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Lifehack on comebacks
Judging by today's friend, three of my friends and one friend are planning to comeback exes.
The tasks for posts about comebacks all four solved correctly, and how it comes to their own situation ... you understand. The view from the inside is usually devoid of logic, but full of conflicting emotions.
By the way, in late summer and autumn comebacks occur most often.So let’s remember what it is, why it happens and therefore how to behave. You might need some.
Screenshot from Simple Complexities (2009)
First of all, what is the purpose of the comeback?
The goal is to close the gestalt. This is the goal of both the one who tries to return and the one to whom they return.
People broke up, but they had doubts, questions, sometimes there was a desire to replay and fix everything.
Emotions prevent you from making a point and developing a new story, so both people are drawn to each other. Often, the minus is not averse to starting all over again, and more often than not, it just wants to clarify some points and calm down.
Although both seem to have the same goal, they actually need a different one.
Plus wants to get rid of the painful feeling that he left in vain, he wants to provide himself with a calm care and regain a sense of confidence.
Minus wants either plus to come back, or that he regrets leaving and tries to come back, and he, minus, throws him away and thus regains a sense of control over his life.
Many are so shy of the second intention, so ashamed of selfish ambitions that they struggle to “let go” of the plus. They say that let him go, let him be happy, let him be free, let him be free, let him leave confidently, and so on. Let him go, of course. If he can. It’s none of your business, you have to take care of yourself. You're in a weaker position, don't worry.
It goes without saying that if you were abandoned by someone you loved and sincerely wanted to build a relationship, it is not fatal.Having experienced this and accepting the fact that non-reciprocal love is normal, it happens to everyone, and to you too, and it does not mean that you are somehow different, but just the person needs something else, you become stronger. But the main force is not to accept the circumstances, but to get the most out of the situation.
Getting the most out of a comeback situation means instead of an indifferent and abandoned person to see someone who after the fact has at least respected you, and it is better to love and regret the breakup.Many fear that the love of the former plus will force them to start a new relationship that will end in nothing. Don't be afraid.
First, great love grows out of dislike very rarely. And you don't have to settle for a small one. Be firm. Stop being rags and depend on the desires of the plus.
Second, don’t think in advance about what isn’t there. Nobody loves you yet, what are you afraid of? Be afraid to stay on the beans. Try to return your figure importance in the field of the former. At least a small one, and better a bigger one. This will support your self-esteem, your self-esteem, and open the way for new stories. If he really changes his attitude completely... well, look. Why think about it beforehand? He hasn't cheated yet.
But back to the beginning of the comeback.Cumback begins when a decidedly departed plus seeks contact to "talk."
His motive is to get rid of the irritating, irritating feeling that he was rude for last, too categorical, did not express human warmth, did not say all the necessary words, in general he acted like a bad person, irresponsible.
You should understand that this state of plus is already a change in your figure. He used to be different. You let him go, he rested, thought of you in a friendly way, and you stopped seeming like a tantrum pressing on his brain with forceps. He saw you as a loving person. He does not love you, but he feels warm, sometimes nostalgia (if he loved you before).
How to deal with this warmth and nostalgia?
Most of the minuses with such a comeback (and the comeback begins with everyone who did not chase the departed and kick, but just let go) are launched into showdowns, proud of the fact that plus stood a little in the lower position, stopped kicking back and SAM wants to talk. They begin to talk profusely about what tormented them in the relationship, explain some of their actions, blame the plus or vice versa praise, trying to show him that yes, he is right, everything could have been better.
Having talked with the minus for some time in such a “friendly” way, the gone plus comes to the conclusion that he left correctly. Yeah, sorry, but there was no other way. After the conversation, he returns emotionally and mentally to the very period when he wanted to leave, when the situation pressed on him, when there was nothing exciting in the relationship and the ease was completely lost.
Once in this state, plus strengthens in his care. He's reporting it. And the minus remains with the mouth open. After all, he only thought that he did not need anything, but he hoped that plus changed his mind and wants to return. Tears and curses begin: why did he just jerk me? You're not a call to pull you. Don't move. Don't let me pull you.
When the comeback begins, you must firmly remember.Being warm and wanting to talk to you is normal. Don't throw yourself like a dog on a bone. You are a person and it is not surprising that another person wants to part with you in a good way, preferably in friendship.
He rested, pulled back and came to the conclusion that rollers and forceps are not the only thing you have, you also have many good qualities. But this is not a reason to rush to talk to him, pull back and at the same time load him with his doubts. No need to talk. Do not help the plus to establish their decision. Let him keep worrying.
If you think that you are very merciful and do not want to worry, remove the crown.They abandoned you, you were recognized as worthless and unnecessary, this is not a reason to hate the plus (and the merciful often staggers from pity to hatred), but also not a reason to take a condescending position. You forget that you are much weaker in this situation, and the power is on his side. He's a plus, not you. You got dumped. So don't play patron, please. Restore the strengths first.
In a word, let him (she) endure. See where his experiences lead him. If he likes and writes friendly comments under your notes in social networks (info personal there should be a minimum or zero, remember), do not react. Many people think: well, I even tell strangers why not answer this. Because he is not a stranger, but a person who has abandoned you. He not only offended you by evil will, but openly neglected you, in fact asked to untie, verbally or non-verbally asked. So let's go.
When frank proposals to talk begin to arrive, you can not answer anything as long as they are formulated rhetorically. Hello? How are you? Can we talk? No, you don't have anything to talk about. He's gone and you need to get rid of him, right? You don't want to move to the friend zone, do you? In a couple of years, not before, if your life is filled with another love, reciprocal and vibrant. Otherwise, such friendship will keep you under the plinth.
If the former plus formulates the request more clearly, proactively (he wants to talk, not you need to talk) or catches you near the house, so that you can not escape (the circus does not need to arrange, of course, you need to have a sense of proportion), ask him what he wants to talk about. If the wording is vague, say there is no desire to talk about it.
If he insists, let him speak, but remain silent. Do not answer questions (maximum “I don’t know” and “I should think” or “this is all unexpected, I can’t give an answer”) and especially do not go into monologues. You should have a minimum of words. They came to you to calm down and get rid of you, remember. No need to help. Let him stay tied. In this case, his figure in your field stops taking energy from you, and begins to give (the figure, not him, are different things).
Many people don’t know when to start a relationship again.
No sooner than when the plus has no doubt what he wants and he will convey that confidence to you.
Take your time. If you have at least one doubt, do not start anything. Negotiations are possible (if plus insists on converging, not just blah blah and memories). Start a relationship if you want to start and will not be afraid, and suddenly again, and suddenly not for long. As long as there are doubts, do not, you are still dependent. Let him run, then let him go. It's a normal outcome.
You have to understand that thoughts like “I would start if I was sure...” indicate that you are still very weak. When you start a new story in good shape, do you think I would start if I was sure it would be a wedding forever? No, you are not dependent on this person and are not afraid that he will suddenly disappear, you are just interested in what is happening at the moment, in high.
Chronic nonsense syndrome
Not always what you want, you really need it.
That’s when with the former plus you will become really interesting and pleasant to start a relationship and thoughts “and if he leaves me” will not, since you are no longer in the lower position and there is no dependence on him, then there is a chance to try relationships in balance.
Do comebacks often return balance?It happens. But you don't have to think about it in the process. The goal of comeback is not to restore relationships, but to restore your self-esteem (actually, consciously) and proactivity. Returning you to the feeling that you are not an abandoned thing, but the helmsman of your ship, can influence the situations of your life. published
Author: Marina Komissarova
P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!
Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/344149.html
The tasks for posts about comebacks all four solved correctly, and how it comes to their own situation ... you understand. The view from the inside is usually devoid of logic, but full of conflicting emotions.
By the way, in late summer and autumn comebacks occur most often.So let’s remember what it is, why it happens and therefore how to behave. You might need some.
Screenshot from Simple Complexities (2009)
First of all, what is the purpose of the comeback?
The goal is to close the gestalt. This is the goal of both the one who tries to return and the one to whom they return.
People broke up, but they had doubts, questions, sometimes there was a desire to replay and fix everything.
Emotions prevent you from making a point and developing a new story, so both people are drawn to each other. Often, the minus is not averse to starting all over again, and more often than not, it just wants to clarify some points and calm down.
Although both seem to have the same goal, they actually need a different one.
Plus wants to get rid of the painful feeling that he left in vain, he wants to provide himself with a calm care and regain a sense of confidence.
Minus wants either plus to come back, or that he regrets leaving and tries to come back, and he, minus, throws him away and thus regains a sense of control over his life.
Many are so shy of the second intention, so ashamed of selfish ambitions that they struggle to “let go” of the plus. They say that let him go, let him be happy, let him be free, let him be free, let him leave confidently, and so on. Let him go, of course. If he can. It’s none of your business, you have to take care of yourself. You're in a weaker position, don't worry.
It goes without saying that if you were abandoned by someone you loved and sincerely wanted to build a relationship, it is not fatal.Having experienced this and accepting the fact that non-reciprocal love is normal, it happens to everyone, and to you too, and it does not mean that you are somehow different, but just the person needs something else, you become stronger. But the main force is not to accept the circumstances, but to get the most out of the situation.
Getting the most out of a comeback situation means instead of an indifferent and abandoned person to see someone who after the fact has at least respected you, and it is better to love and regret the breakup.Many fear that the love of the former plus will force them to start a new relationship that will end in nothing. Don't be afraid.
First, great love grows out of dislike very rarely. And you don't have to settle for a small one. Be firm. Stop being rags and depend on the desires of the plus.
Second, don’t think in advance about what isn’t there. Nobody loves you yet, what are you afraid of? Be afraid to stay on the beans. Try to return your figure importance in the field of the former. At least a small one, and better a bigger one. This will support your self-esteem, your self-esteem, and open the way for new stories. If he really changes his attitude completely... well, look. Why think about it beforehand? He hasn't cheated yet.
But back to the beginning of the comeback.Cumback begins when a decidedly departed plus seeks contact to "talk."
His motive is to get rid of the irritating, irritating feeling that he was rude for last, too categorical, did not express human warmth, did not say all the necessary words, in general he acted like a bad person, irresponsible.
You should understand that this state of plus is already a change in your figure. He used to be different. You let him go, he rested, thought of you in a friendly way, and you stopped seeming like a tantrum pressing on his brain with forceps. He saw you as a loving person. He does not love you, but he feels warm, sometimes nostalgia (if he loved you before).
How to deal with this warmth and nostalgia?
Most of the minuses with such a comeback (and the comeback begins with everyone who did not chase the departed and kick, but just let go) are launched into showdowns, proud of the fact that plus stood a little in the lower position, stopped kicking back and SAM wants to talk. They begin to talk profusely about what tormented them in the relationship, explain some of their actions, blame the plus or vice versa praise, trying to show him that yes, he is right, everything could have been better.
Having talked with the minus for some time in such a “friendly” way, the gone plus comes to the conclusion that he left correctly. Yeah, sorry, but there was no other way. After the conversation, he returns emotionally and mentally to the very period when he wanted to leave, when the situation pressed on him, when there was nothing exciting in the relationship and the ease was completely lost.
Once in this state, plus strengthens in his care. He's reporting it. And the minus remains with the mouth open. After all, he only thought that he did not need anything, but he hoped that plus changed his mind and wants to return. Tears and curses begin: why did he just jerk me? You're not a call to pull you. Don't move. Don't let me pull you.
When the comeback begins, you must firmly remember.Being warm and wanting to talk to you is normal. Don't throw yourself like a dog on a bone. You are a person and it is not surprising that another person wants to part with you in a good way, preferably in friendship.
He rested, pulled back and came to the conclusion that rollers and forceps are not the only thing you have, you also have many good qualities. But this is not a reason to rush to talk to him, pull back and at the same time load him with his doubts. No need to talk. Do not help the plus to establish their decision. Let him keep worrying.
If you think that you are very merciful and do not want to worry, remove the crown.They abandoned you, you were recognized as worthless and unnecessary, this is not a reason to hate the plus (and the merciful often staggers from pity to hatred), but also not a reason to take a condescending position. You forget that you are much weaker in this situation, and the power is on his side. He's a plus, not you. You got dumped. So don't play patron, please. Restore the strengths first.
In a word, let him (she) endure. See where his experiences lead him. If he likes and writes friendly comments under your notes in social networks (info personal there should be a minimum or zero, remember), do not react. Many people think: well, I even tell strangers why not answer this. Because he is not a stranger, but a person who has abandoned you. He not only offended you by evil will, but openly neglected you, in fact asked to untie, verbally or non-verbally asked. So let's go.
When frank proposals to talk begin to arrive, you can not answer anything as long as they are formulated rhetorically. Hello? How are you? Can we talk? No, you don't have anything to talk about. He's gone and you need to get rid of him, right? You don't want to move to the friend zone, do you? In a couple of years, not before, if your life is filled with another love, reciprocal and vibrant. Otherwise, such friendship will keep you under the plinth.
If the former plus formulates the request more clearly, proactively (he wants to talk, not you need to talk) or catches you near the house, so that you can not escape (the circus does not need to arrange, of course, you need to have a sense of proportion), ask him what he wants to talk about. If the wording is vague, say there is no desire to talk about it.
If he insists, let him speak, but remain silent. Do not answer questions (maximum “I don’t know” and “I should think” or “this is all unexpected, I can’t give an answer”) and especially do not go into monologues. You should have a minimum of words. They came to you to calm down and get rid of you, remember. No need to help. Let him stay tied. In this case, his figure in your field stops taking energy from you, and begins to give (the figure, not him, are different things).
Many people don’t know when to start a relationship again.
No sooner than when the plus has no doubt what he wants and he will convey that confidence to you.
Take your time. If you have at least one doubt, do not start anything. Negotiations are possible (if plus insists on converging, not just blah blah and memories). Start a relationship if you want to start and will not be afraid, and suddenly again, and suddenly not for long. As long as there are doubts, do not, you are still dependent. Let him run, then let him go. It's a normal outcome.
You have to understand that thoughts like “I would start if I was sure...” indicate that you are still very weak. When you start a new story in good shape, do you think I would start if I was sure it would be a wedding forever? No, you are not dependent on this person and are not afraid that he will suddenly disappear, you are just interested in what is happening at the moment, in high.
Chronic nonsense syndrome
Not always what you want, you really need it.
That’s when with the former plus you will become really interesting and pleasant to start a relationship and thoughts “and if he leaves me” will not, since you are no longer in the lower position and there is no dependence on him, then there is a chance to try relationships in balance.
Do comebacks often return balance?It happens. But you don't have to think about it in the process. The goal of comeback is not to restore relationships, but to restore your self-esteem (actually, consciously) and proactivity. Returning you to the feeling that you are not an abandoned thing, but the helmsman of your ship, can influence the situations of your life. published
Author: Marina Komissarova
P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!
Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/344149.html
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