Emotional incest Bashny.Net

Surrogate partner

“Emotional incest” is a tricky term because it sounds as though it implies a sexual relationship, even though, in reality, we are not talking about it.

Emotional incest occurs when the child performs the functions of a surrogate husband or wife of the parent. The need of the parent in a relationship is met by the child. The child is bound to the parent by excessive feelings of responsibility for his well-being. The parent turns the child into a partner or confidante that is absolutely not appropriate to the age and life experience of the child.In General, you get the idea. Emotional incest takes place when the (emotional, not sexual) relationships between a parent and a child become similar to the relationship between the two spouses, except that given the immaturity of the child, a one-way relationship in which the parent emotionally "fueled" from the child, and the child ultimately feels responsible for the well-being of the parent.
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I think it's important to remember that there are different degrees of emotional incest. Sometimes, he wears extremely heavy and destructive, and sometimes, it has a more moderate form, and can occur almost imperceptibly. And yet, regardless of its intensity, emotional incest is harmful and unhealthy.

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Jungian analyst and author of the book "a Passion for perfection. Onlinencaa understanding based on" Marion Woodman describes psychic incest as "unlimited intimacy" in which the parent or parents use the child as a mirror to meet their needs, instead of to be by mirroring the child in support of his emotional development.

Emotional incest can happen in any family. This can happen with parents who are married and single parents.

The effect of "daddy dearest»:

Consider the simple family consisting of father, mother, and daughter. It is right and good when the parents love their daughter – as a daughter. But if the father loves his daughter instead of a love partner, few daughters can resist such love.

If the daughter believes that the mother loves the father, the daughter may try to give him that love which seems to her to be the mother refuses the father. The mother may feel that father and daughter betrayed her, and leave.

The marriage of father and mother could become the first victim. The confused daughter can ignore potential partners, with the exception of "substitute" father.

The effect of "my mother's son»:

Our story begins with a pregnant mother. During pregnancy the mother probably enjoys her femininity and your family. When a child is born, the attention usually shifts from the mother to the child. The mother may feel abandoned, quite possibly, experiencing postpartum depression. Many mothers return the attention, approval and respect of my family, becoming that supermom.

Husband supermamy may, at the same time, to feel rejected, especially if he depends on his wife, which is of great importance in his life. He begins to see the kid the rival. And the requests wife about intimacy, support or responsibility he can refuse. He may become depressed and/or commit treason.

Supermom thinks her son is special. She dreams that her son will make a special contribution to the world what she can not do, and will not. Expectations mother helps her to compensate for the presence of internal voids.

Particularly susceptible to the emergence of emotional incest, dysfunctional, dysfunctional and broken families. A single mother (or offended wife) in the end, seeks to find in one of their children's emotional satisfaction, which usually is found in the wife.

Here the experience of one client, which is presented here as an illustration:

"My parents divorced when I was a teenager. Shortly after that I had to take on every repair around the house that was not so easy for me. But pretty soon my mother began to count on my company and each time was upset when I left. I began to feel constantly guilty when I left to meet up with friends, and she was alone in the house.»

Similar can also happen in the relationship of father/daughter:

As for emotional incest between father and daughter, in this case, disenfranchised fathers compensate for their position, becoming more emotionally attached to girls. Damages from emotional incest between father and daughter includes stress and anxiety disorders, mental and physical illness, personality disorders, a weak or confused sense of identity, depression and so on.

The emotional incest to the degree of dysfunction in the family. I suspect that it also reflects the absence of a strong external support system.If the emotional needs of the parent have been satisfied, it is unlikely that such a parent will meet those needs at the expense of the child.

Emotional incest creates a lot of problems, but I will consider only three of them which, in my opinion, the most important are: first, it creates a triangular relationship between parents and children; secondly, it makes the child responsible for the welfare of the parent; and third, the exit from such situation can lead to the same effect as after a very, very long gap.
 

The triangular relationship

In the case of emotional incest between father and daughter formed a kind of triangle relationship between a father, daughter and mother, and mother in this triangle becomes unnecessary. Father finds confirmation, and emotional satisfaction in her daughter, and not his wife, and the daughter, not the wife, the father makes with their partner and share their plans, dreams and hopes for the future.

As a result, the father can make her his confidant and prefer to bask in the adoration of his daughter, rather than face the displeasure of his wife. Thus, the daughter can come between their parents, and even replaced the mother, and as a Trustee of his father and as a partner of dreams and future planning. Feelings daughter caused by this phenomenon range from feelings of uneasiness to the caller extreme guilt.
 

Unjust liability

Then, the emotional incest causes of the child's sense of responsibility for the welfare of the parent, and welfare of the parents, in turn, becomes dependent on the constant emotional support of the child. As a result, the child gets "stuck".

The child must continue to nurture the emotional needs of the parent, otherwise it is likely to cause the parent pain, feeling their responsibility for it. The ability to destroy a parent is in the children's hands.
 

The experience gap

When there is emotional incest, child out of this situation, in fact, is tantamount to breaks with parent.

But it is very important to understand that these relations are not relations between two equal adults. Imagine a relationship in which a senior partner feeds on adoration and Junior partner requires its consent and obedience. And when the younger partner resists such obedience and harmony, there comes a long and painful breakup, full of emotional manipulation and attempts of the senior partner to return to Junior in any way possible.

Here's how describes his relationship with the father of one woman: "as a child I adored my father constantly talked about wanting to marry someone who will be like him. I literally thought my dad's perfect and I thought so when I was 17, and not only when I was 7. I gave everything to him and practically worshipped him.

And then I lost it. In that moment, when I began to question beliefs that he taught me, my father shut me out. Our relationship that day is over and all that remains is anger, manipulation and guilt»
 

Conclusion

In this article I would like to emphasize that some of these problems – like the pain of a parent for a child who chooses a different path – not necessarily associated with emotional incest. It's true.

But the fact is that unhealthy emotional attachment transforms that pain into something far worse than it should be. She makes this betrayal, breakup, leaving behind scattered broken hearts. published 

Author: Maria Gasparyan

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©

Source: psychologytoday.ru/public/emotsionalnyy-intsest/