Now I will tell you how many men are (or rather not pass) first and second initiation stage, look like being stuck in two of these stages and what to do by the men and women who live with these men.
Most men do not pass the first stage (stage Efry) normal or stuck on it or skipping it and getting right to the 2nd (Medea stage).
Men who are stuck in the first stage is the so-called "mama's boy", they are not always socially infantile, sometimes normally earn, but often "sitting on his mother's neck" (can transfer to his wife's neck). In any case, these men are quite feminine, if not externally (constitution can be masculine), the nature and behavior. Women are afraid of them, they are afraid of ridicule and women are closed, or vice versa, looking for female friendship, care, but avoid masculinity, and in severe cases even feel an aversion to it.
Homosexuality is directly related to the jam at this stage does not, gays are very different, some successfully pass this stage. However, sometimes homosexuality and transsexuality, even men are the result of the same reasons that prevent him to go through this stage. To sum up different problems getting stuck at this stage of the men in one, it will be a "fusion with the maternal figure."
Not at all can not be better than the situation of men who jumped Efry stage. These boys are very early began to experience fear of possible femininity ( "be a girl very ashamed"), afraid to merge with the mother, afraid of ridicule from other men. Fleeing in fear of the merger is no better than a merger, both create problems and complexes.
Pereprygnuvshy stage Efry man often suffers hypermasculinity, and although it looks more independent at first glance, often can not withstand stress and resort to alcohol and other addictions, why can become marginalized. Such men are often violent and criminal behavior. They may soon die of cardiovascular disease.
Sexual problems and the inherent, and other men, as well as problems in family life. Trapped at the stage Efry do not have enough will and strength of character (although they can be stubborn and closed), and the jumped this stage does not have sufficient flexibility, tact. With those other men and women difficult to communicate. It is clear that the problem can be more or less pronounced, since the stage can be partly passed or not passed.
The ideal passage Efry stage is normal life merge with the parent figure and the normal separation of accommodation. Such a man is sure to love and approval of women, able to please them, respects women, appreciates them, but understands very well that he is not a woman who is very well aware of his own masculinity, loves her and knows how to present it profitable. Only such a man can successfully pass the stage of Medea and Ariadne go on stage and hypermasculinity men who skipped step Efry, stuck at the stage of Medea, that is fighting with women or shun and despise them.
What can you recommend to a man who was stuck at the stage Efry and can not go on stage Medea, that is, can not understand and love their masculinity fully denies it?
For such men L. Sacher-Masoch once wrote his "Venus in Furs" and R. Polanski recently shot a film on it. Unfortunately, not many men are able to extract from a work Masoch useful sense, most frighten and repel perversion. However, the meaning of this work is that the man who denies his masculinity and perceives itself something quite similar to women (or defective in comparison with them), the recipient of a contempt and even hatred. It does not become the same as the feminine, and they set to it, it is perceived as being flawed. It goes without saying that the time is now more tolerant and gender framework for a long time not so strict, however, denying their masculinity by fear or guilt, the man denies not only the men's rights and men's responsibilities, and most women view it as a parasitic desires and angry for this revenge. Almost as Venus in the mentioned works. Yield not to subjugate women and to stop shifting on her leadership and to assume the responsibilities and initiatives in the social group are considered "male" (it varies, however they can not be less than half ).
What can you say about a man who jumped Efry stage and got stuck at the stage of Medea, that is so afraid of losing masculinity in the eyes of other women and men and feminine seem that despise femininity?
It is impossible to think that such men are not capable of love and passion for the woman. And how can! And these are the men often commit suicide if their chosen woman rejected. Such men sometimes lose status in the casino (or take crazy credits), drink too much or kill a woman from jealousy. It is these men love cruel, eager to complete the merger. Once they have avoided merging with the mother figure as a fire because they feared its power and its weakness (is - hatred of women dominating the top), the symbolic castration, loss of manhood, and now finding a woman who obeyed and became "his own" ( or seemed so in the heat of passion), they are assigned to it and merge with it, because they do not lived a normal merger and division in normal puberty. The woman literally takes possession of the heart of man and if she suddenly behaves like something is wrong (it is not enough love, not respect or even cheating on him and throws him) he suffers a complete collapse of their masculine identity, which he had so long shore. Hence all sorts of horrible scenarios.
Many men pereprygnuvshie stage Efry, so afraid of such a scenario, in anticipation of it, so all my life and go to the shell, never trust any woman, treating them cynical, consumerist, down, sometimes however, kindly and graciously, but still - at a distance. Realizing that assign a living woman is unlikely to succeed, they just are not at risk and do not converge. But it is - less passionate man than described above, as if the men libido is great, he did not stand up one day and falls in love. And then the script takes place on the extreme type.
We must understand that skipping stages Efry like jam on it is different, a different degree, and therefore the problems associated with it are also different. I see quite pronounced problems, and they may be less pronounced, but still causing trouble.
What can you recommend to a man who has not passed the stage of Efry?
Back at it and go. Stop despise femininity, to cease to be afraid of losing masculinity, realize that some part of femininity must be in a normal man might get rid of homophobia, to realize the beauty and wisdom of the feminine may make peace with her own mother (though not always these men have problems with their mothers, sometimes, on the contrary, they are quite caring sons - even their moms dad) or sister. It is important to remove yourself from the excess of masculinity that turns a man into a caricature of a macho, become a little more flexible, and begin to look at your fears with humor.
A couple of words for women who are identified in their husbands or favorite jam on stage Efry or skipping it. What do you do?
First of all, take your man for who he is, or to quit if it is unbearable to endure. Exerting pressure, you do not reduce the problem, but strengthens it. If you pressuete feminine man for what he is not macho, it is even less begins to feel his manhood. If you criticize hypermasculinity man because he is too macho, it is even less want to trust you and relax. That is, the feminine becomes more feminine and hypermasculinity becomes even hypermasculinity from your rantings, and even more venomous ridicule. So either throw them or already love and accept. Disadvantages of man - is an organic continuation of its merits.
Influence little as possible, if you act on the reverse. Femina need praise for any glimmer of masculinity and toughness, and too masculine for tact, gentleness and understanding, as soon find it. That is, do not try to impose direct instructions of something alien mind, it is better to create a picture as if it is already there, and endorses it more often.
This article also do not have to slip for men, please, and then be offended. And if the slips, then the words "as well, which you do not have the described problems."
No, this is not manipulation. It is respect for the will of another, and borders. If you have no real respect, even a little it portrays. Maybe it even appears.
Author: Marina Komissarova