Conflict - fuel for the development of relations Bashny.Net

The author does not claim to truth or any other absolute truth of life. This is another view derived from personal experience or another point of view.

What is conflict? - This is when you are at rest against something in a partner. The conciliation can not grasp the actual quality of the partner. We catch it when the peer has a distinct desire or resistance. Resting in the desire or resistance - you really feel the other person.

If the couple never conflicts, it means that she continues candy buketny period, or that the partners do not develop in tandem. People can have a close relationship and it does not develop.



What is the development in a pair? - Under development, this study refers to qualities of character, needs, ideas about life, the secret hopes and limits of each other. Rather than grow through exploration opposite, or simply disparate views on the events, circumstances, desires and allowing people to avoid conflicts can be solved simply agree: let each have a sore spot and one in each other that does not apply. Yes, but it is "sick" - sore - it is the most active in man is exactly what makes him a man, it is the most relevant in it This "sore subject" read in it as his personal understanding of "humanity", otherwise.. why would this exist in it as something secret and yet at the same time hurt?

All of this theme ( "sore spot") - this is a real growth area is urgent. Feel the difference between "so catchy, that already hurts" and appreciation of the ordinary needs and whims of each other in pairs. If you have agreed to meet some whim of one another, but in any case do not get into the sore in order to not cause each other pain, it is a contractual relationship. While you are in a partner is not rested in something where he resists, consider that your partner has not yet manifested itself in front of you. And yet so, with all sympathy for each other, you can not swim in the acceptance of one another - no. Neither of you may not even know that you have to accept each other. As long as you do not already know, that there is a comfortable outer shell, you are in advances, and you still carries the flow of mutual curiosity, what is important at the start of the relationship.

"Home" may be delayed as the prolonged foreplay, but the fear to disappoint or cause "pain" by touching a charged topics can become a permanent obstacle to the disclosure to each other. As such, the fear of rejection can never happen to sex. And because of these psychological fears, many couples prefer not to go into the depth of their relationship. The depth in the relationship is only possible in the investigation charged the pain.

Many couples in the presence of physical sex, "psychological sex" did not happen. What scares? Of course, fear destroy what is. For each conflict - is the risk. This conflict may be the last, the relationship will end. But the "right" conducted by the conflict brings partners to a new level of understanding of each other. And now sympathetic to each other people a chance to fall in love.

Properly conducted by the conflict bears gifts (fruits of your relationship), and these fruits make you richer, more valuable for each other. So do you know that the partner is willing to do to make and how far it extends his love, and it means you can see what the extent of his personality. And now you perceive something that is flowing through your love for him. So I found something new in it, in that you do not cease to fall in love again and again. This process makes the relationship alive. Or you find something that makes it clear to you that this is not your spouse. It is good that this fact was revealed in a timely manner - this will save time, life -. It and it

We human beings have limits, the limits of personal experience. The experience includes energy knowledge and personal power. The information that the man took no experience, alas, does not contain such an energy. Personal experience, through which a man came to his knowledge of the world, makes him what he is. What experienced, it makes the individual unique and unrepeatable, as we have seen it in action. Motility movements Broadcast desires, emotions and senses - all this develops in a very definite recognizable image. This image of a man has nothing to do with his awareness of his encyclopedic knowledge even though he can show us. Personal experience of "understanding" of the World contains personally digested energy, which in the case when its much - becomes charisma. In contrast, the "bare information" divorced from the experience of such energy is not so many "speaking right" university students listening to lectures - fall asleep from boredom, because there is no energy experience lecturer. Live young, alive after spending the evening before, "wakes up" in class when it comes to living examples and leads lively lecture lecturer with experience in talking about.

So, the energy of these experiences are born of desire and curiosity of the following that are already lying beyond the boundaries of the known. It is therefore important for a person to follow their desires, go on about your live curiosity.

There, beyond the unknown, it is revealed in a new human person, there's a feeling of new territories and freedoms. You may find this "the horror, the horror as it is impossible", but that is exactly what will be the new energy - new charisma and even if there really "horror - the horror" - release the back beloved That these "horrors and freedoms" you and. versed in the conflict.

Coming to these boundaries, we are afraid! We are afraid of their psychological death. Prepare to crash our borders, and thus the formation of new boundaries, but there I was (th), how (oh) themselves do not know yet. How am I going to live the life of the new self? In the old way I know how, but in a new way is not yet. My partner is new, with "extended option" Go and know-how with this new deal. Everything is terrible. This is the reason why so many delaying a showdown or clarifying their needs that fall short of what their relationship begin to "smell bad". While one of them did not understand that in such a situation to give up - not the worst solution and raise the risk of "sore subject" justified. And then they begin to talk to ... and it often happens that you can not leave.

Conflict: the rules of

Correctly unwrapped and conducted by a conflict of interests takes both partners to a new level of understanding of each other's needs. From this process, freedom and clarity in the relationship becomes more. You can say "enlightenment" comes in a pair.

Let's start with a question that there is a conflict?

This, in large, easy negotiations. The purpose of which - more co-configure and introduce a couple more deeply with each other, help take a fresh look at the common space, generated by a combination of two energies

. As it is "wrong" conducted by the conflict?

Wrong, this is when the result is a compromise "50/50." The relationship partners joined with anticipation to realize their potential desires hundred percent. In the hope that the partner will take it all, though not all obliged to participate. In case of conflict, when one does not agree with the part of the interests of the other, it requires sacrifice this part for their own comfort, citing the fact that he would be willing to give up part of their own desires.

It requires sacrifice it seems a good solution, as it tends to regularly sacrifice their needs. If they agreed to this, but now everyone has left their own interests is less than it was before the mutual relations. Here they sit, look at each other and sulk: kompromisc found, and no joy

. In this scenario, each of the partners feels energetically paired worse than those without, but the fear of being alone scares more ... Now these "close people" offended the two. But everyone secretly hopes that his trimmed interests (for the sake of the other), it will be able to somewhere on the side quietly implemented without ad partner. And both feel that they are now further apart than before the conflict.

Another scenario in the event of a compromise solution - it is sick. But it is doubtful whether this is the best option. "All human disease, it is his unrealized desire," - say the Indians

. Compromises lead to that person in the pair interaction becomes "less" than it was at the most before the partnership. Then, in such a relationship becomes "closely." When paired with someone close to our desires, those desires are beginning to inflate us inside disease symptoms.

Relationships in which one partner insists on a compromise - this is not about living, striving for development. It's about the functionality in a partner who is willing to compromise, he wants to use the other for the realization of their static image "my perfect relationship." As for the rest, it does not fit into the picture of relations and the fact that in a partner "sticks" is not on the script, he wanted to amputate.

Method "50/50" to negotiate characteristic of formal relations. Their purpose - is not love, and mutual exchange of services and delivery of "yourself out" for mutual assistance in the implementation of the project "My successful life, its attributes, and the people" and "people" are really at the end of

. The history of life: She - I do not know what to do! He tells me: "if you go to their training, then I will go to the bar." I begin to think to yourself, "the bar can be a girl and start to be jealous; and suddenly there he will drink. " Here I sit at home in the evening. Both sit ((

Another scenario, as "wrong."

This is when one partner wins in the process conducted by the conflict. When he energetically or socially stronger, it can logically arguing, forcing to sacrifice for the sake of himself, "more correct". Sacrifice their own interests and ceded "part of himself," now he does not expect to fully realize their desires and goes out. This means that the enthusiasm which he invested in the relationship, now has become smaller. The whole system begins to play. And the extinct condition is contagious partner. Those who "won" in the dispute, he gradually begins to wither, or change the partner.

Properly conducted by the conflict - a win-win, both

. Yes, it is win-win, not when the strongest wins. This holistic view of real life. It is that within the system, as well as in man, everything is important. Properly conducted by the conflict -. This is where all interests are heard and taken into account

 - Do you want it? Yes on health, I'm certainly can surprise, surprise greatly! And even scare ... but "that will not do for a loved one."

 - How do you help with this? If I did not want to participate in it, as I do you can help with this? For example jumping from a bridge, - I will not participate (I'm afraid), but can you take a picture from the shore? Or - I still is, and this is not tried ...

- Let's try, share experiences, and maybe try this together ?!

And freedom in the pair becomes greater. Inspired partner is contagious! Here, each brings into the relationship what was not there before. New discoveries, fresh thoughts and impressions. Acceptance partner not only inspires, it provides an unshakable confidence that the world is correct, it would be desirable to live and work.

Does not every man dream about it? - The fact that he was accepted as a correct and healthy. Health - from the word "cool!". In such a relationship might be a geometric progression of live energy and curiosity for life is growing, which means that healthy achievements. And as a consequence - happiness. With mutual support of its getting bigger. It can not be compared with relations implicated in the compromise, where every lonely pulls the blanket over himself, and wants to get more and spend less, which is typical for the miserable consciousness. Let we can of abundance consciousness. Izobilnyi approach to life - the source of the royal generosity.

"Matereyut" are both in such a relationship This is what makes people "hardened charismatic" -.. Beautiful and free in his strength opens the way to tune on reciprocal permission to each other and ready for complicity in the adventures of each other This alliance creates a synergy (synergy -. Summing the effect of the interaction of two or more factors. their action is much greater than the effect of each individual component in the form of a simple sum).

In such unions, and it embodied the idea about the Hellenic gods. The legendary gods are different from men? So that they are powerful - they can. Wanting, then be able to? Not the fact that it works when you're in a couple.

Imagine you are in a pair of something you want, and partner "brakes". It can not impose direct obstacles and do not even mind openly, but all my puzzled face can really have to slow down, so that can be very difficult.

And think maybe you're doing the same thing. Is not this way partners exalted us at the beginning of a personal relationship, then get unlucky people who are losing their strength and "In collapsing" before condemning the views of others. Of course, the clarification of mutual interests is not always high on a wave of enthusiasm. Ask yourself: why did he not "so-so" does not understand my delicate soul, and that you change your live part to obtain a secondary benefit, and do not live yourself fully with him?

A secondary benefit may be: the status of a family man; the status of compliance with its material pictures of a successful life; pride to see himself as a savior (very unexpected secondary benefits, and for many it is terrible to find yourself). And maybe, if that is the case, you have convicted yourself in some form of self-interest, or else why would you be in these tasteless and timid to go into conflict, the relationship you may suddenly discover, if you think that you without somehow freer and easier to live myself, but scared myself to admit it. After all, when we accept the fact that we do not quite to the heart, we are already in the conflict (in an internal conflict with each other).

Being a long time in an internal conflict, a person exhausts himself by contradictions. He will be terribly afraid of conflict outside, because he does not know how to resolve them neither inside nor outside. Being in an internal conflict, we do not see any way to give yourself an opportunity to realize some of their needs, that it seems to us, can destroy what we have. For example, his reputation - to "lose face", so we are stealing from themselves, not allowing yourself to live fully. Then what can you expect from a partner? If you are one with yourself and your needs badly contradict each other, the pair will only make things worse.

It may not need to hurry to settle for relationships that uncomfortable? On relationships that require trade-offs? It may first is to get away from the compromises within yourself - give yourself to grow up a good relationship with them, generously giving myself time to understand their own needs. Then we are able to go into a relationship with a willingness to let the partner be a whole with all its desires, including those who do not understand us.

When we learn to listen to ourselves, then we are ready to begin to hear the other. Listening to the other in the "right" held by the conflict, we transform the conflict in the story. The two-way story, where everyone can tell about myself that ventured to say earlier. If we think in terms of abundance, then all the time our world. And we are not in a hurry to fill all of the pause, we can listen to endlessly when we do not hurry, we can listen to so that to hear.

Properly conducted conflict begins with the story and it is not the opposition, and informal conversation. Imagine you are listening to text and pause, "- but the fact that there in the silence between the lines?" - This is the most important piece of information. That was a long pause, I understand that it is important to my dear man. That "fear" in front of my pause, pause in my narrative when he tries to kill me, I see that the partner is afraid in my story the most. And it is there where he was "scared", I had carefully and confidently invite.

Otherwise, why all this? Why do I need a partner who will be afraid of some of my faces, how I was with him I can be myself?

For a number of people to understand that certain attitudes that do not cost, it is necessary to make sure that through many years of experience in fights. Where it would initially seem that "one partner will change for me, or take me entirely," but unfortunately, very often, "one" does not occur. Both the first and second belief is that it will change, and that will take me - there are errors. If this is about you, then maybe it's time to draw conclusions by reviewing internal postulates. The first is in the idea that "the other will change" is the main fault? If I think so, then I see it as a semi-finished product, but is it true? Maybe the problem is not in it, and me? Second, it can not accept myself with all my valuable sense? A partner, it is secondary in this chain of rejection? Maybe I should start with yourself and find something that he does not accept - I do not accept a

? Только те отношения стоящие, которые делают вас свободней и могущественней чем без них. Свобода — необходимое условие для возникновения любви, так как в ней появляется место для проявления Любви.

Автор: Наталья Валицкая