When the break contact is impossible
When dealing with any toxic and manipulative people, including narcissists, psychopaths, stalkers, sociopaths, people with borderline and hysterical personality disorders — in short, with all types of emotional vampires
— usually suggest that the lack of response is the best response to unwanted attention
Often this is indeed so, and the method of severing All Contacts
(avoiding any communication) should be used always if possible
. This is perhaps the most effective way to rid your life of hell, in which regular communication with the emotional vampire you immerses.
However, there are a number of situations in which the method of severing All Contacts are impossible
, for example, in the case of separation from a toxic person custody of the child. Or if ex-partner is stalking you, the deprivation of his right to a meeting can infuriate. In such a situation, the refusal to answer him may be seen by the psychopath as an insult. Such people may decide that they can make and force you to answer them, and thus satisfy your thirst for control over you.
Moreover, many of us tried to end the relationship with this person a few times, but only to every time to take him or her back. They included compassion and charm, but because we didn't understand that this is the type of behavior that is used by psychopaths and other nasty individuals, we believe their promises to change the situation in the future or to change ourselves. They know all of our emotional hooks. For them easy and fun to lure us back, appealing to our emotions. But the manipulators never change.
In fact, if you break up with a psychopath, he may go to great lengths to punish you even more, for what you dared to think that I can be independent.
Even if you don't take them back, the most dangerous time for the victim — the initial gap with a psychopath/narcissist
. They come into a rage because they are ignored. Loss of control or power over man for them, not only the narcissistic injury they may feel the complete devastation when their partner leaves them, even if they had intended that partner to kill. The reason is the loss of control. All manipulators must constantly feel the control. Here in these situations and there is a Method of Stone.
To drain the source of the drama
How do we escape this parasitical leech without triggering a bout of violent revenge? The method of Gray Stone — is, first and foremost, a way to push the psychopath to the loss of interest to you.
It differs from the Method of severing All Contacts that you are not trying to openly avoid contact with an emotional vampire.
Instead, you allow contacts, but only given boring, repetitive responses and reactions, forcing the parasite to go somewhere else in search of the source of the drama. When contact with you consistently and predictably unsatisfactory, the mind of a psychopath is configured to wait from you of boredom instead of drama. Psychopaths are addicted to the drama and can't stand boredom.
Eventually he will find someone else to satisfy their need for drama and find that it pulls you less and not so often. And at some point will simply crawl away to greener pastures.
The method of Gray Stone — a way to teach the psychopath to the fact that you are a bad and worthless target for prosecution, especially as you tire it and make bored, and boredom they suffer.So you will cause the manipulator to leave on their own.
We can say that the Method of Gray Stone — is a way to break with a psychopath, by using the old excuse "it's not you, it's me"
, the only difference is that you show it by his actions instead of to say it words, and a manipulator himself comes to this conclusion. There is nothing to envy
Another reason to use the Method of Gray Stone — the opportunity to avoid the role of "extraction" from the very beginning
. If you find that appeared in the society of one or more narcissistic personalities may work with them, or they are members of your family, it is important to avoid activation of their envy. Using the Method of Gray Stone, you depart into the background. Maybe they won't even remember that I met you.
If you inadvertently attracted their attention, and they have already started to focus on you, you can still use the Method of Grey Stone. Tell them that you are boring (th). Describe a boring life. Talking about the most mundane household chores in great detail. Some people by nature lack the aura of drama. Find these people and stay close to him when the manipulator is in the vicinity. To distract the "broken wing"
If You have to pursue a relationship with a manipulator, the Method of Gray Stone can also be of good service to You. The people involved in the joint custody of the child with a manipulative ex-husband (th), can use the method when the former (th), the spouse(-and) trying to hurt them and raise emotions.
It is clear that any threat to the welfare of our children incredibly much to provoke fear and excitement. Here is a Method that Grey Stone can be applied selectively to divert attention from what is really important to you.
In General, do not show any emotions in response to the offensive words and behavior. The manipulator will use different tactics to discover which of them will cause a reaction. And you should respond to what is least important. It will focus paddle on this aspect.
Remember, psychopaths and other manipulators do not have values, so they do not understand what is valuable to us as long as we do that they will not find it. Sampling Method Gray Stone shows them the bait. In the protection of their children, we can learn from mother nature: it is known that birds parents and Chicks represent a broken wing, when in the vicinity wandering predator. They pretend to be vulnerable, to distract the cats from their real vulnerability of their offspring.
In this example, the sampling Method Grey Stone overshadows all the emotions, except those that you want to demonstrate a social predator. Psychopaths get bored very easily.
They need constant stimulation to ward off boredom. It's not the boredom experienced by ordinary people, it is more like the French word'ennui, which refers to the all-consuming anguish, boredom and lethargy. Drama is the cure psychopaths of boredom.
For drama needs an audience and the actors. As soon as the drama starts, they will again feel alive. Their charges, when they pull the strings that cause our emotional reaction. Come any emotion as long as it is a reaction to their actions. Psychopaths and other manipulators depend upon the government.
The power they receive, giving them access to our emotions. They keenly felt this need regular tests to make sure that we are still under their control. They need to know that we are still ready to act in accordance with their desires, make them happy and to avoid their wrath. They need to create drama to experience a sense of power from manipulating our emotions.
As with any addiction, getting my dose of emotional reaction excites and revives the psychopath. The more times he gets his "reward" for his dramatic behavior, the greater grows his addiction. The opposite is true: when the "reward" ceases to arrive, he was nervous. He feels an overwhelming sense of boredom and longing and responds by creating even more drama.
If we follow this line of conduct and not show emotions, at some point, the psychopath decides that his toy is broken. She no longer spits with emotion when he grabs her! Most likely, he will crawl away from you in search of new toys. Method Grey Stone includes a note of caution:
psychopaths are dangerous people, if you are in a relationship with one of them who had already decided to kill you, it will be very difficult to change his decision. He can poison your food or secretly damage your car. Take all necessary precautions. In such a case, you should only hope that the Method of Gray Stone will only help to buy time before you will be able to escape. Boring, poor and ugly
Psychopaths are attracted to bright, beautiful things, everything moves quickly and the bright lights. These items are linked to the feeling of liveliness and ease always present the overwhelming longing. Of course, its preferred food — your emotions, but the list of what it desires, are not limited.
He is jealous of all the beautiful, shining and sparkling, what have you and wants that you appreciate.You have to hide all that he can see and what may get jealous.
- If you are beautiful, use makeup to draw bags under the eyes.
- If you are married to a manipulator, any of your money or assets which he wants, should "disappear" in a "very bad investment" (check with your lawyer).
- Your shiny new sports car to go into retirement — set up a simple, unassuming everyday car.
- If you have a great reputation, expect that he will start or has already started to slander you. So do not let to put themselves in a compromising position or to provoke an unstable or unhealthy behavior.
The reason he wants to take away all that you have, not necessarily that he wants to have it all himself, and because he wants to see the emotions on your face in the moment when you'll lose it all. The manipulator need a show of force, expressed in the fact that he is the man who has deprived you of all this.
In advance removing from his sight all these things and not showing emotional reactions to these losses, you continue to accustom him to the thought that you are the most boring person in the world, the man he never and in no way will want to be like. Origin Of Gray Stone
In 2009, the author of the original text broken up with my partner a psychopath after 25 years of marriage, but did not understand what was wrong with him.
"I sat at the sushi bar in mixed feelings when I had a tall, handsome young man of a sports view. To my surprise, I instinctively dumped him its history. He listened to me and then explained to me that I dealt with perversum Narcissus. And gave me some advice: "Be boring."
He said that his girlfriend every night, came home, started to drink and behave terrible and abusive way. They were both professionals, rotating in the same professional circles. He knew she would haunt him if he decides to break and didn't want to take the risk to become a victim of slander, that could damage his professional reputation.
And he decided to become so boring, so she just left it. He refused to go anywhere in the evenings. He showed no emotional responses to anything and always responded with no drama. When she asked if he wanted to go to a cafe or a restaurant for dinner, his reply was: "I don't know." After a few months without drama, she moved out.
... I chose the word "grey stone" because wherever you go, is full of gray stones and pebbles, but you never notice. None of them attracts your attention. You don't remember a single stone separately from those seen today, because they blend in with the scenery. This is exactly the type of boredom that you are going to translate manipulator. The stranger from the sushi bar made a startling observation when he advised to "be boring". He got to the heart of the motivation of the psychopath is to avoid boredom.
In nature, there are many tricks of survival among predators. Among others, depict birds broken wing to protect the offspring, and the mouse pretending to be dead, until the cat will lose interest in them. Both of these tactics may be useful and can be applied as needed and appropriate.
Also interesting: the Danger of unequal relations 6 types of manipulation in communication: how to avoid becoming a victim
At the same time very difficult to calculate each move of a psychopath to choose the best line of behavior every time. Instead of trying to outwit or outplay, stream the grey stone.
This simple, modest natural object has all the necessary wisdom to be unnoticed — it is boring.published
Author: Skylar, subtitles — Tanya Tank
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©