I never noticed that the relationship between a man and a woman is very similar to modern computer games?
There the player enters the game on the first level, and to go further, it needs to perform certain tasks, not to "die" and only then he can pass to more difficult level. The player must press all sorts of buttons to get what he wants. At the same time, whether he presses the button, depends on if he will stay in the game, or it will again throw to the first level. And will need to start all over again.Similarly in a relationship. A woman comes into play, as proposed by man, and presses a button.
And if she presses the wrong buttons, then she "dies" in this relationship, and throws her to the first level of the game. A new game with a new man. But if she presses the correct button, the game switches to a more sophisticated level, and ends as a woman needs.And these are the correct buttons are the same in any relationship.
But if you listen to friends and look at my own experience, it is clearly seen that there is a wrong button
. Here is their press would not be worth.
For example, the button "Save".
This women button click immediately after the first unhappy love. Imagine the girl who first fell in love. HE was to her king and God.
One is not a great moment for her, she makes a critical mistake. And error is that it betrays his most powerful and influential patron, I
. As soon as the girl in the relationship the first time allows himself to "cave" under a man, to swallow the insult, to resist, allows himself to humiliate, insult – she betrays my identity.
All! Since then, the relationship is doomed. If not the gap, a humiliating position for sure.
See that, in my opinion, happens. The girl had betrayed his patron, and then tries to use his patronage to solve their own problems in the following respects. What is it? Feelings of guilt and shame can not be realized by the woman, but they then become a high quality next relationship. Fear that know other that makes a woman behave in a certain way.
And here she meets a man who has the same patron. How do they communicate, what channels – both to influence it and I can't hardly realize it.
But only a patron of men literally reads, as on the forehead of women "written" in big red letters the word "Save". "From my guilt and shame, "save". I really want to hide the fact of my betrayal of my self, I don't know how to do it. And now I beg – "Save". Button "Save" is activated almost automatically.
And the man can and would like to be a "Savior", but he doesn't feel strong enough for such a great cause like the salvation of someone's soul and someone else's Ya He would be with her to understand. And subconsciously, he despises such a woman, although the look may be very worthy. Despises and hates that she chose him as a "Savior."
After all, it's a huge responsibility, in fact, the sacrifice already his patron for the salvation of others. Not many can do that.
A woman may not understand and do not understand. She "begs" and "pleads" man "to forgive sins" to herself and "to speak" in front of her patron. But the fact is that no one on earth can "reconcile" the other person with their own I, while he can't do it yourself
And the woman doesn't stop and continues to push the wrong buttons.
Queue button "Should".
Man has to come and, moreover, that "save" the woman, and fill her inner emptiness. Even so, he should first remove the stuff of her soul, and then to fill the space.
Remove the lock from the soul and start cleaning up.
To get rid of fears, out of doubt and anxiety to sweep away the arrogance and disgust, take out the trash hopelessness and indifference, to repair the helplessness and excitement, to wash with bleach apathy and indifference, to wipe the dust and cobwebs with dignity and trust, wipe with a damp cloth shyness and interest, to remove the mezzanine envy, anger, anger, and pity.
Embrace the apprehension, to convince distrust, uncertainty and indecision, to treat discontent and tension. And then the resentment, despair and helplessness are standing in line.
And yet to soothe the pain, ease the guilt and the burden, to repair empathy and a sense of ownership, to give peace of mind.
To wash the dirt and the gratitude and inspiration, brush brush rest and sympathy, to put in repair ease and appreciation, pleasure and compassion.
Wash curiosity and peace, ceil disappointment and revenge, to break the Schadenfreude to brighten up the loneliness and, as "icing on the cake", to get rid of indifference.
And no, that's not all. Then the man needs to fill that cleaned out space with love and care, to have hope and delight, to awaken the tenderness and warmth, plant a garden of compassion and empathy, to cause delight and admiration.
What would eventually find unity and happiness.The woman, pressing the button "Should" as a rule, get only free. Freedom from men.
I believe that woman, which shifts the work of his soul on cleaning the emotional stuff on the shoulders of the other person just inevitably remains alone.
And there's the button "Want".
And as you need it?Need:
- as a "hand holder",
- as a "punching bag",
- as "errand boy".
- as a friend and therapist,
- as a physician and carpenter,
- the driver and the carpenter
- as a "cesspit" for a bad mood,
- as a guarantor of security,
- male defending its territory,
- as the breadwinner and at the same time "subotnik",
- "elektrovenik" and the leader,
- how generous and hard-working,
- as a supplier, and "the fixer",
- as mom and dad in one person,
while the mad lover, a caring father, a young enthusiastic boy, who is accountable to the woman and does what she has to say. As the son to seven years.
I believe that the way a woman tries to achieve the opposite of feelings, thoughts, emotions, spiritual qualities, hiding behind the perfect button "Right".
And button "Right" woman is constantly pressed when it is not sure. When the value of the relationship for her is very high and she was not sure in their abilities and their attractiveness. When she feels at a deep level the ability to keep a man when she needs extra guarantees from the state, namely, the stamp in the passport.Then the button is "Necessary" is used in a different capacity.The woman begins to manipulate,
under the guise of health and fine mental organization, not allowing her to cope with everyday difficulties.And it is from such "looped", very needy, repeatedly betraying his patron, and go faster and faster just.
The woman herself doomed to the repetition of the same situation with every man. Patron – self – pressed, he feels the inequality requires compensation, rehabilitation, increased attention on the part of men.
And the woman continues and continues to press the wrong button "Save. Needs. Need"
, hoping to find peace.
But the buttons are wrong, and she repeatedly returns to the first level of the game, trying with the same approach to a different result.
And right buttons are next and so waiting for their press.
It turns out these buttons – "is Needed. Adopted. Free."
The button "Need"
leads a completely different result.
Pressing this button, a right button, a woman tells a man that he is needed as an equal partner, as an interlocutor, the person who will understand and support in any situation of their own accord, and not through manipulation.
Male "need" not from a state of exclusion, dissatisfaction with the situation, oneself and the world. That is not from the "under -" and from the "re-"
When women most of all "a lot" and she is willing to share this "a lot" with a man, simply because it is more fun and more interesting way to share experiences and to copy from each other some attractive qualities to become a more interesting person.
"Right", when you can share each other's interests, to bring something new, when together good and nice, and the two patron are in equal condition, and none of them have to "do themselves in harm" to the Union.
The "right" to divide and share events, feelings, concerns and fears, and hear: "I am with you." Without manipulative techniques and methods, but simply because the man himself wants it.
"Necessary" with all your "cockroaches", "problems", with all his life experience, with all its negative and positive traits.
And then we gradually come to the other right button – "Accepted".
Almost always, the two are attracted to each other with their inner children. A boy and a Girl.
Children — this is a game, joke, fun, "fun", spontaneity, irresponsibility (that is, they are still children, they do not understand the responsibility of their actions), it is not the ability to see "future", it is the whims and persistent "I want", it's infantile, it is a sincere friendship, "the whole world for me." The child – he is not thinking in terms of "need", he thinks in terms of "want".
And that has attracted Boy and Girl to each other in the bodies of adult men and women.
At first, everything goes wonderfully, play together (candy, gifts, bouquets), cute things, phone calls, romantic, excitement, "heart skips a beat" the game, interesting, fun.
And even that often, a man and a woman begin to live together, or marry. Button "Adopted" active woman all happy, partner too.
And then it happens the next stage of the relationship. The attraction of the children did the trick, and then open the deep layers of trauma.How can this happen in life?
Reciprocity is, feeling strong, but the woman suddenly realizes that half of the qualities of a partner was created, invented or thought that we needed a quality man will come with time.
The woman thought that eventually the Boy will grow up and will manifest itself not as a Boy, with whom interesting and fun to play, but as a Man, with a full set of male qualities.And here's what happened.
The girl in the woman was enough, and decided that it's time to think about the future, and the Boy in the male remained "green kid". Women require symptoms some needs (marriage, courtship, family), and the man following the woman grows older.
Doesn't want to make decisions, adheres to the style of life "live one day"... nothing. A man may be on to something to hope constantly, to turn from the ways, constantly arguing with the woman and to dismiss some tasks do not run, since he considers them not important.
For example, he can go to have fun on the last money to make useless and expensive purchase, that is acting like a child.Button Accepted already not pressed, because the woman "not" man.
What makes a woman? She starts to tell him in plain text of how should behave a real man that she doesn't feel with him as peers, scandals and disassembly, strongly crushes and squeezes.
And constantly presses the wrong buttons "Should" and "Need" but not "Accepted".
The woman at the same time rebelling Girl who wants fun and play, but she did not give, and she's mad at the Boy in the man and Wife (Woman), which cruelly deceived, as it was something to the relationship and lived with a man as with a Man, and the demand was as an adult, and he lived the life of a Boy, and continues to live.
The girl is hysterically afraid of losing attention. That is as a field, consisting of thoughts, feelings, emotions, directed at the woman, as well as physical presence. Where it's nice and fun to play. And a Girl, not yet having his enough field, afraid to stay even without a field Boy.
Where here to click "Accepted".
By the way, the Girl can persuade a Woman that you have to be wise, to be patient, to wait, suddenly the man will understand, after all people learn from their mistakes. But understanding is not happening.
And then the Woman explodes and wants to "smash everything to pieces" for unreasonable expectations and a repeat of child behavior and the same errors. Because set up Grand plans for the joint awakening, a great many things to finish in the imagination of what and how they will be, but in the end it turns out nothing like she had imagined. And all because did not want to take a real person as he is selected for the finest quality, and bad tried to ignore, hoping that they will disappear somewhere.
This is just one example, when it is very hard to press the correct buttons "Accepted" and "Necessary".
There's another wonderful button "Free"
Nothing brings us as "detachment". This principle of the psyche, especially the male.
While you're selling it and "stick" on the man, his only desire – to run, "losing the Slippers".
As soon as the woman learns to always focus on themselves, on their needs and desires, the little man that turns on the instinct of the hunter, so immediately red freckles looks Boyish curiosity.
And what's inside her, what a mystery? And I want to take it apart and see what's there. And curiosity that will keep a man around women stronger than any techniques.In General, in my opinion, the woman should show the man: "of course, I want to be happier, but I am very happy with what we have, so I can wait indefinitely. If you want to make me happy, I'm happy. If not, I won't hold you to that".
A woman must listen to your patron, and to bring all his wishes into action.
For example, the woman is not satisfied, as it is part of a man, and her protector, the self, signals a woman about it, asking to remove the life of this degrading situation.
How? This is the woman should decide, and shouldn't matter, at the same time remain a partner with her or not. The main thing again to not betray your Me,
to not have to press "Save" again.
And when a woman will act solely in ITS own interests, without prejudice to his I will automatically turn on button "Free". And the patron of the men immediately feel it will realize that if he wants to be with this woman, you will have to seek a compromise and to change behavior.
And now it seems to work fine, the woman listens to himself, feels and realizes that she can and wants to afford in the relationship, and regardless of the identity of the men, and that is absolutely not accept.
And man, respectively looks, he is ready to compromise does not affect whether it is his I was ready and if he wants to negotiate with a woman.
As a result the relationship or break up if both are willing to "Adopt" or become very, very harmonious.And the woman just listened to myself. And caught his fortune. She entered into a relationship, to have fun.
And you have to ask yourself the question: "And if I'm enjoying myself? And why would I cling to relationships, if I don't enjoy? I'm a masochist? I like the pain and hassle?"And just listen to the answers. Not satisfied with the answers? Then just change the situation.
To abandon the men, from troubled relationships. It's actually better than to save inside pain, disappointment, resentment. Don't care if you young or as you think of not quite beautiful. Better to be alone than in bad company. "Free."
And even if you are in good company, it is still "Free".
And very difficult to press the correct button, the fingers properly folded, to open the combination lock of the three buttons "was Adopted. Need. Free."
And if a woman suddenly decides that she is without a man can not, then one button it can not click. The Button "Free".
Why she decided that she can't? Began to doubt in its appeal, that it is interesting and desirable, begins to compare himself with other women, and automatically disables the button "Free".
The man immediately reacts to it brake lights and turn 180 degrees. Run.
Because of this, a woman can't hold down another button – "Accepted", the way it is.
I want to make, and somehow cleverly put across the story of the return of the "prodigal son." And the man pushes her away.
Immediately activates the button "Should", and raise your head deep injury, press the buttons "Save" and wrong "Right".
And what is the result? Again the first level of the game, starting all over again.But just need to learn to listen to yourself, I ask myself the question: "And everything is fine with me? And not betray MYSELF? Is it good for me?".
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I believe it's the natural thing to respect themselves and their interests, respect their I will not allow anyone to step on it, to himself, not to be dependent on man, to feel how much to give, how much to take...and to be feminine.
And being in this condition, the person is more likely to build a good relationship without detriment. And no amount of manipulation needed.published
Author: Olga Rybakina
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©