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The original method of avoiding the conflict as a form of psychological warfare
Hikto does not want to interfere. When conflicts become frequent, the person struggling to find a way out. Someone is trying to avoid contact, someone goes to a direct conflict, someone is looking for techniques and methods of how to behave. The final focus of this post, the idea of the appearance of which was born after watching the video next topic «How to put a man on the spot: 10 real questions about the pressure in negotiations ». Tips interesting and no doubt the skillful use of effective, but there is another interesting method of avoiding conflict, entitled "Psychological Aikido", developed by Litvak Mikhail Yefimovich (psychologist, psychotherapist, PhD). Once this method is a good idea to help me in dealing with a very temperamental boss. But all in order.
I had a chance to get into the food companies, where the immediate supervisor [HP] appeared to me as a man and a specific communication which did not succeed to establish. He worked as product owner-ohm and product requirements often written in a free-freestyle-type "as was thought." Any attempt to clarify the requirements met with phrases like: "Well, do the little things can be confusing" or "You can even decide something ?!". However, the decision by someone other than him, he, too, could not stand. All this led to alterations, long conversations in humiliating-joking manner and derision not taken its decision ("how could you put a" green / yellow when it's so ugly! "," What idiot came up with the output of the program to implement such a way " m and n). He did not hesitate in expressions and intonations, and each came up with its unique appeal in cases where something had to not like. For example, in his address, I often heard the phrase: "That's because you are mediocre as a performer," or "never seen a more stupid employee." In general, after a month of work, I just realized that working in the company will not stay. And somewhere in that time, stumbled on the technique of psychological aikido, decided to try. Firstly, it is very interesting method, secondly, seemed somehow too fantastic to work with and, thirdly, it is still worse would not be).
The essence of the method is well described by its author M. Litvak in the book "Psychological Aikido". In general terms, it all comes down to the fact that disagree with konfliktuemym and in this way to amortize the conflict. This is the first step that will not provoke the growth of aggression.
Basic principles of depreciation:
1.Spokoyno accept compliments.
2.If you are satisfied with the proposal, agreeing on the first try.
3.He to offer their services. Help when he made his case.
4.Predlagat cooperation only once.
5. Do not wait until you start to criticize - criticize himself.
3 describes the method of depreciation - direct, lag and prevention. I tried to direct and prevention. Here is an example of the immediate depreciation book:
A: You fool!
B: You are absolutely right! (Avoiding hitting).
Usually two or three departures from the attack is enough to prevent flare conflict. In emergency response can be extended as follows:
B: How do you quickly realized that I was a fool. Me for so many years been able to hide it all. When your insight you a great future! I'm just surprised that you are still the bosses are not appreciated!
Option with an invitation to cooperate:
A: We offer you the position of chief.
B: 1) Thank you. I agree (with the consent).
2) Thank you for an interesting proposal. Hado think and weigh everything (if it is assumed a negative answer).
It should be noted that the agreement should be given immediately after the first invitation. If the first invitation was insincere, all at once falls into place. The next time you in these games will not play. If the invitation is sincere, you will appreciate the quick agreement.
With regard to the preventive cushioning, it operates in the case where conflict is anyway on a similar scheme. Carnegie in such cases, says: "Tell me about yourself all that is going to make your accuser, and you deprive him of wind sails."
Example preventive amortization (from the book):
Hado come to your boss and say something like: "I have come to you scolded me. You know what I've done ... ".
I first got to put into practice when the [HP] after 20 minutes for all the sins exhorting uttered the phrase: "Do you know why you could not do what I asked for ?!". And instead begin to explain the real reasons as before, I said, "That's because I - incompetent employee." To my surprise there was no limit, because [HP] hesitated, muttered something and left. Prior to that, the theme of my ineptitude would highlight all sides so tsat more minutes.
Subsequently, similar to depreciation pieces had to use a couple or three times, and apparently interest in me at [HP] was lost. Questions, clarify the requirements [HP] yet started to answer, dry and without desire, but it was enough to eliminate the problem of constant tinkering with details. As a result, a company I still went away on its own initiative, without conflicts and untried new psychological techniques. I hope someone else, he would also be useful.
Source: habrahabr.ru/post/218663/
I had a chance to get into the food companies, where the immediate supervisor [HP] appeared to me as a man and a specific communication which did not succeed to establish. He worked as product owner-ohm and product requirements often written in a free-freestyle-type "as was thought." Any attempt to clarify the requirements met with phrases like: "Well, do the little things can be confusing" or "You can even decide something ?!". However, the decision by someone other than him, he, too, could not stand. All this led to alterations, long conversations in humiliating-joking manner and derision not taken its decision ("how could you put a" green / yellow when it's so ugly! "," What idiot came up with the output of the program to implement such a way " m and n). He did not hesitate in expressions and intonations, and each came up with its unique appeal in cases where something had to not like. For example, in his address, I often heard the phrase: "That's because you are mediocre as a performer," or "never seen a more stupid employee." In general, after a month of work, I just realized that working in the company will not stay. And somewhere in that time, stumbled on the technique of psychological aikido, decided to try. Firstly, it is very interesting method, secondly, seemed somehow too fantastic to work with and, thirdly, it is still worse would not be).
The essence of the method is well described by its author M. Litvak in the book "Psychological Aikido". In general terms, it all comes down to the fact that disagree with konfliktuemym and in this way to amortize the conflict. This is the first step that will not provoke the growth of aggression.
Basic principles of depreciation:
1.Spokoyno accept compliments.
2.If you are satisfied with the proposal, agreeing on the first try.
3.He to offer their services. Help when he made his case.
4.Predlagat cooperation only once.
5. Do not wait until you start to criticize - criticize himself.
3 describes the method of depreciation - direct, lag and prevention. I tried to direct and prevention. Here is an example of the immediate depreciation book:
A: You fool!
B: You are absolutely right! (Avoiding hitting).
Usually two or three departures from the attack is enough to prevent flare conflict. In emergency response can be extended as follows:
B: How do you quickly realized that I was a fool. Me for so many years been able to hide it all. When your insight you a great future! I'm just surprised that you are still the bosses are not appreciated!
Option with an invitation to cooperate:
A: We offer you the position of chief.
B: 1) Thank you. I agree (with the consent).
2) Thank you for an interesting proposal. Hado think and weigh everything (if it is assumed a negative answer).
It should be noted that the agreement should be given immediately after the first invitation. If the first invitation was insincere, all at once falls into place. The next time you in these games will not play. If the invitation is sincere, you will appreciate the quick agreement.
With regard to the preventive cushioning, it operates in the case where conflict is anyway on a similar scheme. Carnegie in such cases, says: "Tell me about yourself all that is going to make your accuser, and you deprive him of wind sails."
Example preventive amortization (from the book):
Hado come to your boss and say something like: "I have come to you scolded me. You know what I've done ... ".
I first got to put into practice when the [HP] after 20 minutes for all the sins exhorting uttered the phrase: "Do you know why you could not do what I asked for ?!". And instead begin to explain the real reasons as before, I said, "That's because I - incompetent employee." To my surprise there was no limit, because [HP] hesitated, muttered something and left. Prior to that, the theme of my ineptitude would highlight all sides so tsat more minutes.
Subsequently, similar to depreciation pieces had to use a couple or three times, and apparently interest in me at [HP] was lost. Questions, clarify the requirements [HP] yet started to answer, dry and without desire, but it was enough to eliminate the problem of constant tinkering with details. As a result, a company I still went away on its own initiative, without conflicts and untried new psychological techniques. I hope someone else, he would also be useful.
Source: habrahabr.ru/post/218663/
