Any communication it is by and large manipulation. Everything we say, our idea is to invoke a certain reaction. Answering the question: "How are you" – waiting for understanding, compassion, approval. And when we don't get any of this ask a leading question such as: "What do you think, was I good?"
Very honest communication devoid of manipulation, in this case, would look ridiculous: "let me tell you, how I'm doing, and you will praise me?". In the case where one concept is replaced by another and there is manipulation in communication. When a person says one thing and means quite another. Manipulation begins where logic ends and common sense. Manipulation appeals to the senses.There are many methods and types of manipulation, but based on what we feel plays a manipulator, they can be divided into six main types.
6 types of manipulation in communication:
1. Manipulation of love.
In childhood you were told: "If you're going to APE, I love you won't." Although actually had in mind: "Listen to me."
Your man tells you: "You first stop the nail-biting (to work, to the mother drive, to read novels, every morning, to cook hodgepodge...), then we'll talk about the wedding." Although actually means: "I don't like it when you bite your nails."
The boss tells you: "We know how to value its employees, we have a friendly team of like-minded people. So rarely out of our team against their will ". Although actually means: "We will to you to be good, if you do good work."Features of this manipulation
One of the most insidious and cruel manipulations, which are often used in families. The child, accustomed to such treatment, begins to realize that the closest people do not accept it entirely, love is not for what he is, and for what he does or doesn't do.
In partnerships, these conversations also did not lead to anything good. Indeed, in this case on one scale is put love, and the other in a certain condition. It turns out that love is a commodity that can be exchanged for services or money.
2. The manipulation of fear.
In childhood you were told: "you will Not do your homework, become a janitor". Although actually meant: "I don't know how you even get to do the lessons."
Your man says: "If I continue to work in this office, I will have a heart attack." Although actually means: "get Ready, I'll quit."
At work you say: "Masha, I've sent a summary of a very promising young officer. You and him just one profile". Though actually mean: "no one is Indispensable, gather round, dear."Features of this manipulation
The use of human fears – one of the favorite tricks of manipulators of all types and stripes. Very often they play on the lack of awareness of the person. So if you regularly babbling about mythical dangers and urge to do something to avoid them – inquire.
3. Manipulation of self-doubt.
In childhood you were told: "the Russian you did, I see. And let's see what you can't do it?". Although actually had in mind: "You're just as capable of nothing without my help."
Your man tells you: "You're going to eat at night, cookies? Well, come on. I'm still in comp play". Although really wants to say: "I have the right to do what I want ".
At work you say: "Translate, please, the small text with the Chinese. Here you have dictionary, you have half an hour". Although actually have in mind: "don't get cocky, I'm here boss."Features of this manipulation:
Manipulation is always a question of power, and in this case it was most acute. "I – chief, you – fool," — so to paraphrase the most part of these statements.
The problem of head-manipulator (be it mom, dad, boss, or President) is that he has no real authority, is not power, but wants it to be. With him, of course, you can start to play "giveaway" and flatter. But this flattery he will never be enough. It will be for a while to calm down, and then again and again to seek confirmation of its viability due to the shortcomings of others.
However, to manipulate you, he will be able only in case, if you about your lack of experience. Accept yourself and your weaknesses or get rid of them.
4. The manipulation of guilt.
The kid you said: "Again, got two in chemistry? Then you will wash the dishes." Though actually mean: "I'm too lazy to wash the dishes, but hate to bother you about it."
Your man tells you: "Veronica and drinking coffee, while I'm one hungry with the kids?". Though actually he meant: "Tomorrow I want to meet with Sergei, but I just do not let go, going to cut".
At work you say: "Take today off, don't worry, I'll do your job for you". Though actually mean: "the Work I do, and then you will remember this case."Features of this manipulation
It is very common in family life, frequent usage leads to the fact that the husband and wife begin to play the exciting game is collecting other people's sins. Who is more collected, he won, read – acquired the rights to implement their secret desires.
Although it is unclear why this self-evident right to conquer such a strange and unpleasant way?
5. Manipulation of sense of pride (the idea of "over me").
In my childhood you said, "Why are you afraid to jump from the tower, you good?". Although actually had in mind: "do Not be afraid".
Your man tells you: "Twelve-hour working day? Poor thing. But you're such a good girl, clean your room, go get a beer, now I Petrovich will come." Although actually means: "Your perfectionism plus my laziness. We're the perfect couple".
At work you say: "We know that you are a promising employee. We believe in you, so we offer you the increase, however, keeping the old salaries." Although actually have in mind: "For your vanity, we decided to save a little".Features of this manipulation
Vanity was elevated to the rank of major ideas of Western civilization. Faster, higher, stronger and further with all stops until the end. The main thing is not to stop and think. Although Carl Jung, the psychologist, philosopher, and all sensible people talked about the fact that the first half of life is learning, finding work, getting married. Running, in short, but running is justified.
If the second half of the man pathologically configured to acquire and the desire for someone to catch up – he gets sick.
6. Manipulation by feeling of pity.
As it was in childhood: "I do not feel sorry, I'm so tired, and you don't eat anything"!
As it happens in the family: "I Have an all-day headache, by the way, the Fierce wife called us over the weekend. Sorry, you can't go."
As it happens at work: "Remember, my hamster was. White like this. Fluffy. Died. Can I leave early?"
As it happens in politics: "Our party Purple, of course, will not be able to obtain a parliamentary majority. For us there are no oligarchs. And airtime we do not provide..."Features of this manipulation.
She is little children, school – "Marivanna, I have a tooth ache, can I go home".
There are very insidious and subtle manipulators of compassion on the victim, who all the time complain about life and collect dividends – words of encouragement and help. These "victims" are also vampires. They can endlessly discuss with you their life situation, but would never do anything to change something. Because they are the happy victims.
Don't become a victim of the manipulator?
Step one. Logic:
as often in manipulative the message there is no connection between the first part and the second ("if you drink a latte with friends, I'm not going to make money"), can be explained by the manipulator that his sentence lacks logic. Sometimes that helps.Step two. Awkward:
sometimes manipulative statement sounds quite logical, but has a hidden subtext. Put the paddle in an awkward position – an exciting experience. "Are you saying you really respect me, because I want to leave early? Well, say so".Step three. Rate:
normally, the manipulator is not confident, why else would he manipulate? His behavior, he is trying to secure power over others, but most of all he is concerned about their own safety. Let him feel comfortable, tell me that you understand, appreciate and accept it. Will see, the thrust to turn people into puppets to decrease.Step four. Make your choice:
the manipulator presses on your feelings and hopes thereby to do something or other. However, the fact that people make us feel certain feelings is a myth. Feelings are inside us, and nobody except us is able to "turn on" and "off". Are you afraid of? Answer irony. You take on the weak? Answer surprise. You're stressed out? Remember that this is just the invitation you can accept and from which you can opt out. The manipulator will be puzzled.Step five. Understand yourself:
every family taken to respond to events in a certain way. In one family, over all a trick, another upset for no reason, in the third – to blame for their troubles only to himself and to sprinkle ashes on his head.
Children who grew up in these families will receive this "leading" emotion by inheritance. They will sneer, sorrow and suffering from guilt, respectively, more frequently than others. We can assume that when these children grow up, they will be more likely to catch the manipulators, who will play on their "leading" sense. Based on this, all can be advised to understand what kind of emotion they got from their parents. And then go back to the previous paragraph.
Time of the manipulator.
The manipulator rarely lives in the present. Most often, he either recalls the past – "I can't recover after my cat five years ago, jumped from the balcony" — finds an excuse for their shortcomings and inaction.
Either he's talking about some hazy future — "don't eat burgers, not to go to College" or "we believe in you, and someday it will certainly affect your financial status."
Also interesting: 5 ways to recognize manipulation at work 19 techniques of psychological protection against manipulation
But here and now the paddle, nothing happens. Him all the time, he is constantly busy. It would be possible for a human to regret, but to do so we will not. Because he wants us senses to use it for other purposes.published
Author: Ekaterina Ignatova
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©