What is child theft?
Conscious or unconscious violation of the boundaries of other people.
The illegal invasion of their space and usurping their property.
Way to tell us adults about any troubles.
A way to deal with the consequences of some injury.
The ability to get what other way not to.
Eighty one million eight hundred fifty nine thousand two hundred thirteen
You should pay attention to?
What are common causes for this behavior?
- Someone — a family member, or the school system, child stealing, and sent a message to the child.
- That's what it takes and how to spend stolen money? This would indicate some kind of deficit, expressed symbolically.
- How long has he been doing this? If a long time, the family has a certain "blindness" does not notice carefully the complexities, fears with them to deal with. It is a way of the child "open the eyes" of the system.
- The family has no clear boundaries, what is possible and impossible for all family members, including adults.
- Adults are often illegal and violate the child's boundaries.
- The child was something deprived: children the child, a foster child, in some other way abandoned older child.
- Family has very strict rules, and the child is deprived of the opportunity to meet some of your needs — legal way to get what you need, impossible.
- In the family and the child is not formed, confuse "their" and "theirs." The child is not taught the skills to ask and negotiate.
- The child had formed a serious addiction — gambling, alcohol, drug, which is also a violation of the functioning of the family system.
Thirty nine million forty five thousand two hundred eighteen
What not to do in case of detection of theft?
- To pretend that nothing happened.
It is important to call a spade a spade and say: "You took money from your mum, that's stealing. You can't do it. This crime.»
- To declare a child a thief. It is the child who committed the theft. It is an act that is a signal for the family, correct to respond: "You have committed a serious misconduct".
In most cases, this is unconscious choice of the child. Not applicable criminal or administrative liability (under 14 years). For stealing the child before the law, meet the parents, because they are the ones who indirectly contributed to this.
- To punish the child more than the offense.
In verhnekamskiy parents are often all the responsibility for wrongdoing by blaming the child and not take your. They teach the same — how not to take responsibility for his actions. Adult position: "We need to understand why it happened."
- To leave the incident without consequences.
A healthy child has a moral compass. If he did not suffer a reasonable penalty and somehow didn't compensate the damage, within its possibilities, it can feel long and hard to blame. What can an adult say: "it happens, we all make mistakes, often through ignorance or because they do not think about the consequences. Let's see how you can repair the damage that you inflicted this act".Why?
Exposing the misconduct and its consequences has largely evoke shame. When a child's parent is too shame, he was so way released from their own shame and responsibility for the incident and "loads" them with the other. So there is reluctance to help the child that will help to understand the reasons for the action, and a desire to intimidate or to embarrass — there "to teach it in the future." This symptom goes inward, and a child just to hide the consequences of theft, or symptom is converted to another.Why?
Much of the responsibility belongs to the family, adults. It is important to highlight their wines. Family is good to take responsibility for their own dysfunctional violations, violation of borders and the incompleteness of adequate norms and regulations, that is, the causes of action. The child takes responsibility for the fact of their behavior.
- Confined to the punishment, pristegivaniem or intimidation.
This is a symptom of some trouble, and it is to deal with the whole family or with the help of a psychologist.
- To think that now is forever "tainted" the child and couldn't trust him.
If you treat this as a problem and all together accomplish it, then the incident will be simply an episode in his life, a complex event in which his family had come to his aid. If you think that to blame your "bad" child, he can continue to unknowingly confirm a given label.What to do if you find baby's things did not buy, or the loss of money?
- To ask where things are, whose, under what circumstances was the child.
- Say you found some money missing and I think that took their child.
- In the case of detection of theft to calm down and not to panic.
- Ask whether the child is aware that he has committed a serious offense.
- To call it stealing, violating other people's boundaries, rules and law.
- To say that we need to understand the entire family.
- To process your own feelings of shock, disappointment, shame, anger, fear, anxiety.
- To discuss the consequences of theft and damages.
- To deal with the root causes.
- To help the child to organize reparation — perhaps together with family.
Seventy million seven hundred seventy five thousand four hundred sixHow to deal with prevention of child theft?
- Correct to do with the boundaries of all family members ("It's Vanina toys, you can't take them if he won't let", "If you want to take, you need to ask"). Accordingly, if you adults take something from your child, you also ask. You demand without not climb into his briefcase, diaries, pages, networks, email. Especially if the child doesn't want you to start up. The idea of "I just want to make sure he's all right" is not a reason. If you do it for that reason, you have a problem. Your child will trust, and you need to appease your parental anxiety, break the boundaries of your child than teach him the same.
- Openly discuss difficulties in the family. "Come on grandmother let's say, and then she'll get upset", "don't tell dad he will get angry" — if you are hiding something, then you teach the child to hide or do something illegal.
- Give your child the opportunity to get your attention, involvement, and meet important needs for him. If you don't pay attention to the child, and he is interested in you is only functional if he did lessons, swept the floor, went into the music, then the child will look for opportunities to involve you in their problems. Parents do not need to meet all children's wishes on the first call.
- The child is expected to meet the following: go towards him and give what he asks; refuse, but he can explain how important it is to him what he wants, and agree; refuse, and he will have to accept this refusal, it is desirable to separate his feelings. If there is no way to get what you really need, the mind is always looking for workarounds.
- To help in exploring past traumas, dealing with the severe lack and deprivation. Obtained even in early infancy trauma, the child might not remember — without consideration remains in the unconscious of the child and can be played under any circumstances in order for it drew attention and helped the injured to work and close.
whatever happens, children and other family members should not be subjected to violence, rejection, scorn, "the exile": "you're not our daughter now, go away!". All this only reinforces the trauma. You're family, and you adults, and your task is to help someone who is just beginning to live. published
Author: Irina Mlodik
Sucking fingers, bite his nails. The reasoning of the therapistEducation of honesty: the best books for children
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©