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It is interesting to compare Western and Asian (e.g., Chinese) tradition of education: they vary considerably.
Western parents are not fanatical in the education of children, parenting them is not necessary in the first place, and most importantly, they believe that children do not owe anything to their parents. "Children do not choose their parents. Parents give them life, and so are obliged to help them. But children do not have parents, they will only have their children".
Asian parents obsessed with their children and are willing to do everything for them. Classes with their children, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times more time in a day than Western parents. However, in exchange, Chinese mothers believe that their children owe them almost everything. "Parents are the ones who gave you life. Parents – those who have dedicated you life. The parents of the child is sacred, and no matter how much the kids did for their parents, they never paid me in full before them. The duty of child to obey his parents and make them proud of their achievements".
Western parents want to raise a child free person with independent interests. They believe that children have a right to their own elections, respect elections and children considered undesirable to impose on them what they do not want. Asian parents know what their children need it, and deliberately lead their children towards these goals. The Chinese believe that the best protection of children is preparing for a harsh future, awareness of their forces and weapons such skills, habits and self esteem that nobody can take away.
Chinese mom would never let their daughters to sleepovers (why?) not allowed to have friends (early!), forbidden to participate in school plays (this is mischief) and to complain that they are not allowed to participate in school plays (what?!). Chinese mother will decide what electives need my daughter or son and will not allow them any activities that distract children from what they now need to be addressed. It is clear that the child will not be hits TV series and talk Vkontakte...
Asian tradition of education is education for rigor where there is schooling to discipline and prohibits everything that is not serving the purpose of education. The Western tradition of education is to support the election of their own child and creating a favorable environment for its development.
Normal West's mother is considered very strict, if you give to play computer games not more than an hour or forcing your child to study music for half an hour a day. Chinese mom banned computer games completely and believes music lessons seriously only if they last for two to three hours daily.
The Asian system of education is a mode of the maximum loads. West – respect for the child.
In one study, which involved 50 American mothers and 48 immigrant mothers from China, about 70% of the Western mothers said that "to require children of outstanding academic success is not good" and that "parents should try to make learning fun". Chinese mothers, by contrast, said that their children should be "better learners" and that "academic success reflect a proper upbringing." If the child is not learning, this is a mistake of parents who "are not doing their job".
Western parents are very concerned about the self-esteem of their children and the worry that can survive their child, because the children's psyche, in their opinion, is very fragile. In the tradition of Western education is considered a mandatory understanding and supporting children in their difficulties, making sure not to overload children, attention and care not to cause them psychological trauma negative and the more harsh assessments. Asian parents, by contrast, involve their children in strength, not fragility, and ready to demand from children of good results, very directly expressing their assessment of the successes and failures.
Western parents can only ask that the child tried to make "the best that he can work." Oriental mother would say: "You're lazy, all your classmates beat you". If a child brought home a "five with a minus" for a test, a Western parent will most likely praise it. Asian mother in this situation would be horrified and ask what happened.
Even if Western parents expressing disapproval of the child for poor school, they will try to make it so that the child does not feel discomfort; they do not call him "stupid" or "lazy". Between the Western parents may worry that the child is not a very good student, explaining that he might not like the subject, or maybe the schedule of classes is bad, or even the whole school is bad. If assessment of the child does not improve, the Western parents may go to complain to the headmaster on the wrong programme or unqualified teachers.
Differently behave Asian parents. If Asian child will come home with a "b", it will be perceived as force majeure, after which the mother will take dozens or even hundreds of tasks on the subject and will exercise with the child until, until he will receive "five". Asian parents believe that the best motivation for the child — his real successes, and the desire to do something comes after the fact that the child begins any business to do well. To the child had the motivation, they do not praise him no way, and require the child to learn the right thing to do as it should. They proceed from the fact that the child begins to like what he learned to do perfectly!
How are we going to summarize?
Here we need to note that Western education has not always been this: modern Western education, namely education in the style of modern humanism – the invention is quite recent, widely spread only with the 60-ies of XX century. References to the fact that Europe is ahead of Asia, so European pedagogy is stronger – not working: Europe overtook Asia, while she raised children differently. And today, you know? – Asia begins to increasingly overtake Europe: not because Asia has changed, and because Europe was a different...
I will not hide, my sympathy is on the side of the Chinese mom. I am convinced that the Western tradition of education have placed too much roll in the direction of "save" in the direction "to create comfort and mental life", in the direction of mesocenozoic and separate, forgetting about the need to prepare the child for life, the need for parenting discipline, parenting volitional qualities, ability to keep stress and overcome difficulties. Talk about the vulnerability of the psyche of the children — stupidity, people in principle can do much more than think of themselves: the experience of sporting achievements this gives many convincing illustrations. In addition, when the child actually becomes the head of the family, telling the parents what he likes and what he now discomfort in the perspective of such a child nothing good will come out.
However, I do not think it is possible to yell at the kids (a Chinese mom it affords), insults and obscenities to me in principle banned (in Chinese families look at it easier), and, most importantly, I believe in the intelligence of my children, or rather in the possibility of the development of their mind. And for this children need to talk, to speak seriously, and to negotiate with them, accustoming them to turn your head and use your own mind.
It seems that the ideal would be a combination of Western and Asian style. What might it look like? Try to draw this picture...
Direction of family life, like children, must ask father: strict, but attentive. Mom and dad consulted took into account the characteristics of the child and his addiction, then the father says what will happen, and his word is law. In this current atmosphere of families sets a warm and caring mother, balancing the rigidity of the father, adds to the requirements of the discipline, the understanding of love. Also and school. Primary school should be rigorous, and the requirements there needs to be serious, as at Eton and other British schools. However, having done all the lessons (of course, in fine), the child can run for the electives chooses, and let there be an atmosphere of freedom and warmth.
Reasonable discipline is necessary and mandatory. The main thesis: all that makes sense. And what you want, but rather pointless — let it be banned.
To play in the school theater small role of the second plan is a waste of time, but if your children are in the school theater on the first roles in great plays — it's wonderful. Parties as a way of life — not the case, and to go to a party every few months — rather helpful, it is important for the adolescent experience. To go to the cult film four times — silly, but to look at once — OK to not be in class quite a black sheep. Similarly and sport: what sport is mandatory — it is not discussed, what sport specifically — the parents decide together.
Another thing that is so hard to only bring up since childhood. If a normal Western child, brought up in a hothouse environment and habit, suddenly to formulate these stringent requirements, the result will be only a nuclear war and nothing good. Better to explain to children a new direction of family life and continue to act slowly, but methodically.
Don't need children to feel sorry for: their children need to trust and love them, rejoicing in their successes again and again, showing them all large requirements.