. On the one hand — I did it! I did what I had planned, despite all the objective and not very reasons. I felt proud of myself — it always happens when you overcome the worst fears. On the other hand, I was afraid of — what shall you say? I tried to tell myself they are doing this just for your peace of mind, do not expect any reaction. Of course I was waiting for an answer, there is no need to prevaricate.
The first letter was received by the mother. After reading it, she came in tears and said that for the sake of these words and to live. Later, the message she read to her friends, despite my protests. Phew. The first was successful.
The Pope at the time was in the sanatorium, so I had to send a letter by e-mail. I was afraid of his reaction. Suddenly offended? Soon he called with words of gratitude and repeated several times that he is now a lot to take in. I felt a wild surprise in her voice.
One of the former best friends sent me the same email details. He told about his life in the two years that we did not communicate, and also wrote his memories about the time spent. I was very happy to read his thoughts about our friendship and the years gone by, although the letter had felt like he had changed. He is now a husband and father, not the light-hearted Jolly-Joker. Thinking is quite another. Yes, and my Outlook has undergone great changes over the last couple of years. To be honest, this letter I was released. Came to realize that any hatred, contempt and resentment are not. There are bright memories of the beautiful time, but it's all over.
The second former best friend did not answer. For a long time my message hung unread, and I still don't know he opened it or not. That letter was one of the most long — too much was left unsaid. Of course, I would very much like to let your friend know my thoughts, but I don't regret that I sent him a message. Now I know all do in the past. It is time to say "thank you" for our friendship, and to bury the memories of her.
Over time, all the others responded to my emails. Amazing — those people who, as I thought, I will answer attendant with the phrase or do not answer, gave the most positive feedback. Almost all wrote that surprised by this revelation, thank you. Some girls said that he cried from emotion. I felt incredibly happy. So much of communication with loved and dear to me, so many memories, so many kind words — it was a great gift to myself for the New year!
They gave me a letter of thanks
I'm very glad I overcame myself and still sent those messages. But it was not easy! I felt a bit uncomfortable and the days are literally forced myself to write. I was constantly chewing on cockroaches — "Why are you doing this?! You've got nothing to do? Sit down and shut up! What are you doing to people? You don't need them, they don't love you and do not want to remember!" But I'm happy I did not listen to these voices and finally made plans.Draft letters gave me a great deal:
- I overcame the fear to Express their opinion. I realize this now, looking back over the past three months. Practice with letters like pumped me the function of "fearlessness".
- I have received feedback and discovered many new things. Most helpful was a letter from classmate. I thanked him for what he helped me to settle into a new team and feel a little more confident. Told what notorious was all 5 years of study and was afraid once again to Express their point of view. He answered surprised by my admission: "You always seemed like the one who knows her worth and there will be none to look in the mouth". Maybe it's for effect wrote? But to know his opinion it was very nice. It turned out that the fears of all my years of study at the University was far-fetched! I ruined your life with your own insecurity, cockroaches and a constant feeling of universal hatred. Through this letter, I received a release from the complexes and old grudges on myself.
- I am happy that I brought joy and a little happiness to the people I cherish. It is always nice to hear about yourself good things and to know how you changed the life of another for the better.
- I once again realized: any meeting is not accidental. Every person on my life's journey taught me something. Even stranger with whom I exchanged a couple of words that might leave a mark in my history. What can we say about those who have been with me for a long time.
- I realized how important it is to have time to say. In March of this year all of a sudden passed away, my close friend. The letter was one of the longest — because she taught me so much! Friendship, generosity, care for our loved ones, the kindness... And I'm so glad that he managed to tell her I loved her and how grateful she is for everything. I ask you — have time to talk!
- I was surprised to find: don't hate me! Of the twenty people did not answer me only one — and it is also a result, also the output. No I was not offended, did not say nasty things — were some only have words of gratitude.
- I felt relieved. No, I will say more — I feel like I'm born again! The situation, which weighed heavily on me and would not let go, finally resolved. I realized that old friends should be left in the past. Thank you for what they did a few years of my life happy and to let go. We went our separate ways, everyone has their own way. And all everything went fine — exactly as it should. No regrets. I realized that friends we will no longer: changed interests, priorities and environment. The only point of contact is past relationships. And for the past to stay.
The main result of the project with letters of gratitude is the understanding: no need to wait and afraid
. Say, confess, do not be afraid to make the first move. Pride is so stupid.
Life is too unpredictable. Better to force yourself to say it now than to bite his elbows in the future, without having to confess. Yes, it's terribly scary, but stepping through the fear, you know — it was worth it.published
Author: Olga Topilin
Also interesting: How life changes when you stop waiting Life SOLO: 4 myth of loneliness
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
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