People who are not very fond of, often justify this "he(she) is just such a character."
"He loves me, just greedy, she's in love, just by nature selfish, all people love in different ways, the characters are all different...". It's a convenient excuse when I want to "not bother".
Motto people used to drift in a boat of illusions: "don't bother". It is necessary to avoid trouble in any way, to live relaxed and not tense.
If you want to preserve passivity in the illusion that everything can be explained by human nature.
This under-loved little wolf, so selfish. That was a barefoot childhood, so she is greedy for money. And so they love, of course. Just on its own.
The word "love" generally loses its meaning. Loves — what does that mean? Here he is being selfish and greedy, it is a pity to you of money and time and effort, he is indifferent to everything that concerns you, he is busy only with themselves. So what you call love? Words of love that you pull with tongs and beat out the rolling pins?
Even if we assume that there are some incorrigible greedy and selfish people in love, they are not able to do. The love they have, either to you or to someone else. That is, the character creates a shell, which makes it difficult to feel close to you and the relationship. To feel the oneness with you and the community. That is why they are greedy and selfish.Do not tell stories, please, that you love. To love means to be generous, to love means to care not only about yourself but someone you love. This is the meaning of love, and if not, there is love.
Most people not clad in any armor, they are more generous, or more greedy with others,but in the case of a strong love behave about the same — very generous. Generous nature generous with many, because it applies to almost all of the heat. Greedy for most people it applies to strangers, closes them, but if someone opened, fell in love and began to think of this person as he as generous as generous. Or even generous! For the greedy love is something special and rare, so they are more generous than generous, for whom love is a common thing.
Yes, those who are greedy, usually Thrifty and hard to part with money, but this only affects the nature of their investments. They will not buy shit, they will give something valuable and useful. In fact the difference will be.If you appreciate and want to associate with you life, this will necessarily expressed in material terms. You will share certainly, you will not be greedy more than myself.
Or, selfishness. Some people think that there is a special "nature" in which man can be in love, but selfish to ignore the needs of a loved one, do not pay attention to him. It is technically impossible. If a person is in love, and not just a little sympathetic, love is his head, he thinks about it, he is at it, he seeks to approach him, he fears to lose it, to push away, so all time favorite in his focus and he notices all the little things.If your partner doesn't pay attention to your health, for your trouble, don't comfort yourself with the fact that he's just selfish and poorly educated mother. He may be selfish, and therefore does not love you, but if I loved you, he would have thought your problems are your own.
Often healthy people do not have such a serious degradation of character to be generally not capable of love. Selfish, too, fall in love, and merge the boundaries even more and faster than less self-centered people. The most favorite victims of the predators is the greedy and selfish, they give their all when they enter the relationship. (As in the song of Cat Basilio and Fox Alice from the movie). If the person is not selfish, he knows how to love and it's no real problem to get out of imbalance and fall in love with someone else. The same applies to cormorants. A generous man will easily let someone who does not give feedback, the greedy will try to recover their investments and bogged down in Gestalt.
So if your partner really was a greedy, selfish life, but he loved you, he would do everything for you. He is not greedy and not selfish not likely more than others. He just doesn't like you, so greedy and pay little attention to you.
It is pointless to beat out of your greedy attachment with a rolling pin. When you whine, complain, get angry and threaten to leave, it was a rolling pin. Will tell you that he is of such a nature that he's the man, he had such a childhood. Whatever the answer, your importance Skalka did not raise, and therefore greed is not going anywhere or there will be more. Even if you throw something in charity, you will feel aggressive beggar and upset even more. All rolling pins have the same reason: you think that the second value you, but not aware of the bad behavior and we need him to explain like a teacher.
If you realize that any bad behavior of a partner with you is your low significance for him, you will see that the demand is meaningless. The importance of requirements does not raise. Distance — you can try.
In fact, all conversations with the greedy man (Rodnichok and emotionally, and in the material sense) can be reduced to one:
- You give me a little give! (Attention, words, confidence, guarantees, investments etc) - I Have a character (= for you I no longer have).
- I need more! Others, and this is enough (= not be fancy, and you agree to it).
- I need more! Otherwise I'm crying, mad, jealous, do not believe in themselves, suffering etc. - More I can not give, can be then ever (= if you want, etc.).
If you realize that any schlocky dialogue, whatever it touched, it comes down to it, you will realize how pointless it is to claim to explain. You can say that you would like other relations, more warm and generous, and without waiting for a reply, to go back home.Answer you can not wait, because you can't stand with tongs, this further reduces the value, while you would like to raise. If you will catch up (write, call) and demanded to return to the same conditions, is all, "don't be cranky, I know you're not going anywhere if I just ask." Below the conditions have changed, people need to not talk and not to convince you in words, but to do something he never did before.
While he believes that will be enough and he is not ready to change anything. Not grasping at this straw to return to their illusions. Get out of relationships where your value is low, where you don't feel confident.
This is the first, will give a great chance to raise the importance, and second, will set you free from black spot and in any case give a chance for normal relations, even if not with this man. This will bring you self esteem, your most important asset for the growth of significance. Do not wait until you are kicked out or leaves you, it'll leave your self-respect is the hole, which will then be patched.
It's true not families with children in default, there's just so the bag will not collect, there is need to resolve all system of negotiations and restructuring of responsibilities, trying either to come into balance (but then both are keen to do everything possible, so both have the levers), or to stay friends (for the kids). But no children yet, it is very important not to get stuck in imbalance and default, calming myself with the fact that "he (she) is of such a character and so he(she) me, of course, loves".
I understand that the main question all people with a lame-esteem: how to understand, giving me little or enough? People who have weak self esteem, never really know what they are entitled to, and what not.
Author: Marina Komissarova
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©