Manipulation through feelings Bashny.Net

What is the manipulation? The great Soviet encyclopedia cites one of the meanings of the word: manipulation is a clever trick, trick, manipulation of facts to achieve nefarious goals; the same shenanigans.

That is manipulation through sense is mock behavior (manipulation of facts) of one person to evoke certain feelings from the other to achieve their goal, I think.

Manipulate all: children, adults, different levels of education, income, lifestyle. Some consciously manipulated by advertisers, salespeople, swindlers, politicians (and they are not randomly in the same row), the other unconscious – children (when growing up, already consciously), people are not accustomed to grasp their behavior.





When a person resorts to manipulation?

People resort to manipulation when cannot achieve their goals through direct and honest way and/or unwilling to accept a different version of events and the free will of another person.

For example, the kid wants the toy in the store and asks her mother to buy. Even if it is 1,5-2 years old, he just talks about his "want" and pulls the handle. Mom, of course realizes that he wants her baby, but this time she has limited finances. She takes the child or distracting his attention. Let's say that the child is very much attached to the toy and doesn't want to leave without her. As he gets to his child? Right, crying. Sometimes very loud. Sometimes it's hysterical. The mother awkward, mother willing to do anything, just don'T ... to attract attention/hear a loud noise/look in the eyes of the people cruel and greedy mother (underline your variant). And mom buys a toy to a child.

Children are fast-learners. And if this case was unconscious manipulation – the kid forced the mother to do what he wants, some of the repetition reinforces this stereotype behavior – "the only way to achieve his" toddler understands. Becoming an adult, the person already owns a whole Arsenal of manipulation.

And learn little in adults:

— Well, eat more gruel, but it won't grow/if we do not go to sleep, tomorrow will not give cartoons to watch (manipulation by fear).

You're so heartless, I do everything, and you... / to keep silent and not to talk-to be offended(manipulation by guilt).

— You need to kiss/to congratulate/to visit my grandmother, and that she'll be upset (manipulation on the sense of pity).

— You're daughter/mother/wife, or son/father/husband or a psychologist/astrologer/cosmetologist/ or passenger/Director/whatever and therefore should! (sense of duty).

— and so forth.

What is another scenario or free will?

For example, in the case of the baby – to accept that the mother can toy not to buy. Well, I think it's too difficult to understand child.

But in the case of PAP, the mother does not accept that the child has the right to eat as much as his body wants and what the child should not meet the peace mom, what it is fed, price of overeating. In the future, this leads to the fact that the child rashochetsya to listen and understand your body, and focuses on the mother: mother knows when it is hungry, cold, when he is tired, what to do, who to marry/to get married, where to study, whom to work and generally how to live.

Manipulation in a relationship described by Eric Berne in books "People who play games" and "Games people play". I think that those who study this subject more revered source.

How like mother to manipulate their grown children already, the feeling of pity and duty! In the course are Valerian, validol on the tongue, nitroglycerin under the tongue, nerve is compressed pear tonometer (a device for measuring pressure)... If it doesn't, the mother begins to believe in the deterioration of his condition, when the headstrong daughter still marrying the wrong man!!!, or son goes to his wife and children, or "child"does something, what disagree parent that actually gets sick. A large part of the disease in adults is a playful manipulation.

Remember how we were sick, when you do not want to go to school. Our services cartoons, lying in bed and Goodies. By the way, when a grown man does not want to go to work, he too becomes ill.

In the case of sales of goods. The seller profitable to buy goods from it. But instead to improve the quality of the product and the quality of service the seller uses manipulation through various advertising models which often not only legitimate, but also detrimental to the buyer. For example, a coupon promotion – 3 items for the price of two, lead to the fact that a person buys what he and one number is not needed. Here, of course, it is not necessary to throw all the blame on the seller, since the buyer has still the choice to have fallen for this manipulation (out of fear that he will not get or that is too cheap) to buy or to consciously give up, and to make a purchase at that time, at the price and in the place where he will choose.

And how can you communicate directly?

It's amazing, but for the vast majority of people even this question does not arise. It seems that people have forgotten how to talk straight. Why? The fact that several generations communicates through manipulation, lives unconsciously, adjusting their lives and the activities of conditioned reflexes.

Let's fantasize how could it be otherwise?

For example, mom makes kid eat gruel. Suddenly the mother realizes that her concern that the baby ate – a concern not so much about him, but about myself: no longer is her rest, and she will be able to go about their business, she is calm the baby is full = (equal to) healthy.

And mother makes a decision: let the baby eat now as much as he wants. When hungry, he will say/ask (after all, the child himself is not the enemy – not going to starve). I can give them the freedom to focus on his hunger and understand your body. And he will learn to take care of themselves. My goal is to set the table. (When the child can already do it yourself is to encourage him to further autonomy). As a result, mothers will be free time for their cases, and she can be calm for a feeling of fullness in your child, as entrusted to him the responsibility for his feelings. That is, the mother will reach the same result that was sought through manipulation, but it gets a lot of benefits:

• the child grows independent, able to trust themselves, their feelings and senses, and thus will focus in the future on yourself and not be a puppet in the hands of others;
• mom has spare time and would like the peace of mind. While at mom's the inner confidence that all is well and a sense of dignity instead of fear.

And this is the respect for the will of another (in this case the will of a child is as much as you want and at a time when he wants). And the adoption of other options, the child eats not when we want it.

For this behaviour the mother will need to learn how to treat yourself: allow yourself to eat when she wants and not wait for the whole family. Prepare yourself for that love, and not to give up their favorite foods in favor of the average of the option menu for the whole family. To respect your taste needs. To respect your hunger – eat when I wanted and not wait for when the kids started coming home from school, husband home from work and your sense of satiety, not to eat at all of you and to stop when full. Because we can relate to others just like yourself. If we do not give freedom in choice, and others do not allow (or get angry when they can afford it).

What prevents a person to speak directly?

As a rule, not only training in childhood manipulation from adults. Often people resort to manipulation internally, when it does not accept it for what it is.

For example, girls often sin that manipulate guilt in men. They seek attention as a form of love (the replacement of unconditional love, because they did not receive it in childhood and don't know what it's like to receive unconditional love) through the purchase of decorations, clothes, etc. to actually come out and say, "hold me now I feel loved" — not for every. Much easier to provoke a scandal, to cause a feeling of guilt and to ensure that the man showered her with attention, gifts and assured the oath in eternal love.

But the beginning marked the of such manipulation, perhaps, was this: the daughter came to mom/dad when bored, felt the need to hug, and the parent at this time was busy and not paying attention — kicked a baby. It is engraved in the consciousness. The conclusion made by crumb: "I can't get what you want. I can't get love right" and the need for love is basic! and begins to invent roundabout ways. Sad, isn't it?

Or employer easier to manipulate their workers through fear, instead of saying: guys, let's do a good job and well then have a rest on well-earned. Because not all employers want to share, and not all workers want to work in full force.

Because profitable manipulation as a form of interaction between people, and because it thrives in our society.

When manipulation is impossible?

Manipulation always happens between two or more people. That is, there is always the manipulator and manipulated object manipulation. Have manipulated must be "hooks" for which it touches the paddle. If man is free from all the hooks, it is impossible to catch.

For example, when you divorce her husband threatened: "I'll have your children!" — he's manipulating mother. What kind of mother voluntarily agreed to give up their children? Therefore, fear of women agree to unfavorable terms.

What could be the solution in this case? For example, if a woman say, "all right, dear. If you think that the children would be better off with you and you'll have enough time to give them the fatherly attention and replace parent — I agree. Let the children live with you." Then my husband will have nothing to manipulate. Of course, to say so, women need to be prepared that anything can happen that way. Internally to accept this development. And the husband, sensing this willingness is likely to abandon their manipulation and will look for another option. Because actually the husband in this case, we need not children. He needs to avenge his wife, who caused him insult in the fact that she abandoned him (suffering male Ego) or has left him for another man. Yes, and just a shame.

The ideal option would be what I call "human being" to talk without being manipulated. And there is also technique involved "self-expression" and allow the phrase of Systemic family constellations. For example: "Dear husband, that has been our family life that I want to leave. I think that their decision, I hurt you. I'm so sorry... I thank you for all the good that we've had. What we can do to give up friends and remain good parents to our children?"

Sometimes the mother manipulates the child a sense of: "Oh, you go, I alone will remain." And daughter need to live your life: study, get married, have children. Often these women live with their mothers, carers and napersnitsa to 35-40 years. Women are unrealized, they have affected the health physical and mental. Often they look as if stuck in their 15 years of age — small, thin, with thin girlish voice.

So what? The manipulator is a malicious hypocrite who seeks benefit? From some point of view-Yes. I think that the manipulator and the manipulated - tonescale people who can't speak openly about their feelings and desires. Which has grown, but remains in the soul wounds from childhood. Fortunately, these wounds can heal. You can change from an ugly duckling, manipulating feelings, relationships, beautiful free Swan, enjoying life and socializing as equals.

Tips on caring and manipulation.

• Learn to notice that there is manipulation.
• Learn to track on what feeling you are being played — what hook you.
• Learn to remove these hooks. (Psychotherapy).
• To see how people manipulate each other. (To replenish the Treasury of the possible ways to keep track of time when you use it).
• Notice how you manipulate people?
• Learn to build personal boundaries and take care of them (psychotherapy individual, group).
• To learn to Express their feelings and thoughts directly

Why are there so many "learn"? Because we are so long — his entire life learning to manipulate and to resist manipulation. Maybe now it is time to learn another skill? published

Author: Tatjana Bazyleva

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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