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8 simple rules of communication, when you manipulate
Bashny.Net
Manipulators cleverly inspire us with a sense of guilt, blackmail, threaten, flatter. We fulfill their wishes or orders to its detriment, though deprived of will. These games sometimes last for years, poisoning life.
To protect them, Website and Rsychologies lays out several safety rules that are designed by experts on communication strategies, coach Preston None.
Be aware of their inalienable rights You have the right to the respect of other people. You have the right to express their feelings, opinions and desires. You may install their priorities. You have the right to say "no" without feeling guilty. You have the right to get what you pay for. You have the right express views that differ from those of other people. You have the right to defend itself from the physical, moral and emotional threats. You have the right to build their lives in accordance with his understanding of happiness.
Keep distantsiyuV communication arm constantly changing masks: one person he stressed polite, with another - provocatively rude, in one situation is absolutely helpless in the other - very aggressive. If you notice that someone characterized by similar extremes, keep this man at a safe distance and try not to come into contact with it without having to.
The most common reasons for this behavior are complex and deeply rooted in childhood experience. Correct, save or re-arm - not your problem.
Do not take his words to his schetZadacha manipulator - play on your weaknesses. No wonder if next to him you start to feel their inferiority and even blaming themselves that do not meet its requirements. Keep track of these feelings and remember that the problem is not you. You manipulate to make to feel not good enough and, therefore, ready to submit to the will of another, and to give up their rights. Think about your relationship with the manipulator, to answer such questions:
Shows whether it is to me sincere respect? How justified his expectations and requirements? How to balance our relations, or only one of us invest in them, and a second receiving benefits? Do not interfere if I these relations good about yourself?
Ask him checking voprosyManipulyatory always overwhelm you with requests or demands, and forget about myself and to switch to their needs. Hearing addressed to you once the unjustified call, move the focus from his own person in the arm. Ask him some test questions, and it will become clear whether it has at least some self-criticism:
«Do you think that is a reasonable request (demand)?» «You think it's fair to me?» «I can have your opinion on this? » « You ask me, or you say? » « What do I get as a result? » « You really expect me ... (Reformulate his request / demand)? »
But among them there are quite bad characters who will not even listen to you and will continue to insist on. In this case, consider the following tips.
Do not rush! Another favorite method of manipulators - to seek an immediate response from you or action. In a situation of lack of time, it is easier to control and to achieve their goals (in terms of sales professionals is called "close the transaction»).
If you feel that you have pressure - do not rush to make a decision. Use the time factor to their advantage, distancing themselves from attempts to put pressure on you. You keep control over the situation, saying only: "I'll think about it." This is a very effective word! Take a break to assess the pros and cons, and weigh whether you want to continue the discussion, or better to say "no».
Learn to say "no" ability to say "no" - it is generally the most important part of the art of communication. Articulate rejection allows you to stand firm while maintaining normal relations.
Remember that you have the right to set their own priorities, the right to say "no" without feeling a sense of guilt, and the right to choose its own path to happiness.
Tell him about posledstviyahV response to gross invasion of your personal space and your unwillingness to hear "no" to tell the manipulator of the consequences of his actions.
The ability to predict and clearly formulate the possible consequences - one of the most powerful means to bring the manipulator of the game. This puts him in a deadlock and causes you to change the attitude to be treated.
Give rebuff obidchikuPoroy manipulators reach of direct bullying, trying to intimidate the victim or harm her. The most important thing is to remember: these people cling to those who are considered weak. While you're passive and compliant - you for their potential victim. In the shower, many of these abusers are cowards. And as soon as the intended victim begins to show firmness and defend their rights, the manipulator often retreats. This rule works in any community: school, family, work.
Studies show that many offenders are themselves victims of violence. This, of course, in no way does not excuse their behavior, but about it is important to remember to treat their cold-blooded attack.
Photo for preview: Orion Pictures
Just one proof, one has only to listen to reason itself
That is why it is not necessary to share their plans
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