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Svetlana roiz: Ideal school does not exist!
Interview with Svetlana roiz is a deep rethinking of ideas about the educational process, awareness of errors, answers to even unasked questions. Conversation about the responsibility of schools and parents about choosing a school, about grades. As well as that to prepare the child for school, you need almost from birth – but not in an intellectual sense.
The PERFECT school does NOT EXIST–Now, many parents unhappy with the school, the kids just don't like to learn. If the child is uncomfortable, not interested in school – as a parent to know when to work with the child, to adapt, to go with him to a psychologist, but when you need to change the teacher or school?
©Bill Gekas
– The theme of the school are now fashionable and trendy in any topic there is a lot of manipulation.
There are two trends in the prosecution of a parent or charge of the school.Paragraph 1 – do not blame anybody. There are just things that can and should be corrected.
If I dump the responsibility on the school, it was a mistake. If I have to take responsibility only for themselves, it is also a mistake.Each structure is doing what it can do at the moment. This postulate is important.Otherwise, we are in the role of the child, saying, "All fools".
The perfect school does not exist, because children are different. At the time, choosing a training system for my son, I did not find the system in which all the faces was observed. Some part of the responsibility lies with the parents, some at school, some- on social setting. But parents have 80% of the responsibility.
Even in the wonderful Waldorf system there are some things, which is not enough for the adequate development of the child.
It turns out that any school we Supplement their lives.And here is the question: do I have something to add, whether there is within me this life? Am I in contact with the child to understand what he needs?
If the child goes in the most adverse school, but he has a feeling of fullness family, "oxytocin cushion" – any school, he will accept easier than a child who has no such cushion.
What is oxytocin?
It is the hormone of intimacy, of tenderness, is a hormone that creates a feeling of security in the world, regardless of where the child is.
Often parents tolerate the sense of their school life for their child. And when we move from a feeling of tension and fear, we clinivet in the program of the child.
But when a parent asks the question: "Maybe the school do something?" – Yes, you have to go to school, you have to stand at the door, to hear what is happening there, you need to observe the change in behavior of the child.
Not so much what the child says – and whether changes in its feeding behavior, as he sleeps, if he complains of nightmares, as he draws on (but there not important, even color, and what themes are apparent in the figure), if he's beginning to reject the toy handled.
There are seasonal difficulties. Now all the children are very tired, they often manifested nosogubnyj a triangle.
If a parent sees manifested nasolabial triangle, from the nose to the chin, this suggests that the nervous system is now in tension.
And the appearance of nasolabial triangle suggests that any stress – psychological, emotional, intellectual – is now excessive, and the child will break.
And he slips or otherwise, or any emotional instability, or he's just preparing for a illness, it is now his body is fighting the virus.
This is the time when no school. This is the time when you need to open Windows, go for a walk, write the teacher a note saying that today we could go.
– Let us then alternately analyze that depends on the school and family. What to look for when choosing a school?
The first is, of course, about the school, but feedback from real people. If the school has no security, you can walk through the corridors and see the living children or they go system.
The most important is that the child has not lost the glint in his eyes.Because if we see burnt children, which means they are scared.Hence, it is necessary to look for more.
Perfect when only choose or change schools, the child himself walked its corridors. It is important whether the school the child's body.
If he comes to school and says "it stinks", if the smell of the school the child is not suited, he will feel uncomfortable. Of course, if he had to go to this school, he'll get used to it, but it will be violence.
The smells of the garden, for example, I remember many adults.
The second is when you get acquainted with the teacher, to check how the child perceives his voice, and psycho.
We can't change the teacher, but we can hint, for example, that the child is not used to loud voices.
And to say that people are different, and this man said loudly, not because he's angry, but because he needs to take in the information.
Then we accustom the child to the toilet, show a toilet in the school. Because if the child is afraid to go into the bathroom at school (and they are different), it will be the whole day of school to endure, and it will not be until graduation.
You also need to take care does the school have water, and if there is, especially for first-graders, where to get laid.
There should be Mat.
You can pay attention to the color of the Board. Children with dominant left hemisphere no longer perceive the dark boards and white chalk and right white Board and a black marker. This, by the way, you can adjust to make the two boards in the school by the parent Committee.
The next factor – the number of children in the class.
For sensitive children class more than 15 people (at least initially) will be a big load. So, we need to do everything possible to the child's brain, at least after school can rest. Such a child after school can either be more active or neurotization or absolutely tired.And this is the time when it is better to remove the load from other clubs and everything else.
Perfect if at school a little homework. Because it has been proved that homework doesn't affect the assimilation of the material and does not affect the success of the child.On the contrary – the more homework, the less the child's desire to go to school.
Yes, the program is now overloaded, sometimes teachers do not have time to go through everything in class. But if the child has no chance to exhale at home, if the whole life of the child becomes in school, he can cry from what it lacks freedom, your personal site.
Like adults for themselves, "tvorbisout" personal territory? They get sick, they start to drink or go to the social network.
The child must be a sort of its own territory outside of the school. To the extent that you can negotiate with the teacher to some days to skip to her breath.And the children – what opportunity? They go to games or too sick, or they just have tantrums.
– If parents have a choice, does it make sense to drive the kid somewhere in a private or alternative school, or can be given to the nearest school under the house?
– If we see that child in the school was safe, he was comfortable there, if the teacher was in the area of credibility, if the child is interested (and for us, the alarm is a loss of interest), it is better if he spends less time on the road and more sleep.
But there are schools with a certain bias. And if the child likes it, he can for that to get up early and go further.
It is important to remember that when we choose some system of education for the child we must proceed from the capacity of this particular child.
– Are there any schools that You would not advise to go?
– I have a negative rating schools of Kiev, which I never voiced, but when I come to clients and say, "We want to give the child to such a school," I ask lots and lots of time to think.
This rating was created over many years of practice the number of customer requests from these schools. And it's not just some intrapersonal aspects is that caused by school anxiety.
If the school is sharpened on the success, the ratings, the attention is paid not to the child, there is put at the head of the figure. And if the child is not led, it's not safe out there.
Today's children do not allow themselves to be mechanisms – neither in the family nor at school nor in society. They are different, with them is so impossible.
In Kiev, a lot of these schools that are in the list. At the same time, there are more schools in which the children comfortable.
But again, often there is flirting. One extreme is the rigid system and the other the school with a full democracy, where no authority of the teacher.
This situation can be compared to the way man first, holding back emotions, and then begins to throw out all at once, the pendulum has swung in the other direction. Then it will come into balance, but it takes some time.
Unfortunately, this generation of children falls under the educational experiment.
Photo By Daria Pavlova
THE CHILD CAN MAKE AN INFORMED CHOICE ONLY AFTER 14 YEARS
– It turns out that too much freedom – too bad?
We must remember that to 14 years inner core the child is growing. This is especially psychophysiology. Before this age, in most cases, children need external support – the schedule of the day, built the power supply system, the schedule of lessons, but which are modelled on the biorhythms of the child, the school uniform.
– Do you think that form need?
– It is desirable that it was. But the attitude of the school uniform should be introduced differently. Now it is introduced as a constraint, and was originally a school uniform – it belongs to some class, some group.
The word "we" is a word that gives important support. But in order for the school form was adopted by the child, he should be proud of what he belongs to. It is also a question of credibility.
School uniform should be comfortable, modern. Not even necessary that it was a standard form, it can be a badge or beret, any distinctive detail which would give the child a sense of "we – gang".
This is what we see in Western movies about colleges when they proudly wear sweaters and so on.
– Should the child be able to choose the items that they want to learn? If Yes, at what age?
This is a very important question. The fact that after 14 years the child develops such a basic number of neural connections, which allows him to make an informed choice. Prior to that, we provide him the opportunity to try different.
I believe that elementary school should be a set of basic knowledge. Then, class 5, there can be General, but not based on the Eysenck test and a more multifaceted approach. And there the child would choose different electives.
And then, after 14 years, when there is a couple of years before graduation – it could be specialization.
– What do You mean by more versatile approach?
Standard test Eysenck scans only linguistic and symbolic intelligence, IQ and the man is very versatile.
Howard Gardner proposed the theory of multiple intelligences.
According to her, we have logical-mathematical intelligence (an outstanding representative Isaac Newton), verbal-linguistic (William Shakespeare), spatial-mechanical (Michelangelo), music (Mozart), bodily kinesthetic (athletes or sculptors), interpersonal-social (Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi), intrapersonal intelligence (Viktor Frankl, Mother Teresa).
Now imagine that we have a growing man with a brilliant manifestation of intrapersonal intelligence. By the end of the second quarter of first grade he will realize that he's an idiot, according to the school's standards.
The task of parents is watching their child, preparing him for school, to say: "You can be different."
But this does not mean that we develop only one kind of intelligence, you need to develop different facets.
– You have ideas how the school could reveal the different parties in children?
– While the teachers themselves did not disclose the diversity of its potential, it is difficult to realize.
Perhaps, over time, we will come to it. As a minimum, the school should be different clubs and activities, not only on sharpening the ability to read and count.
And assess the child's need from the perspective of one type of intelligence and one type of temperament.
Because modern education is aimed at children-extroverts who quickly integrated in the information quickly and give feedback.
In General, the system should be directed to the formation of the individual, not on memorizing information.Ideally, when the school teaches the child to use information.
The task is not to keep everything in mind, but the fact that the child had a feeling that this is knowledge I can find here there is knowledge there, and I can apply.
What I like design camp, design school? The fact that knowledge remains in the memory only if it is embodied action.
And unlike modern generation – they don't do that don't feel useful, that there is no answer to "why?"
This applies to home, completely domestic, and global Affairs.
I TOLD MY SON: "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR GRADES"
– What do You think about school grades?
The first thing that we need to pay attention to is that, unfortunately, we have a rating impact on self-esteem.
When the child receives, for example, three, in other education systems in other countries, he never ceases to feel good. In our culture, if a child gets bad grades, he becomes a priori bad.
– And in other countries are not getting?
– No. Because the focus is not on assessment, and personal. You're staying originally the bright being, which has different facets.
Our classical assessment is if you make 6 mistakes in the text, you put 6 points. And if the child started out with 20 errors, and to make 6 mistakes, he put a huge amount of effort?
Of course, it would be nice if teachers used individual approach and gave less standardization. Assessment is individual assessment of attachment the child of his efforts, diligence.And compare it with a child that was originally in this successful because it got into his leading type of intellect, however, is inadequate for either one or the second?
More preferably, the first teacher paid attention to the fact that the child has already received.
There is a rule called "praise zero".
For example, the child writes something. A teacher or parent might say, "It's awful rewrite".
Then what the child feels? "Whatever I did, it would still be bad."
Child-the perfectionist will meet the spirit, will try to the detriment of the holidays, a week sick.
And the second child will generally say, "I'm Not going to do that. I'm not getting a result."
The child must rely on the result. If you speak the language of physiology, it needs to dopamine reinforcement, the pleasure of achievement.
You can say: "Here is the wand you did it wonderfully!" and to say sincerely. In any line there is always something that turned out great.
This is similar to "method handles", when instead of underline red error, green is released that it's perfect.
Is a wonderful method. It does sound like him. It is necessary at least to begin with, what is good and then show work to do.
In the evaluation system it is important that when the teacher puts the estimate, the child has a sense of justice.
Because children react aggressively to evaluations, or generally cease to pay attention to them if they think this assessment is unfair.
Yet it is important for children to feel that what they do is important. I remember how burned out my son's grades when in elementary school, I might have mistaken, he instilled that in each action it is necessary to invest a lot. And each job he was creative, we had to think of something.
And then he said, "Mom, why? They don't even check, not even paying attention." This rule – if the teacher asked the homework, he needs to check it out.
I have my son immediately said, and he always knows it: "I don't care what your grades are. Of course, I rejoice when these estimates are high, but they do not reflect for me. For me it is important that you still have interest. I don't need you 12-point of success in all subjects. There are things that just have to stay with you as a General idea, and some you will deepen".
The question here is, whose side parent side or child side of the system. The system formed by the child, the parent must be on the side of the child.
In General, assessment is the hardest part not only of school life. Because we all have a rating such as "likes" in Facebook – it's also the rating.
We, unfortunately, have grown dependent on the approval, encouragement. Because if the internal bearing I have not formed and stable, I will try instead of his own fullness to put opinion of himself.
You know, when is this fullness? To 4 years, up to a maximum of 7, in pre-time. And if the child becomes dependent on estimates that 7 years he has not had the opportunity to grow in their maturity, of wholeness.
IF WE ARE ACCELERATING SOME SKILLS, OTHERS SUFFER
– How you can help the child to form this wholeness before school?
– First of all, you need to understand that each age has its own tasks.
From birth to 2 years the child develops a physical circuit development. At this stage, for the child is important and true in everything about his physical body. He smells, feels. And it generates self-esteem, from the relation to its needs.
With 2 to 4 personal circuit development, it's maturity "I". At this time there is "I", "mine", there is "no" in a child's life. And the time when it is better to go to kindergarten – it's closer to 4 years. Because when the matured "I", the child is ready to "we".
With 4 to 7 years formed the interpersonal circuit development. And 7 years the child moves into the social circuit development, that is, to school.
You need to understand that some functions appear in a child when his brain is ready. And if we are accelerating some skills, others suffer.
If instead of up to two years to form a body contour of the child, crawl and smell with him, his parents taught him letters and numbers in 7 years when he goes to school and encounter new load, the first thing that will not stand – this bodily step. And it will start to hurt.
Either my parents decided, "we Have the only child in the family, we can afford a nanny, he will not go to kindergarten".
Namely, only children who are not used to a lot of people around that did not used to tactile contact garden most needed.
— That is You-for gardens, but in the nursery it is better not to give?
Each family has its own characteristics, there are no rules. If the child is safe in the nursery, and when mom comes, he sees an adequate mother, who gives him the closeness and tenderness – it is better than inadequate, anxious mother at home.
But in General, most children kindergarten is important. Development courses and circles a little. When a child is in kindergarten, he sees the children eat together, as children go to the toilet, he learns a whole new interaction.
If it is not, then when he goes to school he will have, instead of studying to fill the interpersonal circuit.
And this may be one of the reasons that he is uncomfortable at school?
Yes. Please note that the "I" is formed by up to 4 years. If the child has not received initially the sense of its uniqueness, its potential, its own task – it rastavitsa then "we" will be either very obedient, or, on the contrary, all the time opposing.
If the child were understaffed some step parents will say that it's a bad school. But in fact of any moment, of any age, we can complement, just for something is more time.
And in each age has its trick of credibility.
Up to 2 years, this mom, with 2 to 4 mom and dad, with 4 years is the transition to another adult, for example, the kindergarten teacher, but also mom and dad. From the age of 7 is already more teachers than parents.
And then the question arises – and how it will outlive the parent?
Because even when the child goes to kindergarten, the parent may experience as much jealousy that he starts to butt heads with the authority of the teacher. But if a parent butting with the authority of the teacher, it devalues teachers. Will the child learn from this teacher?..
– Therefore, the child does not need to criticize teachers?
It is impossible to criticize. You can not talk bad about the school. If you have any questions, they are discussed behind closed doors. About school, either good or nothing.
But the child needs to know that if something is destructive if the child complains that the parent does not say, "Come and solve their problems."
The child should always know that at any stage the parent is his lawyer. He should know that a child will answer for everything, but for the world of the parent is always the personification of security.
– You are talking about, not to boost intellectual development of the child. And if he runs to that? For example, sees mom reads a book and says, "Tell me, what are these letters" or asks him to work out?
– There is a big question. This is now often shout neuropsychologists. For a child in any case is important. And the child will do everything possible to make mom attended with him entirely.
If mom or dad present with me is not entirely in the moment, when I ask to play, but only when read or work out, then I will encourage any action that assures me of their presence, until doing homework for 10 hours straight.
But it is not a question of intelligence of a child is the presence of a parent nearby.
How then to define child to school or not?
– The first indication is the change of teeth. If at least some of the teeth has changed, it means that the child's body is ready to withstand the new load.
One of the signs is the emergence in speech of a whisper "small secrets", this suggests the emergence of inner speech.
One of the features is the ability to hop on one foot.
Also is the ability to cross the stairs. Child not ready for school, puts a foot to the step, and ready – moves using the step. This speaks to the coherence of the parts of the brain.
Or when a child, greeting, tears off his thumb. And the kids are not ready for school if they are not taught to shake hands, greet with a pressed thumb.
The thumb represents "I" – I'm willing to isolate themselves in society, not to collapse under the action of the society.
– Is the child to the school, not able to jump on one leg or stepping over the rungs?
– He can start earlier, you need to look at the totality of these signs.
Anyway, now all these stages are often held before. Kids in crisis of three years includes approximately two years old. They all starts early, and we don't have time to prepare for it.
Now at 9 years old already beginning adolescence. Modern girls can start periods at age 9, boys have wet dreams start early. It is their peculiarity.
– Those steps that You mentioned – taking into account this acceleration or not?
Is average rates. Maybe a little earlier.
But in school it is better to go to 7 years, because certain parts of the brain Mature at that time. At least, those who are responsible for holding in one position and for non-game perception of the world.
To 7 years the child is playing. If it is 6 years old goes to school, it the school becomes a game. And the game – it's "my way": you want – stand up, want to eat, want to sing.
Only after 7 years he can take it as a part of the system.
THE TASK OF THE TEENAGER IS TO DEVALUE SOMETHING THAT WAS IMPORTANT
– We talked about ages before school and in primary school. And what happens then, as a teenager?
– There is an interesting nuance. In adolescence the intellectual burden on the child at times more – there are more items, they are more complex. And adolescence is the time when the neocortex is the most untapped part of the brain.
At this time, the active part of the brain that are responsible for pleasure and for the hazard perception. Any teenager is in a troubled state of mind, his racing emotions. Fear aggression – it's all about structures of the brain.
At this time, due to stress inhibits the hippocampus part of the brain that is responsible for long term memory. So they can sit for hours on a textbook and remember the information. And remember, there's more and more.If you speak the language of physiology, at this moment they have a zinc deficiency. When zinc deficiency, not working hippocampus. If they were given some supplements or products containing zinc, it would have been easier. Or if teachers spent a little more time to put them in a state of security.
And yet adolescence is a time offset of credibility. Who at this time shifting the focus of authority?
–To my classmates?
Yes. Not just to classmates, but to the group of alpha males or alpha females. And it totally goes with the teacher.
And the task of adolescence – to move away from my mom. As teachers we usually who?
Women.
And they fall under the projection. And not only that, the baby's brain does not cope with the load, and even the projection of the mother, who requires something – and I come home, and Mama becomes an extension of the school.
If the theme of family life revolve only around what happened at school, homework and "why are you so stupid?" – the parent ceases to differ from that of the teacher.
And then the child has no safe environment, the brain and the nervous system can relax.
Adolescence is, and so age feelings of guilt, age is a huge fear, almost all children. And happy are those children who grow up with parents who understand this and do not aggravate the guilt.
The child's task during adolescence is to devalue the parents to discount the fact that it was important for them. If the point was academic, the worthless favorite items. It is a pattern.
It's not because "a child experiences something". For some reason, many teachers forget or don't know, and they react to it personal.
I was touched by the teachers at his son's school, who approached the parents and said, "You just do not scold him, you can see that he's a teenager. Maybe he's in love now, and maybe he is now hormonal surges".
– There are such teachers...
Is, and more. But it's those teachers who have the sense of life, not only in teaching, and those parents who have the sense of life is not just about the kids.
I had a very interesting job with one actually a brilliant teacher.
But the kids and parents complained that the teacher yells in the classroom, humiliating the children. When I talked to her, she says, "What are you? I put life into this subject!".
But to invest life in something very dangerous, because then a person has more requirements. If I you are investing in the life you owe me.
Also, when the parent in your life there is nothing but the success of the child – the child will either try to match it and it will grow into perfectionism, which is actually a diagnosis of a neurosis or a child will to resist and to demonstrate the lack of success with an amazing intellect and abilities.
HOME SCHOOLING CAN BE A FLIGHT
– Now, many children transferred to home schooling, number of homeschoolers is growing every year. It is a kind of escape from reality or really the best solution for the child?
– It is important to answer the question of why parents choose for their child distance learning.
If the child goes on home schooling, because he did not have a relationship with a teacher or with the class is flight.
If parents have a sense of life in the child, it is sometimes beneficial for them that the child was home schooled, because it is the justification for their employment.
And yet, if the parent is very anxious, then it is beneficial to the child was there. Or if the child is to haul away to some school, it is beneficial to he was home.
Tutors of homeschoolers tell that many of them are not social children, which are initially moving away from the contacts, say, in the virtual world.
So it's not about the fact that the child does not fit into the system – and about what a child it is important to pull out of addiction and to learn to function in society. We can't for him to create such aquatic conditions until retirement.
But there are options for when the child needs distance learning – when the child's potential really goes far beyond the school curriculum parents are aware of this, and they have enough resource to ensure its and social contacts with other children, and learning.
Indeed, there are a lot of kids who going to komsulari, became more lively and wanted to learn. For me it's more important than all the diplomas at the end of the school year.
Homeschoolers some enterprises is very good, when the children not only learn the curriculum but also engaged in other activities. They don't go to school, but they study a group in a comfortable atmosphere on the floor, the pillows.
But just circle dancing in the evening is not enough.
– What is more important for a child – individual education program or do all together, in unison, the whole class?
– What is important, it is "unresponsive" issue!..
There is always a balance, "I – we". If a person faces a choice "me or we" – it's a loss.
It is important to at all times keep a balance: a focus on a personal trajectory of a child and at the same time on interpersonal communication. published
Svetlana roiz talked Ekaterina Tishchenko
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: //life.pravda.com.ua/society/2016/03/17/209473/
The PERFECT school does NOT EXIST–Now, many parents unhappy with the school, the kids just don't like to learn. If the child is uncomfortable, not interested in school – as a parent to know when to work with the child, to adapt, to go with him to a psychologist, but when you need to change the teacher or school?
©Bill Gekas
– The theme of the school are now fashionable and trendy in any topic there is a lot of manipulation.
There are two trends in the prosecution of a parent or charge of the school.Paragraph 1 – do not blame anybody. There are just things that can and should be corrected.
If I dump the responsibility on the school, it was a mistake. If I have to take responsibility only for themselves, it is also a mistake.Each structure is doing what it can do at the moment. This postulate is important.Otherwise, we are in the role of the child, saying, "All fools".
The perfect school does not exist, because children are different. At the time, choosing a training system for my son, I did not find the system in which all the faces was observed. Some part of the responsibility lies with the parents, some at school, some- on social setting. But parents have 80% of the responsibility.
Even in the wonderful Waldorf system there are some things, which is not enough for the adequate development of the child.
It turns out that any school we Supplement their lives.And here is the question: do I have something to add, whether there is within me this life? Am I in contact with the child to understand what he needs?
If the child goes in the most adverse school, but he has a feeling of fullness family, "oxytocin cushion" – any school, he will accept easier than a child who has no such cushion.
What is oxytocin?
It is the hormone of intimacy, of tenderness, is a hormone that creates a feeling of security in the world, regardless of where the child is.
Often parents tolerate the sense of their school life for their child. And when we move from a feeling of tension and fear, we clinivet in the program of the child.
But when a parent asks the question: "Maybe the school do something?" – Yes, you have to go to school, you have to stand at the door, to hear what is happening there, you need to observe the change in behavior of the child.
Not so much what the child says – and whether changes in its feeding behavior, as he sleeps, if he complains of nightmares, as he draws on (but there not important, even color, and what themes are apparent in the figure), if he's beginning to reject the toy handled.
There are seasonal difficulties. Now all the children are very tired, they often manifested nosogubnyj a triangle.
If a parent sees manifested nasolabial triangle, from the nose to the chin, this suggests that the nervous system is now in tension.
And the appearance of nasolabial triangle suggests that any stress – psychological, emotional, intellectual – is now excessive, and the child will break.
And he slips or otherwise, or any emotional instability, or he's just preparing for a illness, it is now his body is fighting the virus.
This is the time when no school. This is the time when you need to open Windows, go for a walk, write the teacher a note saying that today we could go.
– Let us then alternately analyze that depends on the school and family. What to look for when choosing a school?
The first is, of course, about the school, but feedback from real people. If the school has no security, you can walk through the corridors and see the living children or they go system.
The most important is that the child has not lost the glint in his eyes.Because if we see burnt children, which means they are scared.Hence, it is necessary to look for more.
Perfect when only choose or change schools, the child himself walked its corridors. It is important whether the school the child's body.
If he comes to school and says "it stinks", if the smell of the school the child is not suited, he will feel uncomfortable. Of course, if he had to go to this school, he'll get used to it, but it will be violence.
The smells of the garden, for example, I remember many adults.
The second is when you get acquainted with the teacher, to check how the child perceives his voice, and psycho.
We can't change the teacher, but we can hint, for example, that the child is not used to loud voices.
And to say that people are different, and this man said loudly, not because he's angry, but because he needs to take in the information.
Then we accustom the child to the toilet, show a toilet in the school. Because if the child is afraid to go into the bathroom at school (and they are different), it will be the whole day of school to endure, and it will not be until graduation.
You also need to take care does the school have water, and if there is, especially for first-graders, where to get laid.
There should be Mat.
You can pay attention to the color of the Board. Children with dominant left hemisphere no longer perceive the dark boards and white chalk and right white Board and a black marker. This, by the way, you can adjust to make the two boards in the school by the parent Committee.
The next factor – the number of children in the class.
For sensitive children class more than 15 people (at least initially) will be a big load. So, we need to do everything possible to the child's brain, at least after school can rest. Such a child after school can either be more active or neurotization or absolutely tired.And this is the time when it is better to remove the load from other clubs and everything else.
Perfect if at school a little homework. Because it has been proved that homework doesn't affect the assimilation of the material and does not affect the success of the child.On the contrary – the more homework, the less the child's desire to go to school.
Yes, the program is now overloaded, sometimes teachers do not have time to go through everything in class. But if the child has no chance to exhale at home, if the whole life of the child becomes in school, he can cry from what it lacks freedom, your personal site.
Like adults for themselves, "tvorbisout" personal territory? They get sick, they start to drink or go to the social network.
The child must be a sort of its own territory outside of the school. To the extent that you can negotiate with the teacher to some days to skip to her breath.And the children – what opportunity? They go to games or too sick, or they just have tantrums.
– If parents have a choice, does it make sense to drive the kid somewhere in a private or alternative school, or can be given to the nearest school under the house?
– If we see that child in the school was safe, he was comfortable there, if the teacher was in the area of credibility, if the child is interested (and for us, the alarm is a loss of interest), it is better if he spends less time on the road and more sleep.
But there are schools with a certain bias. And if the child likes it, he can for that to get up early and go further.
It is important to remember that when we choose some system of education for the child we must proceed from the capacity of this particular child.
– Are there any schools that You would not advise to go?
– I have a negative rating schools of Kiev, which I never voiced, but when I come to clients and say, "We want to give the child to such a school," I ask lots and lots of time to think.
This rating was created over many years of practice the number of customer requests from these schools. And it's not just some intrapersonal aspects is that caused by school anxiety.
If the school is sharpened on the success, the ratings, the attention is paid not to the child, there is put at the head of the figure. And if the child is not led, it's not safe out there.
Today's children do not allow themselves to be mechanisms – neither in the family nor at school nor in society. They are different, with them is so impossible.
In Kiev, a lot of these schools that are in the list. At the same time, there are more schools in which the children comfortable.
But again, often there is flirting. One extreme is the rigid system and the other the school with a full democracy, where no authority of the teacher.
This situation can be compared to the way man first, holding back emotions, and then begins to throw out all at once, the pendulum has swung in the other direction. Then it will come into balance, but it takes some time.
Unfortunately, this generation of children falls under the educational experiment.
Photo By Daria Pavlova
THE CHILD CAN MAKE AN INFORMED CHOICE ONLY AFTER 14 YEARS
– It turns out that too much freedom – too bad?
We must remember that to 14 years inner core the child is growing. This is especially psychophysiology. Before this age, in most cases, children need external support – the schedule of the day, built the power supply system, the schedule of lessons, but which are modelled on the biorhythms of the child, the school uniform.
– Do you think that form need?
– It is desirable that it was. But the attitude of the school uniform should be introduced differently. Now it is introduced as a constraint, and was originally a school uniform – it belongs to some class, some group.
The word "we" is a word that gives important support. But in order for the school form was adopted by the child, he should be proud of what he belongs to. It is also a question of credibility.
School uniform should be comfortable, modern. Not even necessary that it was a standard form, it can be a badge or beret, any distinctive detail which would give the child a sense of "we – gang".
This is what we see in Western movies about colleges when they proudly wear sweaters and so on.
– Should the child be able to choose the items that they want to learn? If Yes, at what age?
This is a very important question. The fact that after 14 years the child develops such a basic number of neural connections, which allows him to make an informed choice. Prior to that, we provide him the opportunity to try different.
I believe that elementary school should be a set of basic knowledge. Then, class 5, there can be General, but not based on the Eysenck test and a more multifaceted approach. And there the child would choose different electives.
And then, after 14 years, when there is a couple of years before graduation – it could be specialization.
– What do You mean by more versatile approach?
Standard test Eysenck scans only linguistic and symbolic intelligence, IQ and the man is very versatile.
Howard Gardner proposed the theory of multiple intelligences.
According to her, we have logical-mathematical intelligence (an outstanding representative Isaac Newton), verbal-linguistic (William Shakespeare), spatial-mechanical (Michelangelo), music (Mozart), bodily kinesthetic (athletes or sculptors), interpersonal-social (Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi), intrapersonal intelligence (Viktor Frankl, Mother Teresa).
Now imagine that we have a growing man with a brilliant manifestation of intrapersonal intelligence. By the end of the second quarter of first grade he will realize that he's an idiot, according to the school's standards.
The task of parents is watching their child, preparing him for school, to say: "You can be different."
But this does not mean that we develop only one kind of intelligence, you need to develop different facets.
– You have ideas how the school could reveal the different parties in children?
– While the teachers themselves did not disclose the diversity of its potential, it is difficult to realize.
Perhaps, over time, we will come to it. As a minimum, the school should be different clubs and activities, not only on sharpening the ability to read and count.
And assess the child's need from the perspective of one type of intelligence and one type of temperament.
Because modern education is aimed at children-extroverts who quickly integrated in the information quickly and give feedback.
In General, the system should be directed to the formation of the individual, not on memorizing information.Ideally, when the school teaches the child to use information.
The task is not to keep everything in mind, but the fact that the child had a feeling that this is knowledge I can find here there is knowledge there, and I can apply.
What I like design camp, design school? The fact that knowledge remains in the memory only if it is embodied action.
And unlike modern generation – they don't do that don't feel useful, that there is no answer to "why?"
This applies to home, completely domestic, and global Affairs.
I TOLD MY SON: "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR GRADES"
– What do You think about school grades?
The first thing that we need to pay attention to is that, unfortunately, we have a rating impact on self-esteem.
When the child receives, for example, three, in other education systems in other countries, he never ceases to feel good. In our culture, if a child gets bad grades, he becomes a priori bad.
– And in other countries are not getting?
– No. Because the focus is not on assessment, and personal. You're staying originally the bright being, which has different facets.
Our classical assessment is if you make 6 mistakes in the text, you put 6 points. And if the child started out with 20 errors, and to make 6 mistakes, he put a huge amount of effort?
Of course, it would be nice if teachers used individual approach and gave less standardization. Assessment is individual assessment of attachment the child of his efforts, diligence.And compare it with a child that was originally in this successful because it got into his leading type of intellect, however, is inadequate for either one or the second?
More preferably, the first teacher paid attention to the fact that the child has already received.
There is a rule called "praise zero".
For example, the child writes something. A teacher or parent might say, "It's awful rewrite".
Then what the child feels? "Whatever I did, it would still be bad."
Child-the perfectionist will meet the spirit, will try to the detriment of the holidays, a week sick.
And the second child will generally say, "I'm Not going to do that. I'm not getting a result."
The child must rely on the result. If you speak the language of physiology, it needs to dopamine reinforcement, the pleasure of achievement.
You can say: "Here is the wand you did it wonderfully!" and to say sincerely. In any line there is always something that turned out great.
This is similar to "method handles", when instead of underline red error, green is released that it's perfect.
Is a wonderful method. It does sound like him. It is necessary at least to begin with, what is good and then show work to do.
In the evaluation system it is important that when the teacher puts the estimate, the child has a sense of justice.
Because children react aggressively to evaluations, or generally cease to pay attention to them if they think this assessment is unfair.
Yet it is important for children to feel that what they do is important. I remember how burned out my son's grades when in elementary school, I might have mistaken, he instilled that in each action it is necessary to invest a lot. And each job he was creative, we had to think of something.
And then he said, "Mom, why? They don't even check, not even paying attention." This rule – if the teacher asked the homework, he needs to check it out.
I have my son immediately said, and he always knows it: "I don't care what your grades are. Of course, I rejoice when these estimates are high, but they do not reflect for me. For me it is important that you still have interest. I don't need you 12-point of success in all subjects. There are things that just have to stay with you as a General idea, and some you will deepen".
The question here is, whose side parent side or child side of the system. The system formed by the child, the parent must be on the side of the child.
In General, assessment is the hardest part not only of school life. Because we all have a rating such as "likes" in Facebook – it's also the rating.
We, unfortunately, have grown dependent on the approval, encouragement. Because if the internal bearing I have not formed and stable, I will try instead of his own fullness to put opinion of himself.
You know, when is this fullness? To 4 years, up to a maximum of 7, in pre-time. And if the child becomes dependent on estimates that 7 years he has not had the opportunity to grow in their maturity, of wholeness.
IF WE ARE ACCELERATING SOME SKILLS, OTHERS SUFFER
– How you can help the child to form this wholeness before school?
– First of all, you need to understand that each age has its own tasks.
From birth to 2 years the child develops a physical circuit development. At this stage, for the child is important and true in everything about his physical body. He smells, feels. And it generates self-esteem, from the relation to its needs.
With 2 to 4 personal circuit development, it's maturity "I". At this time there is "I", "mine", there is "no" in a child's life. And the time when it is better to go to kindergarten – it's closer to 4 years. Because when the matured "I", the child is ready to "we".
With 4 to 7 years formed the interpersonal circuit development. And 7 years the child moves into the social circuit development, that is, to school.
You need to understand that some functions appear in a child when his brain is ready. And if we are accelerating some skills, others suffer.
If instead of up to two years to form a body contour of the child, crawl and smell with him, his parents taught him letters and numbers in 7 years when he goes to school and encounter new load, the first thing that will not stand – this bodily step. And it will start to hurt.
Either my parents decided, "we Have the only child in the family, we can afford a nanny, he will not go to kindergarten".
Namely, only children who are not used to a lot of people around that did not used to tactile contact garden most needed.
— That is You-for gardens, but in the nursery it is better not to give?
Each family has its own characteristics, there are no rules. If the child is safe in the nursery, and when mom comes, he sees an adequate mother, who gives him the closeness and tenderness – it is better than inadequate, anxious mother at home.
But in General, most children kindergarten is important. Development courses and circles a little. When a child is in kindergarten, he sees the children eat together, as children go to the toilet, he learns a whole new interaction.
If it is not, then when he goes to school he will have, instead of studying to fill the interpersonal circuit.
And this may be one of the reasons that he is uncomfortable at school?
Yes. Please note that the "I" is formed by up to 4 years. If the child has not received initially the sense of its uniqueness, its potential, its own task – it rastavitsa then "we" will be either very obedient, or, on the contrary, all the time opposing.
If the child were understaffed some step parents will say that it's a bad school. But in fact of any moment, of any age, we can complement, just for something is more time.
And in each age has its trick of credibility.
Up to 2 years, this mom, with 2 to 4 mom and dad, with 4 years is the transition to another adult, for example, the kindergarten teacher, but also mom and dad. From the age of 7 is already more teachers than parents.
And then the question arises – and how it will outlive the parent?
Because even when the child goes to kindergarten, the parent may experience as much jealousy that he starts to butt heads with the authority of the teacher. But if a parent butting with the authority of the teacher, it devalues teachers. Will the child learn from this teacher?..
– Therefore, the child does not need to criticize teachers?
It is impossible to criticize. You can not talk bad about the school. If you have any questions, they are discussed behind closed doors. About school, either good or nothing.
But the child needs to know that if something is destructive if the child complains that the parent does not say, "Come and solve their problems."
The child should always know that at any stage the parent is his lawyer. He should know that a child will answer for everything, but for the world of the parent is always the personification of security.
– You are talking about, not to boost intellectual development of the child. And if he runs to that? For example, sees mom reads a book and says, "Tell me, what are these letters" or asks him to work out?
– There is a big question. This is now often shout neuropsychologists. For a child in any case is important. And the child will do everything possible to make mom attended with him entirely.
If mom or dad present with me is not entirely in the moment, when I ask to play, but only when read or work out, then I will encourage any action that assures me of their presence, until doing homework for 10 hours straight.
But it is not a question of intelligence of a child is the presence of a parent nearby.
How then to define child to school or not?
– The first indication is the change of teeth. If at least some of the teeth has changed, it means that the child's body is ready to withstand the new load.
One of the signs is the emergence in speech of a whisper "small secrets", this suggests the emergence of inner speech.
One of the features is the ability to hop on one foot.
Also is the ability to cross the stairs. Child not ready for school, puts a foot to the step, and ready – moves using the step. This speaks to the coherence of the parts of the brain.
Or when a child, greeting, tears off his thumb. And the kids are not ready for school if they are not taught to shake hands, greet with a pressed thumb.
The thumb represents "I" – I'm willing to isolate themselves in society, not to collapse under the action of the society.
– Is the child to the school, not able to jump on one leg or stepping over the rungs?
– He can start earlier, you need to look at the totality of these signs.
Anyway, now all these stages are often held before. Kids in crisis of three years includes approximately two years old. They all starts early, and we don't have time to prepare for it.
Now at 9 years old already beginning adolescence. Modern girls can start periods at age 9, boys have wet dreams start early. It is their peculiarity.
– Those steps that You mentioned – taking into account this acceleration or not?
Is average rates. Maybe a little earlier.
But in school it is better to go to 7 years, because certain parts of the brain Mature at that time. At least, those who are responsible for holding in one position and for non-game perception of the world.
To 7 years the child is playing. If it is 6 years old goes to school, it the school becomes a game. And the game – it's "my way": you want – stand up, want to eat, want to sing.
Only after 7 years he can take it as a part of the system.
THE TASK OF THE TEENAGER IS TO DEVALUE SOMETHING THAT WAS IMPORTANT
– We talked about ages before school and in primary school. And what happens then, as a teenager?
– There is an interesting nuance. In adolescence the intellectual burden on the child at times more – there are more items, they are more complex. And adolescence is the time when the neocortex is the most untapped part of the brain.
At this time, the active part of the brain that are responsible for pleasure and for the hazard perception. Any teenager is in a troubled state of mind, his racing emotions. Fear aggression – it's all about structures of the brain.
At this time, due to stress inhibits the hippocampus part of the brain that is responsible for long term memory. So they can sit for hours on a textbook and remember the information. And remember, there's more and more.If you speak the language of physiology, at this moment they have a zinc deficiency. When zinc deficiency, not working hippocampus. If they were given some supplements or products containing zinc, it would have been easier. Or if teachers spent a little more time to put them in a state of security.
And yet adolescence is a time offset of credibility. Who at this time shifting the focus of authority?
–To my classmates?
Yes. Not just to classmates, but to the group of alpha males or alpha females. And it totally goes with the teacher.
And the task of adolescence – to move away from my mom. As teachers we usually who?
Women.
And they fall under the projection. And not only that, the baby's brain does not cope with the load, and even the projection of the mother, who requires something – and I come home, and Mama becomes an extension of the school.
If the theme of family life revolve only around what happened at school, homework and "why are you so stupid?" – the parent ceases to differ from that of the teacher.
And then the child has no safe environment, the brain and the nervous system can relax.
Adolescence is, and so age feelings of guilt, age is a huge fear, almost all children. And happy are those children who grow up with parents who understand this and do not aggravate the guilt.
The child's task during adolescence is to devalue the parents to discount the fact that it was important for them. If the point was academic, the worthless favorite items. It is a pattern.
It's not because "a child experiences something". For some reason, many teachers forget or don't know, and they react to it personal.
I was touched by the teachers at his son's school, who approached the parents and said, "You just do not scold him, you can see that he's a teenager. Maybe he's in love now, and maybe he is now hormonal surges".
– There are such teachers...
Is, and more. But it's those teachers who have the sense of life, not only in teaching, and those parents who have the sense of life is not just about the kids.
I had a very interesting job with one actually a brilliant teacher.
But the kids and parents complained that the teacher yells in the classroom, humiliating the children. When I talked to her, she says, "What are you? I put life into this subject!".
But to invest life in something very dangerous, because then a person has more requirements. If I you are investing in the life you owe me.
Also, when the parent in your life there is nothing but the success of the child – the child will either try to match it and it will grow into perfectionism, which is actually a diagnosis of a neurosis or a child will to resist and to demonstrate the lack of success with an amazing intellect and abilities.
HOME SCHOOLING CAN BE A FLIGHT
– Now, many children transferred to home schooling, number of homeschoolers is growing every year. It is a kind of escape from reality or really the best solution for the child?
– It is important to answer the question of why parents choose for their child distance learning.
If the child goes on home schooling, because he did not have a relationship with a teacher or with the class is flight.
If parents have a sense of life in the child, it is sometimes beneficial for them that the child was home schooled, because it is the justification for their employment.
And yet, if the parent is very anxious, then it is beneficial to the child was there. Or if the child is to haul away to some school, it is beneficial to he was home.
Tutors of homeschoolers tell that many of them are not social children, which are initially moving away from the contacts, say, in the virtual world.
So it's not about the fact that the child does not fit into the system – and about what a child it is important to pull out of addiction and to learn to function in society. We can't for him to create such aquatic conditions until retirement.
But there are options for when the child needs distance learning – when the child's potential really goes far beyond the school curriculum parents are aware of this, and they have enough resource to ensure its and social contacts with other children, and learning.
Indeed, there are a lot of kids who going to komsulari, became more lively and wanted to learn. For me it's more important than all the diplomas at the end of the school year.
Homeschoolers some enterprises is very good, when the children not only learn the curriculum but also engaged in other activities. They don't go to school, but they study a group in a comfortable atmosphere on the floor, the pillows.
But just circle dancing in the evening is not enough.
– What is more important for a child – individual education program or do all together, in unison, the whole class?
– What is important, it is "unresponsive" issue!..
There is always a balance, "I – we". If a person faces a choice "me or we" – it's a loss.
It is important to at all times keep a balance: a focus on a personal trajectory of a child and at the same time on interpersonal communication. published
Svetlana roiz talked Ekaterina Tishchenko
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: //life.pravda.com.ua/society/2016/03/17/209473/
