People lose themselves in relationships, because he thinks "I've got nothing to lose".
Many do not realize that you can lose yourself so easily to lose.
Why don't you call-write-request-try again?Because I have nothing to lose!
Many argue so: if I do nothing, I will lose it, and if I... have nothing to lose, there is no way. They think that lose yourself is impossible. Here they are. Where do they go?
The sheath can and do, or rather not at once (in the pit, and the body decays), but the content is still like going anywhere.
A lost man. Imagine what he looks like? Weak, scared, not confident, not feeling the borders, not finding in itself supports. Here it is — the man who lost himself.
From the same series — waiting for "the last drop", which supposedly should fill up "the Cup".
Actually this Cup is rubber, she is getting a little deeper with each drop. Of course this will not stop. The threshold is valid all the time increases a little, it is the law of adaptation. But people think that they have some kind of "bowl" and it can be filled, and once filled, a single drop of tolerate will not want to leave and be easy. And while the Cup is not filled, the attempt — not torture, you still have nothing to lose. To lose the other people are afraid, lose yourself — no. Actually lose yourself is the worst.
Moreover, that without him you will be in hell, and anyone else you will does not need you to all spread in different directions.
A lost man — a real load, all the time he whines or clings, it has negative energy like a vampire and anyone don't like it. Even close taking with him only the sense of duty, without love. The attempt is real torture, if you're trying to impose itself on another person, and it is torture for him and for you.
Imagine, you don't need, think about that word.You do not need, but you still, you're trying to convince someone to take you on any terms.
I recently read a post in the friends list on. There she wrote that, doing exercises, suddenly realized what a self-esteem. So a lot of effort to invest in yourself, in your body, and then try to sell it to someone who still care, well, no, that's impossible. But with this sense of my value and worth of all invested themselves in the effort (and the efforts of their parents, respect for parents makes sense the value itself) starts self-esteem.
Many people ask: where we take the will not to suffer, who doesn't? Yes, no need for that will. Will need to the stone to clean up a big mess, which in principle can not dig. Here need will.
And not to suffer for someone who does not like, will not be needed. Only need self-esteem.
If this is not enough force, not in the crown case. The crown never close a hole that you think is truly dangerous. But if you think it is nonsense that you have nothing to lose, then Yes, the crown it may close, so as not to spoil your mood. If you hate to impose, but do not worry, you do not see this crown will help you is to close and consider his mercy and kindness. But if you understand that the loss of self-esteem deadly, the crown did not even turn up. All the bands will break and it is in the direction of fly off. Crown with a deadly things you will not play. When you train rushes, she's not going to convince you that it does not threaten and you have nothing to lose by staying on the rails. So here, if you understand how dangerous it is to merge themselves even in your own thoughts, you don't want to do that, you're not his enemy.
It is important to understand how self-esteem is needed to keep him as the Apple of his eye.
"I have nothing to lose," thinks the man and the tenth time dials the phone number of the girl that he is not responsible.
He does not hurt her, he realizes that she's not answering because he doesn't want to hear it, but he again and again calls, solving, and if she thinks that I think that I somehow offended her. He feels that he has nothing to lose, in fact, a girl thinks sadly he's a wuss and thinks the same about this man. But he doesn't want to think so, so wears a crown and thinks that theoretically could be that she is offended or doesn't believe in happiness.
"I have nothing to lose — the man thinks. Either persuade or not, will not be worse".
But the worst is sure to be. It will be worse with each new attack. Less her respect for him and his self esteem less.
She takes the phone and tells him to stop calling. If it said to the man, as he was yesterday, he'd left behind, but today it is a different person, he has already lost self-respect. This is the man who ten times in succession at intervals of ten minutes, called, and during the breaks wrote the message "please pick up", "I love you, pick up the phone", that is, behaved like suspended in the air. Rod anymore. Such a person has nothing to lose (though still that) and he thinks "I stopped myself proud, I already showed that I am weak", wears the crown of "weakness is strength" and begins to ask the girl to give him a chance. To blow off the boring Beau she begins to tell him hurtful things. She says she does not like that she already found another guy that he was nothing but friendship. But our man with nothing to lose, all swallows, and says that in friendship also agree. He clings to a straw.
He feels that he "take his." But without self-respect he will not have this power. He and others will lose too. To the person who has enough self respect it is obvious that at any time when you caught yourself on the sink itself, it is necessary to take feet in hands and run.
Not a single movement in the wrong direction is no longer making, while the second does not return to you all (what happens if I just comeback if a comeback complete, that is, the second is ready for balance), and if you do not return, forget it and make only one conclusion "never more himself not to betray, to cherish, to hold in his hands." But those who have "nothing to lose" who do not understand how important it is to maintain self-esteem, the opposite is true. They poured themselves further and further and no longer able to stay.
Self-esteem for them — fiction.As the soul is to the militant atheist. Haha, let's here your devil, I will gladly sell his soul. Never seen her and I don't need it. And that, for this abstraction is really a lot give? That's just about thinking about self-esteem some. This is what the hell is that? Happy to give the Hermes handbag or even cheaper. Two cans of Whiskas for my cat.
Only a joke with this bad to be honest. The less you have self-esteem, the weaker the core, the boundaries of the floating, self-esteem jump, and identity is spreading. You can do anything good to anyone almost is not necessary and the less you have self-respect, the less need. You avoid, you avoid.
Even in Nazi concentration camps was a question that completely depriving people of dignity and will certainly get the trembling ghosts, which are generally not able to work and are busy devouring of other people's excreta (tears, again they eat). That is, that people worked and saved adequacy, it needs to save and self-respect. When self-esteem is very a lot of people would not be a slave, he is very strong and brave, he is a hero.
If it is to subdue by force, will be planning a rebellion or escape. When self-esteem is smaller, it agrees to obey, but it will save the strength for rebellion. When self-esteem very little, he will be a slave, but the energy in it will not be enough and it will work very poorly. When self-esteem no, he will not be able to do anything, and will just eat excrement, having lost even the feeling of disgust and the instinct of self-preservation.
What is the connection between the humiliation of the people in the camps and self-abasement of the people in the relationship? The most direct. Only if the humiliation of losing yourself can be much faster because there is no internal resistance, which always got while trying to subdue you by force. And here you are yourself a traitor and get on my knees voluntarily. From inside the drain itself, much easier than when you are trying to get outside.
That is slawterhaus power (self actualization) — this is the core of a person. Ya his real Center of personality. This accumulated self-esteem, self-supply of energy in the ego. And giving it a piece here and there, very easy to lose the small stock that you have, instead of to increase them.
This stock is lost, when you feel betrayed, and the built up when you are defending your independence, when you make it clear to others that you respect yourself enough not to go on humiliating conditions. And don't go.
But please note, its independence cannot be defended by attacking. Only staying in bounds.
When you mess with someone or chasing someone to make him something to prove, to explain about my self-respect, you just drained yourself, as if you stuck and asked plaintively. Still the form in which expressed your persistence and stickiness, soft or rough, you will still show a dependence on that person, at that time, as you will need it you will not go. In a rude even stronger show as "out of yourself".
You can feel this lack of energy (or Vice versa a burst of aggression) and an even greater desire to get this man. But if it is closed within its borders, you will be powerless to throw it at the wall and lose himself more. That is, no matter how you demonstrate to others that the person is more important to you than your own life, the main thing that you do, and thus drained itself. You probably even strengthen it, increase the scale of his persona in the eyes of others (so, for example, the black PR), but even if not, you definitely weaken yourself, make someone else's food instead of feeding his person.
When you write about a person you have to think: he writes about you? If you always write about him, talk about him and think about you while he writes and even reads you feed myself to his person. If you monitor its pages after the breakup, and he forgot about you, you feed myself to his person. Not him! Him you don't need. The parasite in his field, which soon increased so that does take you into slavery and you will no longer distinguish her will from her.
This is not true when you read the pages not for the person but for the information that you want to use for yourself (if you can or not is not so important,the important thing is that in the center of intentions — your interest, your benefit, it strengthens you
). If benefit for you personally, there can not be, and it's just endless following on the heels for the man and interest in his person, his life in the field, it's bad. You lose self-esteem and perhaps from it really is almost nothing left. That is, it applies to any relationship, not just love. This applies to any of your enemy or the object of your jealousy, your resentment, at work, in family, in the Internet space, any meaningful to you person.
She hurt you, hooked and provoked, does not matter, that you are now drained themselves.
But a loving relationship for in the first place, because in all other respects, you expect at least some benefit for themselves, and in romantic relationships only benefit is relevant to you.
And if you are interesting a lot less interesting than you man, but you keep thinking about him and talking, then you agree to pay your energy (attention) at a reduced price. You acknowledge that much cheaper insignificance of this man. Its importance in the General field much more and you agree on the imbalance. Are you ready to be less and less. You commit yourself to worship him.
And you need this time to distance themselves and take the person with whom you have an imbalance of importance, and your attention. Because she does not appreciate, but for you it is the most valuable thing is your energy, it should be focused on your life. published
Author: Marina Komissarova
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © econet