It's time you had to accept the fact that in this world nothing is eternal. Time runs away like sand through his fingers, and we can not bring back anything. This is the tragedy and the beauty of life. Nothing is impossible to keep, so you start to appreciate everything that you've got a double.
Everyone, sooner or later destined to leave this world. Someone goes first. And the one who was, at times extremely difficult to survive the loss of a loved one. The death of a loved one leaves no doubt on the heart wound, which even time does not heal.
Right lump in my throat and tears rolled his eyes ...
Death is always unexpected. Even the terminally ill are hoping that they will die if not today. Maybe a week. But certainly not now and not today.
My father's death was even more unexpected. He retired at age 27. He was young, too young. My father was not a musician or a famous person. Cancer does not choose its victims. He's gone, I was 8 years old - and I was old enough to miss him the rest of his life. If he had died before, I do not have to memories of his father, and I would not feel any pain, but then, in fact, I would not have the pope. And yet I remember it ... And because I had a father.
If he was alive, he would encourage me jokes could kiss me on the forehead before I fell asleep, made to me rooting for the same football team for which sick himself, and would explain some things much better than my mother. < br />
He never told me he was going to die. Even when he was lying in a hospital bed with tubes all over his body, he did not say a word. My father made plans for next year, although he knew that he will not be around next month. Next year we'll go fishing, travel and visit places that have never been. Next year will be awesome. That is what we dreamed of.
I think he believed that this attitude attract good luck to me. Plan for the future was a kind of way to preserve hope. It made me smile until the very end. He knew what would happen, but did not say - he did not want to see my tears.
One day, my mother suddenly took me out of school, and we went to the hospital. The doctor told the sad news with all the delicacy for which only he was capable. My mother was crying, because she still remained a tiny hope. I was shocked. What does it mean? It was not that another disease, which doctors can easily be cured? I felt betrayed. I shouted in anger, but then I realized that my father is no longer around. And I, too, began to cry.
Then something happened. To me all of a sudden with a box under his arm came a nurse. This box was filled with a sealed envelope with some notes instead of the address. Then the nurse handed me one single letter of the box.
«Your father asked me to give you this box. He spent the whole week, while writing them, and I would like you to read today's first letter. Be strong! » I> - she said.
On the envelope was written "When I'm gone." I opened it.
«My dear son, i>
If you're reading this, it means I'm dead. I'm sorry. I knew I was going to die. I>
I do not want to tell you what will happen, I do not want you to cry. I decided. I think that the person who is going to die, has the right to act a little selfish. I>
I still have a lot to teach you. In the end, you do not know a damn thing. So I wrote you those letters. Do not open them until the right moment, will you? This is our dealings with you. I>
I love you. Take care of my mother. Now you're a man in the house. I>
I love you, Dad. i>
PS: I wrote letters to my mother. She's got my car ». I>
His crooked letter, I could barely make out, calmed me down, forced smile. This is such an interesting thing came up with my father.
This box was the most important in the world for me. I told my mother that she did not open it. Letters were mine, and no one else could read them. I memorized the names of all the envelopes that I had yet to discover. But it took time to these moments arrived. And I forgot all about the letters.
Seven years later, after we moved to a new place, I had no idea what had happened to the box. I'm just out of my head, where it can be. Yes, and I'm not very much and was looking for her. Until there was one ...
Mom never got married again. I do not know why, but I like to believe that my father was the love of her life. At the time, she had a man who was not worth anything. I thought that it humbles himself met him. He did not respect her. She deserved someone better than a man, whom she met in a bar.
I still remember the slap in the face, she slapped me when I said the word "bar." I admit that I deserved it. When my skin is still burning from the slap in the face, I remembered the box of letters, but rather a specific letter, which was called "When You happen to my mother the most grandiose quarrel».
I searched his room and found a box inside a suitcase lying on top of the wardrobe. I looked at the envelopes, and realized that he had forgotten to open the envelope with the words "When you have the first kiss." I hated myself for it and decided to open it later. I finally found what I was looking for.
«Now, apologize to her. i>
I do not know why you had a fight and I do not know who is right. But I know your mother. Just apologize and it will be the best. I>
It's your mother. She loves you more than anything in this world. Do you know that she gave birth in a natural way, because someone told her that it would be better for you? Have you ever seen how a woman gives birth? Or do you need more proof of love? I>
Sorry. She'll forgive you. I>
I love you, Dad ». i>
My father was not a great writer, he was a simple bank clerk. But his words had a great impact on me. These were the words that carry more wisdom than all put together over 15 years of my life at that time.
I rushed to his mother's room and opened the door. I cried when she turned to look me in the eye. I remember I went to her, holding a letter that was written by my father. She hugged me, and we both stood in silence.
We made it up and talked about it. Somehow, I felt that he was sitting next to us. I, my mother and my father a piece, a piece that he left for us on paper.
It was not long before I read the envelope "When you lose your virginity».
«Congratulations, son. i>
Do not worry, over time will be better. The first time is always scary. My first time there was a plain woman, who, moreover, was a prostitute. I>
My biggest fear is that you ask mom what her virginity after you read this word. i>
I love you, Dad ». i>
My father followed me through my whole life. He was with me, even though that is long dead. His words did what no one else could have done: They gave me the strength to overcome countless difficulties in my life. He always knew how to make me smile when everything looked bleak, helped clear the mind in moments of anger.
The letter "When you get married" very excited me. But not so much as a letter "When you become a father».
«Now you'll know what real love is, son. You'll know how much you love her, but true love - that's what you feel for this little creature beside you. I do not know boy or a girl. I>
But ... have fun. Now time will rush at the speed of light, so stay close. Do not miss a moment they will never return. Change diapers, bathe the child, whether a role model. I think you have everything to be as great father, what was I ». I>
The most painful letter I've ever read, it was also the shortest of those that my father wrote to me. I am sure, at the time when he wrote these three words, my father suffered in the same way as I do. It took a while, but in the end, I opened the envelope, "When your mother dies».
«It is now my». i>
Joker! It was the only letter that does not bring a smile to my face.
I always keep promises and never read messages ahead of time. With the exception of the letter "If you realize that you're gay." It was one of the most amusing letters.
«What can I say? I am glad that I was dead. I>
Jokes aside, but on the verge of death, I realized that we care too much about things that do not matter much. Do you think it will change anything, son? I>
Do not be silly. I am happy ». I>
I'm always waiting for the next moment, the next letter - another lesson that my father teach me. It's amazing what 27-year-old man can teach 85-year-old man, whom I have become.
Now, when I'm lying in a hospital bed with tubes in his nose and throat because of this accursed cancer, I drive fingers on the faded paper, the only letter that has not had time to open. The sentence "When your time comes," barely read on the envelope.
I do not want to open it. I'm afraid. I refuse to believe that my time is near. No one believes that one will die.
I take a deep breath, opened the envelope.
«Hello, son. I hope that you are an old man. I>
You know, it's a letter I wrote the first and it was given to me all the easier. This letter, which freed me from the pain of losing you. I think that the mind is clearer when you're so close to the end. It is easier to talk about it. I>
The last days here I was thinking about my life. It was a short but very happy. I was your father, and your mother's husband. What more could I ask for? It gave me peace of mind. Now you do the same. I>
My advice to you: do not be afraid. i>
PS: I miss you ». i>
The priceless gift of a lifetime ... It is more expensive than any heritage. To what needed to be wise in the 27 years to think about all the details! If this tearjerker found an echo in your heart, tell me about it to his companions.