The relationship with his mother as an indicator of readiness for marriage

Periodically familiar to me reflectors boys begin to think about how and whether they are ready for marriage. Well, that is, having read Orthodox books, they have found that marriage - it's terrible how hard and responsibly, looking around - already figured how many marriages have failed, and a little thought - to have to realize the extent of their own readiness for the case
About it and talk.

We reserve the brackets relationship with the chosen one. About this there is a separate text in the end.

There will be about the inner world of the young men. How do you know if he was ready to unite two people in

«one flesh." Again - I do not know how there with girls and boys indicator of readiness for marriage is the mother. Mom - a master teacher just because of the family in the life of almost any Russian boy. It so happened in our country chronic fatherless. There are exceptions, but it is as exceptions.

And because it is the relationship with the mother should take the person to the turn of adulthood. These relationships go through several stages, and do not depend on the personal qualities of mother and son. Mom may be the ideal, may be terrible, the son can be anything - they still have to go some way

. Simplify the number of steps of the path to three, though of course, you can find more fractional division.




The first stage - childhood. This is when the mother is the supreme chief and the main regulator of the life of the family. As a child, the child all the time at my mother looks, and there is no worse sin than to upset mom. Mama can your hard "no" to stop any impulse (to cry or swear, but will have to accept, because the mother is more important).

And on any important action will certainly need a parent "yes," even if it does not concern her at all - simply because it is home. Yes, some mothers produce sons more than will, some less, somewhere there is an authoritative father, somewhere it is not, but because of Russian traditions of the organization of the pedagogical process in the family - all eventually closed at Mama
So, at this stage you can easily get stuck for life. Mom can be a long time somewhere far away - but stay on its pedestal indisputable authority, the higher supervisory authority, without the sanction of which nothing important can happen

. And at this stage to marry a man absolutely not ready. Well, what kind of marriage to the child? In the best case, he torment his wife endless comparisons with the mother's home, where the cakes were softer and floor cleaner, and at worst - will turn into a quiet henpecked, put his wife on mother's place and will run to her for a sanction on everyone, laying on her decision all of life's problems.

Check yourself for getting stuck in this stage is easy. Try to imagine a situation - or remember, they are inevitable - when some of your important step "did not like my mother." Do not hurt her, I do not hurt you, but just did not like it. And if you were not able to make it - so you and marry early. Go to mature.



Because the next stage - it is adolescence. In a normal boy at this age my mother fights. He is trying to get out of control and maternal care, to prove to himself and others that he was an adult. Of course, over time making meaningless demonstrative actions to harm himself and others, rebelling for the sake of rebellion.

This boy knows that, in general, "doing poorly", but still recognize that a mother supreme controlling power (although it denies it and the right to authorize their actions) and seeks out of control in every possible way to wriggle out of this. However, this control is felt, and felt painfully.

Again, this period may last as long as you want, independent of the actual mother and son, and too few places suitable for their own family.

A huge number of marriages sons, who saw in the legal relationship with a woman the opportunity to shift from mom, and even annoy her. However, getting rid of the supervisor so they have not outgrown it, but simply replaced by another. Not learning to be yourself completely, to live without regard to the "adult", the boy will look for them again - at least so that they supported him, even to fight them

. And his wife is in danger of a sudden be in place reliable family boat on the theater of war, where the real life of her husband - it's deviant, all wrong, all the "rebellious", and she is - a hindrance in the way of its development. Although it's not what it was, and syakaya, interfere with the free expression of the creative personality, or simply self-destructive favorite hobby. No, just this is the personality has not grown out of adolescence type of relationship with the world, which must be endlessly trying on the strength without much meaning and purpose.



Check yourself for life on the stage of teenage rebellion again easy. Just Observe - if you do something "to spite her mother" reasons "because my mom will not allow it." If this much if it is for you a common thing - again, turn into a tube dreams of marriage and grow step march. Unless, of course, in your plans do not include increasing the number of poor women on the planet.

Adult mother and son relationship can be good or bad. Mother and son can be infinitely important to each other or to be at odds, the son can relate to his mother with a medieval piety, or to think about it for the promise of once a year - it's not so important. It is important that this is the ratio of two independent people who recognize each other for the right to be themselves.

The son becomes an adult at the time when my mother lost control or sanctioning function, when he ceases to ask her, "Can I" or thinking "but you." When he finally realizes that her mother - in the past, and he himself is looking for targets for itself and is responsible himself, ultimately estimates - or free passes to an assessment, it is important who

. That's when you can already think about the wedding.