Andrey Maksimov: the Choice of vocation is not a choice of income, but the choice of a happy or unhappy life

5 steps to finding a vocationWhen I started to give psychological advice, for me it was a complete surprise that most of the problems arise from people in relationships with children and parents. It is hard to imagine how much evil can bring their children with loving parents. Yes, it is love, or rather those who are convinced that he loves his child, but often like myself and my love for him.

Andrey Maksimov. Photo Of Dmitry Brickman

The book "Parents as enemies" is built in the form of answers to the questions I asked at the consultations and lectures. Naturally, I do not insist that my answers are the only right one.

I would like to see parents thinking about how they raise their children to education was a conscious process, not chaotic, as unfortunately often happens...

*** Psicofisica pedagogy comes from the fact that the main task of parents: to help the child to discover in himself a vocation.

Why is it important?

The person – whether he's seven, fifteen, or thirty – five, who knows what he wants to do in life is fundamentally different from someone that is unknown.

This conclusion requires no special evidence, when we are talking about adults: we know what distinguishes the people from those who are there bored, walking to work to serve his offense.

When it comes to children, this conclusion is even more important.

If the child was able to discern his calling, it helps to solve a huge number of different problems ranging from problems of self-and ending with the practical. In particular, such a child should not have to pull him away from computer games, he just don't have time.

That means a child is passionate about sports, or music, or perhaps solving problems?

It means he was lucky to find the most interesting thing in the world. And if so – why be distracted by others.

Our fundamental mistake in the education is that since birth we as parents are concerned, he is to give to our child grew up happy. We seriously believe that it is wiser and stronger than God (or Nature, if you like).

We rarely argue about what needs to develop in the child the fact that he is already the Lord has given.

In fact, we are pretty bad imagine how much is already incorporated in this small, and, as we often think, – a senseless creature we brought home from the hospital.

For me is not just startling, but very symbolic is the opening of Professor Noam Chomsky of mit, who first spoke about the fact that children are born with a certain "device" language acquisition, relatively speaking – the "organ" responsible for language learning.

You know? We don't teach children to listen to or watch, knowing that they have to do is the ears and eyes. Learn and talk specifically designing to do all sorts of different techniques.

So, it appears,

a child placed in the language environment, learn to talk to myself without any special exercises and techniques.

Needless to add that in the language to fit almost anyone? That is

anyone will surely learn to speak, even if it does not teach this specifically.

This discovery laid for me, if you will – a symbol of how one should teach a child:

not to put pressure on him not to impose and be given the opportunity to develop what is inherent nature.

Janusz Korczak has rightly observed: "the Child does not soil, ploughed for sowing heredity of life; we can only facilitate growth, giving luxuriant shoots before the first breath"

Just as the man laid a "device" for language acquisition, just as it has calling. It is. But it's closed for the child and for his parents.

I repeat: it is. Calling no need to carry outside, it is necessary to try to reveal the inside.

What is a calling?

Vocation is the desire to do anything.

Calling = desire.

In a child it is a calling-a desire God has planted. Our task is to to identify it.

The great Pestalozzi believed that the parents not only can, but should help determine a child is his calling, when their child – attention!!! – five to seven years.

What is the age? This is the time when the child departs from the mother, realizes that besides her, there is a huge world, and receives the first lessons of socialization.

Unfortunately, practice shows that parents often help children to find their calling, and to find the Institute, and in five or seven years, and at sixteen-seventeen.

Moreover, very often we want the child chose to work not for love, and by calculation that is the sort of thing that will be able to financially provide in the future.

I see this as a paradox.

We all want our child created a family of love. However, I have nothing against, if the work he can find.

We forget: a life is not a choice of income, but the choice happy (or unhappy) life.


Yes, because the person who is engaged in unloved business, could not be happier.

We love to say that from early childhood, as a rule, manifests the talent of the artists, poets and other artists, forgetting that talent is the desire to do something appears in people of all professions, you just have to see.

For example, a young John Rockefeller c youth led notebook in which he recorded all his income and expenses, he was interested in everything to do with money. A future great engineer Nikola Tesla parents only wanted to see a priest for a long time not paying attention to what he's taking apart and putting together again all that can be disassemble and assemble, it was born an engineer.

Quite often I turn for advice in connection with problems related to children. However, the second place is firmly occupied with the problems which are not your favorite thing. Some people just don't understand how to be in a situation when painful every day at work. Others lack the courage to change the the prestigious and well-paid job on the favorite. There are those who do not understand the true cause of his melancholy, and together we come to understand that people tore up the hated work. People age thirty-five plus. Among those who do not your favorite thing (even if it brings good income) I was not able to see any not that happy, but just not a neurotic people.

Is there a system that allows you to access the child his vocation, his talent?

Today we can say that such a system exists.

I created it on the basis of the method of harmony with nature by Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi.

"How can I help a child find a calling?" – a question I have often asked parents and on consultations and lectures.

The last few years my answer – these five steps. Many of those who have spoken to me about calling, come to me after a while, which gave me the opportunity to ensure that the system works.


1. Understanding that in a relationship with his offspring must proceed from the fact that the child is a person with their worldview, soul, aptitudes, experience and so on.

It is, as You hopefully remember, in General one of the basic principles psychophysical pedagogy.

Why is it important?

Because only in this attitude to the child, you notice that inherent in him by God, and to stop imposing their own "appreciation of beauty".

2.Observation of the child in order to reveal his desire; that is, the talent; that is, a calling.

This observation is inseparably connected with love to the child, namely, with the ability to put yourself in his place.

And, of course, that You treat him as a person: You are interested in everything new, original, in Your child.

You should offer the child various ways of self-realization, in any case not pressing on it and see what he likes.

There is a huge number of all sorts of groups and clubs, educational games, and other things.

Give your child the opportunity to try yourself in different, in any case, don't force it don't force to do what You think is right and perspective, just watch.

His interest will certainly occur.

3.Posing in front of the child more complex creative tasks.

The child is man, greedy for any life discoveries. His whole life is a series of discoveries, each of which he is called, wants to lend a hand.

How to understand: what is his vocation (that is, a genuine desire), and what is simply a whim?

For this you need to set new creative tasks.

If a child likes to solve math problems – this will be the solution to these problems, which he had never seen; if the child loves computers – this will build the computer he had ever collected; if the child loves to dance – learning a new dance; if the child loves football, is a team of a higher level.

Vocation is a natural feature of man, so it makes its own laws.

If the little man really likes what he does, new challenges, even through the difficulties, and sometimes via a temporary failure, they will still bring out excitement.

If a person has discovered his vocation, it can not sleep, it all will be his haunt.

If it's a fad, as soon as tasks become more complex, it will dissolve like a puddle under the sun.

4.Explanation and support of the child that his vocation should be directed at other people.

Unfortunately, children often do not understand. And a child could easily say, "My calling is to play on the computer!"

And really, what's wrong with that man plays on the computer?

In principle, nothing. However, our world is designed so that anyone should do something that others need.

It is the law of existence of the world. And if a man will not think about the benefits his business can bring to others, the world will fall apart. And therefore, how far you progressed in the development of computer games, how many levels of crazy difficulties of any passed – this is nobody's life but your own, will not change.

How to be?

Look for a case that will benefit someone other than yourself.

For example, to come up with new, hitherto unknown computer game.

5. Understanding that the child has the right to be wrong.

The search for a calling can cause a child to give up some activities that require Your mental, and possibly material costs.

Your task is not to descend on him with a cry: "Again a new club? Once the new section? Yes to all of this money is not enough," and to explain to him that a mistake is not a collapse, but a positive result: we give up something, in order to find more.

Most importantly: do not give up! Look!

We need to realize: the search for vocation is a matter which should be addressed by child and parents together.

Of course, a miracle happens when a child finds a calling quickly and independently. But it is a miracle that can be admired, but I hope it is unproductive.

Obviously, to help the child to discover their vocation can only parents, not the school. Already at least because no other teacher is simply not able to love all the children and watch over them with love.

And without love, any observations will not be confused.

Agree that these five steps are not so complicated.

They require Your parent's desires and patience. In fact, no longer require anything.

So, dad asked the question, my answer is the following.

Of course, You and your son a little late with the choice of vocation. However, there is no age at which it would be too late to do those five steps, which You have just learned.

The main thing to remember: it is better to skip a year, maybe even to go into the army, but in any case not to bless the child to enroll in an institution that will teach him to do unloved, unwanted, even prestigious and well-paid job.

We need to remember: if Your child hasn't found his calling, he moved straight through the road that leads to unhappy life, that is, that existence, which no parent your child does not want.

I repeat again, because this is important: the choice of vocation is not a choice of material prosperity, but the choice of happiness. published

© Andrey Maksimov, the head of the book "Parents as enemies", which will soon be published by "Peter".


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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