Dima Zitser: Why estimates are driving the child in a cage

Can you imagine the life of an adult in which it daily appreciate? "Deuce" for dinner, "three" per working day. The life of a child is associated with estimates of daily. But is it necessary grades? Whether it is necessary for parents to evaluate their children? How to live in the education system, where "two" and "five" is inevitable? Considers the Director of the Institute of non-formal education INO Dima Zitser.

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– Is it possible to use in communicating with children evaluation of speech? "Good," "klutz," "lazy" – whether in relation to the children to say them aloud?

Evaluation words not only affect children but also for adults, because, calling the child a "sissy", adult is a niche, in which he seemed to have the right to evaluate, make recommendations at the top. Adult greatly increases their own importance and the importance of such mechanical means.

This method is, frankly, pathetic. When dealing with relatively "equal" people (although I believe adults and children are equal), husband – wife, wife – husband, we didn't say appraisal words. We avoid the evaluation system or unable to afford it.

Imagine how the husband says to his wife "boy, this night we spent at "five", and last at least a C grade". With children estimated time unfolds in the most awful way.

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Estimated words affect the child, as well as any person that: this greatly reduces his ability to live and to choose.

 

The rating action closes the frame, puts severe limits. Initially, the child likes the whole world!

 

When I was little, I terribly curious, interested in everything, I know my way around the world very freely. When an adult favorite partner, mom or dad instead of help me to navigate in this world, explore the world with me, puts me in a frame "black – white", the world begins to withdraw, until we gradually come to room in his apartment.

Such cubicles scared to go, scared to try new things, afraid to pry, afraid to go forward. In this sense, there is not much difference between bad and good evaluations. We call good grades "good" because they at first glance have a positive colour, but in principle any rating limits.

 

A good rating is the same limit as bad.

 

Why, for example, if I painted the house red – I "good", and if you paint the house blue – will cease to be "clever"? At this point I have secured a judgment: the house needs to be red. This happens almost on automatic, almost as an afterthought, almost by accident, but fixed seriously long time.

– It is believed that parental assessment prepare one for adult life, where it in some degree will be evaluated both at work and at home...

– In adult life, there are grades, but in my adult life I'll play in this game, allowing you to assess yourself, inviting yourself and others to the life in the evaluation system. Children, this system is rigidly enforced.

And to the point: if I, as an adult, I try to choose what I like, what develops I and develops the world around, try to choose people with whom to interact, I wonder, what's the grading system? Why is it? And is there? It's just a grown-up excuse!

Excuses in the relationship, which is called "education" in General a lot. "Preparation for adulthood" often translates into the fact that we ruin the lives of children and make it absolutely unbearable.

– In elementary school, to lessen the degree of "bad estimates" are drawings – sad, funny men. This is also an assessment?

– In castor oil you can pour sugar, and it will be a bit sweeter, but that does not cease to be castor oil. Less if this assessment of children injure? Perhaps less, but the assessment is, in principle, covers the world, making it very limited. Indeed, if we talk about the estimates-the figures, it is obvious that if I praised yesterday, and today criticized, it is likely that today I am sad, but yesterday was hilarious. If I swear a little less, I get upset less. In other words, if I meet a man joyful, smiling – I am pleased, and if he frown – I'm sorry.

And yet let us ask ourselves the question: what's the point? What are we assessing?

 

Why in the moment when a person writes, draws or even works somehow, we can't give him human feedback, can't tell him about your feelings?

 

Instead, we appreciate it. Not because I don't want or can't otherwise?

The answer, in General, sad that we do not think, we choose the easiest path, the path of least resistance, although with the years it becomes a way of greatest resistance, because resistance is growing. It is also the most uninteresting way – TIC TAC toe draw instead of trying to discuss instead of talk instead of to create new, instead of really being creative.

If a person writes an essay, and this essay somehow suddenly the teacher it is important to evaluate the level of literacy and not to pay attention to, is it the creative process, what's the need for assessment of competence? It is not enough just to fix bugs?

Baby, you know, like all the other people who are able to see, able to understand, able to understand. If I drew his attention to the fact that the "glass", "wood", "tin" is written in a certain way, why, if I don't reinforce it by two, it seems to us that the child is not going to remember? Why at this point we need to introduce a system of conditional reflexes, like animals in training?

I think at this point we don't trust ourselves and, therefore, not fully trusting the people with whom we communicate, and therefore, the input evaluation.

– How to deal with the position of the "assessment are not for children, and for parents"? Because the parents should know what classes the child needs help...

– "Evaluation of the child – for parents" is also a very strange relationship. Because you can just ask the child "how are you?" If at this point he is not intimidated and not muzzled the adult world, he'll talk about what was bothering him about what he learned suddenly that "glass", "tin", "wood" is written with two "n". The child will share this amazing discovery! "Look, Mama, how interesting, I wrote wrong, but it turned out that you need to write it."

If at the same time a child received "two", what message he would convey to the parents? If parents believe the child your loved one, you need to communicate with him! And in an extreme case I hope they are not hard to walk to school or to pick up the phone to learn more according to teachers they can help your loved one. Rating is the moment when a strange adult man appreciates your child affects his manhood. Think about who you want to delegate this right...

Evaluation finally, it simplifies human relationship. Much more interesting and colorful life occurs when the relationship ceases to be estimated.

I don't know whether relations of the system of evaluation called the world of man, and the General attitude is it? Think about it, we've all been there, we all went to school. Instead of communicating with the teacher, collaborative creativity, which, in my opinion, real education, real education, I interact with a kind grown man that acts checkboxes at the level of Pavlovian reflexes: now at hand, and now patted on the head. Carrot and stick is, in this sense, a very accurate metaphor.

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– Sometimes the children themselves begin to brag on good grades and strive for them. A typical situation: a child comes home joyful – "today, I Have two "fives"!"

– The child is not a fool. He peeped this system, it is not necessary to see how berating someone for a bad enough to see someone praised for a fiver. The child saw this and was in the evaluation system. He doesn't understand why boy van giving candy for "five", but he did not give up at this point. For a fiver it's supposed to sweetie, – concludes the child. The next step is for the "poor" be punished.

There is a model a child takes: first observed, then participated, experienced... by nature we are all designed quite differently. From nature we get your hands on your loved one, we want him to be. We are not interested in estimates, we are interested in love, we are interested in the heat. We gravitate towards to be together with those with whom we are well.

 

We understand the world not to have someone praise, but because it is important and interesting to explore the world.

 

We enthusiastically throws out of the crib toys on the floor because it's very interesting! We take a pencil and draw the sky, or a bird, or a house, because it is important to Express yourself. Once we say "you Express yourself well enough," begins the first corrosion. Then it starts to refresh the entire system in kindergarten or school, and if we are still haunted by the legend that is – preparation for adult life, where should evaluate, there is solid construction from which it is very difficult to escape.

And now, they find themselves later in adult life, being in this coordinate system, I start to appreciate others and to let them evaluate themselves. I was not well from the fact that I'm just with someone, I start to compare, to talk about the fact that it is insufficiently fine, insufficiently pleased, and so damage the life – to yourself and others.

To be a "student" is unnatural? What to do with the desire of the child to be "excellent"?

– To strive to be the best means to strive for a certain man of flesh and blood, you are appreciated. You "excellence" in the eyes of a specific person. The man put your teacher – it was an accident, a coincidence, if that is what the teacher likes what I'm doing. If you do not like another person, which for me may be not less important, I'm not "excellence", and "Trinitarian"?

The desire to be an "excellence" could prove detrimental.

It is the moment brought up the desire to satisfy the will of another, or conform to the views of the other. The teacher is not a computer and not a machine that evaluates at "stoballnoy" system. Its not just the number of matches. The teacher is the subject, as well as the student, and at that moment the teacher, of course, is a subjective assessment. Then why is she? What are we doing with ourselves and with the kids?

– How to save a child in real life, where there is a school evaluation from this system? Even homeschooled child waiting for the result of the exam.

– On the exam, I look different. Institutions (mostly state) have agreed that they need to check the eligibility of a person to certain private standards. We need to treat it that way: not as self-check and how to check company of people who developed the coordinate system that is convenient to them. I may not meet, for example, the level of economic Institute. So what? Is not it hurt me to study Economics? No, because there are a huge number of other possibilities. In Europe, for example, in a number of educational institutions are open to all students by interview and only six months to check compliance, when there are exams and the man finally comes to the chosen specialty. In reality there are many scenarios.

 

The exam is a horror story. If a person is interested in a particular subject, if he focused subject, uses this subject to explore the world, he will pass the exam.

 

Even if you do not pass will retake in six months or a year. Assume the worst: we're through with you 11-th class and passed one of the subjects has not received the exam are not certified in one of the subjects. So what? We live in an eerie legend, a terrible tale that if a man will not go to University immediately after leaving school, he failed, but there are many other interesting activities in 17 or 18 years old. For them it is not necessary to immediately jump to the University and to higher education. It's a maze from which there is no exit, if not just open the door and exit.

– It turns out that a child can say: "You go to school to learn about the world and about grades don't worry"?

– More humane – to talk. Seven year old child able to understand abstract definitions: the school people agreed that they have such a coordinate system, and we have another coordinate system, the rating doesn't matter. I think this is an honest conversation. Explain that the grades because school is such an institution, and not because "I must".

Today, there are various methods of home schooling, but if the child goes to school, you can say to him: "There you will meet interesting people. There is a high probability that you'll get new tools to develop themselves and to communicate with the world. Evaluation nothing to do with it". In the assessment, the child still goes to this network, but, as he is in it himself with your help will lead depends on you.

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– What to do if a child suddenly started to make "two"? Let the parents do not scold him for evaluation, but obviously in his life something happened. How do you know?

– If parents with a child human relationships, they will know what happened to him. This is an important big question about building human relationships. From this point of view it is strange to inquire of the child what happened, better if about what was bothering him, he can speak for himself. And it is possible only in an atmosphere of safety and trust, and mutual.

 

My someone else's name

Children grow up too fast...

 

If a teenager says: "I started to do poorly in school because you fell" what is more important – grades or what the child is experiencing first love? It seems to me that to fall in love for the first time in ninth grade is a much more significant thing. Incomparably significant significant not comparable... If what it has to say in this case, of course, about love.

When we build with people in open relationships, they have the right (and ourselves) to share their joys and sorrows, including to talk about the estimates.published

 

Author: Dima Zitser, Anna Utkina

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.pravmir.ru/dima-zitser-otsenki-zagonyayut-rebenka-v-kletku-1/

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