Experience is something parents and children should share with each other
The child - not the person. It is defective, stupid, little, nothing in life understands for himself can not answer. Every child needs a owner who will show him who to be, what to love and what to want. "Yash, go home! What, mom, I'm cold? No, you're hungry!" what seems to be a joke, in reality, is a sad norm of parent-child relationships.
Such education makes children and parents enemies. Such education hurts people, because children, it turns out, are people too! This idea is defended Russian writer, playwright, journalist and TV presenter Andrey Maksimov
in his book "Parents as enemies."
The book is written rather harshly - very openly and even angrily. But this makes it very dynamic, read in one breath. It is built as answers to frequently asked parents questions, and everyone will find those topics that are particularly painful. I love you, so...
And I want to continue "... so we beat". This, fortunately, happens infrequently. But, nevertheless, it is this "argument" is often cited to justify the whole philosophy of domestic violence. But violence is not just beating.Much more so "loving" mothers justify blatant psychological violence, abuse, humiliation and manipulation to what the child did right.
I love you, I love you so regularly criticize. I love you, care about your future, so you don't draw, and going to law school. I love you, so I'll be over you viciously make fun of, so you know your place. Sound familiar? With such "love" Andrey Maksimov strongly disagree. He is sure that so say and do "parents are enemies."Parents-enemies - the ones who loves himself more than the child;
who sees in its children property; who is convinced that the child is always the baby who is not entitled to his point of view; who does not notice in the little man's identity and impose his own view of the world; who is not just able to listen to their children, and does not see any sense in this; the child who wants to order and doesn't want to talk to him.
Andrey Maksimov said that the attitude to children in society also evolved from conventional Spartan to the days when merchants had their quarters away, so the children are not annoying. In General, the trend is clear. But even today, not all parents are willing to live with the idea that the child is human. And that relationship with the child is not training a wild animal, and above all a deep personal relationship between two people.Where it is necessary to listen, speak, where you have to respect that.
Because - why?
Pedagogy refers to children as aliens, but not people... it's such a "science" that talks about how people bring up sub-humans.
The author is categorically against such an approach, in which "mom is smarter". But this is the basis of any pedagogy! This philosophy is the basis of the daily petty humiliations that are subjected to subhuman children.
I saw a mother with her ten year old son bought ice cream. The boy wanted vanilla, but my mom said that chocolate tastes better, and bought some chocolate.
With such "trifles" begins an illusory feeling of being a mother better than the child knows how to live.
Some children start believing that their desires and needs what is wrong, and constantly live in a bifurcated world. Others openly rebel against such violence — the only convince the parents that "it must be harder, it better be!". So the parents of the child "as if" love. And then wonder why that child rebels against such "love"?
My book is addressed to those who destroy life and the fate of their children, citing a love for them. This they have divided our world as though for the two clubs. Club smart, responsible (ha), thinking (ha-ha-ha three times), decision-makers, effective adults. And the club is silly, does not understand and is incapable idiots who have to constantly monitor and educate children.
Love, said Andrei Maximov, it's not when you're torturing your own child, because we need not: "love is the ability to put yourself in the place of the child."
Do as I say! And without further ADO!
Parents are convinced that children are obliged to obey them always and in everything simply because they are parents.
But if you don't listen — it means "difficult children"! Although psychologists in unison assert that when the family "difficult children", therapy required in 90% of cases the child's parents.
To teach them, including talking to their own children and understand them. Parents that initially did not really want to learn. And why? Because "order is easier than to talk." Why change something, if I as a parent have the right to order? Especially since I know better what's what.
If the child is afraid of father and mother; if he hides from them the events of his life; if he does not dare to discuss with them a serious problem; if he is afraid to ask parents for advice, knowing that he is sure to blame - what kind of credibility are you talking about? You think that your strict authority will help the child get better?... What if you, even by force, will guide him the right way, it quickly comes to a place where happiness? Error. Here's what scientists think about this: "Children with parents with a warm and equal relationship, showed accelerated intellectual development (ten times), creativity, emotional security and control... Although in the beginning their social development was slow, by school age they became popular, friendly, non-aggressive leaders."That is, to spur their child's early development, as a stick, chasing him with reproaches and insults towards a bright future means to get the unfortunate neurotic, not a successful leader.There is a word - right!
Parents often complain that their child impassable lazy and only does that hangs out in social networks. But laziness is a normal reaction of a child when he's being forced to do something he did not want to do and what he does not see any sense.
To motivate, to explain, not to tell - that of the parents tight. Even worse, in order to understand, and that is really interesting to the child? What he wants, not just "necessary"? It is necessary - it is after all only so from the point of view of a parent.
We seriously believe that we are wiser and stronger than God... We rarely argue about what needs to develop in the child the fact that he is already the Lord has given.
In this, not taming, sees the main task of the parent. And if to solve a problem with the laziness will disappear by itself.
No computer is able to beat the true passion of your child.
Of course, Andrey Maksimov with great skepticism refers to the modern Russian school (actually, who it now in the rapture?).
Most "well" put the learner that can accurately replicate the section in the textbook or the teacher's words. Our education system is such that the student is able to think paradoxically or especially having the audacity to contradict the teacher, is unlikely to become an excellent student.
The school educates its students rather the quality of a servant, and not of the Creator, fear of evaluation, subservience, fear to Express own opinion.
It logically follows that most children only dream to not have to go to school tomorrow. The most talented, active, bold, independent — school issues. They are hard or soft who opposed them were treated as sub-humans - and fighting with the school.
The trouble is, if in this battle the parents are stand on the side of the school. In this case, they will certainly become your child's enemies.Behave.
In fact, the secret desire of most parents (which they are looking for the teaching methods) - it is not that the child has been successful, and to sit quietly and shone.Saying "good child", "the educated child", we often mean "easy child".
But the real task of the parent is to make your child uncomfortable, and this discomfort gift. If it can't do the parents, the child will grow up insecure, uptight, unfulfilled, unhappy man.
Beautiful soil for the emergence of low self-esteem constant fear of the child before the parent rating.
How does the child appreciate the parents? That was worse than others. To was normal. And no one asks the question - should we all be normal?
The norm is not what is always good. The norm is something more... the Norm is not the result quality. It is the result of the comparison.
The parents want the child received a prestigious profession, but don't ask yourself the question - why? That was better than the other? Money, car, apartment... and then what?
We all want our child created a family of love. However, we do not have anything against it, if the work he finds by calculation... the Choice of vocation is not a choice material well-being and happiness.
But unfortunately, most adults themselves are only doing it to compare myself with the norm and want to be "the Joneses". They work on unloved work, counting the hours until the end of the day. On their own purposes and needs of these adults do not think about. The big question is, what these parents can teach their children.
Often we want to give children experience happy enough or simply unhappy with their own lives... Why education, if it brings the child happiness?
It is not surprising that the child, in whom the divine spark has not yet crushed by social stigma from such a "valuable" parental experience and this education all the forces otbrykivatsya.
Experience is not what adults should give a child. Experience is something parents and children should share with each other.
By the way, why the author believes that the child should talk about their problems. But if you are not with the child outright, not wanting to seem weak, then how can we expect candor in return?What do you know!
Andrey Maksimov sure to listen and hear children should including because they can teach us very important things, which wise adults completely forget. He quotes the words of the Swiss educator Johann Pestalozzi: "the more man distances himself from nature, the more numb by the day-to-day secular tone, the more exemplary he prepared to worldly play of light, its insignificance and depravity... the more is destroyed in a person's susceptibility to all that is pure and deep that comes from human nature".
We rarely think about the fact that, in essence, the way any person is the path of deterioration: the road from God to society.
There is a strange idea that children this sort of debt to society, which we must fulfill with mournful faces. And that need, to sculpt this unruly material of a citizen of the Fatherland, a gentleman, a successful businessman, or whatever is customary in a particular era. In short, to make this subhuman a real person.But children are much closer to God than we are. They understand much more of our - not in the nonsense, which we so diligently teach, and in much more important things.
Our task is not to teach them to cave in under the changeable world, and to recognize and support the gift that they brought into the world to make it better.Sometimes I think that children are given to us in order that we completely forgot what we real.
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©