To live in society and be free from society is impossible. Throughout our lives we interact with many different people, and these interactions can be positive for us and destructive. But there are life situations that are particularly dangerous for the psychological state of a person, because in extreme cases they can lead to suicide.
We are talking about interaction with people, which are called manipulators, emotional and energy vampires, psychopaths,
there is even a scientific term — perverzne the narcissists
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For simplicity I will call them the manipulators.
The manipulator is the person who has never decided on an open and direct struggle for power, he never dares to open conflict, on the use of force, he comes to power only through psychological violence directed at a person, inadvertently caught in his field of vision.
The manipulator could be anyone, not necessarily a third-party person with whom you had the temerity to meet you. The manipulator can be mom, dad, sister, brother, and it's even worse than if it was a stranger. Most manipulators are men, husbands, loved the people who did not expect such a ruthless attitude.Sixty nine million nine hundred fifty seven thousand five hundred seventy six
Manipulators – the people, the basis of life who bear the overwhelming desire to distort, to twist, to turn, so such people were called perversely, from Latin pervertere.These people chose a strategy of psychological violence
not from the fact that "childhood trauma", or "I brought", and only because they have no emotional life as such
They are not able to experience true deep human feelings by themselves. They don't know what empathy, compassion, they have no nervous breakdowns, no emotional trauma, which they so love to hide behind. But they certainly should provoke the feelings of his victim.
They always pretend their own existence, through the assignment of the feelings of others and the destruction of the human personality-Gervais.Because they are the only possible way of existence – psychological violence, destructiveness, simulando. Hence the frequent comparison of such people with vampires.
Manipulators perceive other people as subjects or objects, animate and inanimate, and the subject is always perversely. Therefore, the relationship to people as objects with defined functions and "serve" the people of the manipulator as long as he manages to take from them what he wants.And who are the victim of the manipulator?
Oddly enough, it's not "some are not" people with a broken mind; are themselves wounded or interesting to the manipulator.Manipulator interesting people strong, optimistic, with a high level of personal energy, successful, cheerful, not prone to cynicism or falsehood, having an opinion and able to make their own decisions.
Such — the normal, humane – people are attracted to the manipulator. Very much manga they have energy.Sacrifice is not a psychological characteristic of the person, the victim is a situational role.
A victim can become a once in a lifetime, regardless of gender or age, financial status, career, and you can be constantly, repeatedly falling into the trap of a manipulator."Plunge" can be anyone who is ready to build normal human relationships, who believes in and listens to the close person.
Here on this manipulator, and begins to play. The game is ruthless, life and death.
A person becomes a victim of the manipulator because the manipulator has decided that a person is "good" that he wants to assign, therefore, to say that the victim herself attracted such a person is fundamentally wrong.The manipulator is a parasite on the man who subdues with the help of psychological violence.
And few people understand that was a victim of the manipulator directly. Just because the manipulator has no force.In any relationship with a manipulator it is possible to allocate following stages:
1. The seduction of the victim
Here the manipulator presents itself as a very desirable man, and starts to simulate love. If this is a relationship men and women, this stage is the seduction of the victim on all fronts, the constant texts, calls, participation in life a million questions about her lifestyle, about what interests her, what she "breathes". The victim is not necessarily a woman, although in 3 of 4 cases is exactly what happens.
Here "she" is a victim, he's a manipulator.
So, at this stage of scanning the image of a victim, in order to simulate "Ideal". The victim, of course, even thought there may think that a sincere interest in her life and personality is nothing like the study of "technical characteristics" of the person and the "goods" that she can give.The manipulator needs to put the victim on the hook of emotion, to disable her ability to adequately and critically assess the validity.
The course is now a passionate sell of the victim; the seduction is a "suddenly" erupted feelings, which are intentionally exaggerated in order to stun the victim, and not to give her a critical look at the true state of things. 24 hours a day paddle near the victim, sometimes using the whole Arsenal of techniques of seduction: flowers, gifts, night calls with "love", "I want you to meet with friends", baths, dinners, favors, all that was showing ever in a movie. The goal is to befuddle, not to think, to grind only one thought in his head — "he's in me is in love and needs my love."
At this point, the manipulator even more it gives the victim "the" not allowing her to be one, being present in her life constantly. The manipulator also hooked on the energy of sacrifice, that is starting to enjoy the "benefits". While at this point, the manipulator provokes the victim to separation from family, acquaintances, friends, closing the energy exchange itself.
The manipulator is trying to create an image of omnipotence in the first place, starting to think and decide for the victim.
- "You don't understand their feelings, but I know how you feel»,
- "I know that's what you want, no need to deny it."
That is, the manipulator pretends that he understands the unconscious motives of the victim and "reads" her thoughts. Clipping from the circle of friends is perceived by the victim as a necessary and the only correct variant of development of relations, "he misses me". The victim doesn't notice, as she has neither personal space nor the time nor the energy for something other than the paddle. At this stage, the victim begins to "justify/explain", and manipulator "suspect/accused". Personal boundaries are lost, the victim begins to programmed manipulator to the desired behavior.
And programming it does not start once in the forehead, and starts with seemingly a mere detail, which are difficult to immediately identify as psihodelia. Sacrifice begin to "devalue" slowly, but systematically. Give an example of implicit devaluation and "cancel".
Vikin new friend was, in General, does not new. Has long been constantly crossed by the work, and Vic has even attempted to seduce him, seeing his blatant interest, but the man did not go beyond the duty of greetings for the New year and the eighth of March. And when Vick does have spat on it and decided to switch to other men, this very man suddenly invites her for a "relationship". Showed, that is to say, the initiative. Vika didn't mind.
After a few months the man decides that it's time to take a break from work and flies away in a hot country. Without Wiki of course, and even without solemn promises to write. And since by this time he managed to convince the Vic for daily communication, then, giving him a day at "the crossings", she began to wait for messages from him.
And so it appears in the network... Vika in anticipation of communication, stories about how and what...But...he never wrote. But Vika saw on his page "Thanks for greetings" from his "ex". And one of her with birthday wishes!
Vika messages for the entire period of leave from him and not wait.
That is because, and he explained that they accessed the Internet only once during the holidays, and the message had only "former" to send. And Vick did not, after all, should he, like an honest man, to congratulate once close to him happy birthday. And Vick is not close, and even, it appears, is not the first, but it is not clear what is on his list. To tell her, it was not necessary that he was all right, that he was alive and healthy. Well, I think, took care of greeting the former, because she saw that he had written, so alive and healthy. Vika-you probably also wish that he would have congratulated her, God forbid, they disperse. It's what normal people do. So, Vick is not normal, since she is uncomfortable.
And everything seems to be explained, but the depreciation've done twice as much. For the first time when Victoria was not the most important person, who write, get to the Internet (I'm not saying that you can write SMS or call), and the second time when she was accused of "abnormal" when Vika dare say that she is disturbed by his contacts with the former.
In principle, a simple example where the psychological violence is served with sauce of "normality", and the depreciation artfully covered "iron" arguments. Psychological abuse is always covered up, and scary.
3. The manipulation and operation
Then begins the blatant manipulation. Care from talking, refusing to give explanations, boycotts, just disappearing for a few days and the refusal to explain it. The manipulator can not answer calls, to avoid tactile contact, to disappear, to appear. His mood can change, he can refuse to communicate, "after all, with things not talking."
But there are strange facial expressions, resentful look, sighs, inappropriate behavior. Questions about what happened, the manipulator denies the conflict or that he is offended.
The victim while trying to figure out, "What have I done wrong? What is my fault?", getting no answer, begins to wait for "mercy" from the manipulator. When he will come to you and explain, to speak with her. The victim is paralyzed, she was refused the right to be heard, she was denied the right to know the truth. The manipulator therefore takes the blame for their actions on the victim.
Because in the process of seduction he has spent many forces and energy. And though he almost immediately starts to feed on the energy of the victim, in the inverted world of the manipulator, it is not taken them into account. The manipulator starts to simulate love, and at the same time begins to hate the victim for the necessity of such behavior. His own motives are projected onto the victim and now the "she wants to control me", "she wants to marry me," "she uses me".
Denying the victim's verbal contact, the manipulator provokes her a statement in writing of their claims and feelings. The victim writes manipulator letters in the message in the social network or by email. The victim begins to analyze everything that happens between them, ask him questions, and she tries to answer them.
This leads to the fact that the victim apologizes for what she does something wrong, the the most by taking responsibility for the relationship itself.
This was achieved by the manipulator. Now he has every right to "train" the victim further.
It is always a little doda. Attention, of contact, of understanding, of communication. The victim continues to devalue, sending studs to the shape, appearance, mind, work, family, friends…The victim does not understand what is happening, because it does not occur that the native one does it purposefully and with full awareness. And therefore could not recognize the danger.
Because the manipulator looks confident and authoritative. And does everything so that, formally, to carp there is nothing. "Don't", "you do not behave correctly, a little work and it will be fine."
The positioner will not allow the victim in your inner world, and do not allow the victim to go far. He does this by either giving the victim a paradoxical answers to her questions with answers that are not:
Manipulator: This is impossible!
Victim: But why?
Manipulator: Think about it/a!
Victim: can You explain what's wrong?!
Manipulator: You should/and myself, did not have enough brains!
or jerking the victim of his appearances/iscathamiya.
The victim begins to "beat my head against the wall". She always think that she did something wrong, doing something wrong, bad explains/tells, cannot convey. And she gives the manipulator "flag in hand", to the more devalued it.
- "He is a good man, just I'm not able to explain properly»,
- "He just didn't understand, he needs to tell again that I don't like".
Over time, the constant misunderstanding of the situation, these emotional swings the victim develops a shaky, borderline.
The manipulator continues to play their footy game, allowing the victim closer to him, ignoring her.
The victim won't know what exactly to complain about how you can Express what you constantly devalue. You constantly blame? Well, as you lucidly explained what YOU are, it's all because of YOU.
The victim begins to suggest that it is possible to behave in a similar way, because there's something wrong. The victim pulls more and more, and every time she needs to find an excuse: "I can handle it, can handle it, I could not explain to him.... just need a little patience, it has a difficult character... what am I doing wrong?»
The manipulator never says what really thinks, and does all three. It is similar to the "two-faced Janus", the Jack-the-box, and interesting snuff, since there's not even a double bottom. And sacrifice all the time it seems that there, on the very last day – and there are real, human, normal, adequate person. And the fact that he doesn't like this – it's my fault…
The victim blaming in an unstable emotional state, changes of mood, implying that the more such a "bad" mood, the less it wants to communicate. And the victim needs to keep emotions to themselves, if she wants to communicate with her.
In the end, twisted horn of a RAM victim is a man with a deaf neurosis, which often talks to "herself", although in fact the victim of "talking" with manipulator, all trying to explain to him, to convey…
The victim starts to look for signs of "psychological trauma" from a loved one, trying through the reading of literature "cure" of the manipulator. The victim feels inseparable from the manipulator, the personal boundary is already erased, and the fear of losing the paddle as a support existence, does not allow the victim to get out of the loop.
The victim can't admit to myself that was the victim of a manipulator, the other man's long and deliberately used it, making it so callously. Attempts to find the inner logic of events does not lead to a result, it leads to powerlessness, and shame, and then self-flagellation and self-blame.
The victim really can't escape from the relationship with the manipulator. Victims are not masochists, and they don't like bestial relations. And they don't get pleasure from it.Manipulators hoisted the victim on such relations, changing her physiology.
The constant change of hormone levels in the body of the victim lead to that result.
- At the stage of seduction, the victim experienced an overabundance of the hormone of happiness,
- in times of stress – release of cortisol,
- at the stage of infiltration and manipulation there is a constant alternation in the level of hormones.
Answered the call – endorphins, disappeared for a week – cortisol. Imagine that the swing is constant, and there you have a physiological addiction in addition to psychological.
It's like drugs, the victim is injections, she constantly needs a fix.
The manipulator has long compartment for victims, alternative sources of energy, she lost contact with friends, acquaintances, relatives. Manipulator overshadowed them all, and the victim sees no point in existence without him, she literally disappeared in it.
The manipulator always keep the victim under stress without letting it recover and critical look at the situation, because the victim need until may to give him the benefit.
The manipulator hates the victim because he is forced to feign feelings, and at the same time can't let her go. The psyche of the victim, trying to protect her, justifies psihodelia unrealistic understanding with the personality of the manipulator. And he really understands the victim, as the victim of his personality anymore.
4. The destruction of the victimThere are two ways.Initial is to fully accept the situation, to obey the manipulator, and take it all psihodelia, and even ask for more.
Manipulator sucks the life out of the victim all that time to suck in a peaceful way, women just begin to beat. Seeing the suffering, tears and pain of the victim, the manipulator satisfies their hatred as long as the victim can somehow resist. When the victim obediently lying at my feet, begging me to "ask her", perversly just disappears of their life sacrifices to start all over again with another person.
And the victims just break down. The clinic of neurosis is the best that can be after a breakup. Often the victims of manipulators commit suicide. In this case, the manipulator includes a mode of seduction, and people really do not understand how any case can live with a schizophrenic
. Perverzne cleverly able to cover his tracks.Second way — for stronger initially people.
They somewhere deep down know that this situation will kill them, if they will not take any retaliatory action. And the victim begins to snap.
Her "eat", she begins "to eat" in response from her "chop off" pieces of meat, it begins to "chop off" pieces of meat. The only way to escape from this psychoid. The only way to save his life, as in the corner of a hunted animal snarls.
And the victim again receives a "confirmation" of its inadequacies, about which so much is said to her arm. After initially healthy person will not be adequate to tear the other person "just because." And the victim knows that it was originally a normal person, with normal feelings and emotions.
When such episodes is a lot, a manipulator, they were very expensive, so it's easier to throw gnawed the victim and find yourself pappelina.And from the outside it looks like this good man finally got rid of that shrew.
The victim also experiences the hell of withdrawal, because you need to learn to live without positioner, and any "dose" of communication with him is perceived as "a ray of light in the darkness". Like addicts. Parting with the manipulator is accompanied by poisoning the whole body, because all that shit had to nasarat manipulator, just rots in the body of the victim, poisoning her.Mice are terrible people, you're in his world – only the object with the desired characteristics, and benefits that must be it.
Fight against your psyche will be life and death.And to survive you just realized that this deliberate destruction of you and your personality.There is NO feelings, only have physiological hormonal dependence with elements of psychological dependence.
You don't love, you are the enemy who must be destroyed.
Have perverzne by definition, there is no mechanism that is responsible for love and infatuation. It is a moral deformity, and therefore not to be believed when he speaks about love. He "loves you" until he needs you, while there, what to take until you snap and don't "chop off" the pieces from him. The feeling of having a relationship with perversum what have you taken away the soul, took away your identity, without giving anything in return.
Escaping, often victims want revenge, but this again is a road to nowhere. You need to stay away from them. They are flawed. They cannot love, they cannot live a normal life.published
Author: Olga Rybakina
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©