4 Ways to use your "dark side" for good works
Everyone has a dark side, but there is nothing wrong with that. You just have to know how to use it. Think of it this way: Batman has a problem with anger management, and these problems are so great that no doctor can not cope with them. However, Batman turns his anger on something to make this world a better place. And there's no reason why you can not do the same.
1. Turn envy Alliance and remove this uroki
You've heard widespread cliché of the form "to use his own jealousy, to make yourself better." That's just it's easier said than done. In order to successfully deal with this, first, determine what your jealousy, "black" or "white". White envy - that's good. Because in this case manifested your emotion is a symptom of your own inner aspirations, so that we can try to use it for motivation. A black envy - it is bad. It is the desire to mix with other dirt, nothing without learning.
You can turn black into white envy, becoming the most honest with yourself, says journalist and author Christie Eshuonden. Whenever Christie caught myself on the fact that someone is jealous, she understands, what is the real reason for her jealousy, instead of wanting to failure to another person. She was trying to understand what is at the other of things that do not have it.
You must do self-analysis, and develop self-awareness in order to prevent black envy rule your life. If you are jealous, it is likely this is because you can see how someone equal to you reaches for something that you have always wanted to achieve themselves, but thought it was impossible. And now you see how it reached the other, and understand that everything is possible.
If you are a person who has achieved something, and someone jealous of you by luring the man to his side. No need to immediately dismiss envious, do it from a supporter. Recognize that this man desperately wants something that you have, and then help him to understand what it is - to be in your place. And if you have the opportunity to help a person to realize his dream, help him in this. Envy - a feeling which we all have to experience at some point, and it can have a negative effect on the mind. Therefore, the sooner you will understand it, the better the situation.
2. Manipulate your enemy to defeat seemed bolsheVse we know that the manipulation and use of someone's emotions for their own purposes is a bad thing. But the knowledge of how it actually works, make it easy to help people. In the light there was no better master manipulator than Niccolo Machiavelli. In his book "The Emperor", which tells how to use a ruler can manipulate for their own purposes, Machiavelli wrote:
"Without a doubt, princes become great when overcome the difficulties and obstacles encountered, and then the luck, wanting to make the emperor even more great, sends his enemies who weave conspiracies against him to the emperor had the opportunity to overcome them and rise even higher, like the stairs, which created enemies for him. Therefore, many believe that wise emperor when he gets the opportunity, should create some animosity against himself, so that after its crushing his glory shone even brighter ».
blockquote> In short: if others have created any problem, and if you know how to solve it, then escalate the situation so that the problem seemed to be more. But this should be only as long as you are confident that can still deal with the problem. The bigger problem seems to be around, the larger will look your victory when you solve the problem, even if the problem really was not for you alone.
If you suspect that you yourself are a victim of the manipulator, do not immediately begin to confront him. Moreover, the manipulators perfectly masked, and not once manage to discover. If you start to resist manipulator and try to find out the truth, it is a good chance that you spent all their strength to seek, says Malcolm Koksell, author of "human manipulation: A Guide." Instead, he recommends a strategy to always "keep their powder dry»:
Shut up. The first rule - not to allow the arm to know that you already know what's going on. Cold caution here is vital. It will help you to gain time to further investigate the situation.
Draw devotion and understand the manipulator. Use the resulting time to find allies, such as the victims, just like you. Get familiar with the motives of the manipulator, so what mechanisms it uses, identify its strengths and weaknesses. The main thing at this stage - to understand the motivations and mechanics of the manipulator.
Plan the first counterattack. Develop your own strategy against the manipulator, which will allow you to withdraw or in case of danger, or eliminate the power of the manipulator over you. The strategy may include a situation where the arm and the victim are reversed, and you start to some extent control the actions of the manipulator.
Sometimes it is very difficult to understand that you are manipulated, but said "guides to manipulation" will find its key features.
3. Point out the anger to change their own behavior or privychki
Anger - an emotion that can be very effective to bring about changes in their own behavior. Researchers Jennifer Lerner and Keltner studied Deker effects that anger and fear have on people, and found that the angry person is to risk as well as happy. That has angered people more optimistic assessments of risk and is more prone to taking risks. Dr. Marcia Reynolds says that you can use this innate tendency to change their bad habits and replace them with good ones. She explains:
"The ability is to move the focus of his anger away from external circumstances, and instead focus on what you want to change in yourself. This is not your annoying boss or your exorbitant duties make you shout at strangers when you are driving a car. You have to be angry because of what you have spent so much time trying to understand what you have tremendous power, allowing to change your life circumstances. Use anger to initiate positive changes in yourself, that you needed to change their own lives ».
blockquote> However, do not get angry for too long, it is obvious that it is harmful to health. As soon as you feel the changes should extinguish anger.
4. Criticize people for what they do, not for how they delayut
When something goes wrong as it should, it is natural to point the finger at someone, especially if your guilt is happening there. But such behavior zavedet you do not have many friends, especially if you have to work in a team. A former baseball player David Baldwin learned how Major League Baseball managers are turning to guilt. The main thing they have - is to know when someone is to blame, and when not. To effectively accuse someone without offending him at the same time need to understand how memory works:
«Our procedural memory stores information about how to do something (for example, the mechanics of the cast in an arc), while our declarative memory stores information about what to do (knowing when it is necessary to perform a roll along the arc). During the game, baseball players have to rely more on their declarative memory rather than on procedural ».
blockquote> And now in the non-baseball terms: when you are in the operating mode, and came to the middle of the execution of a project, do not blame people for how they do the job, criticize them for what they are doing wrong . For example, to report a colleague that it prints slowly, thereby delaying the rest, it is not necessary, as this will not bring any good. It is better to leave it for later. Instead, tell a colleague that he should refrain from social networking on the project. This will have a far greater effect.
If someone accuses you of something, take responsibility, if you are really to blame. If it is not your fault, do not go directly to the defense, and does not begin to argue. Instead, do your work, efficiently and safely. If you are accused of, which effectively act as a victim, not as a hero, according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology. Tests have shown that people are pointing to their past suffering, considered less responsible for their current errors, regardless of whether their past sufferings associated with the current error, or not. On the other hand, the heroic achievements in the past, during the test were ignored, and sometimes even worked against the accused party.
The fact that you have a few dark qualities does not mean that you are a bad person. It is important to know how to use these aspects of his personality.
via factroom.ru
