Today voiced "rules" and guidelines that from time to time give to clients when notice how those unconscious ruin their relationship. Almost all allow the same type of "error" below their describe, as you can see from their point of view.
See "rules" – not hackneyed pop advice in the spirit of women's magazines. For learning difficult. But they work.
Someone will definitely feel like I urge to devalue relationships and from your life to throw away. This is not so. Here I am talking about how to learn to save in mutual relations with partner joy without subsequent mental kickbacks and brittle.
And the first "rule" of relations will be:Score rules
I don't particularly believe in binding rules, based on which you can build a healthy, harmonious relationship. The article will speak quickly about what not to do – common ways that relationships kill. On this "map" clearly marked some dead ends to side to circumvent. And the free joint movement and spontaneous harmony in the rules do not need.
Harmonious interaction partners does not tolerate forced patterns, no matter how incredibly beautiful those may be. The more measurements that correspond to do not want, and have, the less lightness.
Who in the family boss, who is older, who earns more, who is responsible for what, whether children, how much time is spent together, what orientation of the partners, what games they practice in the bedroom, where and how they live – it doesn't matter as long as both are satisfied. Whatever may be said outside observers.The idea is not to create a "proper" relationship, and to understand what you want and what can really with the person next to count.
Of course, everything is not so simple and straightforward. The line between looseness and disgusting – everyone has their own. About the nuances'll discuss below.
Following the second "rule" of relationship:Do not play with feelingsOne of the most common problems in a relationship it's unrequited feelings:
almost always single bound and "love" is stronger, the second – less. This difference in feelings has a tendency to grow – it has its own vicious circle, which, being released to drift, leading to the collapse of relations.
Here as the economic market: the higher the demand for the attention of the beloved, the more expensive the product and defitsitny "offer" lover involuntarily begins to appreciate your free of partner time. What prompted the attention of a lover, partner for richer demand-side of the beloved, the more active the product goes down in price, up to the stage when it wants the lover to "pay extra" so that their proposals got rid, at least temporarily.
To save the relationship when the imbalance of mutual feelings – idea initially difficult. But things get complicated triple, one common psychological games, where put "traps" to catch someone else's "love" and feel loved, special and important. And suffers accordingly, the one whose desire was stronger.
Most people are afraid to honestly and openly Express their feelings, it's easier to be loved than to love and to languish – a kind of "best" position to "sell" their own society as of particular value to kupivšiesâ on the trick partner, began his psychologically sponsor to provide signs of attention, to make concessions.
In the end, or in love, finally tired of their humiliating dependence, like a drug, and decides to break free by the principle "out of sight, out of mind", or beloved, itotalsize from compulsions to love and mental suffocation begins to make plans of escape.The relationship is not stalled completely, instead of the manipulative games the feelings of others we ought to practice open communication.
In honesty, in General, has the remarkable property – to clear. And the more biased emotions, tricks and manipulation, the bigger and more complicated web of mutual misunderstanding and mistrust.
The following are a few relationship rules will be something like recommendations for Merseyside from his own unrequited affection.Do not ask for love
If you need community partner, the problem is not that you have any allegedly improper relationship, specifically in their own unrealistic requests. It is impossible to claim love and warmth in specific quantities. Induced sincere feelings is an oxymoron – that is, it does not happen. On progressman.ru this subject have been voiced in the article about the debt of love. Here is a little repeat and complement.
Damn important to know the absolute, total futility of attempts to reclaim love. Forced love does not work, and is quite the opposite uncontrollable reaction of dislike and hostility. No one never has no rights on someone else's love – it either occurs spontaneously, as a natural subjective response to what is happening or not.
The analogy is a flower. As it does not umozliwi, do not pull forcibly, to grow and bloom faster, it will not, but rather the opposite – go out. You can only create fertile ground for growth – and that is never the fact that work.
The same and with warm feelings – they arise not because a dependent partner needs them, and as a reaction to it any qualities and actions. Among these positive qualities it is most definitely not obsessive, hungry addiction.
This implies the following rule:Don't look for unconditional love
Partner never loves unconditionally, otherwise he would not have cared to love you, or the first counter. Partner responds to what he sees. And if the field of view was not Mature and whiny, dependent child, then it is at best derogatory feel pity – certainly not the passionate admiration. It seems obvious, right?
On progressman.ru already there was an article on greed, where I indirectly touched on this topic. The situation where we feel that we don't like, and simply use is usually based on the most comprehensive unconditional love when you love not for something, and "do". Just try to imagine how this is possible! What is this substance within us that can love "all"?
If love is aimed at a particular person, none of what selfless unconditional and can be no question. Such a love by default due to the set of qualities that the object of love is inherent.
And if you continue to lie to yourself, hoping, for example, on such a beautiful idea, that they say the universe is precisely the second half, created precisely in order to take our person with all the guts, the search may be eternal – no mortal pass filter such idealistic claims.
The assertion of the unconditional, unselfish love is the most naive and whimsical epitome of biased selfishness.