Are you aware that in its extreme point, this condition is extremely dangerous?
When the child feels some vital needs (food, attention, care, love, etc.), which he is unable to satisfy himself, he calls for help.
The baby's cry attracted the attention of the mother and expecting her to come and give what he needs. If the mother does not come (or does not), the child will feel, as the need becomes sharper and sharper, and will cry and scream is stronger: the need itself will not disappear. If you ignore his need of food and care, the child simply will not survive.
Results unmet needs for love are not so obvious, because be killed immediately. The need for love is the strongest human need.
And if the child so no one comes, he, of course, will cease to scream and cry, but not from the fact that the demand miraculously disappeared, and from exhaustion. Child powerlessness and despair, he suffers, and he comes to his senses that his need cannot be satisfied never by anyone and in any way.
He begins to look for the source of the suffering
, and finds: it is his own desires
, and the more he wants, the more he will suffer.So begins the path of "getting rid of desires".
He learns to forget about his feelings and needs. To escape from pain and frustration, the child will diligently study: children with early achievements, the early intellectual progress (in 2-3-4 years they begin to read and count). He is characterized by self-blame. The belief "I'm not like that", "I'm not good enough" is fueled by the inability to send your mother's anger because she, for example, left in a manger and left. In fact, it directs the anger addressed to mothers, on yourself. "She left not because she was bad (mom may not be bad), she left because I'm bad and don't deserve love." He very early learns to justify ("to understand") other: "she left because she had to earn money, and I have no right to ask her to be with me."
And then in adulthood we have:
1. "I don't know what I want."
"I want you to tell me what I want." The inability to spend money and other resources. Belief in his unworthiness, the best terms, the best clothes, the best works. A lot of altruism, the desire to care for others. (The person unconsciously makes others what he needs).
2. "I don't know what I feel."
Forgotten how long ago... They are so insensitive that is constantly recycled, overworked to exhaustion.
3. "I have no right to ask, to demand,
even to want something from other people, especially those who are valuable to me". ("I even know why they told me it will not give: they have their Affairs and interests, they are not to me"). "I am worthless", "nobody loves Me". (It's impossible to believe).
4. The strongest fear of rejection,
hence – simultaneously – demonstrating independence (as compensatory behaviour) and selflessly sticking to the man. So some of this is fear of a repetition of early childhood rejection, "acceptance", "non-love".
5. "I'm not mad, I'm good".
"If something goes wrong, it's my fault". Fear to produce negative feelings. Self-blame and a lot of negative beliefs about yourself. And beneath it all, the fear of feelings, fear, anger, and a lot of despair; the strongest struggle between the impulses of love and hate.
This description of a depressed person. His 2 main issues:
1) chronic frustration of needs
2) inability to direct their anger outward, restraining him, and with it the control and all the warm feelings with each passing year make it more and more archiveusers: whatever he made, it's not getting better, on the contrary, only worse. The reason it makes a lot, but not that.
If nothing is done, then, over time, or a person "burn" at work, loading up more and more until complete exhaustion; or his own I will be emptied and impoverish appear unbearable self-hatred, refusal of self-care in the future — even from zamogilie.
Man becomes like a house from which the bailiffs made furniture.
Against the backdrop of hopelessness, despair and exhaustion no energy even thinking.
Complete loss of the ability to love. He wants to live but is starting to die: disturbed sleep, metabolism...
Difficult to understand — what it lacks, precisely because we are not talking about deprivation of the possession of someone or something. On the contrary — his possess deprivation, and he was not able to understand what they're missing. Lost is own self He cannot bear is painful and empty and he can't even put it into words.This is neurotic depression
. All can be prevented, not to lead to such a result.
If you recognize yourself in the description, and want to change something, you need to learn two things:
1. Learn the following by heart and repeat it all the time until you learn how to use the results of these new beliefs:
- I have a right to demand. I am and I am me.
- I have the right to need and to meet the needs.
- I have the right to ask about the meeting, the right to achieve what they need.
- I have the right to yearn for love and to love others.
- I have a right to a decent life.
- I have the right to Express dissatisfaction.
- I have a right to pity and sympathy.
- ... by birth.
- I can get a waiver. I can be one.
- I take care of myself anyway.
I want to draw the attention of my readers to the fact that the task "learn the text" not an end in itself. Auditory training alone will not give any sustainable results. Every sentence it is important to live, to feel, to find her confirmation in life. It is important that people wanted to believe that the world can be arranged somehow differently, and not just the way he used to imagine. From him, from his ideas about the world and about ourselves in this world determines how he will live this life. But this phrase is just an excuse for reflection, thinking and the search for new "truths".
2. To learn to channel the aggression on those to whom it is addressed actually.
...then there will be the opportunity to experience and to Express feelings. Realize that anger is not destructive, and can be made.
How to spot early signs of depression in others
If you think that people with depressive character looks sad, or whines and complains all the time, it does not. Often (especially at a young age) this is a very nice, helpful, communicative and charming person. He rarely gets offended, he was all happy. He'll find a way to justify the misdeeds of others.
Also interesting: the Creators of personal catastrophes: stop messing with old wounds The classification of the "meaning" of life
The true criterion is simple:
if he is close to you, you will never hear from him direct demands love and attention, the requirements to stay if you leave, requirements to change your plans, if you want something not what he expected. From your sincere declarations of love he will either run away (to devalue, ignore, ignore, cleverly reject), or cry if escape will not work. Because it is very painful to realize how much he needs love, which for so long no. How long has the world "needs" him love...posted
Author: Victoria Pekarskaya
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©