6 core skills of close relations

The authors Janae Weinhold and berry Weinhold are six major skills that are necessary in order to achieve a really close relationship. Only six, not so much, right? Perhaps some of these skills you already have.

 

1. Exercise empathy

Empathy is the ability to perceive the world through the eyes of another, to wonder how the other thinks, lives and feels. Empathy is the desire to learn other with complicity and care. This is a big change for a person with protivozavisimoe problems, which, most likely, have learned to collect information about people only in order to satisfy their need to judge, control, dominate and defend.

Before people with problems of protivopolojnosti will be able to develop the ability of empathy, he needs to understand why it is still not mastered this skill. Due to certain conditions of life in the family, where he grew up, it was difficult or unsafe to be empathic. The key problems in the teaching of empathy is the liberation from the need to control, the rejection of domination and liberation from self-sacrifice.



2. Boundary

Boundaries are an important part of the process of transformation problems of protivopolojnosti. As children, they are more likely to have experienced a lot of interference and violence against their physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual self, what made them to build a protective wall.

The main problem of people with protivopolojnosti is way too many boundaries or walls. In a family where they grew up, they had a strong need for protection and security, and they need those boundaries to protect themselves from attacks. As a result, they have learned to disconnect from what others say. They can also try to control the situation, telling others what to feel and what not to feel.

The second question of borders is a violation of the boundaries of other people. Their aggressive course "the Best defense is a good offense" is actually a camouflage defense mechanism that works well in the business world, but suffers the sad failure in a relationship.

Aggressive behavior in a relationship leads to conflict and the everlasting battle between the sexes. It is important to develop a sufficient sense of security and safety without having to overly defend or to violate the border of another.

 3. Skills return projections

Projection occurs when people see negative traits in others, but do not recognize them in yourself (I want to make a little note to the text: from the point of view of Gestalt therapy, which I respect, projective perceive not only the negative traits, but positive, in General any). For people with problems of protivopolojnosti projection is a major challenge because they often don't realize their unmet needs of codependency. They can clearly see these needs in other people and often cruel to judge these "needy" people.

Typical protivozavisimoe game – "courtroom", where all are "under judgment." In this game, all the people summoned to the court, check and blamed for the fact that they are not perfect, because no one can meet the needs of protivozavisimoe person. This game is a great protection against intimacy, because focused on that other badly and protivozavisimoe allows a person to look good and not look at your own inner world. In addition, it allows you to remain separated, to surpass others, to control everything to feel safe.

 4. Skills correcting parenthood

In a conscious sustainable relationships, people may agree to help each other to satisfy their unmet needs and establish the necessary basis for the development of intimacy. Cooperation on such a deep level, where people share their old wounds, violence, desertion, scars that occurred when they were growing up in a dysfunctional family, can create the same intimate relationship as sex. The establishment of a cooperation contract, which helps people to meet their unmet needs may change the relationship full of pain and conflict, the relationship between proximity and care.





5. The conflict resolution skills

In close relationships, people need conflict resolution skills, needs and desires, values and beliefs. Some of the conflicts that hurt the old wounds can be repeated and be difficult to cure. It is important that partners have mastered the skills of conflict resolution.

 

Also interesting: what you need to know about my anger

As we pull on other people's problems

 

6. Skills of sexual communication

 

The bedroom is another place where true intimacy is hard for people with problems of protivopolojnosti as there partner is likely to require emotional intimacy and honest relationship. It can make protivozavisimoe people again to build walls of protection.

Due to the fact that they have not learned to care or take care, it is difficult for them not just to make love, but go to deeper levels of intimacy. As a result, they find ways to avoid sexual intimacy with employment, many sexual partners, beliefs of their partner that he/she is sexually unattractive or have sexual deficiencies.published

 

Author: Elena Osokina

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: osokina.com.ua/%D0%BA%D0%BE%D1%80%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%BA%D0%BE-%D0%BF%D1%80%D0%BE-%D0%BD%D0%B0%D0%B2%D1%8B%D0%BA%D0%B8-%D0%B1%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%B7%D0%BA%D0%B8%D1%85-%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%88%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%B8%D0%B9/