Take care of your self-esteem...Often found: "he (she) dropped me self-esteem."
Talking about spouses (present, former), about partners, about the bosses and even friends. Let's see, in what case and how is this "lowering".
In General, the idea of spatial form of the hierarchy (top-down in the form of a ladder or pyramid) formed in humans from the moment of their occurrence
, billions of years ago. Therefore, people are very aware of all these nuances of treatment top-to-bottom in speech and behavior, and if suddenly do not understand, because of our own psychotoxic (fear to know myself that they in some situations are below, and some cheeky climb up, the desire to think that everything is always equal and is not threatened). The cerebellum is responsible for sense of balance, precise measurement of equality and balance, instantly evaluate people who have a predominant position on verbal and non-verbal signs.
If this is territorial rights (the man has more rights in their property, their greatest contributions, their competence), people feel the justice, balance, and here if does not correspond, it must feel stress, but very often include psychotesty, which distort the real picture and make it difficult to see the bias. In this case, a person loses part of spontaneity, his psyche creates tension unit, the amount of actual energy is reduced, but it avoids stress. Understand how this is happening?And psychotesty are included and those who appropriates the main top role, not having the right, and those who agree to lower role where he has rights.
First it is necessary to cope with the fear of retribution, the second to hide from themselves their own weakness. Very often, wanting to squeeze another part of his rights and stand on top, man creates in the mind a picture that the second aggressor towards him, took his advantage, took belonging to him once before, and now he must return to his own. To expropriate expropriated. Familiar? Here is our self-esteem, in fact, is the cerebellum and some other parts of the brain that make assessments of our rights with mathematical precision.
When Pythagoras said that "knowledge is a number", "all that is known, can be measured". That is the very perception of the world is built on accurate measurement and comparison of parts. The human brain has this feature. Therefore, we can say that the pursuit of justice is an innate human quality.
But contrary to this innate desire of inertia and weakness of human nature, the desire to avoid stress, invest less, get more, not to experience negative emotions, do not waste energy on the development and struggle.Intelligent, Mature person accepts the necessity of stress and the need to fight (the conscious even likes it), but the infantile personality, the unconscious, all the time trying quietly to get, not to strain and so then it resorts to illusions. Illusions are a side effect of the higher nervous activity.
Imagination and ability to create motivation, painting vivid, sensual picture of the future — a very important quality in human evolution, but the same ability can be used to switch the real paintings with illusions. People in early childhood finds this method of sedation is to imagine that he really do not like it, and one more favorite and beautiful. Stress is reduced, the mind remembers such an easy way to protect and nourish. It is like simple carbohydrates, fast sugars, which many people are addicted and ruin their health because glucose for the brain, the body must make proteins-fats-carbohydrates-and not to take from simple sugars. Allowing the metabolism to do nothing, man destroys himself.
The same happens when instead of real achievements people begin to use pleasure of the illusion. Pleasure is the reward for labor, it must always be remembered.
Assigning a reward without work, a person quickly becomes a drug addict, and anyway, what is his drug.
Thus, it is necessary to understand how striking plant is our mind and what she is capable of doing upon our request. The choice of the person to become stronger and develop the muscles of a person and the body, or to lie and decompose, using established on this plant drug.
Different types of drugs. Now about self esteem.
Often we see a couple in which one partner or spouse is talking with the second from the top, disrespectful or even contemptuous, and the second takes it's normal, like he deserved it. We know that contempt is impossible to speak with anyone (well, except that in response to unsubstantiated claims for someone someone else's) and certainly not with their own spouse.
We understand that the second lowered self-esteem, he does not appreciate himself, he allows themselves to be treated very badly and considers it normal.
Here is a typical example, when the part is visible low self esteem, agree on the obvious injustice, but the man himself is unable to see it.
Doubt that his cerebellum is measuring everything exactly the same as people, no, these parts are the same in all people, so we need to understand what kind of psychotesty his work that so distorts the picture. From what he protected?People do not want to see injustice because they are afraid of losing a partner.
He feels a dependence, usually emotional, although often a bunch of dependencies. At the thought of rebellion, or just about the reality of the situation (I resent, I resent) there is a risk of rupture of relations, Aman so afraid of changes of this kind that immediately grabs the illusion (I have earned, he is entitled, he has such a character, it means nothing, the illusion can be any). That is, low self-esteem in this case — agreeing to consider themselves below (but who am I, Yes me, so be it, it's all good) in order not to tear the connection
. Sometimes people are so intimidated that he was afraid not so much of a gap, how much in itself anger of the second.Attempt to defend the rights will cause anger and people are mortally afraid of this, he feels too weak and defenseless.
It happens in women, and men, men are also sometimes very afraid of female anger. Almost never afraid physically, but the brain stem hysteria and fear, as well as reputational losses (friends, relatives, arrange a public scandal) and other things. Not so important, what are people afraid, in any case it is not just weak, but wants nothing to do with his weakness, begins to think in the direction: how do I find a way to become stronger and to stop being afraid of the gap and anger? How do I get self esteem?
That is, the self-esteem in the first case, falling, not because someone from the outside takes it and puts you, because the second offers such conditions (poor, contemptuous, disrespectful treatment), exist in which it is possible only by recognizing your insignificance and agreeing to a lower role. And the man HIMSELF goes for it. Yes, sometimes it is forced to submit to external circumstances, but his task is to direct all its efforts to these circumstances to overcome.In itself the resistance to the circumstances and understanding that you should change your situation yourself, return self-image and self-esteem in place.
And if a person just agrees with this state of Affairs (or whines and asks another), he sacrifices self-respect. He said, ' I don't respect myself, I agree to consider myself weak, but would not do with this anything — can't so much strain. Self-respecting people are willing to strain as much as anything, ready even to die, if only to defend their right to self-respect. This is it I everything else is matter. People without self-esteem often expect the respect they give the other, and when another does not respect, still remain close to waiting or asking for respect.
Some people think that to wait and to ask for respect is better than to accept disrespect. But it all depends on the locus of control.If asking for respect for a person does not understand that it was up to him to communicate with not respecting him as a man or not, and disrespect the host sees that you have to leave and preparing to leave or something to radically change, the second is much better.
He silently tries to get out of the situation, not parading. The first requests, demands, and wants the other gave him something that he can only be himself, showing his will. Requirements may take years and it is much more dangerous than silently try to secede. If you are a dependent, but reign terror over those people, you cut the bough on which sit. Peel first, peel off yourself. That is, it is here "I lowered his self esteem!" is the howl I Infante, who didn't even realize how I was childish and mean and remained so, do not assume.
You were offered conditions of circulation, bad for a self-respecting person, but you agreed from cowardice, weakness, or greed, the result is your self-esteem would be near the floor, you put yourself, because the option to leave seemed worse than to be at the bottom.That is, you sell your self-respect for inertia and therefore your self-esteem was low.
And if it happened gradually and imperceptibly to you, it's because of your laziness and weakness has always been so big that you notice anything not wanted. If were determined to fight and development, would have noticed immediately and reacted.
The first change of tone was noticed.But as noted, if you just want to relax and do not want to spoil your mood?
It is better to skip past the ears, flip or forget.
Self-esteem is always sold for inertia or some nishtyaki.He says from above, but will feed, give money or otherwise support it.
Devalues, but well, we will do it for you, will take care of the problem. Offends, well, but will stay close and something else will give, benefits, easier, quieter, more prestigious than without it. That's what people sell self-esteem, and then complain that they have lowered self-esteem. Will not lower the self-esteem of the person which is ready to your needs to provide material and emotional.
That is, if someone or something has lowered you self esteem (not from the illusions delivered and you have seen normal, and down lower than you have), it is necessary to think not in the direction of "aggat", and a direction: why did I agree to such terms, where is my weakness, dependence, how to change it, how to prevent this in the future. Here's what you should think, and not what bad uncles and aunts you, little surrounded.
Author: Marina Komissarova
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©