How to recognize and defuse the emotional manipulator

They are dishonest igruEmotsionalnaya manipulation - it is always a latent psychological impact, which aims to bring the emotion of the unconscious, and thus obtain from you the necessary decisions and actions of the manipulator. And in order to achieve its goal, the manipulators are capable of a variety of tricks.

In this article we will talk about how to recognize emotional blackmail, and give examples of psychological defense mechanisms of manipulators:

1. There is no sense to be honest with your sincere emotional manipulyatoromLyuboe statement will turn against you. Example: "I am very angry because you forgot about my birthday».

Answer: "I'm sad to hear if you think I could forget about your birthday. I should tell you about a lot of stress that I feel at this moment, but I did not want to bother you. You're right - I should forget about their problems (do not be surprised if at this moment let the tears arm) and focus on thine birthday. Forgive me ».

When you hear this answer, then you may feel that it is not sincere regret, but rather a rebuke toward you, and then you have nothing more to add. Under any circumstances, even if you feel that you are pushed into a corner - do not surrender! Do not accept an apology, because you will feel guilty.

Rule number one: if you are faced with emotional blackmail, trust your instincts. After all, once the emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver, he would seize it again, putting you a complete egoist, I do not consider the feelings of others.

2. An emotional manipulator is always ready to pomoschEsli you ask him about any service, he almost always agrees (though not the first to offer help). Then, when you say, "Well, thank you" - he sighs and shows non-verbally, that does not really want to do. Then you are implying that it has the right to refuse your request, but said manipulator that will certainly help, but your allusions to his unwillingness to help unfounded and hurt his feelings. And this kind of manipulation very well.

Rule number two: If an emotional manipulator said "yes," make him responsible for the decision. Do not get fooled by the sighs and tricks. If he does not want to do something that has signed, get him to tell you this straight in the eye, or leave it alone.

3. First, the emotional manipulator says one thing and then assures you that you did not say etogoEsli suddenly find that you need to start a journal and write in it all that has been said before, as you began to doubt in their normal, you know - you are exposed emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in finding excuses, excuses, just in turning upside down and rationalization. He can lie so convincingly argue that you will see a black and white become to doubt yourself. Over time, his lies become so insidious and destructive that can literally change your sense of reality. Warning: the emotional manipulation is very dangerous!

Rule number three: confusing and can cause nervous arm, making notes on paper during a conversation with him. Do not hesitate to pretend to be "forgetful" and tell me you do not want to miss a single detail of the conversation with him. This mode of communication is a signal to the fact that the time for you to save yourself from a similar environment.

4. The emotional manipulator can very finely speculate on vinyOni feeling can make you feel guilty for what you say and what you are silent, for your emotions, or restraint, of caring or lack of manifestation. In other words, the manipulator will put you without guilt guilty in any situation. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs and desires openly - they get everything through emotional manipulation. Invocation of guilt - not the only, but the most powerful form of influence. Most of us are willing to do anything to get rid of that unpleasant feeling.

Another strong emotion, which plays a manipulator - a sympathy. The emotional manipulator always plays the role of eternal victim. He skillfully inspire you, that needs care, support and care. Emotional Manipulators seldom enter into other people's fights and do not undertake to do the dirty work. Intrigue manipulators is this: when you provide them with some service (what they never asked directly), they can say they did not expect or did not want you to do anything.

Rule number four: Try to convey to these people that you do not wish to participate in these games and do not intend to carry out their dirty work. Say: "I am absolutely confident in your ability to solve everything alone," and then look for the manipulator.

5. The emotional manipulator leads igruOni unfair to anyone or anything not deal directly. He will talk behind your back and eventually forced others to tell you what they themselves would never have told you in the open. They passive aggressors and will always find special ways of letting you know that they are unhappy. They will tell you what you want to hear, and then shift the entire responsibility on your shoulders.

Example: "Of course I want you to go back to college, honey. You know that I will always support you. " In the evening before the exam you are sitting at a table and try to focus, while behind the wall crying child, a dog begging on the street, television screaming, and your "expensive" manipulator as if nothing had happened is sitting in his chair and looks up at you with bewilderment. And as soon as you dare to reproach him, you probably hear this phrase: "Life can not stop just because you have an exam soon." You can cry, scream or strangle manipulator - only the latter will have a long-term benefit.

6. If you have a headache, then the manipulator will be a brain tumor, what would you no matter what happens, the emotional manipulator will close, and thereby only exacerbate the situation. With such people it is very difficult to maintain a relationship, because they always find a way to redirect the conversation in the direction of interest to them and focus on the person. And when you show them this, they are likely to deeply hurt your words, and they will call you selfish and reproach that it is you want to be always in the limelight. Even though you know that this is not the case, to prove otherwise would be impossible.

Rule number six: Do not worry - trust your instincts and just say goodbye with that person.

7. The emotional manipulator can influence the emotional climate of those who okruzhaetEsli arm angry or upset, that instinctively he starts looking for a way to align the emotional climate. And the fastest way to get manipulator feel better - to do what he wants.

Continuing to communicate with this type of people, you will become their puppet. You become dependent on them and do not even remember that you also have their own needs, not to mention the fact that you have the same right to their satisfaction.

8. Emotional manipulators without a sense otvetstvennostiOni are not responsible neither for themselves nor for their behavior - they are always waiting to see what all of them do the rest. There is the easiest way to recognize the emotional manipulator - he often tries to establish intimacy, sharing deeply personal information, thus landing you on the hook for sympathy. At first you will think that you are dealing with a man sensitive, emotionally open and even a little vulnerable. But believe me, the emotional manipulator is about as fragile and vulnerable as a rabid pit bull. He will always be a problem or a crisis that must be overcome.



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